South Carolina Congressman Joe “You LIE!” Wilson is currently riding around his district in a big fancy bus, surprising local proles by showing up at their work places and pretending like he gives a fuck about what they do all day. His road trip is officially called the “Joe Means Jobs” tour, which is Wilsonian for “vote for me and I’ll reward you with a bowl of this gruel, made from sun dried-palmetto bugs and the teardrops of impoverished families.” Let’s see where Wilson has experimented with performing real work for a change, shall we?
This is Wilson’s official rock star-style bus full of pro-job attitude. Hopefully it has air conditioning, because heat can wither even the heartiest Protestant work ethic:
Notice that Wilson decorated his own bus without accepting any government assistance. Learn by example, folks:
Wilson served barbecue to constituents to help them store up fat and gristle in their arteries in preparation for the coming winter:
While visiting a hospital in his district, Wilson asked this man if he could try on his chef’s hat. When the man said no, he was punished with a 45-minute speech on ObamaCare’s failures:
At an auto body shop, Wilson did something with a car (video NSFW — weird noises):
At a steel plant, Wilson dipped some steel in some steel-dippin’ sauce, then sat in a lawn chair and watched it dry. He told the workers that cap and trade would “put a cap in your job’s ass, if you feel me.”
At Mooneyhan’s Auto, Wilson talked to a reporter (neglecting his own Congressman job duties would destroy America) and then performed a break inspection. “Joe said he’s changed several tires,” says his blog, “but never an impact wrench (the thing that makes that cool noise, you’ll know it when you hear it, just watch a NASCAR race).” Yeah, you know it — that sound:
Fruit-touching is one of America’s fastest-growing professions. Wilson explores this exciting new field:
This dog was dead until Wilson touched it with his blessed, berry-scented hands. The dog woke up, stood tall and proud once again, and later went home with its family, very much alive:
That lady standing behind the dog’s bum is like, “whoah, I just saw a miracle!”
At a barbecue restaurant, Wilson poured yellow goo on some organs for people to eat/get stomach cancer with:
Along with this picture comes a special aside:
Joe loves chicken livers so much, would you believe he shared some with the lovely Roxanne Wilson while he proposed to her. (Folks, we just can’t make this stuff up, chances are he might be the only member of Congress who was chowing down on chicken livers while doing something so important as a marraige proposal.)
Wilson’s “Journey to the End of the Jobs” adventure has only just begun, so your Wonkette will check back and see what other vocations our casually blue-collar congressman tries out for a few minutes (MANICURIST please). What other colors of goo will he pour? What other kinds of miracles will he perform? And will anything he does even come close to producing a single job? Stay tuned. [Joe Means Jobs Website]
{ 48 comments }
I think Joe Wilson will only get Michael Rowe’s job when he takes it from his cold dead hands.
Joe Means Jobs for bus manufacturers is all I’m seein’…
I just finished Ehrenreich’s Nickled and Dimed, wherein the author discusses for a couple of pages cleaning the different kinds of shit stains in toilets. I guess what I’m saying is, Joe Wilson would look hawt in a French maid outfit.
So, besides posing for photos, did Joe actually say what he’s done for South Carolina other than embarassing the State and being rude?
I want to live like common people. I want to do whatever common people do.
You pander! (Do people really buy this shit?) Yes. Yes they do. I give up.
Demagoguery at its most depressing. Shut up and get a job, Joe.
So, wait. To promote his Joe Means Jobs campaign, he travels around and steals his constituents’ unskilled labor jobs, like a common Mexican?
Meh, Newt Gingrich will probably be biting the head off a live chicken when he proposes to his next wife.
Since January, every time someone starts casually blabbing to me about anything in an even remotely Republican vein, I make it my Joe=job to gather my several dozen facial muscles into an apoplectic rictus and scream, “YOU LIE!!!”
Jack off on all trades, master of none.
Mustard basted chicken livers?
That is just WRONG!
Yeah yeah. He can stir and pour yellow goo, change a tire, heal dead dogs, touch fruit and serve BBQ. But can he pack fudge?
Joe’s been all about jobs for some time now, although it’s not so much “jobs” as “-jobs.”
Joe working for free = pandering to big business.
The look on the dog’s face is all, “oh no! It’s Larry Craig all over again”.
Joe means “coffee,” not jobs.
See Joe run
Run Joe, run
Joe likes block letters. Joe’s voters like block letters. Block letters are what children are first taught in school. What does that say about the reading grade level of Joe’s voters?
[re=645047]freakishlystrong[/re]: I wonder about that too. I’m sure the business owners and managers basically came in their pants when they heard Joe was coming (heh)…but what about the rank and file?
“Brakes.” Not “breaks.” OTOH, that Mustang owner has a very nice lawsuit all teed up when his wheels fly off because they were attached by Joe Wilson.
