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Mitch McConnell Announces He Will Be Senate Party Leader 4 Life

Formerly teenage, mutant, ninja.HE HAS THE VOTES. In the musical that will be made about Mitch McConnell’s life, this will be one of the songs: “He Has the Votes.” It will be a neo-Negro-spiritual song. YES, Mitch McConnell said he’s already locked up the votes to keep his minority (MAJORITY?) leader job in the next Congress, so you journalists will have to find something else to ask Rand Paul about.

“I already have the votes to be reelected Republican leader, and I will be reelected,” he said on ABC’s “Top Line” webcast.

Do you see any other Republican senators getting booked on this webcast? NO. Only Mitch McConnell can. And that’s the sheer power of the current Senate minority leader.

Still, many of the Republican candidates the party needs to win this fall have unseated some incumbent GOP senators in primaries, raising the fear that those new members might be less loyal to party leadership. In particular, speculation has hinted that they might feel more loyal to Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), who has supported a number of those candidates through his Senate Conservatives Fund.

(DeMint has said he has no plans to challenge McConnell, but has hinted that he might run for another leadership position.)

Well, certainly Alvin Greene would like a leadership position too, but you don’t see him getting all presumptuous about it. One election at a time, Jim! [The Hill]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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