WAR-ring Tea Party Patriots Ask for Handouts

The Tea Party Patriots have been super-busy lately, emailing about some "WAR" they're fighting against George Soros and the Obamunists and also traveling to all of Glenn Beck's Miracle Parties . Participating in these fun activities isn't free, so the Patriots have been e-soliciting for donations, free lodging, and other goods and services (“private sector welfare") just to stay alive. "Our destiny is not to fade miserably into the socialist quagmire that has sucked the life and freedom out of so many once vibrant countries and people around the world," says a recent TPP email. "The destiny of America is to lead the world in freedom, in justice, and in prosperity." They have a dream!

If you don't have any money, couch space, snack-packs, flags, or other items to give to these Patriots, you can help them save the country -- our country -- by performing volunteer work on their behalf. You can be a marshal at this weekend's Glenn Beck Crybaby Clown Show, or help out at one of the upcoming 9/12 rallies in Sacramento or St. Louis. You'll meet other Patriots and maybe get to swap cardboard signs with a few.

The most special, glamorous-est volunteer opportunity of all, however, is being offered at 8/28, and it's perfect for students majoring in marketing, television analysis, or repetitive-task studies. It involves handing out flyers for RightNetwork , the new teevee station being promoted by famous actor, aspiring Congressman, and eccentric lifestyle maverick Kelsey "Frasier" Grammer.

Says RightNetwork founder David Jaget in a recent Tea Party Patriots e-newsletter:

This weekend we could use the assistance of individuals to hand our leaflets within the Glenn Beck Rally in Washington DC. If you will be there and would like to help out, we'd be greatly appreciative. I'll meet you, shake your hand and offer you exclusive RightNetwork buttons. It's a small token, but heartfelt, from an upstart media company.

Those buttons could probably make good Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews whose names you always forget, if you don't want ’em. Put some extra "recycle" in "recycling government" -- it will help the WAR effort.

If you don't feel like doing any actual work, you can "volunteer" $3 to the "sponsor yourself or another patriot" program, which goes toward paying for the rallies where you can go and shout about tax-slavery. [ Tea Party Patriots / RightNetwork ]