On the one hand, Washington is the perfect venue for this Saturday’s Glenn Beck Caveman Jamboree/Eagle Cookout: Not only are there goddamn Subways everywhere — the better to measure your salami and Ranch dressing intake in inches — but it’s a scientific fact that the homeless urinate on DC’s public transportation 90% less than they do in New York City, which smells like garbage and diapers all summer anyway. On the other hand, though: THE BLACKS!
All the Tea Partiers wanted to do was descend on the nation’s capital on the anniversary of the “I Have a Dream” speech and pervert the memory of Martin Luther King Jr. in peace; little did they know they’d be stuck having to encounter literally thousands of the city’s African-American residents, many of whose ancestors didn’t even have the decency to leave DC after being forced to build it, as slaves. Can you even imagine the nerve?
Anyway, because all the Teabaggers are worried about having their fanny packs jostled by Washington’s blacks, some of the more industrious of these Constitution-suckers have come up with handy-dandy pamphlets on how to enjoy DC while seeing as few brown faces as possible. Here is an actual set of inter-Washington travel guidelines provided by Maine Tea Party warlock Andrew Ian Dodge, whose goonish Faux-kleys let you know he’s serious about both freedom and chintzy plastic bullshit from China:
If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland. If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night.
[CORRECTION: It has come to our attention that Andrew Ian Dodge didn't compose the aforementioned DC travel guidelines; he just cut and pasted them from his friend Bruce Major's Tea Party blog. You can officially blame them both for spreading this nonsense, but we have corrected the attribution, for Justice.]
In deference to those who don’t know Washington — and really, why should you? Go someplace nice like Santa Fe on your vacation — the goal here appears to be, “OK, so I wanna tell everyone how to avoid poor black people, but I also don’t wanna sound like the kind of pathetic twerp who goes out of his way to avoid poor black people. What to do, what to do? Think! What would Glenn do?”
Stumped, the Teabagger Author likely buried his confusion in a McDonald’s milkshake and a couple of tubes of Cheddar Pringles, and that’s when it hit him like a pilled-up Limbaugh crumpling to bathroom floor: Tell all the Tea Folk to “avoid the Green and Yellow lines,” which is code for “avoid African-Americans on their way home from work and school”! Ta da! Good job! An unlimited supply of Faux-kleys and Truck Nutz for you.
Other friendly advice from the Teagoblin includes:
- “Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries.”
- “CVS is the DC area drugstore chain and most carry simply hardwares and basic groceries (milk, bread, canned soup, TV dinners).”
- “One can get free wifi access in many parts of DC: any Starbucks (and often any restaurant adjacent to Starbucks); most Barnes & Noble bookstores (which usually contain a Starbucks); Caribou Coffee (another chain, though it restricts your access to “adult” sites).”
Guess the teabagger dudes will have to find another place to jack off under the table while people try to eat their breakfasts.
Green line or no, see you Saturday, Tea Party weirdos. Looking forward to hurling human feces and urine at Tila Tequila with all you Juggalos. Mad wicked clown love!
Cord Jefferson covers Washington for quality publications including The Root. He does Twitter here.
{ 107 comments }
Y’all sumbitches best know Early Cuyler taint fraid a no green or yeller lines.
Tip #5: You know the old saying–”you don’t have to run faster than the Lyin’ African, you just have to run faster than your buddy.” If you see two or more “locals” heading towards you, it’s safe to assume you’re about to be robbed–OR WORSE. Kick the guy next to you in the side of his knee. His screams of pain should distract your assailants long enough for you to waddle to safety.
The stupidity and racism makes me want to weep. Do these fucktards know that black people are allowed too ride the Blue, Red, and Orange lines, too? And that a whole lot of people of many colors take Yellow and Green every day?
More like Oreo city: a pasty, white, corn-syrup-bloated center surrounded by chocolate.
What’s wrong with the Green and Yellow lines? Are they controlled by THE BLACKS and THE POORS?!
