Last Glance At Glenn Beck’s Horror Picnic

  visions of america

'Standing next to me in this lonely crowd, Is a man who swears he’s not to blame. All day long I hear him shout so loud, Crying out that he was framed.'
GlennBeckPalooza is finally over, as you can probably tell from the smoking ruins of America left in the wake of the Martians’ attack. “Okay we have HAD IT with you idiots,” the Martians said, before bombing every last Taco Bell and WalMart from coast to coast. Now there’s nothing left. But did Glenn Beck’s followers at least have fun at the Historical better-than-MLK gathering of the diabetic? Not so much. Not so goddamned much at all. Let’s have a last glance at the “Restoring Horror” meetup, courtesy of Wonkette contributing war photographer Dana Ryan, and never speak of this wretched event again.

Sex God.
We doubt this guy even had fun, and it was his Jesus-Hitler party! What a fuckin’ letdown, right Glenn? Even you were probably surprised to see this slow-moving decrepit old crowd of toothless whiteys playing unintentional bumper cars on their Cooler Cruizers.

But how many fools actually showed up for this thing? As usual, estimates were lower when Jesus-hating math experts were involved: CBS News hired AirPhotosLive.com to do aerial counting and came up with 87,000. “With a 9,000-person margin of error,” Newser reported, “the real number could be anywhere between 78,000 and 96,000.”

Actual insane person Michele Bachmann asked her friend God how many people were there and He told her “totally more than a million,” which is why she then said, “We’re not going to let anyone get away with saying there were less than a million here today — because we were witnesses.”

I am, doll parts ...
It was cool that Courtney Love’s grandma showed up, though. Or was it?

Uhhhhh.
Does anyone have any idea what’s happening here? Is this some kind of translation service to an even lower form of language than whatever word-blender nonsense spews from Palin’s awful fishmouth?

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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143 comments

  1. tencentcomic

    They have no cause other than their self interest. They have no leaders other than their media hucksters. They have no purpose other than to ensure that they collect their social security checks since the “earned” them. Selfish fools.

  2. ella

    The miracle he promised must be the wingnuts’ inflated crowd number, just like the loaves and fishes. (I was hoping it would be Beck being raptured, unless he’s going straight to hell.)

  3. Caitifty

    [re=648705]zambonirider[/re]: Looks like the black dude has some sort of earbud in his ear. He’s either getting instructions from his imaginary friends or he’s Secret Service.

  4. Dindc

    Victoria Jackson. Down on the Mall. Lookin’ Creepy. The Creepmeister. By the Reflecting Pool. Sayin’ something stupid…

  5. Aguacatero

    Also, Michele, it’s “… fewer than a million” people, not “… less than a million” people. Sheesh.

  6. rmjag

    [re=648710]Dindc[/re]: she’s complaining about the stain in her panties – she clenched too soon and she is bitter …

  7. Olly Norf, patriot

    Remember : the job of a rodeo clown is to distract and confuse cattle.

    Like you said, let’s never speak of this again… (But thanks for being there thru it)

    Olly Norf, Super-duper-patriot

  8. Army of None

    Restore America’s Honor? Do they come out and say what it is that has stained America’s honor, as they see things?

  9. J

    They would have been better calculating how much poundage was there. Those 87,000 people equaled 27,405,000 pounds.

  10. SmutBoffin

    Yay for weekend Wonkette! Even if it is photos of America’s terriblest people.

    And what do the Martians have against low, low prices, anyway?

  11. Limeylizzie

    Well, Wonketteers, I foolishly got into it with some of these bloated Beckophiles on the Facebook page for the event and one of them ,Hood Mauermann , by name, went to Limeylizzie’s very own FB page , snooped about smelling my old panties and left me this.

