born to be wide

Special People Cruisin’ To Beckpocalypse

'I believe in Miracles, where ya from, you Sexy Thing?!'
Oh, ye Armies of the Night! Rise up … or, hell, just remain seated. Remain seated, ye lardbottoms, and also stick to daylight hours, so you don’t run into each other, on those ridiculous scooters paid for by Socialist Medicare. Wonkette’s photographic war correspondent Dana Ryan is already just cold shooting pictures of the most historical/miraculous event ever, which starts tomorrow we think?

8-28: Never Forget.
The Lincoln Memorial is truly a beautiful and inspiring setting for any rally at Our Nation’s Soviet Capitol, which is on the other side of the National Mall. Is there anything that could improve the dramatic visuals of the majestic Greek Revival temple with its Doric columns and solemn Colossus seated within?

How about putting up some shitty posters with childish caricatures of Lincoln, to block the actual Memorial from the wilting gaze of the wilted attendees? It’s an idea so stupid, it just might work! (If by “work” you mean, “hide the Lincoln Memorial, lest it distract from the radiant beauty of Glenn Beck.”)

Wheels within Wheels.
Oh hell, why not just put up a giant banner with a crappy picture of the Lincoln Memorial on it, and put that in front of the actual Lincoln Memorial? And then hang some Nuremberg-style banners of … Karl Marx? Let’s say Karl Marx.

Insane? Well perhaps it is, perhaps it is … and perhaps the Muppets were insane, too. Or, as John Hodgman wrote in The Areas Of My Expertise:

This was a movie about puppets who go to Hollywood to become stars. As they travel, they frequently consult the script of the movie in order to know what to do next. When they reach Hollywood, they begin making a movie about the movie the viewer has just been watching. The puppets build plywood simulacra of props that, earlier in the film, were represented as real. Then the roof of the soundstage smashes in and a powerful rainbow shines down and obliterates everything, including a plywood imitation of the fake rainbow that had appeared in the first scene. The frog and bear and pig simulations panic as the fake/real and real/fake worlds nearly destroy each other. The puppets then look directly into the camera and instruct the viewer that “life’s like a movie: write your own ending.”

Born to be Wide.
Are we reliving the counter-culture classic Easy Rider right now, as freedumb’s just another word for nothing left to lose? All they wanted, was to be free. And that’s the way, it turned out to be.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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523 comments

  1. ttommyunger

    Rumor has it Melman will give a cocksucking demonstration on stage, now that he’s out. the Beckster will be providing the blow-by-blow, chalk and pointer in hand. Pun intended? Oh Yeah!

  2. Hooray For Anything

    I’m not up on my fat people scooters, but I’m wondering just how much of that did the government pitch in? I can also see why Beck called it “this Generation’s Woodstock” as it apparently appears to be attended by people who are bitter when all of their friends ran off to have a good time at Woodstock.

  3. V572625694

    Reality means nothing to these people, and they toy with our bourgeois expectations by putting a picture of the Lincoln Memorial in front of the actual Lincoln memorial. Brilliant! Plus it keeps Glenn Beck from looking so dinky on the teevee, where his actual reality resides.

  4. trickydick

    Why is there no Iraq War Memorial on the Mall yet?
    Does Barack Obama not give a shit about Iraq War veterans?

  5. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    Give me your ignorant, your stupid, Your huddled fatsos yearning to buy ‘Restore Honor’ memorabilia…

  6. slappypaddy

    I told Glenn Beck,
    Don’t count on any second coming.
    God got his ass kicked
    The first time he came down here slumming.
    He had the balls to come,
    The gall to die and then forgive us.
    No, I don’t wonder why,
    I wonder what he thought it would get us.

    (pace Preboy & Johnette—we’re all blonde now)

  7. AnnieGetYourFun

    There’s going to be a LOT of round, red-shirted people in DC tomorrow. Christ, am I ever glad to live in Seattle right now.

  8. Rentboy.gov

    But, but…the Atlantic reported that Ken Melman is the only 43 YO gay who never had a dick in his mouth. He just thought about it. He is saving herself for the marriage she made impossible by supporting hate bills to shore up Bush’s reelection chances. Sux being gay.

  9. Georgia Burning

    Thanks for the image of “Rent me” and the “Easy Rider” analogy, I’ll never be able to see that movie again without thinking of it. Still, I’d love to see Beck don to doing those “get your own scooter at little or no cost to you, we fill out all the government paperwork” commercials for Medicare scam companies.

  10. Neilist

    This may be Completely Off-Topic, but:

    I’m watching “Godzilla & Mothra: Battle for Earth.” And it just occurred to me:

    Are those two little Nip gals who call up “The Big M” . . . lesbos?

    (Hey, don’t yell at me. That question makes more sense than anything that ever came out of Beck’s mouth.)

  11. WalkinwiththeKing

    Gotta say . There appears to an ample amount of lard involved in this what? A reverse discriminationjosephgoebbelskindofspeech?

  12. Rentboy.gov

    That first photo needs to become the iconic visual for the GOP/Tea crowd pronto. Never forget!

  13. GeneralLerong

    Oh Jesus, where is ebola virus when it’s needed, huh? Huh? Huh?

    “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied?” Oh yeah? When? What’s so wrong with Right Fucking Now?

    Oh. A Giant Meteor strike is planned for this site. Well, yeah, that would be totally cool!

    What I said before, nevermind.

  14. Monsieur Grumpe

    Reminds of the Minnesota State Fair which just started yesterday. It’s basically an excuse to eat deep fried anything on a stick. Last year I played State Fair Bingo where you cross off boxes on a bingo card once you have observed what is called out in the box. The first box everyone got was observation of a family that weighed over 1000lbs. Easy pickings at the State Fair.

    http://www.lazylightning.org/minnesota-state-fair-bingo-cards

  15. Formerly Preferred

    This morning as I drove past I almost wrecked the car when I saw those banners. You can’t really see it from these pictures, but they’ve put an Albert Speer gloss on a picture of Frederick Douglass…in a pose that is, let’s say, evocative of a certain salute used by certain people (“Nazis”) in a certain European country (“East France.”)

    So, if you ever wondered what Frederick Douglass would look like co-opted for neo-Nazi propaganda, head on down to the Mall. Watch out for all the fat guys in Fauxkleys, though. They are EVERYWHERE.

  16. Gopherit

    I can only assume they have to fence off the reflecting pool to keep the becktards from randomly wandering into it. Those hoverounds are expensive, you know, and medicare (thank god it’s not the government) isn’t made of money. It’s either that or they’re afraid they’ll be tossing innertubes and floating coolers out there.

  17. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=647620]Neilist[/re]:
    This is the second time I’ve said this today…
    I love that movie.

  18. RPolanski

    Rumor has it that certain evangelical groups are advising their flocks to shun and avoid the event because Glenn Beck isn’t a real Christian, he’s a Mormon. Further rumors are now circulating that the evangelical memos that went out to the congregations had typos in them. They meant to say to avoid the Beckathon because Glenn Beck is a Moron. Or is it Moran?

  19. Trot Nixons Hat

    I already saw one “We will not submit” bumper sticker (helpfully in English and Arabic), and held my urge to ram their minivan of hate…

  20. Hooray For Anything

    [re=647605]trickydick[/re]: Don’t give anyone ideas because some producer at FOX could be trolling and you might have just become Hannity’s show on Monday.

  21. Thrillhouse Goes Bananas!

    I have an awesome picture of a dude with a camoflage fanny pack from outside the 12 st. Marriott, but it’s stuck on my damn camera. Curse you, DC Beer week, for keeping me from my home and USB cable!

  22. Joshua Norton

    Do they make scooters to carry around people on scooters? I have a feeling they’re going to need them once the axles start bending and wheels fall off.

  23. North of Moscow

    I have a dream. I have a dream that, if we all drink hard enough and long enough tonight, a miracle will occur tomorrow. This miracle, right there at the Lincoln Memorial. Minds will be blown. I literally expect it.

  24. Joe Biteme

    A skinhead, with a fucking MAP in his hand, just stumbled past my door in Alexandria. Thanks Glenn. Have to lock my doors tonight for the first time. I would recommend that my black neighbors do the same.

  25. Thrillhouse Goes Bananas!

    Also, driving down Connecticut Ave. around 3:30 this afternoon, I saw a really shitty car with RESTORING HONOR RALLY 8/28 written in paint on the back window. There is also a picture of that on my camera.

  26. Troubledog

    I like Beckapalooza because I can just be myself, and not have to get dressed up like I’m going to the Wal-Mart or something.

  27. Neilist

    [re=647641]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I have a soft spot for Mothra, for reasons I won’t get into here.

    Although, I prefer the early, Showa Era “Kick Godzilla Right In The Nuts” Mothra.

    Not the faggoty “Save The Planet Earth” Homo Mothra from the Heisei Era.

    Which explains, of course, why my two framed ORIGINAL Mothra movie posters are for “Mothra” (1961) and “Destroy All Monsters” (1968).

    Why, yes: I am Batshit Crazy and Heavily Armed. What’s your point?

    Neilist, Ganjin Gun-fu Consultant
    Toho Studios
    Dai Nippon

  28. stew

    Actually, an acid freakout like at the end of Easy Rider would be kind of a nice topper for this shindig. Beck weeping on Lincoln’s lap, “daddy, I hate you so much!”.

  29. bago

    So we go from Cocaine and Cash stashed in Harleys (Easy Rider) to Gold Bond (triple medicated) Powder and Goldline Coins in Rascal scooters?

    Now I really want to take my country back.

  30. petehammer

    If I may solve the whole “photo of lincoln memorial in front of actual memorial” mystery. For those who haven’t seen the memorial, Lincoln is portrayed as being GRAY/OFF WHITE. FreedomWorksAmericaPatriot Corp hired an intern to photoshop that baby up to make Lincoln a color (whiter) that wouldn’t offend the teabagger crowd. As we know, they aren’t going to respect anything darker than “khaki.” Now, the teabaggers don’t have to worry about photographed with a non-Caucasian.

  31. imissopus

    [re=647613]Neilist[/re]: I’m certainly no weapons expert, but would a Ruger have enough firepower? Seems to me it might just make her mad.

  32. finallyhappy

    yup, saw some of the fat pasty morans today. Sorry I did not have my camera with me to show their elegant t-shirts and huge guts

  33. imissopus

    [re=647635]Formerly Preferred[/re]: I think that Frederick Douglass pic you mention is on the far left in the last photo of this post. Or else it’s Hitler dressed up for a Southern cotillion in the 1850s.

  34. Cape Clod

    Well I plan on rollerblading and kayaking this beautiful weekend. Have fun listening to the rantings of a con artist, you fucking paste eaters!

  35. PickneyPinchback

    [re=647635]Formerly Preferred[/re]: That’s Frederick Douglass? It looked like the Golem. I thought maybe in addition to claiming credit for Civil Rights Beck was also going to invoke the magic of his Jewish forebears to crush the libruls and thus save the true Chosen People.

  36. GeneralLerong

    [re=647635]Formerly Preferred[/re]: Your FKM [Fucking Kidding Me], right? Frederick Douglass? Ohhhh…the pain…the pain…

    I really do hope there’s no Afterlife, Frederick didn’t deserve this.

    Jesus…you’re not just blowing farts about that Giant Meteor Strike, are You?

    Altho, on the bright side, this may be the first time the audience has ever heard of Frederick Douglass.

    Having hard time typing, need mor booze..

  37. PickneyPinchback

    Oh, if only tard blubber were a desirable export, America could rise to greatness once more.

  38. PickneyPinchback

    Obese woman on the Hoveround is SITTING ON A FLAG! Will the becktards string her up for that?


  39. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=647669]imissopus[/re]: Oh, it’s supposed to be Frederick Douglass all right, but you can trust that 99.9% of the cretins at this rally will have no idea who Frederick Douglass is, and about 3% of the Edumacated Ones will decide that it’s Karl Marx — click the link above, they look very much alike — and then, maybe, they will attack and eat Glenn Beck for being a Marxist Patsy.


  40. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=647678]PickneyPinchback[/re]: I think she’s actually POOPING OUT AN AMERICAN FLAG. (Hey, somebody deep-fried it, what are you gonna do?)

  41. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=647658]Neilist[/re]:
    Original Destroy All Monsters poster?
    *Jealous Rage*

    I’ve got a fantasy involving the tiny singing twins in Mothra V Godzilla (I think). A little (heh) twist on the usual threesome.

  42. Schmannity

    Let onions ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
    Let onions ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
    Let onions ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
    From every mountainside, let onions ring.

  43. Aflac Shrugged

    If “The Graduate” had been made in 2010 instead of 1967, Mr. McGuire would pull Benjamin aside and tell him that the future was one word: orthopedics.

    This is why liberals need not fear a Tea Party uprising. The only thing you need to feel safe from these assholes is a flight of stairs.

  44. Mr Blifil

    Hah they can’t get on the steps of the monument. DR KING RACE-BAITING FAIL

    May they drunkenly drive their Jazzies into the Freedom Pool or whatever they call that particular body of water at that point. And may they accidentally wander into the Vietnam Memorial and be forced to face their own reflections, resulting in instantaneous mass barfing.

  45. DoktorZoom

    [re=647678]PickneyPinchback[/re]: hat’s no flag, that’s just bunting. She’s a bunting-butt, but not a flag-sitter.

  46. Who_Knew_2

    This beck inspired “Cavalcade of Stupid” will go down in history as the fewest number of IQ points to have congregated in Washington DC in a single weekend.

    Never have so many uncurious, uneducated, unprincipled, and unethical mouth-breathers shared so few IQ points. Watch the videos of this meeting of the rare American “Doofus”, you’ll see that only the smartest of this group can feed themselves without following detailed instructions.