He directs them to g to DuPont Circle… The “gay part of town.” They better be careful – they might catch the homo disease…
I thought eagles were protected, being the US bird and all. How does Glenn get away with this BBQ? Or because they are cavemen, protected species are not invented yet?
Just so you know, and before the guy who actually wrote this gets here and starts his teabaggery, Andrew Ian Dodge did not write this. He copy/pasted it from the blog of a Teabagger who lives in DC and apparently knows nothing of the city.
DCist covered this yesterday and made the same initial misattribution mistake too. http://dcist.com/2010/08/welcome_to_dc_tea_party.php
Does anyone know where I can get a good Jive/English dictionary in case I have to interact with one of the locals?
But, but, but we CAN’T be racists!!!11! We love DEAD black people.
Andrew has extensive experience avoiding Maine’s oppressively huge black population.
no matter where they go, the teabaggers have nothing to fear but themselves.
[re=644686]SmutBoffin[/re]: Call the DEA. They’re supposedly hiring “Ebonics translators,” yo.
Comments are PRICELESS!
“While I was there I stayed in a cheap hotel and had the window open. I was on the third floor. I called home and while I was on the phone there was a burst of 9MM automatic weapons fire in the street. My wife said it was pretty loud and was that the TV? I told her it wasn’t the TV. It was live in the street in Washington, DC, which is more dangerous than Baghdad. ..”
Really? Fucking really?! Worse than Baghdad? Green line…green zone, what’s the difference. These people are morons. I can’t wait for one of them to ask me for directions to the Liberty Bell.
Can some enterprising journalist please ring the DC/NoVa Convention and Visitor Bureau and see what hotel bookings look like for this weekend? Do I have to do EVERYTHING myself?
Something tells me the crowd will be thin. Thin in terms of numbers that is, not girth.
Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries.
And this is LEGAL?!?!?
I cannot f*ing wait for the photos and commentary.
It taint gonna happen. No bagger is going to do this now. Even if Beck throws in free KFC double downs, there will be 200-300 retards..tops.
[re=644686]SmutBoffin[/re]: Pardon me stewardess, I speak Jive
Okay, nobody tell them about the weekend work on the Red Line and then see if they sing that song about poor Charlie on the MTA.
But I heard “the locals” are on to this and are going to be riding the normally safe lines all day! Don’t pretend like you don’t know what for!
[re=644673]edgydrifter[/re]: I laughed so hard that I farted. Thank you, I guess.
Glenn is already in DC and paying respects to the usual suspects:
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/44551/
(Staring at Arlington National Cemetery–nice pic of his daughter’s legs, and looking at George Washington’s bed, where he patriotically died next to his wife)
If you’re so paranoid of black and/or brown people that you need instructions to avoid being close to too many of “them” while in town for your anti-anti-racism rally, then maybe you should do us all a favor and stay in your shitty exurbs, gated communities and teensy redneck towns, and away from any actual cities.
You’ll be happier, and the urbanites (both white and non-white) who doesn’t need to deal with racist rednecks from out town will be happier.
“When taking the train, always make sure that you have a cow and a dog handy in case you should run into trouble.”
My Racist Map is NOT Racist! Rachel’s a lesbian! She likes fish! Haw-haw-haw!!
Guide’s author: ‘Bitch’ at AOL News is lying, I’m no racist; Says he’s shocked Rachel Maddow ‘didn’t spend 15 minutes tea bagging’ Pulitzer-winning guest on show, ‘but then, I guess Anna Marie Cox is more her bowl of fish’
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/0824/robinson-tea-party-scaring-white-people-dc-visit-advice/
God forbid these fine Americans stumble onto a Yellow or Green Line train and accidentally waddle into a Whole Foods – they’d actually eat something healthy.
They should not be on the subways (too socialistic) and they should not be walking (too dangerous). If they really want to avoid the coloreds and the poors, they should stay back in Waukesha.
