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These five people and two glasses of Pepsi are tired of this joke.“Republican Rand Paul’s latest money bomb appears to have, well, bombed.” HIGH FIVE! You did it, Politico! Yes, Rand Paul had one of these “money bomb” things, which are supposed to attract media attention and make supporters self-flagellate for just how much they love their favorite politicians. Rand Paul set out to top the $436,000 he raised in a money bomb last August, but this time he only raised $258,000! This is an important midterm bellwether, because it shows Republicans are no longer interested in their candidates. This whole mosque thing is going to blow up (LIKE A MONEY BOMB) in the party’s face, because Republican voters are going to write in “9/11 NOT mosks” for every office on their ballots.

Since Paul won the general election, however, he’s had trouble keeping up the enthusiasm from his online activist base and tea party members. In a Facebook friend drive earlier this month, Paul’s campaign aimed to get 100,000 people to sign up for his Web page — but fell about 40,000 people short.

Obviously Rand Paul needs to tell the Teabaggers that Muslims are secretly building mosques in their rectums, and the only way to make them stop is by signing over their Social Security and disability checks to him. [Politico]

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