You know what else can happen in two seconds? FALLING HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR NEW CRUSH RAY LAHOOD. *kawaii* (｡◕‿‿◕｡) Yes, Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood hates teens sexting when they’re driving cars, so he is doing things like sponsoring this viral video CHALLENGE and going to popular teen hangout the Illinois State Fair to step-dance at teens about this problemo. And now he has ghost-ridden over to the White House website and become a popular teen warblogger, just like your Wonkette.
Like hundreds of thousands of other Illinois households, the LaHood family circles the middle of August on our calendar each year for the Illinois State Fair.
From livestock, grains, and fruit to textiles, cooking, and other handiwork, the Illinois State Fair showcases the best our state has to offer. It’s a pleasure to walk around the halls, stalls and booths to see what folks have proudly displayed. For farmers, artisans, and old friends, the state fair offers Illinoisans a way of saying “This is what we’ve been up to for the past year.”
This is the farmer, artisan, and old-friend version of sexting, you see.
Operation Teen Safe Driving encourages the creativity of Illinois teens to develop programs to reduce fatalities and injuries due to traffic crashes among their peers. They’ve got a lot to be proud of as they have helped reduce teen fatalities in Illinois by half since 2006.
Wow, they weren’t even teenagers then! They were mere children who couldn’t drive, yet they put all their spare non-sexting time into stopping distracted teen driving. Gr8test Gen r ation!
Yes, from prize pigs to popcorn, my home state of has a lot to celebrate at this year’s Illinois State Fair. And engaging teen drivers and empowering them to make the right choices behind the wheel tops that list.
Wow, Ray LaHood, even teen rappers are like, “We are modest compared to this Secretary of Transportation, yo, yo, yo-yo.” [White House]
{ 21 comments }
“And engaging teen drivers and empowering them to make the right choices behind the wheel tops that list.”
Should we really enter into engagements with teens? Don’t most states have laws against that?
Ray calls “livestock, grains, and fruit” as being “the best our state has to offer”, yet none of them come from Chicago, the only place in Illinois that anything useful or worthwhile comes from. Where’s the deep dish pizza?
Ray LaHood strikes me as the kind of guy that would have really lame, un-sexy sexts. “U hav nice bosoms. Want to touch my comb-over?”
“Operation Teen Safe Driving”? Why so literal? Whatever happened to “Operation Screaming Eagle” and “Operation Lust Hammer”, and so forth?
[re=643981]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: “hai hawt stuf! u drive me crazee!! want 2 chek under lahood? LOL!!1″
Gr8test Gen r ation!
Easy on the Illinois State Fair, ♫♫ ’cause p’ people like to put us down ♫♫ It is/was a cultural Mecca.
Although I was elsewhere serving our beloved common Uncle, the Who played at the 1968 ISF, playing all of Tommy without a brake as their opening number. This year they had Blondie and Cheap Trick. Corn dogs were supposedly first served there as well (though some folks in Minnehaha claim the honor as well).
Jack, where is your respect????
Hey kids be careful of the toot yer tooting. Seems a lot of coke floating about these days has been cut with levamisole, a compound used to de-worm livestock and the family of a certain former governor.
Where is User_of_owls on this cocaine connection to the hookworm conjecture????
How appropriate that Ray LaHood’s teen driving safety campaign is called “two-second turnoff,” even if he is being optimistic about their attention span.
There would be far fewer texting teens in Illinois if the flat-ass state had anything remotely resembling a geological feature.
[re=643992]weejee[/re]: Agreed. The Who at the Illinois State Fair was totally awesome. But the next best thing — most interesting thing — was the ginsu knives demonstration. Quite a drop in excitement if you ask me.
[re=643980]JMP[/re]: Hey, all those small towns west of Chicago where Italian miners settled, and where Al Capone used to hide out when things got too hot in the windy city, still have authentic Italian cuisine. Although, I have to admit, Chicago has some fine eateries.
OT: Why is Brian Williams smirking in the “5 years after Katrina” banners? It’s a little creepy. “I went to New Orleans, and all I got was this lousy flooding. CAW! Black people dying, am i rite?”
LaHoodie
JMP
I happen to know they had pizza-on-a-stick and in a cone this year. A guy talked about it on a podcast I lisen to. Can’t find any photos though.
[re=643987]Mad Brahms[/re]: In that top left picture he looks like he’s a jelly doughnut and a Christmas sweater away from turning into Huckaby.
we haven’t been a-warblogging recently.
this saddens me.
15 comments only? I guess this is what happens when you sandwich something between Palin stories – the light just doesn’t burn as bright. Don’t despair, Jack! You’ll create another Alvin Green soon enough!
[re=644025]lochnessmonster[/re]: God, I just really miss the deep dish pizza. There used to be an Uno’s around here after I moved back, but a closed a few years ago and now there’s not even the massed-produced generic version. Just New York style pizza, which is far inferior to the Chicago style.
[re=644098]JMP[/re]: “Just New York style pizza, which is far inferior to the Chicago style.”
I’d war blog over that!
No Snark Zone: The solution to teen sexting and texting while driving, the chronic inadequacy of parking space near anywhere you want to be, traffic jams, road rage, slow drivers in the fast lane, drunk drivers, car theft and burglary, the high price of auto insurance, the annoying persistence of car alarms, our crumbling infrastructure and the lack of jobs in America is very simple: A better public transport system including high speed inter-city railways.
“…engaging teen drivers and empowering them to make the right choices…”
What the fuck does that even MEAN?
Its like there is some White House directive that all executive branch departments and agencies must use the words “engage” and “empower” at least once in every press release, whether it makes sense or not.
[re=644025]lochnessmonster[/re]: “Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy is unbelievable. He ran the old Cup ‘o Pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to eat this.”
Comments on this entry are closed.