[re=644712]Sacanagem[/re]: “To which of these journ-0-lisps should we send this week’s Leni Reifenstahl wannabee award for service in defending the tax predator ruling class?”
Haha, now that’s using your ANGER SENSE.
Come to Philly Teabaggers, and I’ll show you all the way down the orange line, the line to HELL, AKA North Philly. Bon Appetit!
[re=644712]Sacanagem[/re]: Racists sure get worked up about being called racists, don’t they?
I’m waiting to see signs that proudly drop the N bomb, not to be racist but just to show their God given 1st amendment right to call people ****** and not get into any trouble for it.
According to Sarah Palin, it’s OK… as long as they don’t say retard, like some retard.
My teabagger parents are going — that’s two.
Pity the downtown Trader Joe’s, BUSTED by this oaf for offering “free stuff at the back.” His crowd will buzz through there like a plague of locusts too fat to fly.
My money’s on at least one loud dressing-down from a patriot to a cashier or busboy who doesn’t speak English on the job @ one of the many fine restaurants where these surly hobos will be helping themselves to the restrooms, napkins, and sugar packets and snapping cell phone photos to e-mail to the immigration authorities.
Wait. Isn’t the Red line famous for being used only by Socialist and Communist, coming home from their government jobs to engage in collectivism? Damn, there is no where safe for a real American. No wonder Newt Gingrich started dumping his wives for interns while he was there. Hell, he probably even touched a Muslim during his time in DC.
“One can get free wifi access in many parts of DC: any Starbucks (and often any restaurant adjacent to Starbucks); most Barnes & Noble bookstores (which usually contain a Starbucks); Caribou Coffee (another chain, though it restricts your access to “adult” sites).”
That’s all we need, a week-end of masturbating Beckheads in every Starbucks.
*Caribou Coffee restricts access to adult sites only to the extent they are not caribou-related.
But, isn’t Caribou Coffee owned by A-rab, Mooslems!?!?!
Maybe instead of Port-a-Potty tippin’, I should just cruise the Orange line all day…Niggaz live in VA, too!!!
Also, Andrew Ian Dodge…I’d be happy to add to your guide, the locations where numerous Ex-Mainer DC residents have fondled my non-aryan ball sack…
Also, apparently The Alyona Show uses Wonkette for 98% of its story ideas, in…3…2…1…
Any place in the USA will be more dangerous than any place in, say, China. But I’ve stayed at Catholic U. and in Silver Springs, and had no problems. Maybe the Mormons are afraid of the Catholics as well as the coloreds!
I hope Wonkette does not stop posting this weekend (as it usually does). Gawker puts up new posts on weekends, why can’t you lazy bastards.
OK, I’m going to stick my neck out here and probably get decapitated, but something is really pissing me off.
What in this Tea Party dude’s advice was outwardly racist? EVERY blog I’ve seen about this “Guide” has talked about how this guy is warning visitors against black people. Yeah, he says some weird stuff about the existence of different ethnicities in DC, but does he ever say “IF YOU SEE A BLACK PERSON, RUN BECAUSE THEY WILL SHOOT YOU!!!”. No, he doesn’t.
Did this guy give people pretty paranoid advice about the city? Yes. Of course he did. He’s from Maine and DC is a huge city with a rather high crime rate (which he exaggerates, of course).
All these blog responses are doing is calling this dude a racist piece of crap, and it’s ridiculous and counter-productive. If all you guys are going to do is call him names, go for it, but I fail to see how that makes any of you any better than he is. Yeah, I really just went there. He may be “ignorant” and a “racist” simply because he is a Tea Party member, but, honestly, at least we KNOW where his allegiances lie. The rest of you? I have no idea. It’s about time people start acting like adults instead of name-calling children.
If you want to be seen as the welcoming city that supposedly offers “southern hospitality” (as purported in another article about this nonsense), then BE IT.
Don’t the teabaggers understand that free WiFi is SOSHULISMZ??!!?!
