Barry Obamar Celebrates the Muslin Terrorist New Year 5771

L'shanah tovah, bitches! Happy Jew Year and all that jazz. Even though it is Rosh Hashish-nah and not Yom Kippur, my estranged lover, Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary, has enacted a Day of Atonement. Today, he's made a giant gesture to get back into my good graces. He put up my beloved pornographic serial West Wing Week on time over at ye ole White House Bloggingness. This is the equivalent of Arun standing outside my apartment building near Ground Zero, holding aloft a boombox playing Toby Keith jamz. While I consider allowing Arun to accompany me to shul, let us discover what Barry Obamarrrrz did this week.

On Monday, he went to LaborFest in the beer-addled city of Milwaukee, where he celebrated socialism with thousands of cheering Wisconsinites and then fucked the shit out of the Bronze Fonz. On the way back to Swampass, D.C. the president celebrated the 20th birthday of the 747 being used as Air Force One. They had a cake for this. They had a cake for the birthday of an airplane.

On Tuesday, Our President talked to the dude in charge of NATO about, I don't know, foreign films? Then B'rack Obamshalom hosted a conference call with 600 rabbis to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. Presumably, he affirmed his commitment to a strong and independent Israel while trying hard not to crack up. Then he took a shit in a shofar and made out with Pastor Terry Jones.

On Wednesday, he acknowledged the existence of Dennis Kucinich and talked to a bunch of humans in Ohio about money and factories or something. He talked about how he wants to foster a totally kickass clean energy manufacturing sector here in the U.S., and the people in the audience went buttass wild for this. After giving them a collective orgasm, Barack Obama bounced outta there, met Michelle Obama at Andrews Air Force Base, high-fived her, and probably made sweet lovingness in the 'copter before they landed at the White House.

He apparently didn't do anything on Thursday or Friday, or so Arun would have you believe. Thursday did not actually occur, and your memories of it are just part of The Matrix. And Friday is today, which as you know is just an illusion.

Have a great weekend, dicks. I have to get my last-minute shopping done before the holiday starts. September 11th always creeps up on me every year! I look forward to being sad when I pass the memorial service in my neighborhood, and to being enraged when a bunch of fuckburgers inevitably protest the awesome Disneyland mosque a few blocks away. Mazel tov, scamps! [ West Wing Week ]