facebook love is forbidden love

Facebook Is Ruining the Sanctity Of Your Marriage

Facebook is basically ruining every single marriage, because it’s impossible to just be friends with someone on the internet — inevitably you always end up fingerbanging them (or “poking” them). You have 500 Facebook friends, you say? Well that’s 500 fingerbangs! Repent, adulterous slimeball:

We all know how the story goes: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl—blah, blah, blah. Save that version for Hollywood. How about this one? Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy grows up and marries someone else. But then Boy rekindles the friendship with his former flame on Facebook—and ends up totally wrecking his marriage.

I’m hearing this real-life story more often: A tale of high school sweethearts trying to go “back to the future,” only to realize they should have been content to leave those memories in that old shoebox in storage.

Related

Sponsored Video

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.