    These are maybe 1000 of America’s Most Stupid, it’s rare when they can be observed in such large groups. Normally, people this stupid are seen in only 1s or 2s.

    We are given much to laugh at this weekend.

  47. PickneyPinchback

    [re=647680]Ken Layne[/re]: Oh great. That means when it touches the ground God will be displeased and smite Los Angeles with an earthquake.

  48. DustBowlBlues

    When I worked in downtown Seattle, I used to wish I had a special zapper that would turn off car alarms and change the ghetto blasters from playing rap to playing opera. I still wish I had a zapper, but this time to short out electric scooters. Brings a smile to my bitter expression, just I–

    fuck Washington Week. Some bitch is being generous to these assholes and playing the neutral game about Dems “painting” teabagging candidates as being extreme. They are extreme, bitch. Think I’ll switch to Keith–

    As I was saying, it brings a smile to my lips to think about Beck’s crowd, beating on their scooters with their canes to try to make them run again, because the teabaggers arre too old or too fat to walk. Or both.

  49. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=647693]Who_Knew_2[/re]:
    I think this could be best defined as an IQ to FAT ratio.
    IQ/Beck Fest Fat => 0

  50. just pixels

    We have no honor, eh Glenn? Why do you hate America?

    If a Demoncrat had suggested America needed its “honor restored”, the TP’ers and Repubicans would jump all over implication that America had somehow become dishonorable. Let’s imagine:

    Hannity: “These are the people who love to blame America first.”
    Limbaugh: “Some of these folks say America has lost its honor and they think they get it back in socialist salons Europe.”
    Palin: “Try asking a mama grizzly if she’s lost her honor.”

  51. lamoll

    Neilist: ALL Japanese girls are lesbians
    Dashboard-Buddha: seriously, those Koch brothers(see this week’s New Yorker on their anti-Obama crusade)have deep enough pockets to hand out mega thousands of Walmart and KFC coupons to pump the numbers as the Communist party used to do in Tokyo in the ’50s: 500 yen and a bento box for all the American-made cars you can turn over in front of the American Embassy.

  52. Jerri

    [re=647647]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Well, if you count the crowd already shown in their back-drop picture Restoring Honor thing (someone tell me I’m not the only one seeing that), and if you count the Scootaround machines as people, then yeah, maybe they’ll get “300k.”

  53. North of Moscow

    Those are TV screens, aren’t they? The lack of a close-up was the one thing that kept MLK from connecting from the crowd.

  54. North of Moscow

    [re=647710]4tehlulz[/re]: I hear Tila Tequila is going on right before Palin. Depends will be flying everywhere.

  55. Radiotherapy

    Damn you, Ken Layne, how could you disparage my own mother with this blatantly photoshopped picture. I want my money — and my country — back.

  56. Neilist

    [re=647666]imissopus[/re]: The Ruger is the .460 Magnum. If it can stop a charging Rhino, it should be able to stop Palin. Even though the Rhino is smarter, has a better disposition, and is better looking.

    [re=647688]weejee[/re]: The best Kurosawa film isn’t a samurai/costume drama. It’s “Ikura,” the one about the civil servant. Although “Sanjuro” is pretty good.

  57. assistant/atlas

    Um, I think you meant to put “Heroes” Ken, not special people. “America’s Heroes Arriving for GlennBeckPalooza.” Because when you call them special people, it makes them sound retar–oh, oh I see what you did there.

  58. just pixels

    [re=647696]mumblyjoe[/re]: By “honkies” I assume you mean scooter drivers pushing the little horn. I agree, that’s both terrifying and super annoying. Imagine if they could vote. It’s a good thing we never passed government regulations requiring curb cuts, building access, public accommodations and so forth for these honkies. It has kept them in their place — literally.

  59. Mr Blifil

    [re=647697]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Heh Washington Week. Funny how after they got that douchebag Kenneth Y. Tomlinson, PBS has continued it’s arc to the right, so that just about every show with the possible exception of The Car Guys and Fresh Air qualify as “conservative-free zones.” I don’t know how to explain it. George Schultz and the literally heartless Dick Cheney continue to ply their influence unabated. How many polaroids of chicken fucking can they possibly have at their disposal?

  60. blackarachnia

    the cognitive dissonance hurtz earplugs/masks/ anyone?

    so many stupids in one place has GOT to bring about the apocalypse…

  61. BlueStateLiberal

    Where is Lincoln’s ghost when you need him? They’d be goose-stepping these idiots, if they weren’t riding scooters.

  62. Mr Blifil

    [re=647658]Neilist[/re]: See deep down I always thought you were the little kid in AC/DC shorts who minced around on Monster Island trying to make friends with baby Godzilla. Your continued loyalty to monster movies in what is presumably your adulthood is yet another fascinating characteristic of yours. Now feel free to wreck the thread with some horrendously insensitive comment about the Columbine victims or something.

  63. Dubya T. Eff

    Does anyone else feel like I do? Which is: like a small child on Christmas Eve whose big brother has just whispered that Santa is really the clown from Poltergeist?
    I’ve observed the onset of the “America’s Got Pant-Tents” Festival with equal parts revulsion (the “good” kind, though-like when you can’t. look. away. from the throbbing, cerise snot bubble limning the nostril of some Random Hapless) and thrall-because I know for a certainty that there is going to be some unearthly Yang to Beck’s Yin in the form of Hella Progressive Smackdown. . . and this knowledge renders even my private parts giddy.

  64. Heywood Jablome

    [re=647658]Neilist[/re]: Aw, dude. You just took me back to 1974, KTLA Channel 5 in Los Angeles when they’d show “Destroy All Monsters” every night for a FULL WEEK. Next runner up: Johnny Sokko and his flying robot. Good times.

  65. DustBowlBlues

    Tony La Russa is speaking at this thing and the homerun king Card whose name I can’t spell (Pu . . .Fuck him anyway) while loaded on allergy medicine.
    By the way–thank you for being here for me, wonkeratti and editors. I’m fucked up on meds and in a completely crap, ugly mood and feel right at home here. Sniff. It’s a special moment. (That sniff was my hay fever, not Glennbeck-type tears).
    Anyone want to base a drinking game on taking a shot every time Glennda cries?

  66. Litlebritdifrnt

    Excuse me has anyone thought to point out to these people that according to Flag protocol The Stars and Stripes should NEVER be worn as a form of clothing? I mean it says so right there in the code and everything, IT SHOULD NEVER BE WORN AS A PIECE OF CLOTHING ASSHOLES! So, let us review. All of these idiots who call themselves “patriots” are dishonoring their flag, by wearing it. (There is no such prohibition with regards to the Union (British) Flag therefore I can wear the Brit flag on me undies with no problem).

  67. Servo

    [re=647669]imissopus[/re]: [re=647677]DC Hates Me[/re]: [re=647679]Ken Layne[/re]: [re=647709]weejee[/re]:
    Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That is a poster of Twiki from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

  68. LakeLucilleLoon

    [re=647693]Who_Knew_2[/re]: I was at the 4th of July “Smoke-In” on the Mall in 1985, and there was also a marked lack of IQ at that event. However, I believe that the collective drop in IQ points was not permanent (hopefully).

  69. Dolmance

    I saw clips of Beck on the Daily Show last night. Something occurred to me and I can’t believe others haven’t experienced it.

    I think he’s gay. What’s more, I think he’s been hesitant to jump on the anti-gay bandwagon because he’s afraid that someone he hooked up with in the not so distant past might see fit to out the guy.

    He’s gay. Glenn Beck is a Quisling boner. It is my unshakable belief that he is gay.

  70. Dubya T. Eff

    Drinking game! Everyone does a shot every time there’s lower GI “activity” in the crowd! Wait. Probably not enough booze in Eastern Europe to cover that.

  71. Dubya T. Eff

    Which makes me wonder-did Beck get the appropriate HazMat permits? I’m a little concerned that the combination of intense methane production and the vacuum created by all the open mouth breathing could cause (and give new meaning to the term) black hole. Wait, change that. I’m not concerned. I’m HOPEFUL.

  72. LakeLucilleLoon

    I do have one question. How the hell does one eat enough to get fat enough to require a mobility scooter when one has no teefs?

  73. Servo

    I think that first pics clearly explains why church seats are called “pews”.
    Seriously, we need to bury these morans in their own fallout shelters.

  74. Dubya T. Eff

    I don’t think Beck is NEAR cool enough to be gay, and I say that with full knowledge that Mehlman has teh gay. Beck strikes me as being totally, utterly without penis.

  75. Tim

    Who will write the memoir of this revolution? Or will we have to decipher it from the brown dribblings on a random rascal seat?

  76. Surfeit O'Hubris

    [re=647730]DustBowlBlues[/re]: The guy’s name is pronounced “Poo-holes”. As if he has more than one.

  77. Darkness

    [re=647642]RPolanski[/re]: I’ll just go with “he is Moroni” or believes he is.

    Sorry I was late to this party, I stopped by and immediately went to my broker site to by stock in the companies that make personal mini transport devices for those who have been abusing the god-given temple of their body for too many years.

  78. Sharkey

    What channel is this Million Moran March on? I don’t have cable or satellite, so please feel free to ignore the question.

  79. Darkness

    [re=647738]LakeLucilleLoon[/re]: two words: frosting in a can (okay, that’s 4 words, but only 2 nouns that really contribute to the meaning…)

  80. Neilist

    [re=647726]Mr Blifil[/re]: “in what is presumably your adulthood . . . .”

    Gesh. There’s an enormous assumption.

    And I would never take a cheap shot at the Colombine victims.

    If only because my .50 cal Barrett costs about $4.85 a round to shoot.

    (And that size round is wasted on high schoolers. You can drop the average 11th-12th grader with a standard NATO 5.56 mm.)

    [re=647728]Heywood Jablome[/re]: 1974? KTLA? :::Distainful sniff:::: You parvenu. 1971. KCTV. Bob Wilkins. Creature Features:

    http://www.bobwilkins.net/creaturefeatures.htm

    I think some of the “films” starred Glen Beck. But my memory is going. Won’t be able to remember the name of me hounds, next, eh what?

  81. Blender

    If I had any FF miles left, I’d fly out there to join you all. It’s a crying shame I used them all this spring flying to Amsterdam to witness… um…

    WARBLOG.

  82. Palace of Jackals

    Let Freedom Ring president Colin Hanna was on Hardball today. When questioned about swatzika signs he became indignant and gruffed “There are very few of those!”

    Very Few, people! What’s a few nazi symbols? It’s like the acceptable level of feces allowed in hot dogs! You All eat hot dogs right? AmIright?

    Heroes. Restoring Honor. One Nazi Hot Dog at a time.

  83. Dubya T. Eff

    Who_Knew_2: Cavalcade of Stupid/Avalanche of FUPA. . . six of one, half a ton of the other.

  84. Holding Out for a Hero

    What are the odds that we can get the ghosts of Frederick Douglass, Emmett Till, Dr. Martin Luther King, Megar Evers, James Chaney, Andrew Goodman, and Michael Schwerner to show up tomorrow? Somebody get the fucking Ouija board out and let’s have at it.

  85. Dubya T. Eff

    [re=647693]Who_Knew_2[/re]: Cavalcade of Stupid/Avalanche of FUPA. . . six of one, half ton of the other.

  86. Darkness

    This whole thing . . . I keep thinking at some moment I’ll get the joke, really if I just Zen out and stare at the picture of the motorized corn syrup disease in desecration of flag attire attendees, really, I’ll get the joke.

    But I think I’ve got it now. They are the joke. That’s not a bug, that’s a feature. Glenn is milking this con for every last whiff of stunning personal ego victory he can.

  87. President Beeblebrox

    [re=647625]GeneralLerong[/re]: Here’s a more apt quotation from a certain other Sacred Scripture:

    That is not dead which can eternal lie,
    And with strange æons even death may die.

    I dunno, seeing all of the fucking teabagging insanity running rampant across US America makes me wish for the coming of Ctuhlhu to devour the world…

  88. DC Hates Me

    [re=647733]Servo[/re]: Huh?! It’s obviously Dr Zauis, arriving in DC from the future tomorrow to enslave man.

  89. MissTheHill

    I asked a Metrorail operator today if he was going to warn Teabaggers not to go past Union Station on the Red Line and he burst out laughing. He said he was three days from retirement and just may do it tomorrow. *Fingers Crossed*

  90. Justin Time

    A tip of the hat to Gabe Kaplan: it is my understanding that the big finish tomorrow will be a tag team event where Beck and Ken Mehlman will be giving big Abe a handjob.

  91. Radiotherapy

    [re=647732]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: Yeah, I remember some pre-dial-up-internet meme about not being able to wear a flag. The fucking hippies changed all that — I think. But as Ken noted, this repulsive humanoid is blowing a flag out her rectal prolapsed ass. *embed loud fart sound.* And *gag*.

  92. PsycGirl

    [re=647738]LakeLucilleLoon[/re]: The buffet/family-style restaurants here in Southwestern Virginia are full of people just like these, because they serve copious amounts of overcooked stuff with gravy over it. A couple of teeth are useful but not necessary.

  93. President Beeblebrox

    [re=647735]Dolmance[/re]: Dude. Beck is definitely teh ghey. My gheydar is 100% infallible – I detected a ghey family member 2 years before he came out – and it pings like mad every time I see him (which is usually on the Daily Show).

    “Woodrow Wilson. I HATE that guy… HATE that guy… HATE that guy!”

  94. BarackMyWorld

    I want to admit I have a suspicion in the back of my mind that during his rally, he’ll tell us that the last few years have been an elaborate prank, and people have been incredibly stupid for buying his bullshit for this long. And then pull his mask off and reveal he was actually Andy Kaufman the whole time.