Hey, DC residents: since the teatards are apparently yours for this weekend, (seriously, it’s almost as though DC and NYC have joint custody of a severely retarded, incontinent, 300 pound adolescent. Or more accurately, a few hundred of them) do you mind maybe just keeping them? We don’t really want them back. Not that this will stop them, either way.
If the Mainers are afraid of Black folks and violence, maybe they should just stay away from the whole South, not just DC.
I look forward to a D.C. subway map with ethnic caricatures photoshopped onto various lines and neighborhoods. Perhaps a Wonketter should contribute one. Blingee time folks?
[re=644782]Cristobel[/re]: I go to DC twice, maybe three times a year. I know exactly what this dude is getting at, and it ain’t flowers and rainbows. We should all be making fun of this douchebag.
[re=644782]Cristobel[/re]: the worst racism does not scream itself out loud…avoid the green and yellow line is code for “watch out for black people” and everyone who knows anything about DC knows that…
I have a feeling that the teabaggers still won’t be able to get into club ultra.
Hey Pecker, the next time you pay your respects to the war dead at Arlington; take off your fucking hat!
[re=644795]mookworthjwilson[/re]: not necessarily. Honestly, there’s really not much of a reason for any tourists going to the rally to be using the green and yellow lines. Also, given the problems at Gallery Pl./Chinatown recently on the weekends, I don’t blame him one little bit. I tell friends visiting the city that the green line after Waterfront gets shady, and they appreciate that I do. But, I guess I’m just a big racist jerk.
[re=644795]mookworthjwilson[/re]: and give me a break. If you wanted to avoid black people because you are so evil and racist, why the hell would you have the rally in a city that has a demographic of being MAJORITY black?! Why wouldn’t they have the rally in Montgomery, Alabama or Richmond, Virginia?! People are exaggerating this to epic proportions and it’s really obnoxious– especially when everyone wants to say how loving and accepting DC is.
But, the Yellow Line goes to a state run by a good ol’ Conferate-loving Republican Governor… how else will those Real Murricans get from Alexandria to downtown? And if you stay off the nigra-lovin’ Yellow Line, it’s a long trip from Arlington and Fairfax County to downtown. Dumbfucks.
[re=644809]Cristobel[/re]: You know who was loving and accepting? Paris to …well you know…
I hope Shirley Sherrod joins them….on the green line.
[re=644806]Cristobel[/re]: there’s really not much of a reason for any tourists going to the rally to be using the green and yellow lines
Another blog noted that the Green and Yellow lines are basically the only way whatsoever to reach the National Archives, which last time I checked, was home to a certain document that the teabaggers claim to have an enormous fetish for, even though they seem to be talking more about an imaginary version of it than the one that was actually written in 1787 and amended 27 times thereafter.
Oh, and it also holds the Declaration of Independence, whose text they tend to keep thinking actually appears in the Constitution.
But, point being, that’s at least one reason the teabaggers, specifically, might countenance taking the Green or Yellow lines, if they weren’t warned away.
Also, “the problems recently at Gallery Pl./Chinatown recently” didn’t really factor into the authorship of this little “guide”, seeing as the guy who wrote it admitted he hadn’t been to DC in the better part of a decade, and was basing it on how it was back then.
But, yeah, there’s nothing actually ironic or surprising about teabaggers warning teabaggers to avoid black people. There is, however, something ironic, if not surprising, about teabaggers warning teabaggers to avoid black people on a rally that was deliberately orchestrated to coincide with the date and location of MLK’s most famous rally. It’d be like warning people attending the Puerto Rican Day Parade away from Spanish Harlem.
[re=644809]Cristobel[/re]: Because you’re racist and an idiot, is why. See how the same people (and literally, given how these events are spaced, I’m guessing it’s some of the very same people) just cold assume that any “ethnic” walking past them near the WTC must himself be a muslin, because who ever heard of a brown or black person in New York City?!
