DON'T TAX HER CYNICISM  2:30 pm August 25, 2010

Michele Bachmann Decides Political Ads Require Too Much Intelligence, Finds Innovative Way To Dumb Them Down

by Jack Stuef

What do we do with this ballot you gave us? Do we eat it? Do we put it in our butt? HELP!Why is our modern political discourse conducted at such a high grade-level? Americans cannot follow it! They did not pay attention in school; they strung themselves along doing next to nothing until they could land themselves a lifetime job of menial labor, which is what you’re supposed to do. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO STUPIDITY IN AMERICA JUST AS YOU ARE ENTITLED TO APPLE PIE AND VAGINAL INTERCOURSE. Knowing this, and knowing people’s hatred of ideas that could complicate or change their political beliefs, Michele Bachmann has optimistically decided to make it easy for us. Here is Jim the Election Guy! He will be with you through this entire campaign to hold your hand! First up: Bachmann’s opponent <3 taxes.

Was that trite and dumbed-down enough for you? No? No, of course it wasn’t. Watch it 10 more times. Sound out the words on the screen. “T-T-T-AX.” Very good! “SP-SP-SPE-END.” Nice work. You get to pick out a sticker!

If voters can understand this, soon they will be able to move onto more complex programming, such as Sesame Street.

Thanks Jim. We have to go try not to drown in our own drool or die of starvation, because both of those things require our full effort. [YouTube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 57 comments }

Suds McKenzie August 25, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Shouldn’t he be a Sleestak?

ManchuCandidate August 25, 2010 at 2:36 pm

I get the idea that Mn 6th is the special ed district of Mn.

rmontcal August 25, 2010 at 2:38 pm

What, they couldn’t find anyone MORE bowlegged?

JMP August 25, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Is it really a good idea, when a candidate who looks like a screeching crazy-eyed harpy is running who looks pretty good for her age, to have a commercial which shows a big image of the opponent’s pleasant looking face for most of the runtime?

Also, Michelle certainly did a good job in finding an original angle of attack against a Democratic candidate, one that hasn’t been completely run into the ground by every single Republican in the country for the past decade or two.

politech August 25, 2010 at 2:39 pm

As someone who has worked in both politics and comms (and really people, it’s not any different), this makes me sad. So very, very sad. Because I know this came from not just a SENSE that voters need some broham who speaks like a Sesame Street character – but PROOF, stemming from surveys, polls and research proving that even throat shoving diatribes were too sophisticated for voters.

BOOBIES! August 25, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Jim is a tool. Can you spell “tool” boys and girls? That’s T-O-O-L.

snoidoid August 25, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Wait, I’m still confused. Tarryl Clark did what? Did she raise or lower taxes? This is soooo difficult. And what about all that paper? Doesn’t she recycle? Man, this voting is tough!

snoidoid August 25, 2010 at 2:40 pm

[re=645431]rmontcal[/re]: It’s his big balls.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 25, 2010 at 2:43 pm

[re=645431]rmontcal[/re]: [re=645438]snoidoid[/re]: Not to mention the repeated buttsecksing Jim has obviously enjoyed fairly recently.

V572625694 August 25, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=645432]JMP[/re]: Taxes bad!
[re=645431]rmontcal[/re]: Bow legs good!
[re=645429]ManchuCandidate[/re]: MN-6: stoopid!

weejee August 25, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=645429]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Do they have an inverted literacy test? Iffin’ you can read, then you can’t vote?

Baldar T Flagass August 25, 2010 at 2:46 pm

The best part is the 1950s-Disney-nature-film-background-music.

Re: alt-text “do we put it up our butt?” Would that make it a “squarehead ass-ballot?” Mark Wahlberg cringes.

user-of-owls August 25, 2010 at 2:49 pm

I’d like to ask Jim the Election Guy to explain the relative merits of Single-Member District Plurality systems compared to Single Non-Transferable Vote modified D’Hondt systems.

He’s the Election Guy, so this should be a piece of cake for him.

gurukalehuru August 25, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Jim the Election Guy is the sequel to Joe the Plumber. First name, simple with first initial J, followed by “the”, followed by something.
Like John the Baptist or Jack the Ripper.

