BLOWHARDS  12:41 pm August 23, 2010

Michele Bachmann Is An ‘Expert’ of Laws

by Lauri Apple

Constitutional expertsFormer New Jersey judge Andrew Napolitano, host of Fox Business News’s Freedom Watch teevee program and an expert himself on the civil rights of sheeple, invited the magnetic Minnesotan Michele Bachmann to appear on his show — just so he could say that she’s not only an “outstanding and outspoken member of Congress,” but also a “well-known expert on the Constitution.” Bachmann, looking chic in a ponytail and showing off her toned arms (take that, FLOTUS), agreed.

The constitutional scholars at Media Matters got the clip:

Bachmann studied charismatic Christian laws at Oral Roberts University, and also regular old American tax laws at the College of William and Mary, so she is basically a younger Sandra Day O’Connor sans Arizona accent. Maybe she should be running for judge of something, like traffic court, instead of Congress? And also hosting her own Judge Judy-like teevee show, where she tries other Congressional reps for crimes such as “illegal distribution of wealth” and “supporting known terrorist organizations” like AmeriCorps. [Media Matters for America]

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chascates August 23, 2010 at 12:48 pm

I think a ‘Christian Reconstructionist’ justice show, that say, lopped off the hands of pickpockets, would be great venue for Michele. And the fund-raising potential is enormous.

imissopus August 23, 2010 at 12:49 pm

“Your classic cross-examination of Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner…”


Tundra Grifter August 23, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Perhaps One-L Michele should read the House ethics laws. That part where an elected Representative isn’t supposed to tell American citizens to not follow the law – oh, such as completing the US Census form?

Why wasn’t there an Ethics Complaint filed against her for that?

Beowoof August 23, 2010 at 12:49 pm

What this woman knows about law would make up day 1 of 9th grade civics class.

Surfeit O'Hubris August 23, 2010 at 12:50 pm

That poor dog looks unhappy to be there, as if knowing s/he’s a pawn in some dumb yet evil stunt.

Truculent August 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Well-known expert on the Constitution? Let me quote Curtis v. Kline in Fish Called Wanda (1988): “Apes don’t read philosophy.” “Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it.”

DemmeFatale August 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Cruelty to animals!

chascates August 23, 2010 at 12:54 pm

As MockPaperScissors points out:
The GOP loves the Constitution, as they are glad to tell you. They just want to make it better by getting rid of parts of it, and adding new stuff:

Republican Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia wants to get rid of the language about birthright citizenship, federal income taxes and direct election of senators, among others. He would add plenty of stuff, including explicitly authorizing castration as punishment for child rapists.

Other widely supported Republican amendments would prohibit government ownership of private companies, bar same-sex marriage, require a two-thirds vote in Congress to raise taxes, and — an old favorite — prohibit desecration of the American flag.

Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., who founded a tea party caucus in Congress honoring the growing conservative movement that focuses on Constitutional governance, wants to restrict the president’s ability to sign international treaties because she fears the Obama administration might replace the dollar with some sort of global currency.

BlueStateLiberal August 23, 2010 at 12:56 pm

And when asked which U.S. Supreme Court cases she most approved or disapproved of, she sagely replied, “All of ‘em!”

Baby who ate the Dingo August 23, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Minnesota is close to Canadia. They are dumb; do you think we can slip the deed to the state under their front door tonight and give the state to them?

Minneapolis, Ontario, has a nice, Frenchie ring to it. Minneapolis, who just agreed to pay $160,000 to seven people who were dressed as Zombies and jailed for 2 days in 2006 because they had stereos in backpacks that had wires coming out of the backpacks that MIGHT HAVE BEEN BOOBS, I mean, BOMBS. Sorry, the only Boobs were Michelle’s and the police, and the whole state that din’t fire their zombie hating buttockszs.

Probably pregnant alien Zombies here to drop their terrorist zombie babies. Don’t know why they hated them; they’d have voted Repubican, anyway, as Zombies usually do.

FMA August 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

“Extend Bush’s tax cuts or the dog dies!”

Bordo August 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Every time Michele Bachmann opens her mouth, another little kitten dies. Why does Michele Bachmann hate defenseless little kittens?

Baby who ate the Dingo August 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Michele only has one “L,” so please disregard my prior Zombie note, as I am obviously refudiatin’ my meds today. When life hands you seeds and stems, you don’t just fart in the mud puddle, and for that I am going to look for something other than seeds and stems. Oh Aqua Buddha, where are you in my hour of knead. I’m makin’ bread, here.

ManchuCandidate August 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm

She must have stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.

Ted Kennedy Breakdancing August 23, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Just another reason I don’t advertise the fact that I’m a William and Mary grad. Jesus.

V572625694 August 23, 2010 at 1:09 pm

On what groud does she base her knowledge of the Constitution?

freakishlystrong August 23, 2010 at 1:09 pm

These so called “constitutin’ consevatards” should maybe take a gander at the first amendment. Glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Also.

Baby who ate the Dingo August 23, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Michele is like a lactating penis. I don’t know what that means, but it just seems right.