[re=644782]Cristobel[/re]: Hey everyone, Cristobel is absolutely right. The REAL reason Teabaggers need to avoid the Green and Yellow Lines at all costs are that they are the ONLY WAY TO GET TO THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES: the repository of the U.S. Constitution.
And we all know that despite their outwardly claims to keep copies of the Constitution on their persons at all times – in their back pockets, stuffed in their bras, under their greasy gimme caps, etc. – in truth, Tea Partiers must at all costs avoid exposure to the REAL Constitution or they will turn into Secret Muslim Terror Babies like Michelle Malkin.
[re=644821]mumblyjoe[/re]: Goddamn it, Mumblyjoe, you beat me to it!
[re=644821]mumblyjoe[/re]: to clarify, it’d be like warning people attending the Puerto Rican Day Parade, for a misguided counter-protest against illegal immigration. Point being, though, we know why they picked this date and location, and we know why they are telling each other to avoid the neighborhoods they’re telling each other to avoid, and you really would need to be a blind idiot not to know what they’re getting at.
[re=644809]Cristobel[/re]: Glenn Beck lives and works in Manhattan, right by a couple of mosques and a million reprobates. For him, D.C. is as exotic and scary as it gets. You think Glenn Beck would be caught dead in Montgomery Fucking Alabama?
[re=644806]Cristobel[/re]: Unless, you’re staying at the HoJo’s in Cheverly to save some guilders. Woefully pale C’Addlites weejee, Mrs. weejee, and their two toe-headed twins stayed at ‘zactly that spot and road the Green to and from Cheverly to the terrazzoed sites. We even road the Green, gasp, at night….wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Sorry to disagree with you but having both our office and home in C’Addle’s Central District we get hit with this sorta shit all the time. I often have to work late and end up walking home 2 or 3:00 in the morning and not think anything of it even though I’m and olde white who might run into a young black. If I run into someone, it’s meet & greet “Hey how’s it goin’” “Cool, how’s ’bout you?” And no, I’m not packin’.
[re=644830]weejee[/re]: and yes as [re=644821]mumblyjoe[/re] and [re=644826]BobTheBuilder[/re] point out they be the routes to the Nationalistimo Archives and the mofo Constitution and that anarchist Declaration of Independence.
My favorite line: “You don’t know where you are so you cannot go, especially at night, unless you take me with you.”
Unspoken addendum: And if you do go with me to these unknown areas at night, I promise I will not brutally rape you and leave you behind for teh muslins to kill and dismember.
Haven’t been to DC in years. Are there still all those homeless crazies in and around the mall? Should make for some cognitive dysfunction among the teatards.
[re=644835]momus[/re]: How will we tell them apart?
Sigh. As someone whose family lives in DC and who visits DC at least once a year, it takes NO amount of imagination AT ALL to read “between the lines” on this. I’m sorry @Cristobel, it just doesn’t.
It’s like hearing someone say “Whatever you do…don’t go to Harlem!” The meaning is obvious and the need to mock them powerful.
[re=644782]Cristobel[/re]: Ok, joking aside (that’s the FUN of these blogs/comments, tho!?)…and, no guillotine here:
I’m not addressing “EVERY” blog…just this one, and the original by Dodge. It’s not solely about outright racism, which you correctly state isn’t expressed explicitly, but rather the stupidity of it all. And even more so, the *implied* racism.
Why does he attempt to break-down the WMATA system and DMV neighborhoods? Solely because, if they can avoid seeing “A BLACK PERSON,” they won’t have to “RUN.”. Because as we all know via institutionalized American learning: struggling urban black folk “WILL SHOOT YOU!!!”
JFK was kinda full of it, with that DC = Northern city w/Southern Charm, BS. The Diamond District is grimey. The American Nazi Party was HQ’d in N.Arlington, but the diversity ran their asses out.
