Democrats Release New Film ‘Pretty Woman II: The David Vitter Story’

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Louisiana Democrats have just released a movie documenting the tragic tale of born-again Republican David Vitter, whose blessed, pure heart was once contaminated with an insatiable lust for hookers. In the new film, Vitter doesn’t fall in love with any of his prostitutes — he just gathers up his clothes and used condoms, and scoots on outta there. It’s not a very romantic way to approach extra-marital relationships, if you think about it.

Officially titled Forgotten Crimes: Lawmaker, Lawbreaker, the short film points out that Vitter was never officially punished for his sins despite phone records and polygraph-passing prostitutes pointing to his guilt (under Louisiana’s Napoleonic Code, he would have been charged with “bein’ a Jean”). But in some ways Vitter has suffered more than he ever deserved, simply by having to live out the rest of his days as “Diaperman.”

Fox News experts say the timing of the Dems’ video — right before the November election — shows that they want Vitter to lose. Quite a nasty campaign move, isn’t it? If the Dems understood biblical values, they would concede the election and never again bring up anything that relates to Vitter’s “serious sin.” They would talk about his virtuous acts, such as returning illegal campaign contributions made by dead women. He also has nice hair. [YouTube/Fox News]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

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