Oblios Cap August 23, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Bachmann’s operating a puppy mill now? OMG. Throw in a cell with Michael Vick, posthaste.

DP August 23, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Boy, that Judge Neapolitan is a tough interviewer. After kissing her ass for twenty seconds he then went on to ask her “exactly the right question.”

And the answer, of course–Tea Party!


weejee August 23, 2010 at 1:12 pm

[re=643789]V572625694[/re]: The vector Oral Roberts U shoved up her ass prior to graduation.

[re=643791]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Sounds like something to clap about.

V572625694 August 23, 2010 at 1:13 pm

[re=643762]imissopus[/re]: Let’s relieve those golden moments together:

SmutBoffin August 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm

[re=643789]V572625694[/re]: On the grounds that RAON PAULZ (Knower of Truths and Captain of Blimps, may peace be upon him) taught her everything.


The Sandman August 23, 2010 at 1:22 pm

So they let any drooling half wit into William and Mary nowadays, toned guns or no?

whiterabid August 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=643796]V572625694[/re]: That was lively. I like how Barney Frank tells her she can’t extend her time into another members time by demanding an answer to a question that wasn’t answered during the time she was allotted to ask questions and receive answers.

Where is that in the Constitution?

Manos: Hands of Fate August 23, 2010 at 1:46 pm

What year would have to teleport to experiance a similar level of public craziness? In the 60′s this lady would have a hard enough time getting on Firing Line for fear to flaming the cinders of looniness. Now it’s a big money to do so.

Extemporanus August 23, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Michele Bachmann looks like she just 69′d a mime.

Also, that fucking puppy has man-hands.

[re=643791]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: There’s a reason they call it “milking”.

One Yield Regular August 23, 2010 at 1:49 pm

As a Tea Party Teabagger, it’s refreshing for me to hear her say that “we should base ALL of our decisions upon” the Constitution, ’cause I’m really getting tired of hauling around this heavy Bible.

I’m also counting on Michele to tell me which part of the Constitution I should consult to decide whether to attend Burning Man or not.

Melissa511 August 23, 2010 at 1:52 pm

Ever notice how much Andrew Napolitano resembles Eddie Munster?

Radiotherapy August 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Repubs Dems
God and Jeebus Allah and atheism
the Constitution Rules for Radicals
the moral high ground pagans
the Founding Fathers Benedict Arnold
Purity Corruption
White Black
Fiscal Conservative Tax and spend
the military SEIU
free markets Marxism
the 50′s and 80′s the 60′s and 70′s
the Flag the Fags
Ronald Reagan Jimmy Carter
911 the BP Oil Spill
Right Wrong
MLK Jr. Farrakhan
Commonsense Destruction
Thomas Jefferson William Jefferson

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 23, 2010 at 1:58 pm

2 bitches, 1 pic.

Tyler Perry' August 23, 2010 at 2:05 pm

She’s very well-versed in bird law.

inedalo August 23, 2010 at 2:09 pm

she’s dumb enough to run for prez in 2012.

jus_wonderin August 23, 2010 at 2:17 pm

For a second, I thought the dog was a Blingee addition. Then, it did nothing. Unlike what Justin Bieber does.

AnnieGetYourFun August 23, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Wait, holy fuck. This woman actually got a law degree?

Beanball August 23, 2010 at 3:18 pm

[re=643861]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Law diploma mills are a shame and a scandal and a blot upon America’s online institutions of higher educationals.

woke up liberal August 23, 2010 at 3:33 pm

okay, so the interwebz has me all confused. My states’ second greatest embarassment who is a Christian Reconstructionist Originalist educated in questionable institutions in TAX law…which golly, sort of is about sort of government money….is a constitutional expert, while that Muslin in the white house who went to Harvard Law and taught constitutional law at Chicago..he’s a…poser? Ah, okay. Got it. So nice to have all that clear.

zhubajie August 23, 2010 at 6:20 pm

[re=643791]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Some kind of loathsome sex disease, I fear.

zhubajie August 23, 2010 at 6:22 pm

[re=643861]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: From Oral Roberts U., in OK. It’s not that hard.

Escape Goat Nation August 23, 2010 at 6:47 pm

I’m thinking more along the lines Eddie’s doll, Wolfie.

just pixels August 23, 2010 at 7:05 pm

She thinks she’s one of the living books in “Fahrenheit 451″, in her case the Constitution. So we’ll only know what it says by asking her to recite it back to us. The way she’d like it to be. But guess what Michele, WE WROTE IT DOWN! Plus we created a Supreme Court to tell us when you’re Constitutional interpretation is incorrect.

But I think the real story here is “Judge” Napolitano’s willingness to overlook Bachmann’s idiocy about the law. He could have engaged in some classic cross-examination. Why won’t they put that on television?

Mad Brahms August 23, 2010 at 7:46 pm

[re=643794]DP[/re]: I mean, the show is called “Freedom Watch” (insert animated waving flag gif here), so I’m not sure what one could expect.

Also, the tag is “blowhards”? Under absolutely no circumstances would I allow that harpy to blow me, hard or otherwise.

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