don't spend it all in one place

Mysterious Millionaire Gives Jan Brewer $1.5M For Elocution Lessons

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

SO MANY MONEYS TO SPENDYou know what a gentleman does when he turns on his TV and sees a lady in distress, stuttering and struggling with a simple task like reading dumb talking points off of a piece of paper? He certainly doesn’t go put a mean YouTube up for people to laugh at. No, a true refined individual would see a delicate flower in distress, one who requires assistance; he’ll say, “How can I help?” And, if he’s the heir to the Mellon dynasty’s banking fortunes, he’ll reach into his desk drawer and write a check with a seven-digit figure on it to send to her, along with a note that says “I hear those Dale Carnegie courses can really help you out with the public speaking.”

Ha ha, just kidding! Timothy Mellon doesn’t actually care about Jan Brewer’s eloquence. He just wants her to keep deporting the browns.

A Wyoming man has given more than $1.5 million to help defend Arizona’s controversial immigration enforcement measure in court, Gov. Jan Brewer’s office said Thursday.

The contribution from Timothy Mellon of Saratoga is the largest to Brewer’s defense fund, which has amassed more than $3.6 million from 41,000 donors nationwide. Mellon could not immediately be reached for comment.

Mellon’s previous claim to fame was that he owned some minor railroads in Maine and New Hampshire and then he bought the Pan Am brand, because he wanted to ride a train to the moon. He wanted to start an actual airline, too, but the Feds decided that the company “is not financially fit and does not possess the managerial competence to conduct any air transportation operations and has failed to comply with the regulations governing its operations.” So now he’s giving his money to Jan Brewer instead, which sounds like a fine idea. Because she needs the money pretty badly, right?

Defending the state against lawsuits related to its tough new immigration law has cost more than $440,000 to date, and outstanding bills could easily add up to an excess of $1 million or more.

The fund has received more than $3.6 million in donations to date.

Whoah, two million in the bank! Now Arizona can pass a whole bunch of sue-worthy laws. It’ll be fun! [AP/USA Today]

Sponsored Intermission

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!