Glenn Beck’s potluck BBQ/Glenn Beck fan-fest on the National Mall this Saturday is going to be historical and life-changing and the turning point for America, according to Glenn Beck. Also, there will be miracles from Heaven — “Literally, expect to see miracles. Great, powerful miracles are coming.” But the miracles of the so-called “God” are no match for Beck’s outrageous plan to lure innocent children to his death march and brand their flesh forever. “This will be indelibly marked. It will be marked forever,” Beck told his followers on the radio. “It will be a brand on them.”
Do not be cynical and think, “Eh, what American child isn’t covered with vulgar tattoos that vanish into the fat folds?” Glenn is talking about biblical stuff. In particular, he’s talking about the favorite Bible Book/Jack Chick tract of the semi-literate born-again rural class: The Book of Revelation, or Apocalypse of John:
This is a perennial favorite amongst the gloomy mall-church crowd because — unlike the inscrutable Zen/Nasruddin-esque riddle-fables of Jesus in the Gospels — Revelation is literally about Fire and Brimstone and also Gold, which nervous wingnuts also love, in theory. But the best known fragment from this bizarre psychedelic-mushroom poem, supposedly written on the Greek isle of Patmos, is the scary talk about a New World Order of tattoos or brands required on the heads or hands of the Beast’s followers.
[16] And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:
[17] And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.
[18] Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
That’s the King James Version, obviously, and one of the bigger cosmic jokes on the Christian Faithful was the recent archeological revelation that “666″ was a typo, and the real Number of the Beast as seen in original Greek versions is actually Six-One-Six.
And that’s the number (in Mexican gang font) that Glenn Beck will personally tattoo upon the hands and heads of America’s dumbest children. [Media Matters]
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Wouldn’t it be all delicious irony frosting if, if there is a god, that Beck is the antichrist. Cuz he’s acting all antichristy.
Now I know who Bruce Dickinson was singing about when he said, “My mind was blank!” Thanks Wonkette!
Someday pilgrims will flock to the statue of Beck on the site of tomorrow’s rally. Behold the miracle as tears flow from the statue’s eyes!
I’m going to throw down an estimated crowd of 3,000 sheeple show up for BeckStock.
Someone’s Messiah-complex is showing…
“Literally, expect to see miracles. Great, powerful miracles are coming.”
Glen might be slightly overselling the event.
Maybe he’ll do one of them miracles like Jesus did, like feed all his followers with one bag of pork rinds, a twin-pack of Ho-Hos, and a six-pack of Natty Light or Milwaukee’s Beast.
[re=646218]Terry[/re]: Unless he’s planning on feeding the multitude with miraculously multiplying Big Macs and changing water into Mountain Dew…
The miracle will be if half the people he is expecting show up. And no, we are looking for a headcount, not tonnage.
It’s 616? But that’s the designation of our own Earth, as given by the multiversal guardians Merlyn and Roma (Captain Britain 3:87). Does this mean we’re all doomed?
[re=646220]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: OK, ya beat me to it, dammit…
“Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.”
OK, cue the distorted guitars…
Seriously, i can’t read that without hearing Iron Maiden in my head. Oh to be 12 again!
616 is number of folks that will show up to Beck’s circus.
The only miracle that could happen is that hurricane sitting out there hits the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday as a cat 6.
Alt text is the shizzle.
You know who else branded children? Yep.
[re=646218]Terry[/re]: He’s going to find his not yet lost eyesight miraculously restored to its current level of functioning.
[re=646230]Serolf Divad[/re]: On that whole Jesus-y “let him that hath understanding” thing, my favorite part of the Gospels is how Jesus is CONSTANTLY snapping at his own dumb disciples, saying “Do you have COTTON in your ears? Are you a fucking IDIOT?” Is there a single scene in the Gospels when anybody has a clue what Jesus is going on about? No wonder Christians are still so confused about everything.
i didn’t know they branded piglets. wouldn’t a bar-code tag hanging off one ear suffice?
Welcome to Boy Scouts of America, Pack 616, Sugar Land, Texas!
I knew that Tom Delay was mixed up in this somehow!
