at one with nature and the way

Alvin Greene Goes Golfing With Golf Club, PRESIDENTIALLY

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Always occupied with rewards and punishments, what leisure have men had to rest in the instincts of the nature with which they are endowed?.
If you guys ever want to hang out with Alvin Greene, just call him up. He’ll do it. He’s no snooty Confucian.

Greene said Sunday’s game was an opportunity to bring attention to promoting tourism, one of his campaign planks. He said he has visited the Grand Strand nearly every summer of his 32 years.

We now have FOUR planks! Alvin Greene: He thinks on his feet.

For Shea and the other members of the Kennedy Group, a band of golf buddies that plays together often, it was a chance to get to know Greene a little better in a non-campaign setting.

Some were disappointed when Greene called it quits early, having overdressed for the weather.

“I think he just got overheated,” Shea said. “We were going to host him for lunch.”

He must have had some Daoism stuff to attend to.

A terrific photo gallery is here, and thus we have to do more than just a single half-assed Blingee.

There you go, Alvin.

Looks like his site is still down. Perhaps if we call him, he will let Wonkette be his official website. [Myrtle Beach Sun News]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Joshua Norton

    Someone tell Justin Bieber to get a haircut. God damned hippie.

  • JMP

    I’m shocked to see there’s actually a golf course in South Carolina that’ll let a black Senate candidate play.

  • chascates

    Now comes the comparisons to Tiger.

  • Gratuitous World

    once you go greene…

  • Extemporanus

    That Greene seems a little slow to me.

  • jus_wonderin

    What are those dolphins doing???

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=643844]chascates[/re]: Alvin Greene doesn’t bone enough skanks to make the comparison valid.

  • SmutBoffin

    From the look on Alvin’s face in the golf cart pic, I can only surmise that he is thinking, “I never thought that when I ran for senate that I might have to hang out with dorks.”

  • Zadig

    [re=643853]Extemporanus[/re]: Guess who just won the afternoon?

  • ella

    [re=643836]Joshua Norton[/re]: And he can stop wearing lipgloss while he’s at it. Is he auditioning for Project Runway or sumpin’?

  • nappyduggs

    Every time he hit a drive, he would holler “Gooooooooooooooo.”

    Calm down, black man.

  • chascates

    BBC announced Tiger and his wife have divorced. Go for it, Alvin!

  • Suds McKenzie

    Hey, everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!

  • Gratuitous World

    [re=643881]Suds McKenzie[/re]: alvin – there’s a brown audi in my parking space. Please have it towed away immediately.

  • dijetlo

    Dorks play golf, Sifu Greene seeks to complete the yang desire of the ball for the hole through the application of yin in the form of a six iron.
    [re=643865]ella[/re]: [re=643836]Joshua Norton[/re]: We can all look forward to the day he’s forced to eat cockroach ejaculate on some reality TV show for washed child stars. Or , if that genre continues down it’s well defined path, shortly they’ll just vivisect them on national television for our amusement. In either case, I look forward to following this talented young mans career.

  • the mollusk

    Is is just me, or looking at the pictures did he not say a word all afternoon?

  • The Greatest American hero

    I like his pimp hat, but it needs a peacock feather.

  • Truculent

    I see his media campaign is in high gear. The shirt is the message — on to victory, Alvin!

  • superdave

    Obvious reverse pivot. All his weight is on his back foot at the finish. Also what kind of golf club always T-shirts?

  • Baldar T Flagass

    [re=643881]Suds McKenzie[/re]: My Caddyshack allusion was going to be “Be the ball, Alvin.”
    Or “This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story. Out of nowhere. An accused pornographed now about to become the Master’s champion. It’s in the hole!”

  • Beanball

    Walking down the fairway one afternoon, Green and his caddy were accosted by a fan seeking an autograph. Without a word, Green swung his club and dashed the fan unconscious. Stunned, the caddy asked the Master, “Oh, Perfect Master, isn’t striking a fan unconscious bad for your Karma?” Without missing a stroke, the Enlightened One replied, “Maybe, but it’s definitely good for his.”

  • Tundra Grifter

    [re=643853]Extemporanus[/re]: Fast, actually…bikini wax.

  • ArugulaTeleprompterz

    That golf stance just screams slice. I hope they weren’t betting on every hole or Alvin’s campaign warchest would be thoroughly depleted…

  • GOPCrusher

    You’re not being the ball, Danny.

  • Gorillionaire

    Did you get a free bowl of soup with that hat? (rimshot, throw cash into the air).

  • plowman

    [re=643881]Suds McKenzie[/re]: “I like to watch…”

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=643946]Beanball[/re]: Jesus and Buddha were at the tee of short par-4 with a pond right in front of the green, and Jesus says to Buddha, “Whatd’ya think? A three-iron to get over the water hazard from here?”

    Buddha says, “I’m gonna lay up, I can’t make it over in one.”

    Jesus replies, “Tiger Woods could make over with a three iron. I’m going for it.”

    Jesus takes a mighty swing and manages to land right into the middle of the pond. “I’m going to take a mulligan on that,” and walks out to the pond to retrieve his ball. Buddha is waiting for him on the tee when the foursome playing behind them comes up and sees Jesus walking on the water, fishing around to get his ball back.

    One guy in the foursome says to Buddha, “Who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?”

    Buddha says, “Nah, he thinks he’s Tiger Woods.”

  • Extemporanus

    [re=643863]Zadig[/re]: Thank god for handicaps!

    [re=643962]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Greene’s keeping is a dirty job…

  • sezme

    [re=644035]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Boy, if I understood golf (as well as Alvin Greene does), I’m pretty sure I’d be rolling on the floor right about now. But no buddhism mosques on the green, okay, because it’s TOO SOON and never forget.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Alvin doesn’t have to eat, Alvin just IS.

  • alvin greene for president

    See the Alvin Greene Story in video. The Tao of Alvin.