  95. Hooray For Anything

    Me thinks somewhere up in Heaven, Fredrick Douglass, Martin Luther King, and Abe Lincoln are over at Richard Pryor’s cloud getting shitfaced drunk over all of this. I also think there’s an outside chance that Beck is staging this thing for his Ascension and that the moment the skies turn dark, he’s going to turn into a giant lizard demon and eat everyone.

  96. KublaKant

    I think we need to establish a video conference link between this event and Burning Man. The two groups would have loads to talk about.

  97. BarackMyWorld

    (Can someone please share the secret of embedding html addresses into Wonkette post text? Thanks.)

  98. oneoclockjump

    Will he be doing the Mighty Mouse theme?
    Oh, I understand that this spectacle will be streamed live on the Restoring Honor FB page, just so nobody misses anything.
    I won’t get into how pathetic anyone must be to sit in front of the computer, for any reason whatsoever, on the last, beautiful weekend of the summer. Nope.

  99. swayzeland

    [re=647773]President Beeblebrox[/re]: [re=647735]Dolmance[/re]: Dudes(?), I had the same feeling. (In my ass-brain.) I have almost no gaydar at all, yet when I saw him on his Headline News show (before he seemed quite as hateful) my mind did the “I bet you’re gay” from Monty Python’s Holy Grail.

    What can be done about this? Surely there are no attractive men at the lard-rally to tempt him to “slip”, right?

  100. Pithaughn

    Frederick who? I believe the ghost of Barnum Bailey will appear, as his famous quote is the most apropos “there is a sucker born every minute”. These attendees are suckers plain and simple. Anyone who thinks Glenn is the leader of a movement other than one that benefits him exclusively is the definition of a sucker.

  101. Darkness

    [re=647780]BarackMyWorld[/re]: you mean a linky?

    type in (but substitute angle brackets (the things accessible with the shift key on your , and . on the keyboard) for the straight brackets): [a href="http://lalala.com/"]linky link text[/a]

  102. Tarangela

    Someone please announce that all their pasty white asses will no longer be receiving the socialist medicare and social security
    if they keep their tired old carcasses in D.C..listening to Beck, the stupid fuck ex junkie (probably his only redeeming feature).
    Watch those wheels spin towards their buses back to Ameriville USA–where marrying your sister is an everyday occurrence.

  103. slappypaddy

    [re=647648]North of Moscow[/re]: it would certainly cull the herd if the tea fatties were to watch that. think of all the heart attacks and apoplectic seizures it would induce.

  104. NYNYNY

    [re=647620]Neilist[/re]: Is that a serious question? They are mystical non-sexual beings, ala Ken Mehlman. Why don’t you actually try watching the movie carefully instead of trying to also blog and oil your guns.

  105. Radiotherapy

    [re=647780]BarackMyWorld[/re]: So that you can get to the Mall tomorrow, try this:
    $a href=”your web address here”% text here $/a%
    where $ =

  106. OzoneTom

    Man, ole Popeye has really been packin’ on the avoirdupois since he switched from spinach to tea.

    Please eat yer spinach and tell Nobama to take his commie scooter and shove it up his Kenyan backside!

  107. facehead

    Ken, are you sure this is the Glen Beck rally? I’m confident those are stills from Children Of The Corn X: The Later Years.

  108. Radiotherapy

    [re=647792]Radiotherapy[/re]: [re=647780]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Oh fuck, [re=647786]Darkness[/re]: got it anyway.

  109. slappypaddy

    [re=647757]Neilist[/re]: you should be able to drop any unarmored human target at 100 yards with a .22-cal. magnum fired from a rifle, and the ammo is small, lightweight (you can pack a lot of rounds) and dirt cheap. squeeze, don’t jerk.

  110. Old Redneck

    Check out the top photo — the really fat woman on the scooter. Look at the rear end of the scooter — is that an American flag she is dragging around behind her scooter??

  111. Barrelhse

    The guy in pic #3, crouching down on the left, wearing a dark blue shirt- I’m pretty sure he’s really a juggalo with a handful of feces.
    Actually, the whole fucking scene is one insane clown posse. Or so.

  112. Mr Blifil

    [re=647798]slappypaddy[/re]: That’s weird, because typically I can’t jerk without squeezing.

  113. facehead

    [re=647803]Old Redneck[/re]: Before the AMERICAN invention of TRUCKNUTZ, revolutionary Patriots had only one way to show their 9/11 pride: SCOOTERDROOPYFLAGCLITZ. Learn your history bro.

  114. slappypaddy

    [re=647805]OzoneTom[/re]: your point being…?

    what, are you drunk again? tom, tom, tom… well, let’s get you cleaned up and put to bed.

  115. Dashboard_Buddha

    No snark…we’re screwed folks. There is a rising tide of…idiocy in the world and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Me? I’m drinking.

    That is all.

  116. El Pinche

    [re=647805]OzoneTom[/re]: Tom, I pray to Allah that Glenn Beck has a Bud Dwyer surprise in store for these old fat slobs. “Let me put this in perspective for you .. *click click* *BOOM* *gurgle*

    Glenn Beck restores America with a blood bubble out of his nose! Fuck Beck.

  117. emjayay

    Damnit, I still have no idea of what they’re supposed to be Restoring The Honor of. Or for that matter why no one ever writes about this mystery. I mean, zillions of people are going to DC to make a big deal about…….what?

    I know the profits, if any, are going to scholarships or something or troops or something but seriously..WTF?..

    Help me out here.

    Please.

  118. slappypaddy

    [re=647809]Mr Blifil[/re]: repeat after me:

    this is my rifle,
    and this is my gun;
    one is for shooting,
    the other’s for fun.

    then squeeze and/or jerk as the situation may demand.

  119. Chinaski

    [re=647803]Old Redneck[/re]: No sir, that is what a true patriot’s prolapsed uterus looks like.

  120. Hemp Dogbane

    Almost cut my hair
    Happened just the other day
    It’s gettin’ kind of long
    I could’ve said it was in my way

    But I didn’t and I wonder why
    I feel like letting my freak flag fly
    And I feel like I owe it, yeah … to someone, yeah

    Well, must be because I had the flu this Christmas
    Oh, yeah and I’m not feeling up to par
    Oh, I tell you baby this increases my paranoia
    Yeah, like looking in my mirror and seeing a police car

    Well, well, I’m not, I’m not giving in an inch to fear
    Well, you know I’ve promised myself this year
    Well, I feel oh, like I owe it, I owe, I owe it to someone
    Oh … like I owe it to someone

    Instrumental (Electric Guitar)
    Oh, yes when I get myself together
    Yeah, you can find me in that sunny southern weather, yeah

    I’m goin’ to find a space inside a laugh, yes
    Separate the wheat from some chaff
    Oh, and I feel …
    Like I owe it, yeah … to someone

    Ending (Electric Guitars)

  121. Dolmance

    To all the gay men on this board – you have to take one for the home team. You fucking have to seduce Glenn Beck. And you have to get digital proof somehow, like a POV of the guy sucking your dick. You will have traumatic stress syndrome afterward and you will be embarrassed, but you need to out this motherfucker as quickly as possible. People at Wonkette will pitch in for therapy afterward.

    You are going to have to do everything in your power to bone Glenn Beck. Save the fucking world and do it.

  122. Radiotherapy

    [re=647816]emjayay[/re]: I was under the impression that “Restoring Honor” = “Fear of a Black Planet” = “Beware the Terrorists ” = “Cut Taxes” = “Made in China” = “Calvin Coolidge — Our Greatest President” = “Palin ’12″ = “$$$$$$” = “Buy Gold” = “No Buttsecks” = “Kill the Poor” = “White Rights!”

  123. Berkeley Bear

    I think I finally got it. See, Liberty is normally depicted as a white woman, right? And one of “them” has defiled her by being elected President. So all the Wal-Martians are gathering to collectively absolve Lady Liberty and restore her precious Liberty Labia to pre-Obama dimensions (puckered up and bone dry). See, it all comes together, as shown on my Glenn Beck Magic Chalkboard(TM).

    In re the pics on this post, I recently saw yet another Scooter Store ad, and thought that the truth in advertising laws need to change. They aren’t a store – no individual has ever, to my knowledge, bought one of those things with their own money. They should all be renamed “Giant Medicare Scam Warehouses” or something, along with the catheter distributors and all the diabetes monitoring meter companies. IF we stopped paying ridiculous rates for reimbursing these 3 products alone, you’d probably shave a few hundred million out of Medicare and Medicaid a year.

  124. Sparky McGruff

    I’ve been trying to figure out what the correct term is for a collection of “tea partiers”. Is it an asylum of teatards? A Klan of Beck-heads? A Palin of morans? Are there any libertarian linguists out there that can help me?

  125. Rocky in Texas said...

    I might run up there to check out the Scooter Demolition Derby portion of this KKK Rally!

  126. facehead

    [re=647829]Sparky McGruff[/re]: As a collective noun I prefer “a crapshoot of fucktards,” but it is possible this is only from my regional dialect.

  127. SayItWithWookies

    Nightline had a piece on the Beckapalooza this evening, and all the people they spoke to who had come to town for the rally said it was about bringing love and faith and freedom and all the things we all hold dear to the forefront so that we could focus on the things we share. And I certainly take them at their word that that’s what the purpose of the rally is. But damn, they are not paying attention. As far as my Glenn Beck research has gone, he’s kept the real reason he’s having this rally close to his chest. And really, the man’s whole schtick involves taking a whole lot of hysteria and overblown connections, a lot of preaching, a lot of cheap advertising tactics (create the problem, then provide yourself/your product as the only solution) and a pathological lust for the teaser (“Now today I am going to lay out for you some history the liberals don’t want you to know — because tomorrow we’re going to go on from there to something that’s really gonna kick your ass”) and made a giant farce of patriotism, faith, conservatism and every value his listeners hold dear by selling an undiscerning public cotton candy and telling them it was cannonballs.

    And this whole damn thing isn’t about any truth or political activism or values and principles — it’s about Glenn Beck displaying his power to make a million people (or half a million people, or 300,000 people or 100,000 people or whatever it’s going to be, which is a huge victory regardless) down to the Mall to stand in front of him and wait with bated breath while driblets of burning pus flow from his mouth. It’s his big “fuck you” to everyone who can’t bring x number of people to the belly of the beast on a hot August day for no known reason. It doesn’t matter what he says — once the people are there, Glenn Beck’s point has been made.

    Not that he can take an opportunity and not escalate it — that would be totally contrary to an addict’s behavior. He’s definitely going to do announce something big, but I doubt it’s thought through, I doubt it’s momentous to anyone but him, and I’ll bet all the attendees say something like “It was great enough having us all together in the same place — so what if Beck announced he was starting a syncretist Mormon-Baptist-Jews-for-Jesus church with him at its head — that’s not the real news here” as they leave the place.

  128. Rocky in Texas said...

    How many Gold Bricks do I have to shit, to be able to get me one of them there scooters?

    I want electric start, also too, none of that pre historic kick start shit neither.

    I want good fucking batteries too, don’t try giving none of those cheap ass chinese batteries.

  129. ladymacbeth

    dc wonketteers do us proud! knock some heads! wish i were there:

    And gentlemen in England now a-bed
    Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

    re-enter salisbury (fuck him)

  130. Dick Dujour

    @ladymacbeth – Thanks for the quote. Nothing like a Saint Crispins day quote to get the blood flowing!

  131. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    [re=647829]Sparky McGruff[/re]: A “short-busload” or a “scraggle” of Teabaggers.

  132. Radiotherapy

    [re=647833]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The teaser is….the Wiz behind the curtain is Wilfred Brimley. And no one talks about the token, estranged King family member (1.38%) who will be the centerpiece of the revisitation of civil rights — I can hardly wait. Finally, if there was a supernatural being, he? would make it 100° with 90% humidity, these fat-asses would be dropping like their prolapsed rectums.

  133. Dick Dujour

    [re=647598]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: Don’t call them that, it insults people who are actually mentally retarded.

  134. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    [re=647842]Dick Dujour[/re]: Here’s mine. Drink every time a speaker utters: Founding Fathers, constitution, marxist, communist, Islam, Muslin, mosque, freedom, honor, take back, illegals, socialism, Judeo-Christian principles/values, liberal media, Ronald Reagan. This drinking game is devised to ensure that you will be rendered just as retarded as the monsterfaces who are attending this cultural abortion.

  135. imissopus

    [re=647716]Neilist[/re]: Oh, I always think of Rugers as those pissy little pistols German officers are always holding in WWII movies. The ones that look like cap guns. Yes, I guess a .460 Magnum could take out Granny and her scooter in one shot.

    [re=647733]Servo[/re]: Heh heh. Biddy biddy biddy.

  136. SayItWithWookies

    [re=647848]Radiotherapy[/re]: Vicky Maybry (sp?) interviewed her tonight on the same Nightline episode. Alveta King I think is her name — and she seems nice and sincere too. I’m seeing the outline of a theory that a lot of nice and sincere people are coming to this thing and are going to be pretty disappointed at the spectacular show of egotism and ignorance that’s going to be on display. But then again, a communal feeling often overrides the purpose, and a lot of these folks might just get off on being around each other — like a big comic book convention but with a feeling of some sort of national import as well. Crap.

  137. planetwingnuttia

    if anyone’s still here …check the sexy time on craigslist Men seekeing Men… code word search after that …teabag, and Beck

  138. sanantonerose

    Karl Marx? Looks like Frederick Douglass.

    I actually know someone who took off on a plane tonight to attend this rally to restore honor. A middle school choir teacher who hunts wild boar with a knife. He’s just gonna “sleep at the airport” and then go to the rally. Yeah, the people watching should be amazing.

  139. Oh hell to the no

    [re=647633]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Don’t you dare associate this with the State Fair.

  140. Blender

    This reeks of a setup. If this was a REAL teabagger rally, all the patriots would be proudly carrying all their guns, just like they did to all the meetings on health care last summer.

    Shenanigans!