    August 28 at 4:23pm
    I saw your hateful rants on the Restoring Honor page, and decided to check you page out. You posted something about the Muslim who was stabbed in NYC and blamed the Republicans.
    I wish you would do your research. It turns out the man was angry because the cabbie didn’t support the mosque. It turns out the man who stabbed the muslim was part of an organization to build the mosque.
    Please do some research. You look really foolish with your hateful rants.
    I know Glenn Beck personally. He is a good man who just is concerned with the direction of our country.

    Respectuffly

    Hood Mauermann

  12. user-of-owls

    Folks here’s the story of Glennie the Moocher,
    he was a red-hot hootchie-cootcher;
    He was the roughest toughest male,
    Until he started sobbing, then he would wail.

  13. SmutBoffin

    One thousand ‘iPods’ to the tipster who gets photos of a Cruisin’ Cooler sporting Truck Nutz.

  14. HedonismBot

    OT, but a Tennessee mosque was burned to the ground. This wouldn’t have anything to do with all the unmitigated hateful anti-Muslim propaganda being spread 24/7 by Republican/Teatard politicians, would it?
    Nah. Of course not.

  15. ImBarb

    I wish I could have been there to dunk Victoria Jackson’s head into the pool and give her a deep conditioning treatment. Why bother spending half the day hunched over your “bowdazzler” to make that snazzy patriotic bow/turban, if your hair looks like the shittified Easter grass in the leftover Easter baskets in the clearance bin at Dollar Discount stores in July?

    I have to wonder how many of these folks use lard in their lovemaking ritual? *shiver*

  16. HedonismBot

    [re=648731]HedonismBot[/re]: It probably also has nothing to do with Democratic/progressive spinelessness in the face of said propaganda, does it?
    Nah.

  17. just pixels

    I’m mostly worried that “American turned to God” yesterday. We seemed pretty solidly oriented toward God before — particularly Beck’s god. And from surveys, I know everyone goes to church every week, just not when the mall is open it seems. People are always thanking God for the nice weather, saving their pet from a tornado, getting a blowjob, and so forth. So why is Glenn Beck trying to change all that? No turning!

    Unless 9/11 was because we weren’t turned enough toward God. That would make 9/11 our own fault for having the wrong orientation. Or maybe the economy is conking because we have sinned by worshiping the golden bull market. Perhaps Barack Obama is God’s punishment for having a capital gains tax — dunno, let’s ask Newt.

    (BTW: Does Victoria Jackson know this isn’t a SNL skit? It’s the real Sarah Palin, and those sheeple are not extras wearing fat suits.)

  18. DoktorZoom

    You know who didn’t really think that “our men and women in uniform” are always “a force for good in this country, and that is nothing to apologize for”? This guy:

    “For it occurs to me that what we are submitting [our troops] to in Vietnam is not simply the brutalizing process that goes on in any war where armies face each other and seek to destroy. We are adding cynicism to the process of death, for they must know after a short period there that none of the things we claim to be fighting for are really involved. Before long they must know that their government has sent them into a struggle among Vietnamese, and the more sophisticated surely realize that we are on the side of the wealthy, and the secure, while we create a hell for the poor.

    Somehow this madness must cease. We must stop now.” –Martin Luther King, “Beyond Vietnam — A Time to Break Silence”

    It’s almost as if he willingly refused to follow Sarah’s script, huh?

    “In order to atone for our sins and errors in Vietnam, we should take the initiative in bringing a halt to this tragic war.”

    Almost sounds like he thought we had something to, you know, apologize for.

  19. chascates

    [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: The only thing really known about the slasher is that he was recently seeking publicity for a film he made in Afghanistan and that he has now been moved to Bellevue. The cabbie claims the attacker only asked if he was a Muslim and then acted when the cabbie replied yes. There is no evidence anywhere that the attacker is part of a pro-mosque group.

    But it’s hard to refute anyone who knows Glenn Beck personally.

