Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not

  it's morning in america
  • Last chance to see?  No, Walnuts will be around foreverWhat are the fun primaries Americans are going to be forced to vote in, today? In Arizona, Walnuts McCain, having dispensed with his few remaining principles, will almost certainly obliterate huckster infomercial man J.D. Hayworth. In Alaska, the Senate primary fight between Lisa Murkowski and Todd Palin’s snowmobiling buddy is secretly a proxy battle between Sarah Palin and the ghost of Ted Stevens. In Florida, Kendrick Meek will have to defeat a vulgar billionaire for the Democratic nomination to prove that he’s worthy to be Senator from a vulgar, bankrupt state. Also, people are voting in Vermont and Oklahoma, for some reason. [NYT/NYT/Bloomberg/538]
  • Virginia’s vigorous young attorney general will not stop until he has issued opinions kissing the ass of every facet of the GOP base. This week: abortions! Shouldn’t we make abortion clinics safer, for fetuses? [WP]
  • North Korea will keep capturing Americans until it has secured a photo-op visit from every living (and dead?) former U.S. president. This week’s lucky winner of a guided tour of scenic Pyongyang: Jimmy Carter. [Time]
  • Tom DeLay is still a criminal scumbag, allegedly. [WP]
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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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19 comments

  1. PrimlyStable

    Walnuts raving? There’s a mental picture to treasure. I reckon he’d look great in a pair of Orbital-style “glasses with torches attached”.

  2. gurukalehuru

    The voice of Nate Silver is the voice of God, unfortunately. I would love, love, love to see Captain McCrankypants go down in flames in his own primary, that would be so sweet.

  3. Baldar T Flagass

    [re=644177]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Well, at least you can edit your posts, unlike us hoi-polloi.

  4. Aflac Shrugged

    With all those needles and hoses in there, it’s amazing how easily a fetus can be inadvertently sucked out, just by accident.

    Everybody laughs until they’ve been negligently aborted.

  5. PrimlyStable

    [re=644177]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: On the bright side, at least you didn’t publish the draft that included the paragraph about what you really think of Ken.

  6. mumblyjoe

    So, the take-away lesson is that the right-wing actually loves onerous regulation, as long as it’s onerous regulation that helps to kill things that are legal, and indeed, constitutionally protected, because that’s what “constitutional-conservative, small-government values” are all about. Onerous regulations imposed to kill private practices that one can’t successfully legislate against. I mean, I know everyone else in the world has pointed out the irony and whatnot, but “deregulation, but only when it helps the already-rich screw over the poor harder and harder, and not when the regulations are imposed deliberately to erect a barrier to doing legal business that you happen to disagree with for other reasons” is a position of opportunity, not one of principle.

    It’s just an important thing to keep in mind, whenever we libs say, that we’re not going to use the tactics of assholes to achieve our ends, because the assholes use them and that would make us also assholes, is that one of the reasons Republicans are so goddamned successful at ruining this country over and over again is that they use each and every tool at their disposal to do so, even when the tool in question fundamentally undermines their supposed dearly-held principles, such as Regulation Bad.

  7. JMP

    Ah yes, I remember learning in law school that the job of Attorneys General and other representatives of the State is to enforce the law as they wish it was, rather than it actually is. Seriously, Cuccinelli has proven himself to be a total flaming douchebag, and I pity the poor Virginians stuck with him; well, except for the dickheads who actually voted for the cretin.

  8. Serolf Divad

    John McCain is a sad, ugly, unprincipled toad. But Hayworth is so God awful worse that three day old, cold toad soup actually sounds appetizing by comparison. Hayworth is Rush Limbaugh’s long lost brother.

  9. Terry

    Residents of Virginia, you know that guy you elected governor? The one who got a Master’s degree from a bogus college that *at the time he registered* was called the Christian Broadcast Network University? He’s bonkers. So is your Attorney General. So are the appointees that the Governor is putting in to the various State agencies.

    How about y’all not vote for him the next time?

  10. Oblios Cap

    In Florida, Kendrick Meek will have to defeat a vulgar billionaire for the Democratic nomination to prove that he’s worthy to be Senator from a vulgar, bankrupt state.

    I did my part to help Kendrick on the way in to work this morning.

    How exactly does one become unworthy of being a Senator from any state? Not lie, cheat, and steal well enough? There are plenty of the August 100 that I wouldn’t shake hands with (particularly, but not limited to, the pair from Oklahoma).

  11. Redhead

    Cuccinelli can kiss my ass. He tried to get the regulations passed as a bill for eight years and it didn’t work so hey, oops, my bad, I’m just gonna say that’s ACTUALLY what the law meant all along and no one realized it (including all the wingnuts trying to get this bill pushed through the legislature) and just hope no one calls me on it.

    Hey Cockacelli, why don’t you make abortion clinics safer from all your lunatic supporters yelling at, harassing and in some cases assaulting (oh, and that whole bombing issue) the people trying to get care first? Once you do that, THEN we can talk about the conditions inside. Or just go back to sucking McDonnell’s cock.

  12. Berkeley Bear

    [re=644190]Terry[/re]: Well, fortunately McDonnell can’t run again under VA’s funky one and out system, and Cooch is proving himself so nutty that I assume his next act is a horribly doomed Presidential run, but they are exhibits 1A and 1B of why voting should not be done while drunk, inbred and/or angry.

    Then again, Illinois is about to elect a guy who is just as socially conservative as McDonnell because the Democrat is incredibly inept. And somehow the fact there was one moron on his jury means we all have to watch Blago embarrass the state on TV for the next month or so.

  13. tootsieroll

    Oh, OT kinda for Boston area Wonketteers, Toucher and Rich on 98.5 are having Basil Marceaux on the phone for an interview tomorrow. It could be epic.

  14. DC Hates Me

    Here are the 3 Dem contenders for Alaska, one of whom will challenge Murkowski.

    1) Scott McAdams, incredibly boring guy.

    2) Jacob Seth Kern, hip-hop scientist of Anchorage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLcJ71y0I0

    3) Frank Vondersaar. His bio says he was “Illegally purged from USAF in 1986 by fascist criminals and targeted by the secret police since.”

  15. chascates

    There’s no way we’ll know the winner of the Alaskan Grisly Mama vs. Dead Fish proxy battle tonight. I’ll go ahead and weigh in and predict it won’t be a Stevens who wins the Senate primary.

  16. desertwind

    Yeah, Walnuts has an advantage.

    You just know that Cindy is pushing walking-around-money & free beer for all McCain “supporters.”

    No way in hell she wants that old man back home cramping her style.

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