according to german shepherd sources close to the situation

Cool Boxer Staffer Arrested For Bringing Pot Into Hart Building

This is your pot. This is your pot on pot. You have many questions.An advisor to Sen. Barbara Boxer was arrested yesterday for having some marijuana on him during a security screening at the Hart Senate Office Building yesterday, according to Politico, which is known for sticking pot in the pockets of Hill staffers along with copies of Politico. Marcus Stanley, the pot-haver in question, has worked on the Hill since 2007 and makes a six-figure salary. He has since resigned his job and will move on to a life of sitting at home reading dumb pot jokes about himself in the comments on this Politico article. But apparently this sort of thing happens in the Capitol all the time.

Marijuana possession has been an ongoing issue on the Capitol grounds, especially since the Capitol Visitor Center opened with additional screening facilities. In the past year and a half, more than a dozen people have been stopped for bringing marijuana into the Capitol complex, along with other drugs, including at least one instance involving cocaine, according to police records.

All of them brave citizens who were just dropping off some stuff for Bernie Sanders. [Politico]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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