  20. user-of-owls

    [re=648730]Limeylizzie[/re]: [re=648740]gjdodger[/re]: After 10 minutes of this abomination on C-span yesterday, I seriously needed someone to show me how to kick the gong around. Anyone know how I can get in touch with a bloke named Smoky? Or barring that, the King of Sweden?

  21. ppcli

    [re=648720]J[/re]: Yes, I think that’s how Ms. Crazy Eyes got her estimate: Use the giant weigh scale the park service has under the mall to weigh the whole crowd. Then divide by the weight of the average American. That method gives the result that 1,000,000 people were at the rally. Understandable mistake, really. Cut the woman some slack.

  22. HedonismBot

    [re=648731]HedonismBot[/re]: Okay. I guess it seems only a construction vehicle was burned. But still. Arson investigation.

  23. Miss Kublik

    It must be terrible: you truly believe that your beloved national mythic narrative is in tatters and for some reason you feel compelled to turn to Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, and Victoria Jackson for a “restored” narrative. And get badly sunburned and dehydrated in the process.

  24. hoosiermama

    Just got to say this was epic blogging/commenting this weekend — thank you all for making it a Wonkette Weekend for me (and it’s not even a three-day weekend!).

    Victoria Jackson…that woman is headed for a cardboard box in front of Penn Station very, very soon.

  25. Limeylizzie

    [re=648744]user-of-owls[/re]: Well they clearly laid claim to eating a meal with a dozen courses.

  26. lizz612

    Oh goodness translating into ASL is hard enough, translating Palinese to ASL would be ungodly. I hope they paid that woman well.

  27. rmjag

    [re=648721]Dindc[/re]: yes , and it wouldn’t factor into her problem of clenching too soon . it’s both …

  28. Rotundo

    But what of the Old Country Buffets and all-you-can-ingest Chinese buffets out there in the district? Any word on casualties? Have any relief agencies made it in to offer shelter and counseling to the survivors? Judging by the size of the event and its participants, this should be an unprecedented crisis. Or did they just resort to troughs and keep them outside the buildings? Even then, you’d think the town would be chest high in bubba scat.

  29. rmjag

    [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: smelling your old panties was a refreshing step up for him , after smelling glenn beck’s old panties all day , and if you factor in glenn beck’s premature clenching ….

  30. user-of-owls

    [re=648751]lizz612[/re]: In the picture, it looks like the ASL translator just gave up and instead flashed the sign for “History’s Greatest Monster.” Go ahead and look, then tell me I’m wrong.

  31. Okie Dokie Dog

    This photo-rama is incomplete. Also at Beckapalooza was Tony LaRussa & Albert Pujols (the St. Louis Cardinals are now dead to me. Dead.To.Me) Oh and everyone’s favorite white guy kickboxing all-around super teevee star & real Merkin Patriot – CHUCK NORRIS ! Yay Jebus!

    How many port-o-potties were there?

  32. GreatRightHope

    [re=648759]Okie Dokie Dog[/re]: And then LaRussa and Pujols played dead for the Nationals last night. 14-5, if I remember correctly.

  33. noodleman

    [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: Mr. Hood must be imagining things. But that sounds par for the course. I would ask him to cite his evidence because everything I’ve read would indicate the attacker had taken a dislike to Muslims.

  34. madtowngooner

    Ack. Ack ack ack. Ack!

    Time to start playing yodeling music and watch their heads explode.

    Ack!

  35. snoidoid

    [re=648759]Okie Dokie Dog[/re]: One does not need a “Porta-Potty” when one wears Depends. I’m just sayin’.

  36. Dashboard_Buddha

    The picture sums it up, I think. Hot, mean, stupid and angry. What’s worse is that from looking at the pictures, most of the folks not rockin’ the rascals are my age. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend of mine back when we graduated from high school in ’79. We were looking through the yearbook and I got a sense that we as a cohort were truly going to fuck things up. He thought I was nuts.

