she'd look great in a burqa

Bristol Palin Won’t Dress Like a Whore On Her TeeVee Show

Look at those exposed arms!  PROSTITUTEBristol Palin is of course planning on showing off her lithe young body for the entertainment of millions of Americans on the hit new TV show Rubbing Yourself Up Against A Total Stranger With The Stars. This seems like it might actually contradict her stated life goal of convincing young girls to refrain from screwing hot dumb rednecks and getting knocked up, since obviously TV audiences will see her suggestive dance moves and immediately look for a young person to fuck sans prophylactics. But you shouldn’t worry about the effect on America’s morals, because Bristol will be covering up her nubile Palin-flesh before she goes on camera to embarrass herself, and us.

Why is Bristol denying America its one and only chance to catch a glimpse of her upper arms?

“I think I will be the most dressed [contestant and have] the most modest outfits for sure because that’s who I am,” she told PEOPLE Monday night in Los Angeles at the announcement of the show’s new cast.

Bristol, 19, wants to make sure she sets a good example for her son, Tripp, 20 months, who “loves dancing around [and] bopping his head,” she says. “I see this as something that’s fun and that’s positive and I’m going to be able to show my work ethic to people out there.”

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Well, that seems fair! You don’t want to come back from L.A. and find your 20-month-old son all tarted up in some slinky, revealing outfit, gyrating around your slob-compound like some kind of pole dancer.

But it’s not just her little son she wants to set a good example for. She also wants to serve as a beacon for accidental 20-year-old moms everywhere!

“I want to set a good example for all of the amazing moms out there,” the 19-year-old told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “Yes, we can balance work and family, and we can also take on a new and exciting challenge.”

You too can take on exciting challenges, amazing moms! Hopefully your exciting challenges will have childcare, like Dancing With The Stars probably does. If not, you can just leave your kid at home alone with the dog, who almost certainly won’t eat the little tyke.

Anyway, a final word of warning for Bristol: we know you are determined to maintain your high moral standards while on television, but the pressure of competition can be intense. You’ll want to win, really badly, and the producers will hint that maybe if you just go a little sexier it will help you with the judges, and then you’ll find your hands drifting towards your collar, as if on their own accord, and then you’ll start pulling, and then this will happen:

NOOOOOO

And then the Iranian media will call you a prostitute and your career will be over. [People/Radar]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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