Michele Bachmann Is An ‘Expert’ of Laws

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Constitutional expertsFormer New Jersey judge Andrew Napolitano, host of Fox Business News’s Freedom Watch teevee program and an expert himself on the civil rights of sheeple, invited the magnetic Minnesotan Michele Bachmann to appear on his show — just so he could say that she’s not only an “outstanding and outspoken member of Congress,” but also a “well-known expert on the Constitution.” Bachmann, looking chic in a ponytail and showing off her toned arms (take that, FLOTUS), agreed.

The constitutional scholars at Media Matters got the clip:

Bachmann studied charismatic Christian laws at Oral Roberts University, and also regular old American tax laws at the College of William and Mary, so she is basically a younger Sandra Day O’Connor sans Arizona accent. Maybe she should be running for judge of something, like traffic court, instead of Congress? And also hosting her own Judge Judy-like teevee show, where she tries other Congressional reps for crimes such as “illegal distribution of wealth” and “supporting known terrorist organizations” like AmeriCorps. [Media Matters for America]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • chascates

    I think a ‘Christian Reconstructionist’ justice show, that say, lopped off the hands of pickpockets, would be great venue for Michele. And the fund-raising potential is enormous.

  • imissopus

    “Your classic cross-examination of Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner…”


  • Tundra Grifter

    Perhaps One-L Michele should read the House ethics laws. That part where an elected Representative isn’t supposed to tell American citizens to not follow the law – oh, such as completing the US Census form?

    Why wasn’t there an Ethics Complaint filed against her for that?

  • Beowoof

    What this woman knows about law would make up day 1 of 9th grade civics class.

  • Surfeit O’Hubris

    That poor dog looks unhappy to be there, as if knowing s/he’s a pawn in some dumb yet evil stunt.

  • Truculent

    Well-known expert on the Constitution? Let me quote Curtis v. Kline in Fish Called Wanda (1988): “Apes don’t read philosophy.” “Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it.”

  • DemmeFatale

    Cruelty to animals!

  • chascates

    As MockPaperScissors points out:
    The GOP loves the Constitution, as they are glad to tell you. They just want to make it better by getting rid of parts of it, and adding new stuff:

    Republican Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia wants to get rid of the language about birthright citizenship, federal income taxes and direct election of senators, among others. He would add plenty of stuff, including explicitly authorizing castration as punishment for child rapists.

    Other widely supported Republican amendments would prohibit government ownership of private companies, bar same-sex marriage, require a two-thirds vote in Congress to raise taxes, and — an old favorite — prohibit desecration of the American flag.

    Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., who founded a tea party caucus in Congress honoring the growing conservative movement that focuses on Constitutional governance, wants to restrict the president’s ability to sign international treaties because she fears the Obama administration might replace the dollar with some sort of global currency.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    And when asked which U.S. Supreme Court cases she most approved or disapproved of, she sagely replied, “All of ’em!”

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    Minnesota is close to Canadia. They are dumb; do you think we can slip the deed to the state under their front door tonight and give the state to them?

    Minneapolis, Ontario, has a nice, Frenchie ring to it. Minneapolis, who just agreed to pay $160,000 to seven people who were dressed as Zombies and jailed for 2 days in 2006 because they had stereos in backpacks that had wires coming out of the backpacks that MIGHT HAVE BEEN BOOBS, I mean, BOMBS. Sorry, the only Boobs were Michelle’s and the police, and the whole state that din’t fire their zombie hating buttockszs.

    Probably pregnant alien Zombies here to drop their terrorist zombie babies. Don’t know why they hated them; they’d have voted Repubican, anyway, as Zombies usually do.

  • FMA

    “Extend Bush’s tax cuts or the dog dies!”

  • Bordo

    Every time Michele Bachmann opens her mouth, another little kitten dies. Why does Michele Bachmann hate defenseless little kittens?

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    Michele only has one “L,” so please disregard my prior Zombie note, as I am obviously refudiatin’ my meds today. When life hands you seeds and stems, you don’t just fart in the mud puddle, and for that I am going to look for something other than seeds and stems. Oh Aqua Buddha, where are you in my hour of knead. I’m makin’ bread, here.

  • ManchuCandidate

    She must have stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.

  • Ted Kennedy Breakdancing

    Just another reason I don’t advertise the fact that I’m a William and Mary grad. Jesus.

  • V572625694

    On what groud does she base her knowledge of the Constitution?

  • freakishlystrong

    These so called “constitutin’ consevatards” should maybe take a gander at the first amendment. Glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Also.