    We were usually the youngest of the GI generation kids so we missed the titanic events, either as protesters or combatants, of the Vietnam was, we grew up as part of the most coddled group of people to ever pop out of the wombs of America. We scoffed at the stories of hardship and privation told by our parents and grandparents. Then, we came of age and “adulthood” during the Reagan era when greed was good and surely we could live the good life better than our parents…without the struggle.

    Turns out I was right. Fuck all!

  37. Darkness

    [re=648762]noodleman[/re]: [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: When the loons diaries are submitted into evidence, for example.

  38. President Beeblebrox

    Basically, Glennapalooza was another angle on the longstanding trope that conservatives &/or Christians are a persecuted minority. The funny thing is that the demographic represented at BeckFest is indeed going to be in the minority very soon.

    The Times reported estimates of between 300K and 500K, but now there are estimates of under 100K. That’s a pretty damned huge swing.

  39. Guppy06

    Can’t be ASL. Teabaggers don’t believe in making concessions to the handicapped. Besides, if there were any deaf people in the audience, Beck would have used one of his miracles to heal them.

  40. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=648766]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: And the closet case in the green polo shirt still has Bruce Jenner hair. You’re right: fuck that class of ’79, right through the tooter. (I mean tooter as in cokestraw, not tooter as in buttsecks.)

    I live in 22030 and I’m simply ecstatic I survived this thing without damage to my car. These numnuts out-of-staters can’t drive for shit! It’s possible for driving conditions in Virginia to be even worse than dealing with the trophy-wife-SUV natives, and it’s these shitsticks.

  41. peeno nwar

    “Is this some kind of translation service to an even lower form of language than whatever word-blender nonsense spews from Palin’s awful fishmouth?”

    Yes, it’s for dogs. She is mimicking the posture of an abusive deadbeat owner to paint canines a picture of Sarah Palin’s feelings for America.

  42. rmjag

    [re=648765]snoidoid[/re]: i think all 87,000 depends were flung off in a frenzy of freedomness and when they took a dump , they just scooted along the grass to ‘ clean up ‘

  43. Joshua Norton

    The couple in the photo was just told there really wasn’t going to be any pie afterwards.

  44. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=648729]SmutBoffin[/re]: I’m thinking the Cruizin Cooler would be even better if it had a microwave oven – as well as a refrigerator.

  45. glamourdammerung

    [re=648777]plowman[/re]: Do not fret. You can still forward discredited e-mail myths about Nancy Pelosi.

  46. smellyal8r

    I watched Beks on FAUX News this afternoon at the gym (TV was on mute, I was listening to Green Day). I think it was a rerun of Chris Wallace’s “exclusive” interview this morning. Beks is the consummate (over)actor. All sighs, and rolling eyes and lolling head. That “thing” yesterday was to…what? Scare libruls who don’t believe in ‘Merikuh? I’m interested that there are no young people who follow Glenn Beck (or Snowbilly for that matter). That says something. I mean, not even 40-year-olds. The Tea Baggers are people who resent that we buy Japanese cars after what they did to us in WW II. They will soon be dead.

  47. marionetta

    [re=648711]rmjag[/re]: trout mouth (pout) is a byproduct of (badly done) injectible collagen fillers. Think Goldie Hawn in 1st Wives Club.

  48. glamourdammerung

    [re=648789]marionetta[/re]: I figured it was more of a sign of “loitering” near truck stop toilets. On the teabagger males anyway.

  49. CrunchyKnee

    I didn’t read all the comments, so if I’m repeating BFD, right, right?

    Why do both those dudes in the first picture look so angry, and why is that one dude’s tee-shirt so stretched out?

  50. rmjag

    [re=648790]glamourdammerung[/re]: so ” trout mouth” doesn’t have anything to do with trout ? It’s a reaction to an unwiped ass ? no wonder they all look so bitter . and clenched .