There were a bunch of these folks here for one of the first TP rallies a while back, and many of their charter busses home to BFE, departed from Rosslyn. You could just see the discomfort written all over their faces, by the many Viet Namese/Korean, Honduran/El Salvadoran (<- Avoid ‘em in Columbia Heights, but they are in Arlington, too!!) Ethiopian and AFRICAN-AMERICAN faces (ZOMG!!!), waiting to get home on the Metro.
I’ll give it to (you…and) Andrew. A lot of these responses by blogs and their comments are pretty immature, foolish and unproductive in the grand scheme of things. And, he is even correct in that a majority probably haven’t even lived in the DC area that long, or even live anywhere near here at all. But despite his good intentions to simply protect those coming for the event, this weekend…it was racist as shit, and needs to be called-out…in any form.
It will be so nice to see these loons looking in every direction, over their shoulders, under every rock, under their hotel beds, closets, bathrooms, and generally working themselves into such a froth, some may not make it…. aaaauuuuhhhhhwwwww…. Looking at the map that was sent out by the pee-party and their chief, non-resident Washington DC tour guide, Andrew Ian Dodge, they clearly won’t see a lot of the nation’s Capitol and probably good for them… don’t want to expose irrational hate to reason…
Exposing them as utter, belligerent, racist pigs and showing them in action bringing global ridicule on themselves and encouraging beck to new levels of self-aggrandizement will be a great expose… It would be even better if beck and the swag-hag got cuffed to the Metro DC holding cells from the inside, but that’s asking too much…. (nice to dream occasionally)…
Also…Short answer:
DC is loving and accepting, to those who are also loving and accepting.
These fringe-loonies are not.
[re=644724]Skwerl Nutz[/re]: Hey now the other way down the Broad Street Line ain’t much better. Asshat white boys in wife beaters, bad tats and baggy “domeintheass” pants or the ocassional vomit fest by drunks from Jersey trying to get back to the PATCO from the game.
[re=644782]Cristobel[/re]: Oh, nothing is outwardly racist. The racists long ago learned not to say anything that’s overtly racist, but couch everything in code, so that the real meaning of their statements is supposed to be hidden. The thing is, the rest of us have learned a little skill called reading between the lines, and this is pretty fucking obvious; he’s warning of alleged danger in a city and telling people not to go to plurality black or latino neighborhoods.
You seem to think that the only racism comes in the form of being Concerned that calling a coded racist a racist is counter-productive. I understand that, in fact we have a word for people like you:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=concern+troll
[re=644724]Skwerl Nutz[/re]: Hey, I take that line every day, and have often had groups of black teenagers mug me at gunpoint. Well, if you change “mug” to “mildly annoy” and “at gunpoint” to “by talking too loudly”. Yep, the teabaggers would panic on that line.
In Atlanta the “tea bagger” types refer to their version of the metro, MARTA, as “Moving Africans rapidly through Atlanta.” Therefore they don’t ride MARTA, but instead they clog the Interstates with their SUVs, trucks, and GEO Metros.
[re=644809]Cristobel[/re]: As an Olds, I went to the tear-gas buffets staged by the G to suppress the protests against the Gulf-of-Tonkin-Fail. Nobody ever – EVER (yes, caps, moran, you earned them) – guided me to or away from train lines or neighborhoods or any f*&^in’ body. We couldn’t levitate the f*&^in’ P-gon, but the laws of physics are harsh masters.
This is about codes, which can be broken, regardless who originally published them.
[re=644845]RedNo.4[/re]: The homeless crazies are relatively more sane.
[re=644686]SmutBoffin[/re]: I know someone you can ask…http://tinyurl.com/27eqapz
Stay off the Green Line? Fine with me. And if all the motherfuckers who stay in the hotels in my neck o’ the woods take cabs to the nearest Red Line stations, that will be a HUGE boost to the local economy. Especially the taxi driving part of it. But anyone who thinks the can come to D.C. without being disturbed by brown faces … They probably should stay the fuck at home, but their money is just like normal peoples’ so oh well.