Hopey dont play that game August 25, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Hi, I’m Jim. This is Tarryl Clark. She loves Muslims. She wants to turn Minnesota over to terrorists. She wants a mosque on every street corner. If you like wearing burqas then vote for Tarryl Clark.

lawrenceofthedesert August 25, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Well, c’mon, Clark is making it so darn hard by having that complicated first name! And with legs like that, why didn’t they costume Jim as Toulouse Lautrec? He’s no Jose Ferrer, but still…

BlueStateLiberal August 25, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Wait, I don’t get it, it’s too complicated.

rayy August 25, 2010 at 2:52 pm

She’s already got the “stupid vote”–don’t think this is going to help. Of course when you’ve got all kinds of money from stupids around the country, you gotta find some way to spend it. Thanks God for DVR’s!!!

Extemporanus August 25, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Regarding those goofy graphics: VH1′s “Pop-Up Idiot”, or GoogleMaps “You Are Queer”?

Discuss.

Sleeves August 25, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=645432]JMP[/re]: I think the one-thing’s-obvious point is that she can’t do THE FLIP:
http://www.loti.com/sixties_fashion/The_Flip_Hairdo_60s_Hair.htm
and also THE FACE.

Alldat August 25, 2010 at 2:56 pm

[re=645443]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Mostly likely Jim is a (satisfied) client of Mr. Bachmann’s counseling service.

Prince Padraig I of Cayuga August 25, 2010 at 2:56 pm

No, really. Somebody thought this was a good idea?

SmutBoffin August 25, 2010 at 2:59 pm

“Hi, this is Jim the Election guy back for another 8 sec. campaign ad. This is Tarryl. She has herpes and a bad hydromorphone habit. If you see her at a campaign stop, don’t touch her, she could get Socialism cooties on you.”

Sharkey August 25, 2010 at 3:01 pm

“Hi, I’m Jim Widestance, the Erection Guy.”

GOPCrusher August 25, 2010 at 3:02 pm

So what is Michele Bachmann’s plan to reduce the deficit? What is the Republiklan Party’s plan to reduce the deficit? What programs are they willing to cut? Are they prepared to announce which segments of the American voting public that they will alienate to reduce the deficit?
It’s amusing to see their little brains kicking into seizure when directly questioned as to what their actual fiscal policy is.

elburrito August 25, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Confused about the voting? Ask a male prostitute!

Extemporanus August 25, 2010 at 3:07 pm

[re=645431]rmontcal[/re]: [re=645443]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: It looks like “Bachdoorr” Bachmann really had that dude pegged.

Truculent August 25, 2010 at 3:08 pm

This asshole is all over the televisons, even preempting the dead Billy Mays in the middle of the night. Minnesota’s version of Joe the Plumber

SmutBoffin August 25, 2010 at 3:09 pm

So you are entitled to intercourse now? Back in my day, you had to earn it, possibly with dinner, theatre tickets, and a well-calibrated booze outlay.

chaste everywhere August 25, 2010 at 3:12 pm

[re=645455]gurukalehuru[/re]: Don’t forget Jude the Obscure.

Undeterredbyreality August 25, 2010 at 3:16 pm

[re=645472]Sharkey[/re]:”‘scuse me, I gotta go find Larry Craig.”

The Greatest American hero August 25, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Jim has a very wide stance if you know what I mean. And his haircut is faggy.

GOPCrusher August 25, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=645478]SmutBoffin[/re]: Being married, I thought the only approved method was begging for it.

elburrito August 25, 2010 at 3:18 pm

Jim is kinda bow-legged.

thehelveticascenario August 25, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I prefer Bill Nye, the Science Guy.

Extemporanus August 25, 2010 at 3:26 pm

[re=645469]SmutBoffin[/re]: Don’t fuck with Jim’s fellas — this ain’t his first time at the rodeo.

fromhils August 25, 2010 at 3:36 pm

OK I finally caved and had to look up the demographic information for this district, which has elected this crazy person, not once, but TWICE.

