Every Jew in America — nay, every Jew throughout the world, today and across all time — wants one thing on Rosh Hashanah: a message from Sarah Palin. Fortunately, thanks to the magic of Facebook and Palin’s recent rediscovery of her Jewish heritage, this is now possible! And now that the fact that Sarah does not write her own Facebook ramblings is out in the open, this message isn’t even all that word salad-y, which is good, because the Jews tend to be smart people who don’t appreciate shapeless snowbilly prose. What magical words does Sarah have for the Chosen People — and how will her non-chosen fans react?
Well, go ahead and read it if you want, but you can just take our word for it that it can be summarized as “Platitudes, huzzah for Israel, Israel’s evil Muslim enemies are our evil Muslim enemies, platitudes.” Seems non-controversial enough for Sarah’s audience … or does it?
Hmmm, it looks like someone (hint: it is Mary Sheridan Faubion-Arling) has mistaken Sarah Palin for a common Papist, with this “mother of God” talk. Sarah doesn’t have time for your Romish idolatry! She is too busy sewing holes in America’s knees, so that … America can pray more, we guess? Sewing holes for 600 million pant legs does seem fairly labor-intensive. Why not just have the RNC buy America fancy new pants?
And that is your exciting Palin update! If you think there is too much Palin around, keep in mind that, according an economic advisor to the McCain presidential campaign, she is like the finest cocaine, and it is very difficult for us to stop putting her up our noses (metaphorically). [Sarah Palin’s Facebook/TPM]