He is SO setting himself up for some bogus martyrdom. Nothing fatal, but perhaps a facial scar or a minor disability remind his followers of his sacrifice and to move more product.
(I hope I’m wrong!)
[re=646241]Ken Layne[/re]: What. Did I STUTTER?
Has anyone ever died of an ego overdose?
I have a dream.
Someone told me that 8/28 is actually the anniversary of the day that Glenn Beck first refused to deny that he raped and murdered a poor young girl in 1989. How insensitive of him to hold this rally on this day.
The only miracle I can foresee is if one of the attendees has a full set of teeth and no tattoos.
[re=646230]Serolf Divad[/re]: I’ve got the answer: Ronald – 6; Wilson – 6; Reagan – 6. And he wrecked destruction on the world.
[re=646241]Ken Layne[/re]: Blessed are the cheese makers.
Why the theology lesson or whatever? All that “Revelations” shit is interesting but kinda sorta not really related to the Beck quote. Ken are you feeling OK?
“And that’s the number (in Mexican gang font) that Glenn Beck will personally tattoo…” There’s a Mexican gang font? No wonder all the other MS-13 members were laughing at my tattoo done in Arial Bold.
REAL miracles for Real ‘Murrcnas:
They will stand to the right on the broken escalators THAT WILL BE WORKING.
No one will say bad things ABOUT OBAMA.
They will bring reusable water bottles, and the water from the fountains will not be warm AND TASTE LIKE PISS.
They will read the Constitution in the Port-a-Johns, and NOT BE CONSTIPATED.
They will go to Ben’s Chile Bowl and NOT BE SCARED OF BLACK PEOPLE.
Oops, there went my Space Jebus signal (damn Direct-GODTV), no more revelations, and it may not be this Beck event; maybe its really Coachella next year if that musicy Beck person plays.
“That’s the King James Version, obviously, and one of the bigger cosmic jokes on the Christian Faithful was the recent archeological revelation that “666″ was a typo,”
Right here, I was hoping to lead into the revelation that the Number of the Beast is actually 912.
Glenn Beck wishes he were the antichrist — the antichrist wouldn’t be playing third fiddle to Assity and Limbaugh. As it is, Beck’s brand will look more like “FOX/Amway/RNC” than it will Emperor Nero’s numerology thingy.
Whoa, Wonketteers! This here 616 is an area code used by the Beelzebubbin’ telephone company. According to the WickedPedia, “Grand Rapids – Wyoming and Holland – Grand Haven metropolitan areas, which includes Kent, Ionia and Ottawa counties as well as parts of the surrounding counties.” And, you notice, “Ionia?” Isn’t that pretty close to Patmos? Wake up, Sheeple! The Beast is alive in Michigan!
[re=646241]Ken Layne[/re]: My favorite part about the Gospel Jesus is that he spends like, literally 80% of his time mocking the religious authorities of his day. How can you listen to these modern clowns and not think “stiff-necked Pharisee”? Oh, and the other 20%? Hating on the rich.
Jack Chick rocks!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0065/0065_01.asp
Wait ’til these Beck-erwoods find out “The Mall” isn’t really a “mall” – no air-conditioning, no food court…
You know more about the bible than is comfortably acceptable.
[re=646253]Bordo[/re]: boo on the tattoo hatred. not all tattooed people are fat rednecks. how about we go with “full set of teeth, no mullet, and a BMI under 35.”
Thank God someone is working on bringing back the Apocalypse. After Bush left office, I thought everyone had given up on it.
616 eh? So, the Beast lives in Michigan?
note: you can replace Ron with God in the third verse iffin’ ya want.
♫♫
[call] Well who’s that writin’?
(response] Glenn the Prevaricator
Who’s that talkin’? Glenn the Prevaricator
Who’s that bloggin’? Glenn the Prevaricator
A book of the seven steals
[call] Tell me what’s Glenn writin’?