  141. Snoozz2

    This site is obviously visited by some really intelligent, quick thinking, wicked funny people who are worried about the rally going on tomorrow. Please know that there are plenty of people who aren’t idiots who are going to the rally for reasons beyond what you discuss on this site. I don’t blame you. Its got to be hard for you looking at an onslaught of people who you’ve been told are just big ignorant rednecks who are afraid of ending up in the wrong neighborhood (or worse- in Your neighborhood).
    “The issue, as I see it, [] is an alarming new trend that I unfortunately see on both sides of the political aisle – they have strong opinions, but they don’t seem to understand it’s possible for others to be as good, honest and thoughtful as they are, yet hold contrary opinions. This usually, manifests itself in name calling, pandering to emotion and dismissing others views.” David (whom I’ve never met but who concisely staes what I feel-posted on Yahoo.com news story link) My 23 year old son and his best friend are on their way to DC (1,000 miles) and they are planning on sleeping in their car outside of DC so they won’t invade your territory. They are good and decent and believe in the strength of our diversity as a nation. I am terrified and proud at the same time. Signed- mom

  142. Radiotherapy

    [re=647855]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Awesome. You, sir, and your perspective is why I am here. Such an incredible and contrarian view. Truly, I am humbled. Much like the night you liveblogged the Walnuts debate. Nonetheless, the picture of fat-assed, flag-farting humanoid is disconcerting.

  143. RoscoePColtraine

    Is this is one of Brick Oven Bill’s “hotties?” (The clicky will take you right straight into a shit storm, but if you scroll down to the bottom of his gibberish, you’ll take in the money quote.)

  144. oneoclockjump

    Yes, but behind the name-calling and snark we are also terrified of what is happening to this nation. We are also wondering, (and a little suspicious), of what Glenn Beck is trying to accomplish tomorrow.
    When Beck claims that the Black Panthers are going to try to start a “riot”, but the peace-loving white folks will not let them, what are we supposed to make of it?
    For my own part, I am wondering why these people can’t do something nice for their fellow man in their own neighborhoods instead of congregating in a large, self-congratulatory mess down on the Mall for reasons that puzzle not only myself but some of Glenn’s fellow conservatives.

  145. Snoozz2

    Shoot. I tried. I’ll show my ignorance by admitting I’m not aware of the Walnuts debate. Peace.

  146. gurukalehuru

    re: the Lincoln Memorial in front of the Lincoln Memorial, does anybody remember Obama’s acceptance speech in Denver? Do you remember how the rabid right, these same folks attending this weekend’s retardapalooza (seriously, you can not improve on that term. You just can’t) were all up in arms about the Grecian columns? Grecian columns, people, grecian columns.

  147. sati demise

    [re=647873]Snoozz2[/re]: yea, and your sons think Sarah Palin is HOT, too.

    She is drawing the crowds, they probably watch Beck and have been fooled by a con artist.
    No one wants to be in DC in August.
    Even the founding fathers left in the summer.
    It was built in a swamp.

  148. zhubajie

    [re=647620]Neilist[/re]: They are goddesses (nu shen). When they invoke Mothra, the song they sing is in Malay, not Japanese.

  149. sati demise

    [re=647886]sati demise[/re]: and every time the Tea Bagger/ Beck fan boys and Palinites use the parks in DC
    it costs the taxpayers a fortune in maintenance costs.

  150. SayItWithWookies

    [re=647875]Radiotherapy[/re]: Well I’m just trying to get a handle on how this is going to play out. Beck has already promised that the event won’t be political, and I’m going to start by looking within the realm of nonpolitical options he has. And it can’t be anything that substantive. He can’t announce he’s running for political office — he can’t announce he’s quitting (it would be Palinesque, yes, but there’s no way he could quit FOX and have a bigger audience or a more prominent place in the talk-for-money arena). He also has a history of being insubstantial and of escalating promises (having lived with a number of seriously addictive personalities before, I’m very familiar with the “I can’t pay the hundred dollars I owe you today, but I swear to make up for it I’ll pay you a hundred-fifty on Wednesday” gambit) and his only way out of it is to promise something big like a charity organization that’ll require a lot of people to volunteer or contribute a lot of money that can quietly die through neglect like his 9/12 project thing.

    Basically, since Beck isn’t in this game for the substance but for the tease, he’s gotta deliver this time — but he’s going to go for the tease instead. It’s his nature. This means that a lot of people, who’ve seen this sort of thing before when they had to sell porcelain figurines for the band trip or when they attended a get-rich-in-real-estate seminar a few years ago, kinda understand the pattern, whether they’ll admit it to their friends or not. They’ll be like, “We just drove a thousand fucking miles on the last weekend of the summer to spend a day in the middle of Washington DC, which has more museums and history per capita than any other fucking city in America, listening to a not-even-real-Christian fundamentalist Goldline shill sell us an empty conspiracy theory so we’ll go to his fucking website so he can reveal to us the next big puzzle piece in his mindless conspiracy theory, and I’m having a flashback to that ‘management seminar’ I went to where some Tony Robbins wannabe exhorted me to sell water filters to my friends and family.’”

    So I’m just trying to figure out what the top of the bell curve should look like, and then work around from there. Admittedly I’d prefer that people are reasonable and eventually will see through Beck’s ploy — but there’s always the possibility that other factors (the euphoria of being at a rally together and feeling like you’re participating in something important) will overcome any reasonable objection. There are other possibilities, but I’m probably going to pass out before I give them more thought.

    The point is, though, that when I expand on it a little more, it’s really not counterintuitive. Biased, almost definitely. But I was actually following a sorta deductive process. The odds, though? I don’t know. I’m betting heavily on Beck not nearly living up to his momentous pronouncements for what’s going down tomorrow. The reaction has a lot more variables.

    Oh, and thanks for reminding me of liveblogging the McCain debate — that was so much fun. I think three Constitutional amendments came under fire (13, 14 and 17) as well as most of the rules of logic, Euclidean geometry, the entire obscure and complicated field of accounting, and any element of history that conflicted with the Bible. I hope that when extraterrestrials visit the earth and wonder what happened to our civilization, a copy of that debate is in the National Archives to give them a good impression of the madness to which we had descended.

    Also so my name would be remembered a billion years hence by civilizations we have yet to imagine, but that sounds a little self-aggrandizing so consider this sentence omitted. So stop reading this. Really.

  151. SayItWithWookies

    [re=647892]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Wow. And my (carbon community) friends think I’m kinda quiet. Sorry y’all.

  152. Cranky Little Camperette

    [re=647732]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: [re=647769]Radiotherapy[/re]: Just a clarification here (sorry, this is a pet peeve of mine):

    According to US Flag Code, it is illegal to use the flag proper as clothing, costume or for advertising purposes (see US Flag Code Sec.176 (d), (i) and (j))

    Excerpted:

    (d) The flag should never be used as wearing apparel…

    (i) The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be…on…anything that is designed for temporary use and discard.

    (j)No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume…

    It is not illegal to use stars-and-stripes patterned material for the above purposes.

    For example, the tasteful stars-and-stripes printed scarf that I wear with my black suit for Veterans Day ceremonies is OK. Cutting a hole in a US flag and wearing it as poncho is not.

    That having been said, I just know there’s gonna be plenty o’flag desecration going on at the rally — yes, wearing the flag as a cape counts as clothing, idiot. You might want to refresh their memories with a little Section 700(1)(a):

    Whoever knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon any flag of the United States shall be fined under this title or imprisoned for not more than one year, or both.

    Oh, and THEN it will all be “But I’m wearing this poncho for FREEDUMB!” and “You can’t take away my First Amendment Rights to destroy the flag.” It’s a slippery slope to flag-burning after that…

    Here endeth the lesson.

  153. zhubajie

    [re=647642]RPolanski[/re]: Is this the first time that they’ve realized that Beck is a Mormon? Not just a mainstream Mormon, either, but some nutty Mormon cultist?

  154. zhubajie

    [re=647744]Dubya T. Eff[/re]: Glenn Beck a eunuch? Interesting idea. I always thought Cheney reminded me of a Byzantine eunuch.

    It’s probably too good to be true, though.

  155. gurukalehuru

    [re=647881]Snoozz2[/re]: You can expect to be made fun of here – I was about to indulge in that myself. Then I realized: Hey, at least she knows how to spell, so why shouldn’t she come to the party?

    A beginner’s guide:
    Walnuts = John McCain
    Snowbilly Grifter, Mooselini, Caribou Barbie, Bible Spice = Sarah Palin
    Mittens = Mitt Romney
    Neilist = Our resident gun nut/asshole Not to be taken seriously
    Michelle/Michele = be careful with spelling around here. 2 Ls good, 1 L bad
    Dipshit Magoo = Fred Thompson
    Muslin, soshulism, constitushion, moran = these misspellings, among others, are deliberate. For humor. Because they have actually, literally, been seen on signs at rallies like the one your son is currently attending. Also, groud zero.
    Assity = Sean Hannity
    Tweetie = Chris Matthews

    There are many more. You will learn as you go along.

  156. imissopus

    …they don’t seem to understand it’s possible for others to be as good, honest and thoughtful as they are, yet hold contrary opinions

    When one side’s opinion is that the president is a smart guy who seems to genuinely want to find solutions to the country’s problems and the contrary opinion is that he is a SOCIALIST MARXIST FASCIST ILLEGAL ALIEN USURPER WHO WANTS TO GIVE ALL YOUR MUNIES TO THE POORZ AND DESTROY AMERICA AND THIS IS PART OF A HUNDRED-YEAR-PLOT BY PROGRESSIVES STARTING WITH WOODROW WILSON TO CONTROL OUR LIVES AND WE ALL NEED TO RELOAD OUR GUNS AND TAKE BACK OUR COUNTRY, then those contrarians are not good, honest, and thoughtful people. They are fear whores following a false prophet spreading utter bullshit for his own personal ego gratification. I refuse to listen to that crap. It’s insulting to the intelligence, and I don’t care if the people who believe it think I’m being snooty.

    Just the fact that Beck has been making a big deal about his event being on the anniversary of King’s “I Have A Dream” speech, talking about “taking back” the civil rights movement and whatnot, shows a stunning lack of knowledge of and respect for the racial history of this country and what blacks had to go through just to get the barriers knocked down. Do you see police using water cannons to knock these pasty-pale fatties off their Rascals today? Or letting loose the pissed-off German Shepherds? Beck appropriating the civil-rights movement for his own ego gratification is a travesty, a perversion of history, and should be seen as such.

    So your twenty-three-year-old son and his buddy took a road trip to be a part of that? Fabulous. When he gets back drive him immediately to the library or the nearest Barnes & Noble, drag him to the American History section, and tell him to go nutty. Then drag him over to the religion section and see if you can find something on what Christianity says about charity and social justice. I guarantee you it will be the complete opposite of what Beck has said many times on his show.

    And I’m not afraid of rednecks coming into my neighborhood, there are too many Hispanics here.

  157. Uncertainty Vice-Principal

    <[re=647833]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    “everyone who can’t bring x number of people to the belly of the beast on a hot August day”

    It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity.

  158. SayItWithWookies

    [re=647873]Snoozz2[/re]: Here’s my problem with David’s quote — it’s not a both-sides-are-being-equally-bad debate. It’s not a thing where grandma gets both boys to shake hands and say sorry to each other and then we carry on as always. It’s not even something new with the teabaggers.

    Since the nineteen-fucking-teens Glenn Beck’s intellectual forbears have been accusing my intellectual forbears of being anti-American, anti-business, pro-stealing-from-the-rich, secret-bombing, foreign-collaborating, conspiring, scheming, greedy, short-sighted sellouts who would shove kittens into a wood chipper if it meant the success of our sinister plan to increase the size of government for no other reason than to let all our poor, illiterate lice-ridden friends suck off the teat of hardworking Americans. And really it’s gone back a lot further than that, but let’s ignore the British menace, the French menace and the Spanish menace for now and start with the unprecedented Bolshevik menace.

    And none of their accusations have been true is what really bugs me. No, wait — what really bugs me is that these generations of demonized humans fighting for the dignity of the least among us — the immigrants, the child laborers, the women raising families — these people brought us non-crushing work weeks; two-day weekends; fair labor practices; government oversight and industry standardization; training; safety practices; worker input and much much more. And as a result, these belittled heroes have made America more competitive, more reliable, more able to compete in the world market — much more so than the self-centered greedheads whose point of view was embodied by George HW Bush’s pronouncement that environmental regulations were “a hidden tax on industry.”

    And after all this, the people who are angry — the people who yell at a black man for being a muslim without even asking as he walks through their protest — the people with the “lyin’ African” signs and who invoke fear of a black man even though he commands their armed forces in a time of war — aren’t my brethren. No, they’re the ones who have been the oppressors and their stooges. It’s the conservatives who say they defend the Constitution who lash out at brown people; who say that we’re allowed to torture because we’re better than everyone else; who think we best defend freedom by imprisoning and torturing un-accused people for years on end without hope of escape.

    But I don’t fear these people coming into my neighborhood and I never have. They’re already here. It’s they who fear me. It’s they who retreat into their own communities, who get their news only from fox, who annoy the crap out of me to the point where I tell them that actually taxes were higher under their beloved Ronald Reagan than they are today, and then call me angry and strident when I finally call them out on their bullshit.

    And here they come again with their nonsense about being oppressed black everyman entrepreneurs being kept down by the relentless pandering of the America-hating communists in their midst who want to force them to surrender their wealth to a teat-sucking majority of shiftless ne’er do wells.

    No, both sides aren’t equally at fault here. Which side should you most fear? The one with the most ignorant, gun-toting unemployed undereducated people who’ve been told every day that communist America-hating elitists are giving their hard-earned H2s away to drug-dealing Mexican rapists.

