let's see her naked

Meet ‘Lucky,’ Scott Brown’s New Team Member

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I need a smoke breakA heroic staffer for Massachusetts model-senator Scott Brown recently saved this nice little cat from a harsh, lonely existence on the wild streets of Washington and brought her to Brown’s office. The feline polled well with Team Brown and subsequently acquired a new name: the distinctive “Lucky, a.k.a. ‘Longshot'” — as well as a new job, it seems!

Lucky has officially become “part of the team,” Brown states on his Facebook page, which suggests that she is now working for him (and against the Tea Party). She does seem to know how to read, which puts her above most Republicans in the talent pool; maybe she’ll be good at opposition research. Brown should also consider letting her handle incoming calls placed by irate Massachusetts Teabagger-voters who just want to shout “socialist traitor” over and over again, to relieve his “human employees” of that burden.

Some of Brown’s fans applaud his bleeding-heart liberal acceptance of Lucky and her transient lifestyle, posting comments to his specially designated “Lucky the Cat” photo album:

  • Give it the okay to claw back at Nancy Polosi.
  • It’s a pleasure to have a Senator who is sensitive to the needs of our furry friends. Lucky is, indeed, lucky!
  • Are you going to get Lucky her own Petizen page?
  • He’s proud to be an American and not afraid to display the flag. Good job Lucky!

(Lucky is a lady cat.)

The majority of the comments are from ladies, too. This is because a) Brown is the Justin Beiber of the Senate; and b) women become very emotional about animals, for it is our nature to nurture.

Brown had better not get too carried away with the cat adoptions, though: The Senate already has an official Cat Lady in Tom Coburn, and she turns vicious if someone tries to challenge her authority. Also, is it even legal to keep a cat in the Senate office buildings? Seems like it would break some sort of hygiene or etiquette rule. Informed Wonketteers with Capitol Hill experience, enlighten us via the comments section, a.k.a., “The Litter Box.”

LOOK, it’s Lucky again! Everybody go awwww:

Muslim?

[Scott Brown’s Facebook page]

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About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • weejee

    Aluminum bat = softball = Scott Brown is ghey

  • Limeylizzie

    I confess I adore cats and this actually makes me like Scott Brown,but I would encourage “Lucky” to find that nice man Eric Cantor’s office and drop a few logs on his desk.

  • bago

    Bat-cat!

  • V572625694

    Subsequent to their long disenfranchisement after Socks Rodham Clinton was evicted from the White House, Feline-Americans finally have representation again!

  • Cape Clod

    Teabagger response: “Instead of a cat, he should have adopted a rhino! Haw, haw, haw! Did you get that? A Rhino because he’s a republican in name only! I have to write that down so I remember it. Where’s a piece of paper?”

  • Terry

    Lucky will disappear from sight in a few weeks after it’s discovered that she’s brought in a whole bunch of fleas and that she has the habit of peeing under Brown’s desk at night.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    Wow, a Republican actually possesses a working heart–amazing.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Scott Brown: officially pussified.

  • JMP

    This will just further infuriate the teabaggers; in part because they believe being kind to animals is for pussy socialists, but mostly because just about everything infuriates them.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Cats are vessels for Satan according to the book of Deuteronomy. Time to cast evil out of the people’s house.

    — Sharron Angle.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    Looking forward to his next speech: I can’t wait to find out whether or not the cat is single.

  • facehead

    Scott Brown is just a puppet for Big Cat.

  • Adversary153

    Is lucky wearing “Black Face”?

  • pub_option

    How much taxpayers was spent cleaning up and feeding the cat? It does not look like a mangy alley cat in these photos.

  • Katydid

    I knew he was a Socialist! And who’s paying for the cat’s food and cute little toys? The American taxpayer, I bet. Goddamn Socialist Scott Brown is what I say.

  • Darkness

    Don’t make me like this guy.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Scott Brown gets all the pussy.

  • DoktorZoom

    Fine, fine, the cat is cute…but it’s only a matter of time until embarrassing photos leak: are we ready for pics of the cat in a clamshell bikini?

    Obligatory XKCD, also

  • Norbert

    Muslins hate dogs. Brown has a cat. What does it all mean? Damnit, where’s my chalkboard?

  • tbogg

    Pimping out his cat just like he does with his daughters. When can we expect the clamshell cat bra? Hmmmm?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I believe that anyone who adopts strays AND takes proper, PERMANENT care of them can’t be all bad.
    There I said it. There is hope for Brown.
    Better keep that litter box clean Brown. I’m watching you. And get her neutered. Cats are total sluts when in heat. Kind of like Newt Gingrich without the triple ickyness.
    MG

  • Buzz Feedback

    Brown no longer hairiest animal in the office.

  • obfuscator

    larry craig spent most of his time in dc picking up stray cocks off the street.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Cats break a HYGIENE rule??? Have you see any of the Republican interns?

  • x111e7thst

    But how does the crying eagle feel about Lucky? Or crying Glenn Beck?

  • JMP

    [re=643657]Buzz Feedback[/re]: He’s also now no longer the only one in his office who’s had publicly released nude photos.

  • chascates

    Let’s hope he doesn’t meet up with Michele Bachmann’s dog.

    http://wonkette.com/407793/bachmann-keeps-guard-dog-to-keep-socialists-muslims-away

  • betweenstations

    Finally, the perfect job for an intern: Scooping the litter box.

  • Oblios Cap

    It appears that Lucky is a Basil Marceaux fan. No posing in front of a gold-fringed flag for her!

  • HipHopOpotamus

    Since when did Scott Brown turn into a bored housewife uploading photos of her onto facebook all day?

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=643670]chascates[/re]: Or Michele Bachmann’s pussy.

  • Dingus McHatred

    Let the litter sooooooooooaaaaaaarrrrrr!

  • BlueStateLiberal

    [re=643652]Norbert[/re]: And the household cat comes from the Middle East where it was worshipped by Egyptians. So Scott Brown is a Muslim after all!

  • torera

    How long has she been there? She looks pretty pudgy for a street cat. In spite of that she also looks tensed and ready to make a run for it.

  • Brendan

    See Wonkette, anybody who’s anybody has a mascotcat. Make my kitten your Wonkcat immediately! I’ve already emailed you so hard.

  • ArugulaTeleprompterz

    Dammit! Now I like Scott Brown. My moral compass is all discombobulated….

  • peggynoonansrickshaw

    i mean sure it’s cute. but you know who else was cute? Hitler.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=643625]Terry[/re]: Lucky’s one of the ticked-off leaders of the “Flea Party Movement”.

  • jus_wonderin

    I’d really like to hear the cat’s views on the decay of our national infrastructure.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=643856]peggynoonansrickshaw[/re]: You know who else was even cuter?

    That’s right: Kitler.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Jesus, my already limited snarking capacity is blown completely when I see cute little cats like that.

  • lochnessmonster

    I still don’t understand the reason why businesses and politicians have facebook pages. The term “Social Networking” does not fit in with business and politics in my book. Social to me means my friends not someone trying to sell me something or someone trying to buy my vote.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Whatever you do, just don’t call Lucky “Liz”!