  51. tribbzthesquidz

    Without being intentionally sympathetic to Glandz Becth, yesterday I felt a twinge of what it might be like to be in his shoes, to shoulder such unattainable expectations. As a performer myself, I can’t imagine what that must have felt like, trying to sleep the night before. How fucking crazy and ego-maniacal. I feel like enough of a tool playing music in public. Imagine trying to carry-off teevee-personality-as-translator-for-the-frappin’-lord-on-high-of-the-one-true-religion-hallelujah.

  52. joezoo

    It sure was nice of Kristen Wiig to show up and support a fellow SNL lady. I didn’t even know she could do sign language (and in character it looks like)!

  53. rmjag

    [re=648791]CrunchyKnee[/re]: you mean first pic , the dude in blue ? that’s an effeminate girly-boy gop staffer affecting a circa 1980 lipstick lesbian look while incorporating a circa 1975 bull dyke persona . the result is what you see ….

  54. user-of-owls

    [re=648800]user-of-owls[/re]: one should close tags in the same way one should close ones anus. anus.

  55. Surfeit O'Hubris

    [re=648738]DoktorZoom[/re]: But… but… some of the trolls over on the media matters board are insisting that Dr. King was a teabagger before teabagging was cool. Reading the passage you quote, why, a person might almost think they were contemptible morons who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

  56. rmjag

    [re=648804]Berlin Irving[/re]: courtney love ? really ? after the backhoe ‘accident’ ? *sigh* and she used to be so pretty , too

  57. Reefpilot

    [re=648787]smellyal8r[/re]: Dead and roasting in hell one hopes. I want to fucking puke every time I hear that generation be called “the greatest generation.” I for one will be taking a massive shit on their collective grave.

  58. chascates

    [re=648787]smellyal8r[/re]: Wallace asked Beck about a Beck/Palin 2012 ticket. Beck said he wasn’t interested:
    But Beck didn’t offer an early endorsement to Palin, either, saying: “I’d like to find [a presidential candidate] with some honor and integrity; I haven’t seen them yet, but they’ll show up.”

    To which Wallace countered:
    “When you’ve got hundreds of thousands of people showing up to see you, Glenn, that’s something, that’s worth something… that’s people putting their trust in you.”

  59. Dindc

    [re=648751]lizz612[/re]: That’s ASL for “Enough already, goddammit! (As one is stepping barefoot onto a slug on the back deck)”

  60. peeno nwar

    [re=648795]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: I get what you’re trying to say, but Gleck? Are you kidding me? This guy is a Morning Zoo DJ. It’s all gravy. Had you ever heard of him before 2-3 years ago? No, because he’s the fucking Justin Bieber of conservative pundits. He didn’t do anything, he just won the asshead lottery by appealing to the segment of the conservative audience for whom Rush Limbaugh is too intellectual, Bill O’Reilly is too emotionally stable, and Michael Savage is too cosmopolitan — which it turns out is most of them, or enough to fill the Capitol Mall with rancid meat.

  61. peeno nwar

    [re=648810]chascates[/re]: “Wallace asked Beck about a Beck/Palin 2012 ticket. Beck said he wasn’t interested:”

    Probably because she would be on top.

  62. Radiotherapy

    The best part is when I have to go back to work and have to deal with these lovely, open-minded, friendly folks.

  63. oneoclockjump

    [re=648754]Rotundo[/re]: Anyone remember the Simpsons epsidode when Homer puts the all-you-can-eat shrimp restaurant out of business after he “dines” there? Heh-heh.

  64. The Sandman

    But how did the tea bags do passing the subway guantlet full of Those With Darker Skins? Praise Jeebus.

  65. user-of-owls

    [re=648815]Radiotherapy[/re]: Oh, I’m sure they will all be quite “honorable.” Nonetheless, don’t forget to bring in a family-size package of Ex-Lax for the office refrigerator just to sow the seed of doubt that you CAN get hookworms even without close physical contact with a Palin.

  66. the problem child

    [re=648810]chascates[/re]: I’ve got this thing, and it’s fucking golden, and I’m not I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it.

