EVERYBODY GETS PULITZERS!  3:33 pm August 26, 2010

Democrats Quietly Think They Will Hold the House, Also Quietly Think They Will Not Hold the House

by Jack Stuef

This will happen some more! This will not happen some more!According to the The Hotline, anonymous Democratic insiders are saying they think they will hold onto the House this election. According to Politico, anonymous Democratic insiders are saying they do not think they will hold onto the House this election. “[S]senior Democratic strategists say they’re not only likely to keep the House, but they believe the GOP won’t come close to gaining the 39 seats they need to take over.” And also: “Top Democrats are growing markedly more pessimistic about holding the House, privately conceding that the summertime economic and political recovery they were banking on will not likely materialize by Election Day.” Either these Democrats are bipolar, or somebody is bad at journalism.

A Democratic pollster working on several key races said, “The reality is that [the House majority] is probably gone.” His data show the Democrats’ problems are only getting worse. “It’s spreading,” the pollster said.

Oh no!

National Republicans maintain that the midterms won’t be like the Pennsylvania special election, held in a district where few voters characterize themselves as independents. Indeed, Democrats have lost independent voters’ confidence, and nationally, those voters are expected to break more toward the GOP. But models matter, and right now Democrats’ models are inspiring more confidence than Republicans’.

Oh yes!

So who here is right? Are Democratic insiders secretly pessimistic, or are they secretly optimistic? Or perhaps these stories are based on two different small handfuls of Democrats these journalists drink with, and thus sweeping generalizations about the entire party organization are not valid?

NO. According to our sources, top Democrats are actually lizard people, and thus they know for a fact they will hold the House, because all the Republicans running against Democratic incumbents right now are lizard people too and will switch parties if elected to caucus with their lizard friends. [Hotline / Politico]

 
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{ 33 comments }

huzzah August 26, 2010 at 3:42 pm

shocking politico think dem’s will lose, why are anonymous pollsters more newsworthy than the fact that the former chair of the GOP is a gay and he presided over the 2004 elections in which gay marriage and gay world conquest were promoted by the GOP as the more important than the Iraq War? “Politico, even easier to destroy your brain by reading it than huffing paint!”

slappypaddy August 26, 2010 at 3:43 pm

doesn’t matter if they hold it or not. doesn’t fucking work. and anyhoo, how much blame for the impending catastrophic collapse do they want to take? give it back to the republicans, they can be holding onto it when it bursts into flame. hint: won’t be the brits burning it next time.

SmutBoffin August 26, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Don’t blame me, I voted for the mole people.

chaste everywhere August 26, 2010 at 3:43 pm

“Either these Democrats are bipolar, or somebody is bad at journalism.”
Why either-or? Is Kierkegaard calling the shots?
But at least models matter. This is the first shockingly good news Jenna Jameson’s had in a while.

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Democrats Quietly Think They Will Hold the House, Also Quietly Think They Will Not Hold the House

As always, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

mumblyjoe August 26, 2010 at 3:49 pm

[re=646547]huzzah[/re]: I read that last line as, “Politico, even easier to destroy your brain by reading it than the Huffington Post!”

And nodded sagely.

WindbagCity August 26, 2010 at 3:51 pm

lizard people and/or Sleestaks- it’s a coalition government.

Doglessliberal August 26, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Hm, well, we know for sure some Republicans are chameleons (WALNUTS), and that gives them an advantage over other lizards….

JohnnyMeatworth August 26, 2010 at 3:54 pm

[re=646560]WindbagCity[/re]: A Coalition Of The Scaly.

JMP August 26, 2010 at 3:59 pm

These Democratic officials are currently anonymous; according to the rules of quantum mechanics, they both believe they will lose the House, and that they will keep it, they won’t have one state of mind until the officials are observed.

Hooray For Anything August 26, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Either way, this post pretty much depresses the hell out of me. I could say it might be worth just to watch Broder and Halperin and the rest of them be thoroughly stunned upon realizing that a Republican takeover will not lead to an idyllic Golden Age of bipartisanship. Or how those millions of low-information “Independent” voters who haven’t figured out that rewarding a party that has done nothing but stop any chance of improving the country and is run by a bunch of insane people is kind of stupid. The only problem with that idea is that since I have to actually live in this country, I’d have to suffer for it too.

gurukalehuru August 26, 2010 at 4:02 pm

While I think it´s entirely possible that Democrats are bipolar (which is still not as bad as bipartisan, btw), it is absolutely 100% certain that the Politiconians over at Politico suck at the journomalisms.

Ruhe August 26, 2010 at 4:03 pm

We Dems are just playing a bit of possum. A Democratic majority will easily sweep into office thanks to our brilliant “Sham-Tea-Party-Vote-Dilution” scam, which is so clever no one will ever discover it…oh, crap.