[response] Ask the Prevaricator
What’s Glenn talkin’? Ask the Prevaricator
What’s Glenn bloggin’? Ask the Prevaricator
A book of the seven steals
You know Ron walked down in the cool of the day
Called Walnutz by his name
But he refused to answer
Because he’s Rhino and ashamed
[repeat verses 1 & 2]
You know Crist had 12 percent favorable
And three more he scared away
He said, “I’ll run as an independent
Rubio needs go yonder and pray”
[repeat verses 1 & 2]
Glenn’s worked hard on his Beckapalooza
Special maps won’t let you stray
Avoid the Green and Red you lose-ahs
And you’ll keep those darkies at bay
[repeat verses 1 & 2]
Palin’s talking at the Beckapalooza
Teatards will dance with glee
She’ll say “Go tell my disciples
To meet me in Galilee”
[repeat verses 1 & 2]
♫♫
Dear Glenn Beck:
6 + 1 + 6 = 13
You’re welcome.
Sincerely,
Satan
[re=646288]weejee[/re]: slash i moran
[re=646258]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Nah, there’ll be some real fuckin’ miracles there; literal goddamn miracles. Some things that might be seen at the gathering of the Beckaloos: fucking shooting stars, fucking rainbows, long neck giraffes and pet dogs and cats, fuckin’ magnets however they work, and little boys who look just like their daddies.
[re=646267]Zorg[/re]: Having been to that area repeatedly, I can confirm the beast is alive and well there – and he’s a highly bigoted, exceptionally white and chubby bastard. This is the land that spawned the founders of both Amway and Blackwater, as if you need further proof.
[re=646284]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: Not all tattooed people are fat rednecks, but all fat rednecks are tattooed people.
Needs moar Juggalos!
In other words, if you drag your offspring to this event, they will be traumatized for life.
[re=646320]bago[/re]: Beck makes me insane in the membrane and fart farty-farts while I sit in my own pew at church.
Well, they better not stop off in Silver Spring as we have a progressive Democratic event(read- GODLESS HEATHENs)going on.
Said it before, will say it again: The Glenn Beck story will end with his suicide by shotgun, to the face, live on television.
[re=646267]Zorg[/re]: You know what would be a miracle? One single day–just one–when I wouldn’t feel compelled to shout “wake up, sheeple!” That would be like a vacation in unicorn candyland for me.
[re=646375]Gorillionaire[/re]: Pass the peanuts.
[re=646223]Autochthon[/re]:
…and on this great expanse of land called The National Mall a great multitude gathered. Their hunger grew for the Word of the Chosen One, the Beck, and deep in their stomachs there was a rumbling. The multitude called out to the Beck and he cast his eyes up to the Heavens, beseeching his Lord to provide for his people. Lo, there arrived salvation, a white van selling hot dogs. Miraculously, the van multiplied and the multitude’s hunger for processed meat products and high fructose corn syrup met with abundance. Praising the Beck, the people wore multi-colored clothes proclaiming “F.B.I.”, “I heart DC”, and “Grandpa went to DC and all I got was this t-shirt”.
You guys may be skeptical, but I think anyone who goes to that event will be toally flabbergasted!
616— Mark of the Beast and Area Code of Grand Rapids. There’s some spooky shit going on in Michigan.
or in their foreheads:
Oh Potter you Rotter.
Well, that explains a lot. 616 is the area code of Western Michigan, also the place where the Dutch exported the whackiest of their whack jobs for more than a century. (You f*cking owe us, Netherlanders who now get to live in a sane society!)
So, I read all the flipping messages to make sure I’m not repeating anything . . . Ehem: [re=646498]Another DC Lawyer (Again)[/re] **rolls eyes**
[re=646220]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Let he who hath spare change reckon the number of Milwaukee’s Beast, for it is a student number, the number is a six pack for three sixty-six.
isn’t three score the number 30?
Wasn’t Revelations written about Rome?
geez, when are people going to do a exhaustive study on these fairy tales?
FU*GB
I’m praying for rain/sleet/hail/wind of biblical portion to strike on the day.
While sunshine & a beautiful rainbow bedazzle the White House.
Please G-d.
[re=646255]JMP[/re]: Yeah, I was worried about the Reagan thing too, but I got it figured out:
George [6] W. [1] Bushaz [6]
Richar [6] d [1] Cheney [6]
carry on.