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    Michele is like a lactating penis. I don’t know what that means, but it just seems right.

  • Oblios Cap

    Bachmann’s operating a puppy mill now? OMG. Throw in a cell with Michael Vick, posthaste.

  • DP

    Boy, that Judge Neapolitan is a tough interviewer. After kissing her ass for twenty seconds he then went on to ask her “exactly the right question.”

    And the answer, of course–Tea Party!


  • weejee

    [re=643789]V572625694[/re]: The vector Oral Roberts U shoved up her ass prior to graduation.

    [re=643791]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Sounds like something to clap about.

  • V572625694

    [re=643762]imissopus[/re]: Let’s relieve those golden moments together:

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=643789]V572625694[/re]: On the grounds that RAON PAULZ (Knower of Truths and Captain of Blimps, may peace be upon him) taught her everything.


  • The Sandman

    So they let any drooling half wit into William and Mary nowadays, toned guns or no?

  • whiterabid

    [re=643796]V572625694[/re]: That was lively. I like how Barney Frank tells her she can’t extend her time into another members time by demanding an answer to a question that wasn’t answered during the time she was allotted to ask questions and receive answers.

    Where is that in the Constitution?

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    What year would have to teleport to experiance a similar level of public craziness? In the 60’s this lady would have a hard enough time getting on Firing Line for fear to flaming the cinders of looniness. Now it’s a big money to do so.

  • Extemporanus

    Michele Bachmann looks like she just 69’d a mime.

    Also, that fucking puppy has man-hands.

    [re=643791]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: There’s a reason they call it “milking”.

  • One Yield Regular

    As a Tea Party Teabagger, it’s refreshing for me to hear her say that “we should base ALL of our decisions upon” the Constitution, ’cause I’m really getting tired of hauling around this heavy Bible.

    I’m also counting on Michele to tell me which part of the Constitution I should consult to decide whether to attend Burning Man or not.

  • Melissa511

    Ever notice how much Andrew Napolitano resembles Eddie Munster?

  • Radiotherapy

    Repubs Dems
    God and Jeebus Allah and atheism
    the Constitution Rules for Radicals
    the moral high ground pagans
    the Founding Fathers Benedict Arnold
    Purity Corruption
    White Black
    Fiscal Conservative Tax and spend
    the military SEIU
    free markets Marxism
    the 50’s and 80’s the 60’s and 70’s
    the Flag the Fags
    Ronald Reagan Jimmy Carter
    911 the BP Oil Spill
    Right Wrong
    MLK Jr. Farrakhan
    Commonsense Destruction
    Thomas Jefferson William Jefferson

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    2 bitches, 1 pic.

  • Tyler Perry&#39

    She’s very well-versed in bird law.

  • inedalo

    she’s dumb enough to run for prez in 2012.

  • jus_wonderin

    For a second, I thought the dog was a Blingee addition. Then, it did nothing. Unlike what Justin Bieber does.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Wait, holy fuck. This woman actually got a law degree?

  • Beanball

    [re=643861]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Law diploma mills are a shame and a scandal and a blot upon America’s online institutions of higher educationals.

  • woke up liberal

    okay, so the interwebz has me all confused. My states’ second greatest embarassment who is a Christian Reconstructionist Originalist educated in questionable institutions in TAX law…which golly, sort of is about sort of government money….is a constitutional expert, while that Muslin in the white house who went to Harvard Law and taught constitutional law at Chicago..he’s a…poser? Ah, okay. Got it. So nice to have all that clear.

  • zhubajie

    [re=643791]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Some kind of loathsome sex disease, I fear.

  • zhubajie

    [re=643861]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: From Oral Roberts U., in OK. It’s not that hard.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    I’m thinking more along the lines Eddie’s doll, Wolfie.

  • just pixels

    She thinks she’s one of the living books in “Fahrenheit 451”, in her case the Constitution. So we’ll only know what it says by asking her to recite it back to us. The way she’d like it to be. But guess what Michele, WE WROTE IT DOWN! Plus we created a Supreme Court to tell us when you’re Constitutional interpretation is incorrect.

    But I think the real story here is “Judge” Napolitano’s willingness to overlook Bachmann’s idiocy about the law. He could have engaged in some classic cross-examination. Why won’t they put that on television?

  • Mad Brahms

    [re=643794]DP[/re]: I mean, the show is called “Freedom Watch” (insert animated waving flag gif here), so I’m not sure what one could expect.

    Also, the tag is “blowhards”? Under absolutely no circumstances would I allow that harpy to blow me, hard or otherwise.