  159. bflrtsplk

    Tell you one thing there kiddies. That Murkan flag soaks up a lot more of my number one than a million a them thar Depends!

  160. AddHomonym

    [re=647873]Snoozz2[/re]: So, you’re trying to take away our first amendment freedoms, yes? Just kidding, but this is the kind of thing we’re up against. It don’t make no sense. I, for one, think these Beckamites have a heart and a soul, and are basically good people, like everyone else, which makes it all the more crazymaking that they think I stole their country from them! It’s right here!

  161. metalhed

    It’s one more chance to join the Re-Tardy Patriots!

    Join up!

    No taxes! No Spending! No Government! No Services!

    (No intelligence! No forethought!)

  162. Enslave the Whales

    [re=647658]Neilist[/re]: A connoisseur of Mothra as well as a heavily armed lunatic? You must be a Californian. Oh, and I don’t think they can be lesbos, because I believe the existence of lesbians is prohibited by the Japanese Constitution. Probably just two girls who were really fond of each other.

  163. Enslave the Whales

    [re=647757]Neilist[/re]: Jeebuz Bazooka Christ. You remember Creature Features? You’re as old as me.

  164. supremecourtjester

    Today Glen Beck will rally his Tea baggers and give his “I Have A Nightmare” speech in Washington. Near where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stood, Beck will look into the reflecting pool, and if he sees his reflection we’re in for six more years of Democratic Congresses.

    Beck denies this is a Million Mumser March , claiming that it is a misnomer to call it a March because “It’s in August.” Many participants will show up riding their rascals and demanding to know why, if it’s called the Mall in Washington, there are no Wal-Marts on it.

    To celebrate the event, Wonkette is holding a Sarah Palin Wet Tea Bagger T- shirt contest.

    Beck’s crowd has come to express their anger with majority rule. His speech is expected to point out that majority rule is never mentioned in the Constitution. In fact, a group intended to prevent majority rule, the Electoral College, consisting of “a bunch of wise guys” are supposed to “…pick your leaders for you so that you don’t have to.”

    The Tea Partiers are in favor of repealing most of the Constitution–except for the part that guarantees them Social Security and Medicare.

  165. Enslave the Whales

    [re=647916]AddHomonym[/re]: [re=647873]Snoozz2[/re]:

    I don’t think that the Beckerheads “have a heart and a soul, and are basically good people”. I think they are mostly folks for whom the luck of the draw has broken in their direction, and who are excessively paranoid about the possibility that anyone else should get the benefit of a small fraction of what they enjoy, because it might reduce their personal benefits by a small fraction.

    Snoozz2: Assuming you are an actual entity (which I doubt), you claim that your 23 year old son is driving some modest distance to DC for this rally. Fine. Why? Why is he undertaking this pilgrimage? What positions does he support?

    If you cannot answer these questions, then it’s likely that your (very hypothetical) son is simply offering his support for the release of Beck’s latest book.

    Cheers.

  166. I-man

    Meh, Many a small cities, towns, villages, shires, hamlets, and tinfoil hats are going to be missing many of their nutjobs this weekend. To be quite honest I cannot help feel anything but happy that these influx of people will be spending money in the liberal taint that is the washington d.c. metro area and its outlying exurbs. Enjoy the cab ride from Ahmed who maybe from (Pakistan, Bangladesh, Somalia, Kenya, or even Nigeria to name a few). Enjoy staying in an hotel owned by the Patels. For a people claiming to want their country back boy are they going to be in for a surprise; I am not sure if this will light the fire in their belly or discourage them, either way it will be a nice spectacle.

  167. Terry

    The Beckites must have followed the advice about DC on those web pages. Usually when there is something big going on downtown, the hotels in Silver Spring are full of participants. It’s a bit cheaper here than downtown and you can walk to Metro. We are, however, on the scary side of the Red Line and anyone staying here is in imminent danger of seeing or interacting with a person who’s skin is a different color than their own. I didn’t see any of the buses you’d expect with a big event yesterday.

  168. ManchuCandidate

    1 Lots of olds… check
    2 Fat… check
    3 US America flag desecrated as clothing… check
    4 Cranky… check
    5 Rascals everywhere… check
    6 White… CHECK
    6 Old fat cranky US America flag desecrated clothing whites driving Rascals saying something really stupid… I guess I’ll just have to wait for the recap.

  169. slappypaddy

    a nation in which so many people can spend so much money and time to go do something as essentially pointless as attending this beckapalooza is in some crucial ways a nation which is in much better shape than any of the attendees of said palooza could ever understand or ever would admit. many of them had ancestors who just two or three generations back would barely have had the time and energy to raise their heads from their fields or factory lines, barely enough money to put food on the table every day, and would be appalled at the selfish, thoughtless, greedy, fearful, and ignorant behavior of their descendants, who do no greater dishonor this weekend to their memory than to converge at this insane circus of the absurd.

  170. Dick Dujour

    [re=647852]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: Dear God! They’ll all die of alcohol poisoning in seconds!

  171. supremecourtjester

    [re=647931]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Do you think they bought their rascals with Medicare $ ?

  172. Darkness

    Celebrating our nation’s diversity by going to listen to a man who says our first black president is a racist, and a woman who brownshirted her way through the last presidential election? What’s the encore, celebrating our nation’s health by eating at taco bell and attending marriage classes taught by Tiger Woods?

  173. S.Luggo

    I’ll be there selling orange Metamucil out of my trunk. Everyone else: set lasers on stun.

    [re=647852]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: Unfortunately, no Judeos allowed.

  174. ManchuCandidate

    [re=647935]supremecourtjester[/re]:
    Of course they did, but in their feeble minds that’s THEIR/mystical money fairy money not gubbiment monies.

  175. Hopey dont play that game

    My money is on a “Bob Roberts” style fake assassination attempt. Beck becomes a martyr for his own cause, Fox news has a perfect narrative for the next three months, and we can all ask “Where were you on 8/28?”

  176. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=647935]supremecourtjester[/re]: It’s funny, with all the concerns about Medicare, spending, how those ads for Rascals, Hovabouts, etc… all practically say “and for most people the Gubbermint will end up paying for it, hee hee hee”

    Ought to get them as a sponsor for Becks dumb show.

  177. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=647747]Dean Booth[/re]: I followed your link and was SHOCKED to find that Frederick Douglas was also an abolishonist!!! I thought he was a good Christian, not someone running around performing abolishons.

  178. Sparky McGruff

    [re=647816]emjayay[/re]: It’s not obvious? There’s a dark skinned guy in the white house. Darkies are supposed to arrive at the White House by the back door, not by Marine One.

    It seems pretty obvious to me, because the dipshit with the tessan accent that used to live in the White House pretty much did everything the mouth breather brigade accuses the dark skinned one of, and worse, but it was okay then. Deficits didn’t matter then. “Out of control spending” didn’t matter when it was blank checks for Halliburton. “Taking away our rights” wasn’t an issue when they were taking the crayon to scratch out chunks of the constitution (Habeas Corpus? What’s that?). Now there’s a darkie in office, so WAKE UP SHEEPLE! NEVAR FORGET!

  179. smellyal8r

    Gawd, I can’t imagine how awful it will be to be in DC this weekend. Not only at the actual event, but all around the District. “Excuse me, which way to the Glen Beck event.” “Well, my same sex partner and I just came from there…” I also laughed yesterday when Faux News teased that Chris Wallace would have an “exclusive” with Glen Beck on Sunday. An exclusive? Hell, who else is he going to talk to? I’m praying for you poor people in DC this weekend (and I live in Houston).

  180. Geogre

    First, Umberto Eco’s Travels in Hyper Reality has just gotten a new cover illustration. (The reproduction is better than the real thing!)

    Second, your reporters could completely destroy the rally by setting up a “Free Sweet and Low” booth across the street.

  181. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=647937]S.Luggo[/re]:
    Genius!
    You’ll make much more than my Spell Check Your Sign for $10 booth.

  182. Squiddyboy

    Hey remember that Dr. King’s niece is going to be there! Maybe she can expand upon her thesis that letting the gays marry will cause like everybody to be GENOCIDED to death so it’s a transracial issue. Thanks Glen for keeping Dr. King the First’s vision of an America where employers of 50 or more people didn’t have to provide them with health insurance and African-Americans realized that whites should be judged by the content of their character and not the frequency/intensity of their N-bombs.

    (I’ve heard “I have a scheme” and “I have a Fever Dream” but has anybody used TRIUMPH OF THE SHILL?)

  183. Pufflina

    I live in Maryland and work just outside of DC. Staying as far away as possible but they’re crawling out from under the rocks like an invasion! I just keep thinking of a Sinclair Lewis quote, “When Facism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross.” If you know what facism is, it’s what they trully are! It’s what the GOP has become and now they’re trying to shove it down our throats!

  184. ImBarb

    Fat bottomed girls they’ll be riding today
    So look out for those beauties oh yeah

    I hope that Sarah gets a chance to drive past the White House. It’s as close as she’s ever going to get to it. Also, I hope that she doesn’t wear a dark colored skirt. Ted Nugent isn’t always careful when he dry humps his prey.

    Rev the motorcycle, chum the shark! It’s Glenn Beck Rally Day!

  185. DC Hates Me

    [re=647945]smellyal8r[/re]: It’s not hard to talk to the Beckians. Just say the word “Groovy” at everything and they’ll leave.

  186. Rasvar

    I was so hoping for a liveblogging with drinking game for the event today. Only thirty seconds in and Beck is already crying!

  187. oneoclockjump

    [re=647933]slappypaddy[/re]: Fuck, yeah![re=647894]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: Yes, and it constantly annoys me when these flag-wavers don’t bring the flag in at night or in inclement weather, but I am also oldz enough to remember Creature Feature.
    Last person I saw with a flag on their butt was Marge Phelps protesting the gayz downtown here, but she is psychotic.

  188. PabaBritannica

    I’m at a TOWN HALL MEETING! I’ll use this thread to post updates.

    It’s a GOP rep. in a GOP district, so it’s pretty dull. His opponent, who will lose by roughly 80%, is here.

    It’s Virginia, so I’m guessing his real fans are at the John Birch Society’s equivalent to Burning Man.

  189. Rasvar

    Oh my. He has live props. Talking about how great it was that the Pilgrims and Native Americans worked together to create this country. Yeah, that really worked out for the Native Americans.

  190. Rasvar

    BTW, BecakPalooza is live on CSPAN if you can handle it. We should just liveblog this thing here. I would suggest a drinking game; but I think I would be in alcohol poisoning within 30 minutes.

  191. PabaBritannica

    Beck should spray the statue of Lincoln with positively-charged slime and use a Nintendo Advantage controller to guide it through the streets of DC, where it goes up to the White House, smashes the roof, and kills Black Osama.

  192. Sparky McGruff

    [re=647935]supremecourtjester[/re]: Hey, keep your soshulist obamar gubmint out of their Medicare.

  193. Rasvar

    Beck has a cadre of Secret Service type guys who move along with him when he comes onto and off of the stage. Heck, they are guarding him tighter than anyone guards the President. I wonder if they would jump in front of a bullet for him?

  194. dijetlo

    [re=647620]Neilist[/re]: [re=647888]zhubajie[/re]: Attempting to bury your peen in a Japanese Goddess voids your round eye warranty. Each one has a million relatives, one of which is almost bound to be a xenophobic Ninja. With that in mind, trying to score a pair of bi-sexual Japanese Goddesses is just throwing your life away, you’d be better off trying to bang Mothra….
    And speaking of banging Mothra, the Glenn Beck Comedy Hour Ho-down appears to be fixin’ to start…

  195. MOG

    [re=647952]Pufflina[/re]: Exactly. While I’m not sure I care about their weight (remember there are fat, old liberal/progressives, too), I don’t like the way the way they co-op sweet butter Jesus.

  196. Rasvar

    Other than on the stage working or performing, I have yet to see a single non-Caucasian person in any camera shot. The crowd looks to have the average age of the crowd at the early bird special at the local Bob Evans Restaurant. The only young people appear to be the ones that got drug along by their parents.

  197. oneoclockjump

    If you go to the Restoring Honor FB page, they are livestreaming it. Sarah the Schmuck is speaking(?) right now.
    I have never heard a speaker with such halting, awkward delivery, honestly.
    Crowd estimate?

  198. Rasvar

    Is there a Sarah Palin translator available? This is sounding like a stream of consciousness of babel that is intermixed with catch phrases to get a loud cheer. She is speaking in even less complete thoughts than usual.

  199. Oldskool

    You know, if Glenn was a real showman he’d take the stage with horns blaring and Bootsy on bass and do the whole cape routine. Or maybe lift off the stage in a cherry-picker singing Major Tom. As it is, he looks like a talking turd pile. Oh look, Palin is whipping up the crowd. Hurray!

  200. I-man

    This is what is so great about America. Crazy people expressing their opinion without fear of a government crackdown, just a snarkdown. I hear the chants of USA USA, is Dusty Rhodes speaking?

  201. Rasvar

    I think I have figured out Palin’s speech writing system. 1) Look at over 100 past famous speeches. 2) Cut and paste the highlights in. (order does not matter) 2) Read and insert a few catchphrases.

    I think if I work on this, I can create a Sarah Palin speech generator.

  202. Chinaski

    I was watching a live feed of BeckFist and it appears as if he is wearing body armor. Or he is puffy. Probably pre-diabetic puffy. Get him his Rascal his feet are developing ulcers.

  203. I-man

    This has taken on the air of a minstrel show. I felt physically sick when they showed pictures of MLK Jr. Don’t they find it strange that this gathering doesn’t truly reflect the diversity nor his vision for the country? Of course not. That kind of introspection is beyond them.

  204. hoosiermama

    [re=647633]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I think we need a bingo card for this event. Or, just use the state fair one — I bet it’ll be pretty interchangeable.

