Christine O'Donnell Is Against EVERYTHING Fun

We all know that Christine O'Donnell finds it offensive, against the LORD, when someone has not yet found (or been assigned by their father or local bishop) that oppositely-sexed person with whom he or she will be spending eternity making babies, and yet they decide to sate the baby-making urge while touching their "sin place," possibly while listening to R&B music and looking at scantily-clad actresses on basic cable. But what other enjoyable activities will Christine ban, once she is senator? The Politico, which under the O'Donnell Regime will by law be distributed to every house in the land to inform the people of the new lists of mandated and forbidden actions, offers this hint on its front page today.

Like most Americans, you probably enjoy defeating neighboring clan groups in the low-level warfare that has been raging in your valley for generations, and cooking and eating the flesh of your fallen enemies in an attempt to gain their totemic power. It's a great way to gain spirit-energy and it's just plain tasty. Well, that's going to stop, under Senator Christine O'Donnell.

In line with her religious beliefs, though, an exception will be carved out to this cannibalism ban: if someone is executed, and then magically from beyond the grave turns bread and wine over which the proper mumbo jumbo has been recited into their literal, actual, flesh and blood (flesh and blood that still tastes suspiciously like bread and wine, but real actual flesh and blood nonetheless), then you can eat them. Also, you can masturbate while doing so. [ Politico ]