The Value Voters Summiteers held a presidential straw poll as part of their weekend activities, and the gold medalist in both the presidential and vice-presidential categories was Indiana Congressman Mike Pence. People were surprised! And not just because the contender pool included Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, and other famous wingnut celebrities, but because who in the hell is Mike Pence?
He’s not a wallflower — he is the House GOP Conference Chair, and speaks at 912 rallies and such — but he hasn’t really captivated the nation in the same manner as, say, folksy-fatty Mike Huckabee, or our new witchy friend. Having less charisma than a cardboard moving box might be one reason, but there could be others.
Some fun-facts about our next president of VALUES:
- He has his own marketing slogan: “Christian, Conservative, Republican, in that order.”
- He went shopping with John McCain in a Baghdad market not long after it had been bombed, and said the place looked just “like a normal outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime.”
- Matt Yglesias thinks he’s a moran.
- He mocks George W. Bush at fancy dinners. As Dave Weigel (now of Slate) reported for the Washington Post, “‘I’m an encourager!’ said Pence-as-Bush, shaking his hands in the air. ‘I want you to be … encouraged! I want you to get some … encouragement!’”
- He forced the Blue Dog Democrats to admit their failure to adequately defend liberty and Ronald Reagan.
- Oh man, plain baked potatoes have more soul than this guy.
- He once appeared on C-Span’s Washington Journal with a mysterious something on his face (Karl Rove had allegedly put it there).
Family Research Council President Tony Perkins thinks Pence plus Sarah Palin as the vice-presidential candidate would be a “dream ticket.” Having learned some things about Pence, and knowing many things now about Palin, would you agree or disagree? [Huffington Post/Washington Post/ABC News]
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An apt description of “The Penster”, indeed; but not the definition of Pussyfart. Taken, in part, from Clint Eastwood's “Unforgiven”: the character Little Bill is complaining about the decline of manhood in the Wild West, saying: “…its a lack of character, not even BAD character.” To a backwoods Missouri boy like me, a proper fart must be loud, delivered on command and be as offensive as possible to the senses. A really commendable fart will linger for hours, peel wallpaper and cause watering of the eyes. A pussyfart, on the other hand, is even weaker than a popcorn fart; a feeble, barely noticeable ripple on the olfactory and auditory landscape. In other words, an apt description, I think, of young Miss Pence. Thank you for allowing me to clarify this important part of Americana to the Wonkette Nation.
An apt description of “The Penster”, indeed; but not the definition of Pussyfart. Taken, in part, from Clint Eastwood's “Unforgiven”: the character Little Bill is complaining about the decline of manhood in the Wild West, saying: “…its a lack of character, not even BAD character.” To a backwoods Missouri boy like me, a proper fart must be loud, delivered on command and be as offensive as possible to the senses. A really commendable fart will linger for hours, peel wallpaper and cause watering of the eyes. A pussyfart, on the other hand, is even weaker than a popcorn fart; a feeble, barely noticeable ripple on the olfactory and auditory landscape. In other words, an apt description, I think, of young Miss Pence. Thank you for allowing me to clarify this important part of Americana to the Wonkette Nation.
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