  67. WadISay

    Still, you have to stand in amazement at the right wing’s ability to manufacture headlines and drive a narrative. Somebody tell Barry to do likewise (unless he wants to spend the next two years of his life answering subpoenas).

  68. imissopus

    [re=648810]chascates[/re]: Can you imagine a Beck/Biden debate in ’12? I’m tingly just typing that sentence.

  69. steverino247

    [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: Bill the bastard. Panties worth sniffing have got to be worth something!

  70. Radiotherapy

    [re=648823]user-of-owls[/re]: So that’s the reason they had fences around the reflecting pool. It was an infection control measure. Of course, given the virulence of the Palin hookworm, there will no doubt be spread amongst the fecal-oral-rascal seat route.

  71. user-of-owls

    [re=648827]steverino247[/re]: [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: Well if Dame Lizzie could somehow wriggle into and out of a hundred pairs of panties a day, she could become wildly wealthy by opening a line of Rimee-Rizzee Pan-tee vending machines in Japan.

  72. user-of-owls

    [re=648828]Radiotherapy[/re]: The poor CDC is going to be completely swamped just working the Greater DC buffet vectors alone.

  73. Anonymous

    [re=648830]user-of-owls[/re]: I didn’t see any teabaggers in Alexandria last night. My guess is after the Golden Corral chowdowns along I-95, the buses became the stealthy disseminators of a hookworm pandemic.
    BTW, 25 years ago, and no doubt true today, the worst nightmare of any food service personnel is a busload of christians. Worst. Tippers. Ever.

  74. Anonymous

    Well let me tell you all a story bout a man named Beck
    Poor dee jay barely paid his monthly checks

    The one day he was yellin at some fools
    And up through the ground come a bubblin jewels

    Loot, that is
    Texas Tea Party

    Now the next thing you know ol Glenn’s a billionaire
    Producers said “Boy, move away from there!”

    They said “Nation’s capitol is the place you oughta be!
    So he loaded up the circus and he moved it to DC

    Washington, that is
    Reflecting pool, ex-TV stars

    Y’all come Beck now, y’hear?

  75. Anonymous

    I torture myself every Sunday by watching Fox News Sunday, just to see what kind of bullshit they’re peddling. Anyway, Chris Wallace uttered that there were a couple hundred thousand people there at least 3 times. This was after CBS released their numbers at slightly after midnight Sunday morning. But who is CBS to disagree with God or Jesus or whoever got Fox’s numbers. Then he suggested Beck run at the top of a Beck/Palin presidential ticket. The epitome of fair and balanced.

  76. Anonymous

    No Snark Zone Here/ It’s no surprise they look like they aren’t having a good time. Beck didn’t once say “Obama is a communist!” or “Obama is taking over the government!” Plus they had to listen to good things about Dr. Martin Luther King whom most of them are old enough to remember and they didn’t particularly like. Plus, no signs. Plus, really stinking nasty hot. Plus, NO MIRACLES!

    If I was a teabagger, I’d have been really bummed.

  77. Anonymous

    [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: We should find out who this Hood Mausermann really is. He seems to be the author of many right wing e-mails that I have had forwarded to me. There is the “real story” meme, in which completely fabricated information is put out to counter some comment and there is the “I personally know…” meme, which, among children and Teabaggers, is considered an irrefutable argument. And, of course, it ends with the standardized “check your facts before you post” admonishment. The only thing missing is a declaration that he is open-minded and welcomes real debate, but that your reply is juvenile, disrespectful and mocking.

  78. Anonymous

    [re=648726]Limeylizzie[/re]: You really shouldn’t keep old panties in your computer. They’ll attract bugs / Japanese men.

  79. Anonymous

    [re=648841]Zorg[/re]: Seems to be a Texas Aggie (Corp of Cadets, no less) who now lives in Houston and is a rightwing ‘tard ( works in the oil industry).

Comments are closed.