And I was not aware CVS sold much ‘hardware’ maybe that’s code for KY & condoms.
Also2: “Again there are many other lovely places, from the Catholic University of America to Silver Spring, Maryland. But you don’t know where you are so you cannot go, especially at night, unless you take me with you.”
P-E-R-V-E-R-T.
They posted Nancy Pelosi and Harry’s Reid’s DC addresses? Did I read that right?
Yeah, about the whole “immigrants are dangerous and don’t like you thing”, it’s really best to avoid DC entirely. Have the rally over in Virginia somewhere. How about the lawn of the Governor’s mansion?
[re=644853]TheevingWonker[/re]: Oh man, you had to go and remind me of how much I miss good Ethiopian Restaurants.
And, again, because it bears repeating: Why the hell are these soshulist haters talking public transit at all?? Can’t afford to pay a cab or a limo, you don’t deserve to travel, bitches. Take your own damn medicine for a change and maybe you won’t get mocked so much.
“If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland. If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night.”
I’m actually in favor of this. It keeps them out of MY neighborhood on the other “dangerous” side of the Red Line and away from my family and friends in PG County. Maybe we can post some signs at Metro Center that says “Here there be dragons” on some of the platforms.
“There was a blackout in my hometown when I was a kid … but they made him get back in his car and he drove away.”
Somebody please find a way to steer these clowns into the most radical gay bar in DuPont Circle.
If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland.
Yeah, because no one should know the suburban nightmare that is Rockville, what with their country clubs and million dollar McMansions and all. God, you might become the victim of a drive-by snubbing!
If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond;
Yes, please stay away from there. I need to go grocery shopping at the Potomac Avenue Harris Teeter this weekend and it will be a hell of a lot easier to pick up my commie-pinko-organic veggies without a crowd of idiots being totally mystified by the self-checkout registers while trying to buy cases of Mallomars and Mountain Dew. If this summer has been any indication, you haven’t mastered the Metro farecard machines yet and snap hundreds of useless vacation pictures of these magical trains that travel underground. I’m hung over. Your flash is annoying. Go away.
…stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night.
Yes, because it is much smarter to ride the ENTIRE length of the Blue Line than jump onto the Yellow Line to get to/from VA. Especially at night: You wouldn’t want to get puked on by hordes of drunken college students trying to catch the last train home. And as much as your natural homing instincts magnetically draw you to the Big Box Mecca in Columbia Heights, it’s on teh GREEN LINE!
Better yet, stay the hell home and watch it all on TV. Don’t worry, Fox will fill in the extra crowds for you.
[re=644920]mannacler[/re]: And what good, red-blooded, patriotic American wouldn’t want to go to a bar in our Nation’s Capitol called “The Eagle”
http://dceagle.com/
[re=644709]JMP[/re]: Actually I think the sort of bourgie white trash at whom this is aimed are afraid of white working people, too.
[re=644835]momus[/re]: Well, I remember some high school age white girls playing with a whoopee cushion, last time I was at the Mall. Might scare some people, I suppose.
[re=644835]momus[/re]: A vivid memory of my first visit to DC: cops dragging away a homeless WW II vet who had been begging on the steps of the Supreme Court building. I have a suspicion that the Teatards are not the sorts to be generous to beggers, even white WWII vets.
Dear Teabaggers, please openly carry your guns in DC. That’s the way they roll in DC.
I was going to take the family into DC Saturday, without a thought about traversing dangerous neighborhoods. But now that I know this crowd is going to be there, maybe we’ll just go to the pool instead.
I left DC in 1991, what are these “Green” and “Yellow” lines?
Avoid Embassy Row unless you can speak non-English.
[re=645018]S.Luggo[/re]: I hear many of the people on Embassy Row are immigrants, frequently from East African and Arab countries.
Don’t use the yellow line? Are you kidding me? The yellow line goes from Virginia, stopping at points in posh Old Town Alexandria, Reagan (!!!!) National Airport, the office world of Crystal City, over the Potomac to the Federal office world of Southwest DC, to the National Archives, to Gallery Place-Chinatown, a very popular nightspot.