First cats and now chicken livers? Don’t make me like this guy too!
I live in Joe’s district. (sigh) Some of us realize that “Joe Means Jobs” is total bullshit, pure and simple. The rest of us are stupid, mindless Right-Wing Republicans who’ll likely re-elect this asshole. Just saying…
Kim Jong Il’s people will be talking to Joe’s people soon. Their new buddy road trip movie should kill at the box office.
http://wonkette.com/414225/a-childrens-treasury-of-pictures-of-kim-jong-il-looking-at-stuff
[re=645066]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: That cute black chef’s fists are clenched in a way that screams: “Get out my kitchen, cracker, before I show you my knife skillz.”
“You HIRE!”
So that yellow goo looks like the makings of Shealy’s (Batesburg-Leesville SC) famous “hash”. It doesn’t involve hashish, but mostly pig brains and other delicacies. Typically served over rice with the regionally-appropriate mustard BBQ sauce. Delicious until I made the mistake of asking the waitress what all was in it. I had to take time off from hash.
Joe, you voted against the stimulus bill, and in that very campaign blog you say you want to cut federal discretionary spending; so when you say you mean jobs, YOU LIE.
They check a dog’s heartbeat before they eat them in S. Carolina?
He knew which places to visit by checking whether they have “Joe Means Jobs” signs on their walls or bodies.
[re=645072]Shot at Wolf[/re]: How much you want to bet 99 percent of those jobs are thanks to Obama and the socialist stimulus plan.
Dammit, I like that restaurant and now I can’t ever eat there again lest the taint of Joe Wilson remains on the food. And I mean his literal taint, because that seems like something he would do, because he is gross.
I can’t imagine why he would stop at my office but if he does I will shit on the floor and tell him I am the janitor so he needs to clean it up if he wants my vote.
Has anyone done a doctoral thesis on the impact of bbq on South Carolina politics?
I was looking for a job
And then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
[re=645042]Norbert[/re]: That part of the book was the only part that stayed with me, unfortunately.
I like how that black guy in the chef’s hat is trying so hard to pretend he doesn’t know Joe Wilson is a racist douche that he can barely keep a straight face.
Speaking as a veteran of the Sign Industry, Joe’s vinyl application technique is awful.
Lauri Apple is on fire today, folks.
Joe’s just like you. You with a $5,000 gold watch, that is.
JOE MEANS(to give blow)JOBS(to anyone who asks)
Ah, South Carolina. Thank you for making me grateful to live in a state where our shitheel, post-Bush conservatives don’t have the sack/luxury to put “Republican for ________” on their campaign lit.
[re=645099]Godless Liberal[/re]: ROTHFLISLMAO!
[re=645144]ladymacbeth[/re]:
In your life,
Why do you give valuable time
To people who don’t care
If you live or if
YOU LIE!
[re=645250]Whiskeybaby[/re]: Henceforth, we shall refer to Joe Wilson supporters as “Joe Blobs”.
What the hell does any of this have to do with “Joe’s for Jobs”? Last I checked, SC’s unemployment rate was one of the highest. So he’s going to create jobs by annoying the remaining few people who have jobs???
“a marraige proposal”?
Call me olde fashioned, but I believe in traditional marriage without the
gayFrench spelling.[re=645077]JMP[/re]: Sorry, there was a miscommunication somewhere along the line. The bus should read “Joe is mean to jobs”
Joe loves COCK so much, would you believe he shared some with the lovely Roxanne Wilson while he proposed to her. (Folks, we just can’t make this stuff up, chances are he might be the only member of Congress who was chowing down on COCK while doing something so important as a marraige proposal.)
..OK I feel better about these assholes now.
It’s so cute when wingnuts get out and try to pretend theys connected to the folkses! At least Boner’s idea of a “job tour” is playing golf while whispering jokes to his corporate mothership about “the only job he likes to see a darky doin’ is fetchin’ him drinks and sun tan lotion” Yeah like anyone who isn’t a delusional twat would think Joe Wilson gives two shits about doing anything other than voting 99% with the GOP so long as they never offer a bill giving “special” normalized rights to minorities; that’s where old Joe draws the line and yells “You Lie!” I’ll bet he borrowed that phrase from his wife from their wedding night when he dropped his pants and had an inny….
Popping in to say that I approve of this recent fruit-touching craze, though I’d prefer Wilson keep his hands to himself when it comes to me, personally. That is all.
WHY IS JOE WILSON TAKING JOBS THAT BELONG TO THE PEOPLE?
If Joe Wilson wants the people to have jobs, why is he STEALING them!?
In fact, I believe he also shouted ¡usted miente! at the President, which is “you lie!” in Spanish!
Joe Wilson is an illegal immigrant all along… stealing our jobs! It is clear now who we must vote for in 2008.
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