It is A LOT (92%) of white people w/ high school diplomas (>30% have college degrees) making around 70K a year, they must pay extra to work in the frozen tundra. http://elections.nytimes.com/2010/house/minnesota/6

Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything that polled actual mental stability…

Woodwards Friend August 25, 2010 at 3:43 pm

[re=645501]thehelveticascenario[/re]: Actually Jim the Election Guy is of the Bill Nye the Science Guy Guys. I believe Jim is Bill’s second cousin, once removed.

Dashboard_Buddha August 25, 2010 at 3:53 pm

[re=645431]rmontcal[/re]: you don’t think that Michele has been riding him with the two headed device of love, do you?

Capitol Hillbilly August 25, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Michelle the Muslim!

jus_wonderin August 25, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Now ya’ll give Jim a break. He was really trying to hold back a turtle head.

Bufford T. Justice August 25, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Worst episode of Blue’s Clue’s evar.

ThePuckStopsHere August 25, 2010 at 5:26 pm

What is it exactly with Minnesota and the wide stance?

One Yield Regular August 25, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Seeing someone like “Jim the Election Guy” doing a Michele Bachmann spot almost makes me believe in the most paranoid wingnut conspiracy fantasies concerning The Gay Agenda.

just pixels August 25, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Boy, wait ’til this “Jim” starts telling us about Michele Bachmann’s positions. If Clark’s pile of paper indicts her for taxing, just imagine what he’ll have to say about Bachmann’s actual words —

http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/republicans/a/michele-bachmann-quotes.htm

martinette August 25, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Bachmann is normally such a star fucker, I’m genuinely surprised to see her pay to have someone else one the tube. Of course, “Jim the Dickish Guy” is just doing her dirty work, if you catch the meaning.

martinette August 25, 2010 at 8:33 pm

The “Dump Bachmann” blog has photos of other places Jim pops up:
http://dumpbachmann.blogspot.com/2010/08/jim-election-guy-takes-wide-stance-in.html

zhubajie August 25, 2010 at 8:51 pm

[re=645456]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Given how fat and ugly Americans are getting, burqas should be encouraged. Maybe required for anyone over 300 pounds!

Pizzuti August 25, 2010 at 10:19 pm

Why is Jim the Election Guy squatting to take a dump?

steverino247 August 26, 2010 at 12:33 am

Uh, exactly when am I entitled to vaginal intercourse?

imissopus August 26, 2010 at 12:59 am

ENTITLED TO VAGINAL INTERCOURSE

Helloooooo, new tag line for eHarmony profile.

labman57 August 26, 2010 at 2:46 am

Bachmann is projecting again.

FlownOver August 26, 2010 at 6:20 am

I, for one, welcome our new Remedial Civics overlord

Sue August 26, 2010 at 9:23 am

Does he remind anyone else of Clippy, the “helpful” paperclip from MS Word? Or is it just me?

Tundra Grifter August 26, 2010 at 11:36 am

Because I did like Wonkette told me and ordered free tickets to the Bachmann-Palin lovefest in MN (although I live in California), I’m now on One-L’s email roster.

Today she’s begging – “We’re less than 24 hours away from our deadline. To reach our goal of raising $48,000 in 48 hours, we need to bring in an additional $31,533.” In other words, in the first 24 hours she raised less than $16,500.

The Conservative Victory 2010 Tour’s dirty little secret is that Teabaggers are cheaper than Scrooge McDuck. It’s just not a winning strategy to count on the 2% of the American population that constitutes a self-identified-disorganized leaderless group that refuses to donate cash to candidates.

jus_wonderin August 26, 2010 at 3:03 pm

[re=645945]Sue[/re]: “What you doing there? Deciding how to vote? Can I help you with that?”

Way Cool Larry August 27, 2010 at 10:50 am

Beneath the clear dumbassery, I think there is a subtle psychological ploy here. Note how similar the “Jim the Election Guy” logo is to the “TV Guide” logo. I bet anything this is tapping into deap-seated memories of the good old days of some sort.

http://www.mobiletracker.net/archives/images/tv-guide-logo.jpg

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