Arizona Sheriff Goes To New Hampshire, Hint Hint

  toy story 4

Look at this delightful image from his website! It's called 'joe_alone.jpg,' because this man appreciates irony.Arizona’s Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is famous among Teabaggers or something for being a bigot and following Arizona’s bigot law enforcement law to the extreme, for which the feds sued him. So now, naturally, he is running for president, even though he is older than John McCain. Or rather he is HINTING this, in the most explicit way possible, in New Hampshire. Surely the American voting public will elect a slightly notable ancient discriminatory policeman as president of the United States, correct? But only if they can find a constitutional method to make him and John Bolton co-presidents.

Chad Willems, Arpaio’s political adviser,

Sure, all policemen, such as your dumb uncle Rick, have political advisers.

said that the sheriff is “not going back to test the waters,” but did acknowledge that “People just don’t go to New Hampshire if they are not interested in these things.”

Oh, so he’s not testing the waters. He’s just straight runnin’ for prez. Announce it already before you die, old man!

“He enjoys being sheriff, but he has been asked by and urged by so many people, thousands of people call and write or email him each week saying, ‘Run for president, run for president,’ ” Willems said.

Surely more than a thousand a week. All of them political scientists, who look at his record as a small-time sheriff and immediately think, this is what a president looks like.

But when Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin and Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich are “Serious Candidates,” why shouldn’t this guy and Bolton be considered that? This sheriff is TOUGH and will lock up all Americans in prison, just to be safe. He knows how to run a prison, at least. [CNN]

Related

 
Related video

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.