  205. GeneralLerong

    [re=647900]imissopus[/re]: [re=647907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thanks for dealing with the vanilla pudding brain. Just thanks.

  206. planetwingnuttia

    [re=647982]I-man[/re]: also the very FACT MLK’s speech had a far more salt and pepper crowd than this just salt one.

  207. Rasvar

    Ok, so now we Beck is making up medals. How much do you want to bet that you will be able to buy your own “Restoring Honor” medal at glenbeck.com for $29.99 by this time tomorrow?

  208. Katydid

    [re=647857]Chinaski[/re]: My mom wanted a Jitterbug until I researched it. Google “Jitterbug” and “scam,” there are hundreds of complaints, it seems the company esp. targets the elderly. Why am I not surprised Beck is taking money from them? Does he have any associations that aren’t crooked?

  209. Rasvar

    We are now well over an hour into this modern tent revival show and I have yet to see one non-white person who was not on the stage for one reason or another. I would have expected tohe cameras to have found one in the crowd if there was one by now.

  210. planetwingnuttia

    Rasvar dont worry turn coat Miss King will be on the stage soon. and where are you good wonketters watching the lie i mean live stream?

  211. FiftyAmeroBill

    Seriously what is this freaks deal? Is Beck a paranoid delusional moron with a god complex? Or is he a paranoid delusional demagogue who deliberately manipulates rubes for the benefit of the RNC?

  212. Hoplight

    [re=647991]Rasvar[/re]: give a hollar when he starts in with Jesus and Satan were brothers, will you? I’d like to see the looks on the crowd’s faces.

  213. S.Luggo

    [re=647980]zebrasoma[/re]: Is nice to see the trash barrel overflowing with used dick bags. Very environmental.
    The green closet things: Tea Party coffins.

    [re=647950]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: A “Get Your De-Fib (and/or Body Bag) Here” booth would work better.

  214. President Beeblebrox

    [re=647980]zebrasoma[/re]: If anything, these photos have convinced me that Beck is nothing but a hollow self-serving shill whose followers remind one of the Obamar zealots who Beck makes fun of.

    But WTF is it with the giant Socialist-realist Native American painting among Lincoln et al.? “Hi, we destroyed your way of life and those of you who we didn’t kill, we drove off into tiny little reservations, but now we’re going to emblazon a gi-fucking-gantic image of you up at the RESTORING HONOR® RALLY!!!1″

    NEEDS MOAR CHALKBOARD.

  215. harry palmer

    [re=647900]imissopus[/re]: [re=647907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=647933]slappypaddy[/re]: Although there’s a lamentable lack of dick jokes in these three posts they should be required reading on some kind of citizenship test or something. Take a good look, Miss Snoozthru the last twenty years or so.

  216. Rajul

    [re=647995]FiftyAmeroBill[/re]: Close. He’s a paranoid delusional mormon with a god complex. But as shitsacks like Beck remind us with every breath they draw, you can’t spell “mormon” without “moron.”

  217. Rasvar

    Am I the only one waiting for Pujols to say “Beisbol has been berry bery good to me and live from New York It’s Saturday Night!”?

  218. zebrasoma

    [re=647994]Hoplight[/re]: no; that would be Freedom Czar Lady. She is so in need of a green screen treatment…

  219. Limeylizzie

    This is so creepy, I am watching the poor C-Span cameramen trying to find a brown face and so far they have had to settle on showing a person in the shade of a tree who looked a little darker than those around him , but on further inspection he was just in shadow.

  220. RPolanski

    I love the involvement of Pujols and Tony LaRussa, ambassadors of the great contribution that steroids have made to America’s Favorite Pastime. Then Albert comes on and thumps for Jeebus. That crowd will shortly be asking for Albert’s extradition out of the country for not being white.

  221. Rasvar

    Why was this guy wasting his time talking about a guys academic achievements? I thought being smart and edumacated makes you elitist and ebil. This has me wondering what the hiighest grade level achieved of most of the crowd actually is. Of course, this does not include classes taken at Glenn Beck Univeristy.

    OMG, this guys gives money to teachers?!?! No wonder the crowd is not clapping very loud!

  222. Katydid

    [re=647892]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m glad you’re on our side.

    One of the sort of non-political options Beck has is the God angle he’s been hawking for the past few months, which he’s revved up this past week. Media Matters had a lot of examples of it.

    Beck said, “You’re going to see the spirit of God unleashed,” “I am only writing a few bullet points so that I don’t get in the way of the spirit in case he wants to talk,” and yesterday he said, “we are at the beginning of the awakening. This is a profound moment. This is it. Tomorrow is a step in that. It’s not the beginning, it’s not the end, its just part of it. You are at the awakening. This is fantastic.”

    He also said, “I’m sorry for the things that I have done that have caused me to be such an imperfect messenger, but I was told to stand where I’m standing. God doesn’t promise protection for anything. He doesn’t promise me protection for my wealth, for my house, for my body. He doesn’t promise anything. He promises me the only thing of value:protection for our souls. But that requires you to do the best that you can. And that’s all I’m doing.”

    Then there’s this: “I expect a miracle on 8-28. Witness it with me. Make history.”

    Although I wouldn’t say this is non-political, because with Beck, everything is political.

    I’m hoping people who aren’t too religious will be turned of by this crap, and people who are religious will think it’s blasphemy, or whatever they call it. But I’m not holding my breath.

  223. RoscoePColtraine

    Please don’t play Copland. Please don’t play Copland. Oh my god he’s spinning in his grave.

  224. planetwingnuttia

    [re=647998]President Beeblebrox[/re]: yeah…no mentioning of “our” bad immirgration policies with the indians…meaning we were the immigrants..

  225. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    The crowd seems bored and restless. They don’t want this feel good charity award shit, they want the hate speech! They feed off hate. They live to hate.

  226. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    “Say what you want to say about me, but I raised a combat vet. You can’t take that away from me,” Palin said.

    What about your raising a skank?

  227. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648029]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: i think a lot are spinning in their grave…MLK also. (w/o snark of also intended)

  228. PabaBritannica

    Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, now Tony LaRussa…was there anyone that wasn’t completely downright terrible involved with the ’89 Oakland A’s?

  229. glamourdammerung

    [re=647873]Snoozz2[/re]: Actually, we discussed the reasons “people” are going to this rally quite a bit on this site. After all, that is precisely what you are whining about in your screed.

  230. Rasvar

    I know CSPAN has been trying hard to find a non-white person in the crowd but the math s very very simple if 2+2=4, as Beck likes to use to prove his intellectual prowess, then number of whites in the crowd at this event/number of non-whites in the crowd at this event = ∞. I would have expected them to have found at least one by now who had been wandering around the Mall just to see what the commotion was about at some point in the last two hours.

    I also think the crowd that is there is in shock. They have barely got above a polite gold applause since Grizzly Palin was on stage.

  231. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=648028]Katydid[/re]: “I’m hoping people who aren’t too religious will be turned of by this crap, and people who are religious will think it’s blasphemy, or whatever they call it. But I’m not holding my breath.”

    Beck’s going for full Jeebusness because he understands the desires of his primary target demographic, American Evangelicals. The people who will get fired up at this thing wouldn’t think there was anything blasphemous going on.

  232. RoscoePColtraine

    Oh my god, Beck! Where is Lee Greenwood? Those good ol’ boys from Coweta County Georgia ain’t eatin’ up this V103 shit.

    (V103 is the urban music station in Atlanta.)

  233. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648037]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: which is very ironic considering that they would want to run his ass outta town if they knew his jesus wasnt there jesus. but glenn’s white so he can’t be deceiving them …unlike that kenyan usurper!!!

  234. OnePumpChump

    Worms of the earth, back into your holes and burrows! Ye foul the air and leave on the clean earth the slime of the serpents ye have become! There are shapes too foul to use even against Obama.

  235. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648039]Rasvar[/re]: he might be that black guy from gawker who said he was gonna be there…*not a teabagger*

  236. Rasvar

    I am waiting for the crowd to start chanting for the blackboard. How can you have Glenn Beck without a blackboard? I will give Beck credit for this. He has manged to make the blackboard into the technological equivalent of the Luddites Powerpoint presentation.

  237. PabaBritannica

    Have they introduced any conservative “comedians” yet? You always need a Ray Stevens or a “Guy Who Did That “Stinky Breath” Song” to perform.

  238. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=648051]planetwingnuttia[/re]: Glenn Beck is a nothing but a uber-successful charlatan. He knows who his followers are and he knows exactly what he’s doing. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to learn that he doesn’t believe his own crap.

  239. Rasvar

    [re=648054]planetwingnuttia[/re]: Na, it was a black women in a bright yellow shirt. But, it looked like she was also helping a white lady in a wheel chair. So maybe if we go by a strict originalist Constitutionalists argument, she may only count as three fifths of a person.

  240. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=648059]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: And the crowd doesn’t even like it all that much. Believe me, I know these people. They probably feel like that have to sit through it to give the country the impression that they’re there to honor MLK.

  241. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648057]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: sorta like the str8 ken melhan :); [re=648060]Rasvar[/re]: probably her government paid for nurse.

  242. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648059]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: i didn’t know the Mormon God and the God in Alveda’s church were the same being…funny one doesn’t think of satan as his child and jesus’ brother. Or more specifically to Alevda…didnt consider blacks inferior to whites.

  243. Rasvar

    Que the Count from Sesame Street: Two! Two Black People! Mua Ha Ha Ha Ha!!

    CSPAN is finally finding some in the crowd.

  244. rdale

    #
    Sparky McGruff says at 12:19 am, August 28th, 2010
    - Reply

    I’ve been trying to figure out what the correct term is for a collection of “tea partiers”. Is it an asylum of teatards? A Klan of Beck-heads? A Palin of morans? Are there any libertarian linguists out there that can help me?

    Tbogg uses “a scrotum of tea baggers,” which I think is just perfect. Where I live, Behind the Zion Curtain, as we call it (Utah) every day is a Beckapalooza; he’s quoted in the halls of the state capitol (and no, they’re aren’t giggling when they quote him; they’re dead serious). For a good idea of what life would be like if the tea baggers ruled, read this from truthout about Utah:
    http://www.truth-out.org/welcome-glennbeckistan58079

  245. SmutBoffin

    Today, we have come here to honor freedom and to restore that honor that brings us all together in freedom. I hope that our faith will give us hope and freedom like the Founding Fathers. This is honor, which gives us freedom, that we want to restore. Honor. Uh, restore it.

    GOD BLESS AMERICA

  246. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648064]Rasvar[/re]: thinks the march on washington had more mexicans than they have black people in that crowd.

  247. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    [re=648061]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Oh, I live in Georgia. I know these people, too. I wish I could hear what the crowd is saying under their breath while teh blacks have the stage. I bet it’s something like “if I wanted to see all these coons I’d have just warched BET, har har!”

  248. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    There is no way there are 500,000 people there. Also, how do the racists put up with all the faux anti-racist messaging? It seems too nuanced for them.

    Beck is such a fucking mediocrity.

  249. President Beeblebrox

    [re=648059]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: This kind of reminds me of the 2000 Republican National Convention, where Bush Junior was nominated on the now-hoary platform of Compassionate Conservatism, aka Be Nice to the Darkies ‘n Browns. I watched a good portion of it on TeeVee and, man, it was like an Up With People concert. They crammed every person they could find whose skin wasn’t a healthy pink onto t he stage. I especially remember the vote-counting session, which was led by the then-Vice Chair of the PA GOP, who was a black woman. It had all the class and dignity of a lottery drawing, with flashing lights and sounds as each state’s votes were counted, while all of the non-whites on stage danced around etc.

    [re=648032]kenlayisalive_dot_org[/re]: Track Palin was addicted to Oxycontin, vandalized school buses, and was conceived out of wedlock to a white-trash grifter. He’s in the military now. Does that make his mother a saint – or him a noble, spotless creature? He’s just another human being. I have zero problem with the military, but I do have a problem with militarism… something that this gang is really good at pushing.

  250. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=648074]kenlayisalive_dot_org[/re]: Beck cited the media as his source. He provided a source so we don’t need to question it or think any further about it.

  251. SmutBoffin

    Jesus, did Beck write this crap 5 minutes before walking out there on the podium? It’s boring, full of mixed-up metaphors, and rambles around, talking about the landscape like a talk by a tour guide.

  252. FiftyAmeroBill

    Stewart played a clip where Beck compared himself to Howard Beale. That movie had a cool ending.

  253. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    I just can’t take anyone seriously with a headset microphone. Yea! Old man dressed up like George Washington!

    It’s not just a country, it’s a science experiment! And these people are the mold.

  254. abelincoln

    Like the preacher man said…”we stand together, Jews and Gentiles…in the name of Jesus Christ”. Huh?

  255. Rasvar

    I think I know what historical figure Beck reminds me of. He is like a blend of Williams Jennings Bryan and, at the same time, the bizarro version of William Jennings Bryan. I wonder if he will run as Palins VP candidate. Probably not. Too much of a paycut.

    Oh oh! I think it is crying time!

  256. RoscoePColtraine

    Jesus, Glenn. A proficient speaker rehearses the lines that make him tear up BEFOREHAND, so the delivery won’t come across as maudlin or fake. Oh wait, you were going for effect. Never mind.

  257. Rasvar

    Was that Brendan Fraser dress up in a poor mans colonial outfit in the crowd? I was wondering what he was doing these days. I guess he has fallen to doing reenactments.

  258. lawrenceofthedesert

    There are advertisers all over America looking at this event and saying, “Why are we paying to promote our products to these losers?” And it may dawn on even Loud Rupert himself that the Faux News audience is not only old and on the way out, but ridiculously unhealthy and thus going out at unbelievable speed. Conservatism takes a big back seat to Greed in Loud Rupert’s life, so this could be the watershed event that Beck envisioned, but with surprising consequences. It could signal the beginning of a Fox makeover (which Loud Rupert could justify to his fascist friends by saying that his Error needs to put his own imprint on the corporation). Comparisons to Woodstock, which was all 18-49 target audience, are particularly telling.