I know it’s not a catholic officials meeting, but I fear it might be more this kind of branding.
[re=646274]american mutt[/re]: http://www.coralridge.org/default.aspx?cur=crh
They are ginning themselves up for violence. It’s going to be Operation Rescue on steroids.
[re=646544]sati demise[/re]: And in the original Hebrew the “666″ stands for Nero, who the early Christians had some good reason to hate. But when you insist on believing an ancient hallucinatory metaphor is a literal prediction for modern times, you get some weird nonsense.
It’s in Revelations, people!
[re=646245]DemmeFatale[/re]: I’m afraid I agree with you. If not now, soon.
I’m confused about the eternal disposition of my soul now. If Glenn Beck is actually the Antichrist and I reject him, but I also reject Jeebus, where do I end up?
I’m thinkin’ Walmart.
[re=646301]Berkeley Bear[/re]: And I grew up next to Berkeley and have only been to Michigan once, to Ann Arbor. Weird, huh? This Saturday, we have only one choice left: Release the Kraken!
[re=646544]sati demise[/re]: Score=20 (as in “four score and seven years ago=87 years ago); therefore three score=60.
Is Beck’s hunky boyfriend, the guy with the skunk-finger ( http://wonkette.com/417689/bro-dude-and-skunk-puppet-teach-america-about-muslim-mayhem ), going to be there?
[re=646210]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I would assume an Antichrist would be competent.
And cry less often.
It’s like Beck is playing this little game called “How batshit can I get before any of the rubes giving me all their moneyz and attention say, Um, what?”
And all you recluses and shut-ins out there, and those of you with afflictions that kept you from being at the Revival, don’t worry- you can still help save America and take back the civil-rights movement(?)by sending your life savings to Glenn Beck.
Then, perhaps, you’ll starve to death instead of breeding.
Did he say he’d quit his show? If we don’t see miracles of epic proportions.
This is hilarious. Not a single one of you arrogant libs got it right. But, then, you don’t want to.
[re=646888]Lovablfuzball[/re]: poopyhead
Yah, all that violent bunch of Tea partiers. They’ve drawn so much blood and hate… oh, wait a minute. (oops, forgot there was any violence threatened or done by any Tea Partier grandmas, and grandpas. I don’t want to burst so many liberal bubbles… I better get back on the meat(head) wagon!) (ahem!) Damn pork rind eaters and hicks that don’t go work out at the local gym/fitness center… (There, my smug factor just went up. I’m feeling all tingly down my leg… just like Chris Matthews. Ahhhhh)
[re=646395]edgydrifter[/re]: Bet you learned that from independents who are abandoning Obama and the associated castrati in droves!
VERY FUNNY story about Glenn Beck at http://newspile.weebly.com/
Here’s the video from AP on the Beck scheme.
Beck Rally Stirs Passion
A ‘Restoring Honor’ rally by broadcaster Glenn Beck is drawing the masses to Washington, as the AP’s Lee Powell found. But it is also drawing controversy from some blacks, who say the time and place of the event is wrong.
http://www.newslook.com/videos/245372-beck-rally-stirs-passion?autoplay=true
and for those who weren’t in Washington Dc on this day in 1963 here’s the real thing.
Martin Luther King’s Final Campaign Remembered. The 1963 march on Washington for Jobs and Freedom.
http://www.newslook.com/videos/189310-martin-luther-king-s-final-campaign-remembered?autoplay=true
and for a perspective post script to the events
It occurred to me that Saturdays March might be best viewed as watching lemmings go off the proverbial cliff. From the Urban dictionary definition (s).
1. A member of a crowd with no originality or voice of his own. One who speaks or repeats only what he has been told.
2. A small, short-tailed rodent which lives in the tundra. It is said that large groups of these animals come together every so often to jump off of a cliff. On the contrary, they fall off quite by accident. It is also said that Disney filmed them doing this by moving them to unfamiliar territory.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lemming
next week he’ll be sellin little Goldline Jesuses.
This is great! You guys are exactly what/who he was talking about. This is so good!
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