Tim August 26, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Please don’t let this be 1994 all over again. That was horrible.

doxastic August 26, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Journalists find the law of noncontradiction too boring.

doxastic August 26, 2010 at 4:19 pm

[re=646601]Tim[/re]: I dunno, in 1994 I had a job.

jus_wonderin August 26, 2010 at 4:28 pm

I am just not sure I have any sympathy. I mean, really, millions of people are losing their house in this crappy recession.

dr.giraud August 26, 2010 at 4:46 pm

[re=646608]doxastic[/re]: In 1994 I worked in academic publishing, which, today, still has a future. Now, I am in a sub-branch of “journalism,” which, well, you know. . . .

WHAT? August 26, 2010 at 4:51 pm

I love it when Nancy declares it “Smite the Children Day”

JMP August 26, 2010 at 4:59 pm

[re=646601]Tim[/re]: In 1994, I was in college, which was good; but a freshman, which was not. Hmmm.

Extemporanus August 26, 2010 at 5:06 pm

“During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country; and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Uh, Sure.”

HedonismBot August 26, 2010 at 5:20 pm

For the life of me I still can’t figure out how it took 8 FUCKING YEARS for the morons in this country to finally get good and thoroughly sick of the Bush-Cheney cabal, but they are ready to give up on Obama and the Democrats after less than two.
Oh wait, I understand it now. Americans are fucking idiots. Fine, give Congress back to the Republifucks. Now nothing will be accomplished. Ever. Just blind gridlock from here on out. I guess that’s not much of a change, though, is it?

GOPCrusher August 26, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Since 2000, I question any reports on which way an election will swing. But I agree, even though I was gainfully employed in 94, I’m not sure America can survive a repeat. The Party Of No will go out of their way to make things as miserable as they can for the American public.

DustBowlBlues August 26, 2010 at 5:37 pm

G**dam, how can anyone vote back in the fuckers who created this mess? And the wingers they’re going to vote in are so completely nuts, that those two bitches from Maine may have to change parties or forever hide from their fellow Republics.

I avoid having conversations here in the Dust Bowl, because all I can say in response to these people is: Just how far up your ass is your head?

DustBowlBlues August 26, 2010 at 5:47 pm

[re=646601]Tim[/re]: On election night in 1994, and I swear with the United Methodist God (the only one I believe in–fuck the rest of you) as my witness, I dreamed that every man, woman and child in the US of A was carrying assault weapons with them. Everywhere they went. I was living in Seattle and working downtown for the city govt, so it was pretty much like a city-wide funeral was being held the next day.

On the other hand, if they Republics do win–and it looks like they’ll be a batch of loonies–maybe screaming about the gold standard while the country crumbles around our ears will wake up some Americans. Or not.

OCKerouac August 26, 2010 at 7:06 pm

Meeting in the Politico’s ‘Win The Morning’ war room:

Politicotian #1: How can we rile up the Lefties into reading our site?

Politicotian #2: Easy! Tell them the Demoncrats are CONVINCED they’re going to lose the House! Those lefties will be all over the place with their ‘Nu-Uh! That won’t happen! LOLZ!’ comments.

Politicotian #1: OK, so how do we trick the Righties in reading?

Politicotian #2: Ummm… Let’s tell the those dirty Demoncrats are CONVINCED they’re going to WIN the House! They’ll be all ‘Tax & Spend!’ ‘Mooselimbs!’ ‘Pelosi is SANTA err. SATAN!!!11!one!’

Politicotian #1: WIN THE MORNING!!!

pirate king of the Jews August 26, 2010 at 10:14 pm

[re=646579]JMP[/re]: So Schrodinger’s cat works for the Dems?

BarackMyWorld August 26, 2010 at 11:22 pm

Probably any chance the Republicans have of taking the House will evaporate the moment voters see the actual ballot with the word “Republican” next to all their candidates names.

I don’t think I’ve seen the word “Republican” used in a Republican campaign add since 2004. Seriously.

transfatz August 26, 2010 at 11:33 pm

[re=646640]WHAT?[/re]: “I could govern you kiddies, but then i’d have to kill you”

lulzmonger August 27, 2010 at 12:04 am

An old Zen Koan comes to mind:
What is the sound of one pundit fapping?

Anonymous you say?

“We are Anonymous Sources. We never give. We always get. Teabag us.”

WHAT? August 27, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=646871]transfatz[/re]: “Hey, kids. I know what we can do to raise money. Lets’ put on a DEATH PANEL!!

kenlayisalive_dot_org August 27, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Well, the good news is that if the Democrats barely hold on to the house, they can finally pass all that progressive legislation we’ve heard so much about since 2008, right? Right?

Hello?

Enslave the Whales August 28, 2010 at 1:55 am

[re=646579]JMP[/re]: The famous “Schroedinger’s Fuck-weasel” thought experiment, eh?

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