  259. Angry Geometer

    What an inspiring collection of America’s best and brightest. These people are the only reason why the USA is still a first world country!

  260. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=648089]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Manufacturers of herbal boner pills can only bring in so much revenue, amirite?

  261. Blender

    [re=648036]Rasvar[/re]: Nope, someone was holding a little black girl on their shoulders; CSPAN caught it.

  262. Rasvar

    Oh boy. Kiss good bye to all of the tree branches on the mall. Beck will have them walking around with sticks in their hands by the end of the day.

  263. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    President Beeblebrox: She’d like to think so. So would all the people who say we have to support them no matter what they do. That’s the militarism, right? And the flying B2 bombers over the super bowl.

    I don’t think the soldiers get off the hook. They signed up for it. If you want to be a hero in America’s volunteer military, I think you have to be like Bradley Manning at this point. If your still in Iraq thinking you’re making a noble difference and brining freedom to the arabs … I guess I’d say I have an issue with that.

    Back to Beck – When the fascist government comes, I wonder if he survives the first night of long knives? Who, wit, is he decrying the divisions and hatred in America? But…he is the cause of it…

  264. HedonismBot

    [re=648083]Rasvar[/re]: I don’t think Palin will run. Also, too much of a pay cut for her. Also.

  265. Rajul

    Beck has told this crowd of utterly useless losers, “America today begins to turn back to God.”

    Few things. First, Beck mocked Obama’s election night speech about turning back the oceans (i.e., stopping global warming) and moving America forward. Beck said it was arrogant and obnoxious. So it’s arrogant and obnoxious for a guy to tell the 50 million people who just voted for him that he will keep his campaign promises, but “divinely inspired” for an ignoramous to piss on the concept of civil rights and equality because less than 1% of the population showed up to hear him ramble on about shit.

    Second, fuck him. And fuck, fuck, fuck that ugly, hateful, cancerous cunt Palin. I’m a veteran. And it dishonors everything I’ve done or will do to say “Today America begins to turn back to God.” People can turn to God, or away from God, or to tree spirits, or Satan, or nothing/Taoism, or Buddha, or a mother fucking Jeebus-shaped grilled cheese sandwich, and you know why? Because that’s freedom. Nothing Beckheads and Palindrones stand for or believe in even remotely resembles freedom. Fuck them.

  266. Blender

    Josh! Riley! Anyone! Can you break into the Wonkette offices (Layne’s apartment) and hit the “new thread” button on his ipad?

  267. Rajul

    [re=648100]Rajul[/re]: um, ignoramus. Ah, I’m not perfect. But then I’m not a megalomaniacal sociopath trying to get hundreds of thousands of people follow me off the cliffs of insanity, either.

  268. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648099]HedonismBot[/re]: agrees palin wants to ACT like a politican she doesn’t want to BE one. That way she can look important without having to be one and get all the benefits.

  269. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648102]Blender[/re]: Blender i gotta feeling all wonkette’s in that crowd rolling their eyes.

  270. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    I know they do crowd estimates by weighing the trash left behind, which isn’t really fair because all those abandoned scooter batteries are really heavy. Not to mention the tons of bullshit falling out of Beck’s mouth.

  271. Limeylizzie

    OK Wonketteers, I have been having a Facebook fight with some of these people , I foolishly went to the event’s FB page and have been mixing it up with them, and look how mean this man was to me, he has no desire to see my tits.

    Jim Baker : I’m not religious and don’t care if I get along with leftists or not. You’ve been on here spewing hate and misinformation all morning, which may be an indicator of your IQ and not of your devishness, so if you are getting hateful posts from the religious, remember that the Lord only told us to turn our cheeck once, but didn’t mention what to do about the next slap. You are toxic and hateful, so my guess is your husband ran off with a younger, happier woman and left one bitter trash talking so-called woman.
    5 minutes ago · Report

  272. Rasvar

    [re=648102]Blender[/re]: I think the Wonkette editors are locked down in a bunker awaiting the Washington Apocalypse today. Or they are hiding on the Green Line of the Metro since they know that the safest place to hide from the Beckians is where they would feel unsafe.

  273. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    Freedom’s just another word for not being able to do anything except for what god (as reinterpreted by Glenn Beck) tells you to do.

    “God is not done with man’s freedom yet.”

    I mean, you have to be a two year old not to catch the lapses in logic with all this shit.

  274. Rasvar

    So how much is Glenn Beck going to complain when NPS uses stimulus funds to repair and re-sod parts of the National Mall after it is torn up by all the doughnuts made in the turf by the thousands of scooters out there today?

  275. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648108]Limeylizzie[/re]: what the url?[re=648113]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: and no one from that crowd is lynching him?

  276. lulzmonger

    Commenting in epic thread!

    My guess is that Our Benevolent Overlords are making buku cash running a Xanax concession down at the Hurpdurpenburg “Restoring America’s Hymen” Rally & thus unable to change Wonkette’s nappy at this time.

    Please remain calm & continue your wonton abuse of any psychoactives at hand until the situation improves.

  277. Rasvar

    I think the most important thing about today is that Moses is now to be known as the Man with the Stick who Talks to Burning Bushes. MWTSWTTBB shall lead the Jews from Egypt!

  278. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648114]kenlayisalive_dot_org[/re]: you do know that the median mental age of that crowd is about 1 1/2 right :)

  279. Rasvar

    Oh boy! We need God Boot Camps!!! Now you can not only be a lowly maggot but you can also be a despicable sinner who has to clean the toilets with a toothbrush!

  280. S.Luggo

    [re=648101]planetwingnuttia[/re]: I was thinking of the Village People tribute group: Kenny and the Mehlmans.

    [re=648117]A Uniter[/re]: Nope. It’s visit rehab day.

  281. Rasvar

    The Black Robe Regiment is here to lead us to our God Boot Camps!

    To quote any Star War character: I have a very bad felling about this.

  282. Trot Nixons Hat

    Can someone please explain to me what this is about. I walked down there, and all I saw were various t-shirts yelling about America and history. Then I cried and went back to my abode on the unsafe parts of the Metro.

  283. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    Yeah, “the media”. Glenn Beck certainly is not part of that.

    OOOOOH. He’s gonna cry.

  284. SmutBoffin

    Fuck this bullshit. I’m getting up and going to the dog park, where the creatures are smarter, friendlier, and less likely to shit all over the grass than they are at this dumbfuck cryptofacist god-wank.

  285. planetwingnuttia

    [re=648122]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: i’m sure that moment of…awakenining will be clouded over with the transfats in their blood stream and they’ll go back to normal.

  286. finallyhappy

    [re=648082]abelincoln[/re]: It’s Shabbat- no good Jew should be there. They should be on the computer like me

  287. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    I propose a Glenn Beck Monument on the national mall. No government funds needed. My dog will make it on our next walk.

  288. Rasvar

    [re=648129]Trot Nixons Hat[/re]: I think the truth is about to be revealed that the Black Robe Regiment has 40 days to round us up into God Boot Camps and teach use how to be the Man with the stick who talks to burning bushes in order to restore honor and freedom!

    [And if that makes any sense to you, you have some good drugs going]

  289. user-of-owls

    [re=648108]Limeylizzie[/re]: I’d like to go on the record as saying that I’ve always found your devishness very comely.

  290. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    I don’t know about the “clay” part but thanks for reminding me about “pot.” I need another bowl, beer too, also.

  291. Trot Nixons Hat

    [re=648136]Rasvar[/re]: So I’m guessing it makes even less sense if you’re actually watching it, right?

  292. Rasvar

    Oh no!!! It is the attack of the Bagpipe Corp! Black Robe Regiment, God Boot Camps and Bagpipes!! This is it. The Apocalypse has started in Washington! OH CRAP! BECK IS TRYING TO SING!

    AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  293. Rasvar

    Thank God! His mike was off.
    [re=648139]Trot Nixons Hat[/re]: I have wasted the last three hours trying to make sense of it. It is impossible to make sense of.

    WHAWHAWHA?????? Beck just complimented the National Park Service?! I thought it was an evil money wasting government agency????

  294. President Beeblebrox

    [re=648108]Limeylizzie[/re]: That’s funny. They must be reading from that Conservative Bible, rewritten to remove the librul bias.

    Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” – Luke 17:3-4

    Then there’s that matter of a carpenter from Nazareth who got nailed to a tree by a mob, after they flogged him half dead, and asked that his torturers and executioners be forgiven instead of bringing the Wrath of God down upon them….

  295. I-man

    I am watching Genoa v. Udinese and there are more brown and black faces in the crowd at an Italian Serie A match than in this audience.

  296. kenlayisalive_dot_org

    Beck – “He pulled out a phosphorus grenade, and it went of in his face, not the face of the gook it was intended for. Now he stands here with us, so we may send have more young people get their faces blown off in new and even more endless wars.”

  297. Rasvar

    Look out Georgetown and Dupont Circle, the flood of the Beckians is about to release and look for a place to eat. Boy are they going to be pissed when they can’t find a Golden Corral Buffet!

  298. President Beeblebrox

    Since I am stuck in my house with a huge headache, about 2 hrs north of the District, and without the balls to watch C-SPAN, can someone on the ground there, or watching it on the teevee, tell us the proportion of scooter-driving teatards to non-scooter-driving teatards in attendance?

  299. carlgt1

    the beauty is that these obese, misshapen inbred rednecks are white supremacists who think they are genetically superior!

  300. Rasvar

    Wait a minute. Does beck not understand the concept of Day and Night. It is one fucking o’clock and he just said “Good Night.”

  301. Rasvar

    [re=648153]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I would estimate the scooter population to be at least 20-25%. There have to be thousands of doughnut wheelies being done on the grass in the National Mall.

  302. oneoclockjump

    [re=648108]Limeylizzie[/re]: Yes, they always have to point out how hateful lefties are, especially women, who are never going to get laid becuase they are so hateful, becuase their husbands all have run of with younger, nicer women.
    These idiots on the FB comments section are shocked that not everyone is slobbering over beck and his cynical tent meeting. Cripes, the guy is giving out “medals”.

  303. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=648147]President Beeblebrox[/re]: The purest expression of what Christianity is SUPPOSED to be about were those Amish families who invited the family of guy who murdered their children into their home.

    If you want to restore honor, how about highlighting them. I forgot, the Amish are not interested in becoming reality TV stars.

    I swear, I am so sick of this BS!

  304. Rasvar

    I will say this, that was probably the largest Tent Revival I have ever seen. Living in the heart of the Southern Bible Belt, I have seen a lot of them as I drove by.

  305. Limeylizzie

    [re=648134]gurukalehuru[/re]: [re=648137]user-of-owls[/re]: I just told Mr Limeylizzie that if I posted that screed on Wonkette I would get the love!Thanks, boys.

  306. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    I would be pissed if I slept in a Datsun for three days for that. Then again these people are perpetually pissed off so …

  307. Rasvar

    Ok, my final count of non-white people in the crowd that the CSPAN cameras found was six. SO I will assume that there were at least ten times that number and peg it at 60. So using an estimate of 200K people, approximately 0.03% of the crowd was not white.

  308. user-of-owls

    [re=648168]Rasvar[/re]: It’s like a Rainbow Coalition! If rainbows were white. And angry. Yeah, it’s like an Angry White Rainbow Coalition!

  309. Snoozz2

    I read with delight many of the writings. This is a wonderful site. You are right gurukalehuru; I expected to be made fun of and happily it’s not been as harsh as I feared. There have been some excellent points made and all may consider my getting properly educated with the discourse. I’m laughing out loud at the multitude of esoteric references and thank you for the list with definitions. I shall be referring to them often. I think I will be checking back in on this site in the wee hours of the morning. Inspired and thought provoking posts are in abundance at that magical time of day.

  310. Rasvar

    OK, so this was suppose to be a memorable life changing event like Woodstock. So are we to epect the Black Robe Regiment to set up all kinds of God Boot Camps and then we have to worry about the new brownshirts coming out of these camps to round up the unfaithful?

  311. finallyhappy

    The Post quoted a woman (who gave her age as 79) saying that Glenn Beck teaches the history she didn’t learn in school. Good point as Weepy Glenn makes up his history. The Post says the crowd of 10s of thousands was overwhelmingly white and with few young people. Maybe the woman whose young son and friend were going to attend decided to go somewhere else- I know I would if I was young, came to DC and saw that crowd. I will not be going back downtown for a few days- until the mouth breathers are gone.

  312. Poisoned Rationality

    [re=648172]Snoozz2[/re]: You’ll be fine, just don’t make any little animal-cruelty jokes, heh heh

  313. Limeylizzie

    [re=648172]Snoozz2[/re]: Welcome to the Wonkette, it has saved my psyche to come here, many a time.

  314. ella

    She offered her honor,
    He honored her offer.
    And all night long it was
    honor, offer, honor, offer…

  315. shallas

    I can’t be the only person that’s shocked by how fat Abe Vigoda’s gotten. And that he’s dyed his hair orange.

  316. rachelv

    [re=648177]planetwingnuttia[/re]:
    that has to be the most depressing link I’ve ever clicked….. these are the people who claim Obama’s supporters worship him as the Messiah, right? These are the same people? Talking about the miracles the Lord is working through his only begotten son, Gleck?

  317. gurukalehuru

    I didn’t watch. I admire the dedication and tolerance for pain of those of you who did. Can you tell me – were there any miracles?

  318. rachelv

    [re=648186]Hiking the Appalachian Trail[/re]:
    that would explain the radio report I heard saying a number of people were treated for heat exhaustion. It’s an absolutely gorgeous day for August.

