women must lose to become winners

Today’s Most Popular Democrat Is Not Barack Obama

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Her favorite flavor is HillaryThe statistics whizzes at Public Policy Polling called up almost 600 Ameritards to ask them who was the coolest among these five individuals — Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, or Joe Biden. Everyone said, “Joe Biden, cuz he’s rad.” OK, OK, no they didn’t, because Biden is never allowed to win anything.

Of the five, Hillary Clinton polled most favorably — scoring a huge (yet forever meaningless) win for her and her old allies, the PUMAs. Oh, and by the way: did you hear that the PUMAs are back? They’re now friends with America’s Chastity Senator-to-Be Christine O’Donnell, Christine O’Donnell reports. But more on the O’Donnell/PUMA love tryst at some other time, like when there are racy evidence-photos.

Turning back to the PPP poll, Hillary Clinton is very popular right now: 85% of Democrats, 58% of independents, and even 21% of Republicans like her. Her husband came in second place, probably because voters no longer remember anything he did while president. Michelle Obama trailed Mr. Clinton by one point, and would probably surpass him if she gave up her insidious war on war on french fries and other American nutritional values. POTUS was #4, and Vice-POTUS Joe Biden comes in last, because of his vulgar language and Scrantonian origins.

Gauging the popularity of America’s biggest leaders wasn’t the Public Policy poll’s only focus! The pollsters also asked people about ACORN — specifically, if the ‘CORNs would steal the mid-term elections on behalf of the Demorats, so the Obamar Congress could keep on keepin’ on destroying America. Only 1/5 of Ameritards polled said they believe ACORN would do this — down from 26% last year at this time.

Is it because people believe that ACORN is dead? It is not dead! Like the PUMAs, ACORN is only realigning and rebranding itself, to trick you. Barack Obama could tell you all about this stuff, if only you cared enough to listen. [Public Policy Polling]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

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