Things that suck

Watch This YouTube Video Before Jihadi Psychopaths Murder You

Boo, motherfuckerAndrew Klavan is a crime novel writer and contributing filmmaker on Pajamas Media’s PJTV Internet teevee station, which, when we just clicked onto it in order to gift you with its URL, offered this top story: “The Star Hustler: An Eclectic Genius Who Believed We Are Each Unique.” Whoah, trippy, man — gimme a motorcycle and some Zen rage and let’s blast “Born to Be Wide” and head on down the highway to the next Tea Party rally-adventure. Anyway! We were talking about Mr. Klavan. He has a new movie out, called “Does Islam Suck?,” in which he answers his own question.

Wearing a RedState-colored shirt, Klavan (pronounced CLAY-van) talks about piety, dental bridges, psychopathic jihadist-murder people, “those lovable rapscallions” the Islamics (recently signed to Drag City), a “gigantic German mouse,” and “cute, penguin-like Carmelite nuns.” Watch and discover how it all fits together into a seamless argument against the Ground Zero not-mosque:

The Cordoba Muslims have a problem with “cruel triumphalism,” a characteristic that sucks just like they and their sucky center suck, says Klavan. Also, President Obama is clumsy, wears plastic lapel flowers and falls out of the Oval Offices sometimes. And he seemed so cool and collected.

But seriously, does Islam suck? Klavan says we’ll find out! It seems to depend on whether the Cordoba Islamics take their cruel suck palace down the road, or build it on top of our broken hearts (which live next-door to the New York Dolls Gentleman’s Club). [YouTube]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.