  319. President Beeblebrox

    [re=648186]Hiking the Appalachian Trail[/re]: “Both of us are unhappy with the perception Obama is apologizing for everything we ever did,” said Adams wearing a T-shirt with the slogan “Does the Constitution say we the sheeple?”

    Minus 10,000 Goldline-sold coins for using the word “sheeple” in a non-ironic manner.

  320. Joe Biteme

    Wifey and I just returned from what we thought would be an amusing retard safari on the National Mall (or the “Vietnam Mall” as one “Don’t Tread On Me” flag bearer called it. First, eeeww. Second, credit where credit is due, there were a TON of fucking people there. Having attended Obama’s Inauguration I’d compare this crowd at a few hundred thousand. After stumbling through acres of fat halfwits with Dec. of Independance t-shirts on I have to say, I’m terrified. Half of these people couldn’t even hear what was being said! They were just sitting there, mouth breathing and waiting for something to happen. Sorry for the lack of snark but fuck me. Beck’s long con on these idiots is working beautifully. We need to get our shit together, fast.

  321. Cranky Little Camperette

    [re=648160]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: The purest expression of what Christianity is SUPPOSED to be about were those Amish families who invited the family of guy who murdered their children into their home.

    Thank you for bringing this up. I remember being moved to tears because (a) of that community’s seemingly endless forgiveness and (b) I looked into my own heart and honestly didn’t know if I was capable of the same.

    What would Jebus say about this Mess on the Mall?

  322. DC Hates Me

    I feel transformed by this religious event. It’s like listening to the music of William Shatner.

  323. Blender

    [re=648172]Snoozz2[/re]:


    I think I will be checking back in on this site in the wee hours of the morning. Inspired and thought provoking posts are in abundance at that magical time of day.”

    That would be the time the bars close, so, yes. Also.

  324. President Beeblebrox

    [re=648196]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: Something about driving the moneychangers from the temple, I suspect. Beck is, in essence, a Pharisee. He enjoys putting on a long face for the masses, inviting others to see him suffering, while parsing history to suit his own purposes, which usually involve self-promotion, self-aggrandization, and enrichment of his financial coffers, a la Beck University, Goldline, etc.

  325. tootsieroll

    [re=648186]Hiking the Appalachian Trail[/re]:
    “a popular sandwich shop, an employee said that two rally participants threw sandwiches in his face and refused to pay because they didn’t agree with a tax on the food.

    Nice. How about a tax on meals you ingrates.

  326. DustBowlBlues

    Did all the editors go take a nap, thus no new thread to contain this snark or did they want to see just how long one thread could go? Either way, I don’t have time to read all the comments so pardon if this has been mentioned: has anyone has asked from where the money came to bus all these aged losers to DC? Dare I guess the Koch brothers? (That is their name, isn’t it?) And each tour bus came equipped with a bottomless barrel of pork rinds?

    Or have those scooters made epic cross-country trips to get there? Like Robert Duvall and the lawnmower, only not cool? If so, I yield to their superior dedication.

  327. Hooray For Anything

    I’d like to thank you who are watching this for throwing yourselves on the hand grenade as it were and watching it so I don’t have to. A nation gives it’s thanks and if anyone’s attending, maybe a Wonkette Commendation and possible Purple Heart should be awarded.

    Also, if Beck ever explains what “Bring Back the Country’s Honor” means, please let us know because I have no clue as to what it means and I don’t even think they do either.

    [re=648106]finallyhappy[/re]: One would hope Buffy et al would be there but even they would probably think Beck was too scary.

  328. coastingdownhill

    Got an email from a friend in Brussels. Ugly, fat and unkempt Americans are once again providing slap stick entertainment for the civilized world to thoroughly enjoy.

  329. planetwingnuttia

    if anyone in here is on facebook can you tell me how to not have my chat posts go into my newsfeed cause im looking crazy as well as sending all my posts to everyone on my lists. :(

  330. DustBowlBlues

    [re=647738]LakeLucilleLoon[/re]: “I do have one question. How the hell does one eat enough to get fat enough to require a mobility scooter when one has no teefs?”

    I’ve never thought of that before, but you’re right. The fat people riding their scooters around Walmart are usually toothless. How do they chew food? Do generic pizzas on sale for a buck apiece chew themselves? Is there a kind of fritos I don’t know about that comes pre-chewed. This is a question that deserves some serious thought.

  331. Joshua Norton

    Also, if Beck ever explains what “Bring Back the Country’s Honor” means, please let us know because I have no clue as to what it means and I don’t even think they do either.

    Easy. It means no taxes for the riches. Ever. Oh, and send all the poors’ children off to fight their never ending wars against who ever is pissing them off today. And don’t pay them for it.

    The End.

  332. June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=647697]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Yeah, the neutral game is the most dishonest game the pundits play. And the most cowardly.

  333. chascates

    [re=648209]DustBowlBlues[/re]: High fructose corn syrup & transfats are easily gummed. And that’s what most poorz eat.

  334. slappypaddy

    as always, wonkette makes me so grateful to be alive in these nebulous times.

    i am also very grateful that all my teevee will play for me is the pre-recorded entertainments i put into it.

    also i am very grateful i resisted the temptation to click on any of the links the wonketties so generously provided. having grown up in texas, i already know what stupid white people look and sound like (some of the days, they look and sound just like me. fuck! out, damned spot!)

  335. planetwingnuttia

    fuck dont think i can chat in that room and have it not show up on my status window on facebook…ugh…i want to bat more morons in the head!!!!

  336. planetwingnuttia

    i dont think…no i know i havent swooned over obama as much as these people are swooning over glenn…at least obama is more worthy. glenn isnt at all

  337. planetwingnuttia

    Gawd I hope we get our politicians in office cause if we dont i think we will kiss our freedoms good bye too many stupid people out there…im stupidied

  338. planetwingnuttia

    Clearly in that room the mentality is US vs THEM and THem need to get the fuck out of “our country” and Glenn Beck is blessed by God! and anyone who says anything contray is a hater.

  339. Joshua Norton

    Probably time for Hollywood to release “Elmer Gantry” once more.

    And maybe “A Face in the Crowd”. Because if Beck isn’t “Lonesome Rhodes” with his blatant manipulation of an ignorant populace and its subsequent meltdown, I don’t know who is.

  340. Darkness

    [re=648032]kenlayisalive_dot_org[/re]: Didn’t that boy end up in combat to avoid jail time? Sheesh

    [re=648028]Katydid[/re]: Yup, he’s starting a religion. The “imperfect messenger” line is a nice touch. This is fascinating. It’s like watching Joseph Smith, live and in person. History is Now. (No Snark. I’m dead serious.) Is it 5 yet? I need to start drinking.

  341. ImBarb

    [re=648212]El Pinche[/re]:
    I think you just made me laugh so hard that I forgot the stress of this crappy event. Thanks!

  342. fishskicanoe

    The whole thing is an attempt to paint Beckie and the Teabaggettes as responsible people who, far from being right wing nuts, are really part of mainstream America. Hence the enforced ban on signage, since this same crowd when allowed to say what they really think are as nutty as a sack of Snickers bars.

  343. Cranky Little Camperette

    [re=648202]tootsieroll[/re]: I love the GW Deli. It’s been run by the same family since I was a Freshman Little Camperette and I try to stop by and grab a sandwich whenever I happen to be on that side of town.

    Way to support small family-owned businesses, d-bags.

  344. gurukalehuru

    Thank goodness, America’s honor is restored and we do not have to fight a duel at dawn, which I’m guessing is about 8 p.m., BST.

  345. Darkness

    [re=648172]Snoozz2[/re]: Whatever you decided to start drinking . . . could you post the recipe?

  346. Darkness

    [re=648196]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: What would Jebus say about this Mess on the Mall?

    Just fishes. No loaves. You guys need a diet.

  347. Beachdreamer

    Not even a quarter way through reading comments, and I have fallen out of my chair laughing twice. Thanks for making ME SMILE!

  348. El Pinche

    [re=648231]user-of-owls[/re]: YUP , BEFOaR THE LAMESTREEM MEDIuH WASNT LAME.

    [re=648225]ImBarb[/re]: Stress? Why stress over tens of thousands of mildy retarded diabetics traveling thousands of miles to watch a former drug addict, Goldline whoring, incoherent wingnut ramble on a stage for a few hours ? It’s hilarious ! … in cosmic sort of way.

  349. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=648209]DustBowlBlues[/re]:
    Old Country Buffet has a whole line of Pre-Digested food for the Gummers.
    Mmmmmmmmm Pre-Digested.

  350. LakeLucilleLoon

    Sweet thunder thighs for Jesus!

    Also too, on a hoveraround, with a flag on my shirt and the sweet dirt of the bible under my nails. It’s all about job creation and maintaining this nation for god and standing proud while waiting for the apocalypse whereby we will all actually find ourselves, me and glenn and others like us so too, find ourselves still standing on this earth fighting the devil as we perhaps thought we would be ascending, but no, actually still standing fighting the devil instead. it’s job creation, us fighting satan on earth here where as we thought we would be up there, but no, our place according to god will be here on the world instead and then we will go to the heaven, with the fat ladies and men on the lark scooters, also.

  351. rmjag

    [re=647678]PickneyPinchback[/re]: that fat ass is the size of rhode island , so they thought it was a state and states can display the flag and so they are all good with it .

  352. Beachdreamer

    I wonder if Freedom Works aka Brawny “Cock Boys” put up a tent to cash Social Security checks to pay Beck.

  353. chascates

    NPR just dishonored Beck’s civil rights rally for easily frightened white people by briefly mentioning it and then interviewing a historian about the original ‘I Have A Dream Rally’ which curiously happened when actual violent racism was not merely a resurgent, nostalgic trend but the rule of law and land.

    NPR did play a brief clip of Palin’s screeching which is now sending me to the liquor store.

  354. user-of-owls

    [re=648259]chascates[/re]: Enjoy that agit-prop station while you can. In a couple years it will still be NPR but the P will stand for Palin.

  355. rmjag

    [re=648252]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: pre-digested . code for excrement . maybe vomit . are they selling that stuff at the rally ?

  356. ImBarb

    [re=648251]El Pinche[/re]:
    Stress? Because my crazy bitch sister is one of THEM and I fear she will think that I’d enjoy details, lol. She probably tried to get me a t-shirt and the only sizes left were small, medium, large, and x-tra large. I am sure 6-X and everything above it went quickly.

  357. Beachdreamer

    [re=647873]Snoozz2[/re]: I’m sure your town was happy to see your family leaving for a few days, hopefully to never return.

  358. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    [re=648216]planetwingnuttia[/re]: I made a troll account for this occasion. I’m Glennda Beck.

  359. DustBowlBlues

    [re=648100]Rajul[/re]: Perfect. I can’t think of anything to add but, it’s about the jobs. Also.

  360. user-of-owls

    Somewhere, Chubby Al Gore is weeping at the thought of how much carbon emission could have been saved if all these people didn’t have to ride short buses to the rally.

  361. ejreed

    the rise of the lemmings. Definition =
    1. A member of a crowd with no originality or voice of his own. One who speaks or repeats only what he has been told.
    2. A small, short-tailed rodent which lives in the tundra. It is said that large groups of these animals come together every so often to jump off of a cliff. On the contrary, they fall off quite by accident. It is also said that Disney filmed them doing this by moving them to unfamiliar territory.
    US Tea Party’s first convention from February of this year. Age improves wine but not whining folk.
    The first national Tea Party convention took place last February but the for-profit company running the show has sparked controversy, even within the movement. http://www.newslook.com/videos/185774-us-tea-party-s-first-convention-underway?autoplay=true

  362. DustBowlBlues

    [re=647735]Dolmance[/re]: I agree, though I’m late to get to it. Beck is gay, fighting it like hell and resorting to sado-masochistic sex in lieu of expressing himself they way he wants.

    Maybe it’s just the Nazi aspects of this Aryan Mormon creep that makes me think that.

  363. DustBowlBlues

    [re=648276]ejreed[/re]: I still want to know who paid to get the fat olds to this thing. How did they get their scooters there? Or were they provided at the Beck is Mormon Jesus rally?

  364. BarackMyWorld

    “And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

    -Matthew 6:5-6:6

  365. skimmingtonride

    What does it say about us as a country that we have an entire population of people that have to ride around on scooters, paid for by the government, because they are too fat to walk, because they consume way more than a person needs? We are so fucking lazy and stupid. And these same scooter people complain about minorities on welfare. Ugh.

  366. XOhioan

    To answer the question of someone about 450 comments ago, Medicare pays 80 percent or more of these scooters, which go for about $2,000 a pop. You know what’s good for obese people, as well as people with arthritis? Exercise.

    If we really wanted to do something for the health of America, that subsidy would get some serious scrutiny.

  367. slappypaddy

    [re=648376]FDAALIN[/re]: this site doesn’t like you. go fuck yourself. and don’t stop until you get it right.

  368. Neilist

    [re=648172]Snoozz2[/re]: For future reference, in terms of the definitions:

    It’s “Neilist is an ASSHOLE.” All Caps.

  369. tribbzthesquidz

    I will pray for you heathernz that ye may see the error of yon wayz that ye may not rōst in Hale forevrahz.

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  371. ThePuckStopsHere

    [re=648108]Limeylizzie[/re]: Darling: I would LOVE to see your tits. (Just to make you feel better, of course.)

  372. tribbzthesquidz

    [re=648624]nono97[/re]: Fucking Awesomez! I’m interested in buying cologne from the trunk of your car in the Wally Mall parking lawt.

  373. eekahil

    In regard to the photo-graph of the “off the shoulder” American-Flag golf shirt guy taking the picture of the the Lincoln Memorial picture that hides the real Lincol memorial:
    On the banner/flag/whatsis thingy over to the left, is that some Planet of the Apes guy wearing a Darth Vader hat?

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