common celebrity bullshit

Obama Pens Anorexia Children’s Book

Let's all march to Kenya, land of socialism.President Obama has written a children’s book, apparently, and it will be released November 16. It’s called Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters, because when you are president, you cannot just simply write your daughters a letter and hand it to them, you have to send it to a publisher and have them make hundreds of thousands of copies months later, and then you will tell your daughters to go to the book store and buy themselves a copy. But look at that cover. Why did Obama paint his daughters so much thinner than his dog? UNREALISTIC STANDARDS OF BEAUTY. Feminists, get on this!

“Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters” is a tribute to 13 groundbreaking Americans, from the first president, George Washington, to baseball great Jackie Robinson to artist Georgia O’Keeffe.

You too can paint pictures of things that look like vaginas, if you follow your dreams.

The president will donate any author proceeds to “a scholarship fund for the children of fallen and disabled soldiers serving our nation,” the publisher said in a statement.

Wait, he’s not even making money on this? Why did he spend the time writing this kids’ book? There are more important things he could be doing, such as satisfying his weird fetish for things John Boehner says. [AP]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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