Why do Tea Partiers hate Reagan???
Once on St. Patrick’s Day a drunk frat type walked up to me at a metro station and said, “which line do I take to get to Alexandria? I don’t want to end up in the black part of town!”
I told him to take the green line.
[re=644742]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Then can we party at your house this weekend?
Stay on the Yellow/RED/BLUE Brick Road!
[re=644693]Another DC Lawyer (Again)[/re]: Yeah I’m hoping they ask me for directions. I usually send ‘em east down Pennsylvania Avenue, right into Anacostia.
[re=644982]zhubajie[/re]: Last time I was at the Mall people were ice skating in a little fairy tale land. It was quite surprising to run into that.
Heck, read the tourist guides BEFORE going? Where’s the fun in that?
[re=644701]Another DC Lawyer (Again)[/re]: Chump don’t start no trouble, won’t be no trouble. (translation available)
ACLU be damned. Is there now a plan for these fucktards to invade all the cities? They’ve been claiming parts of lower-Manhattan belong not to the people who own them or even the people who live in the neighborhoods but to “all America.” Isn’t that communism? Now they’re heading to DC and trying to make a concerted effort NOT to interact with the locals. Can’t we just greet them with baseball bats?
Can’t we all just get along? Maybe make some gift bags for the baggers, loaded with D.C. trinkets and bedbugs, the gift that keeps on giving.
[re=644684]sonicbloom[/re]: So in other words he fits right into his movement? I imagine teabaggers come from two areas: the trailer park flatlands which are pretty well segregated from the city or the suburbs which are segregated by choice. Since most of these wankers have only seen black people on teevee being arrested on COPS (as were many of their relatives, but they’re hypocrits) before president Obama (whom they’ve been told by their master hates them as badly as they hate black people) the cultural shock of seeing a black person in real would cause a complete meltdown featuring lying on the floor and twitching. Now that I think about it…please god one of you libtards sabotage those directions and send them to the “ghetto” Aka anywhere black people hang out, please!?! I could use the laugh!
Oh if schadenfreude were to REALLY pay off for me then many of these beck baggers would have a nightmare of getting confused, ending up in the “black” area of town they’ve been told to avoid and then after winding up there, get dropped off at Dupont Circle in front of a gay bar. This would be like one of those “’80′s dork(s) ends up on the wrong side of town” comedies and if schadenfreude were to REALLY pay off this trip would be ala those stupid movies a “life changing experience” complete with slow claps for the wingnut who realizes “we aren’t all that different after all” and then Glenn Beck being pelted by feces when he ramps up the racism/homophobia/xenophobia/islamophobia…and then again, maybe I need to get out more.
Cristobel: Please to suck my juicy bags’o'flava’.
Oh man, I love Bread and Chocolate, because I have a hella wicked sweet tooth, and now I love it even more now that I know that the…hrm, “ethnic” staff and “funky ethnic music” and shit will keep all the Teabaggers away.
I *was* planning on going to DC this weekend with the boyfriend. Not so sure I want to do that now with this perfect storm of fat and stupid brewing. Goddamnit.
[re=645646]Broken Malice Machine[/re]: Oh god I would watch that movie, although I have a pretty nauseating suspicion that Glenn Beck would enjoy being pelted with feces…
[re=645818]DespicableDarwinistFaggot[/re]: It’s probably part of one of Skousen’s supplementary Mormon rituals. Stuff the normal Mormons don’t do.
Also: don’t forget… most of DC’s evile Muslin taxi drivers are descended from the self-same monkee-god worshiping raghaid teris’t wut dun brung the nigra hordes for our betters to fetch over to take ‘Merikan jobs back in yer granpappies tyme! Whu-RAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh! Needs ayh sez mo’?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biEx1oRH3Q4&feature=player_embedded
http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201007190021
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