- Today House Republicans will unveil their new dumb list of terrible threats, a “Pledge to America.” What are these terrorists asking for, and how many bald eagles will they execute if their demands are unmet? Oh, they want to permanently extend Bush’s tax cuts for bazillionaires, cancel Stimulus spending, repeal Obamacare, and keep Gitmo open forever (you think Supermax can hold Obamacare? Are you really that naive?). Yeah, this is basically the End. [ABC News]
- Today the United Nations meets in New York, to talk about how great this new “Pledge to America” thing is. Barack Obama will be there, and he will probably discuss the Middle East and also his sinister plan to make Kenya the capital of his One World Nation. And everyone is excited to hear Pokémon character Ban Ki-moon lecture about conflict resolution or something. [BBC]
- Meanwhile, all the army men and sailors who work at Gitmo are confused about “what to do,” since technically Gitmo is not supposed to exist anymore. (Smooth move, Congress!) Why won’t the politicians let the Afghan teenagers be imprisoned for life on U.S. soil? Americans could really use the Abu Ghraib prison guard jobs. [McClatchy]
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