Here’s America’s Hero George W. Bush Shaking People’s Hands At Airport

  miss him yet troopsies?


Is it possible to win an Oscar for best musical selection in a YouTube video? Because this is perfect. Thank you George W. Bush, from the bottom of all our hearts, for winning the Iraq War this week.

He looks so fucking relaxed. Damnit. Can’t you be tortured by at least one decision you made as president?

After a long war, our troops knew they were finally home when they saw George W. Bush using them for a photo op. [YouTube]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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104 comments

  1. Hiking the Appalachian Trail

    Clearly Barack Obama is not the patriot that Dubya is. If Barack was half the patriot that Dubya is, he would be at that airport. Obviously, Barack hates the troops and hates America. Also, its clear that Dubya has nothing to do now that he is no longer prez.

  2. you didn't ask, but

    Them some weird looking motherfuckers…Jeebus.

    The soldier looks like he has seen some shit, Bush has his usual jocular cluelessness and Laura like she fell in a vat of acid. Yeesh.

  3. Cape Clod

    Instead of “a shower of affection,” perhaps the title should say, “pissing on our troops to the very end.”

  4. rafflesinc

    Is that a bra underneath Laura’s see through shirt? But oh look, Michelle is wearing shorts!

  5. FMA

    Laura’s expression says, something like, “Jesus Christ, keep smiling and ignore those spiders crawling up your thigh. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE BATS DOING HERE?!”

  6. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=643014]rafflesinc[/re]: I think it was Lenny Bruce who said the only chicks that wear see-through blouses are the ones you don’t really wanna see…

  7. BadKitty

    [re=643023]imissopus[/re]: Didn’t even make it that far – just :47. I admire your strength.

  8. One Yield Regular

    I’m pretty totally completely utterly certain that George W. Bush is the very last person in the world I’d wanna to see in front of me if I were arriving home after x-number of endlessly extended tours of duty in Iraq.

  9. Prommie

    Did anyone else see Laura Bush’s odd blinking? I suddenly realized, it was morse code, she was sending messages, I was able to make out “someone, help me, they keep me chained in the basement, the drugs, so hard to think, help me.”

  10. BadKitty

    Heh heh heh. Sorry ’bout all that killing and maiming and stuff. No hard feelings, right fellas? Heh heh.

  11. just pixels

    This would have been the right time to drag out that “mission accomplished” banner. Meaning, of course, that the “shower of affection” mission had been accomplished by the fire trucks. Iraq is pretty much the way we found it. (But wasn’t that special, sending the troops through a mini-Katrina on their way to baggage claim.)

    Bush’s camouflage was obviously meant to make him blend in with the other dorky outfits you see in an airport. But it didn’t work. He’d only blend in at an Alfred E. Neuman look-a-like convention.

    Meanwhile, is it just possible that one of those soldiers told Shrub he wanted that last seven years of his life back?

  12. Limeylizzie

    Laura needs to befriend a gay man, none of my homo friends would have let me out of the house in that ensemble…the old lady Playtex bra which is not giving enough uplift and the shirt which is the same colour as her skin- greige? To say nothing of the face-lift , she looks like a clubbed seal.He looks like a cunt , as usual.

  13. Hiking the Appalachian Trail

    Is it just me or between the weight and tan does George look like he is laying by the pool eating bon bons all day now.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    The same idiots who don’t want a mosque next to the WTC site let Dubya do this without a protest. But then if people were consistent and sensible we wouldn’t have a use for religion.

  15. Berkeley Bear

    I wonder if they pre-screened the vets the way they used to pre-screen his audiences. Because I have a feeling there are more than a few folks coming home who’d like to inflict a traumatic brain injury on W.

    And Laura as Goth is some scary shit.

  16. harry palmer

    They named that airport after him without any fanfare(Dumb Fuck W). Can’t wait til they open the DFW Lie-barry.

  17. Dashboard_Buddha

    Someone kill me now! I looked at the Jenna Jamison picture and thought of breasts and sex, then looked at Laura’s bra picture and suddenly had an image of George doin’ Laura porn style on the Oval Office desk.

    I’m going home now and poor liquor directly into my brain.

  18. Way Cool Larry

    The war was a disaster and simply horrible, Bush is a psychopath and an asshole, the troops must be totally fucked up from what they’ve been through, but still, it is somehow all very fitting here; this is sort of touching in a weirdly twisted way.

  19. Prommie

    I’m thinking that there is a future for those three, right there in that picture, in movies. You could write a series of comic shorts, they would play a threesome of hilarious bumblers, a slapstick sorta thing. You could call the “The Three, . . .,” oh, I just can’t come up with a good name, the three somethings, The Three Goons? The Three Buffoons?

  20. FMA

    [re=643055]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Jesus, now I’m going to have to go home and start drinking…I was planning to do that anyway, but still…

  21. chaste everywhere

    No hand-job jokes this time? But as Dashboard Buddha notes, Jenna J. is still right there beside them, same as before.

  22. ella

    All these years and nobody ever told Laura you don’t wear a white bra under a white shirt unless you want it to show like that?

  23. Extemporanus

    [re=643033]V572625694[/re]: Someone should’ve stood next to Bush while dressed as a chauffeur and holding up a sign bearing the names of every single man and woman who rode home from the airport in the back of a black stretch hearse.

  24. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=643023]imissopus[/re]: 1:42 before I was overcoming with the mawkishness. Mind you, the soldier sporting the HUGE diamonique earring was definitely TV worth watching.

  25. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=643073]Extemporanus[/re]: That would have been cool. To bad anyone not thoroughly vetted by the SS wouldn’t have been allowed within 100 yards of the prez.

  26. harry palmer

    [re=643042]Limeylizzie[/re]: “He looks like a cunt , as usual.”

    Please don’t be so unfair to cunts.

  27. Suds McKenzie

    They were greeted at the “Low Hanging Fruit” terminal.

    ohh, and p.s isnt this story like 1.5 weeks old, jeepers

    IM BITTER!!!1

  28. miquonranger03

    And, of course, Laura Bush is already ready for Halloween; here, she is showing off her Marcel Marceau costume.

  29. steverino247

    /snark off

    What really amazed me was W had that same stupid grin on his face when he went to Walter Reed or one of the other hospitals treating HIS wounded. In every fucking picture! I saw General Abizaid putting Purple Hearts on guys at Walter Reed who were never going to walk again (because of W’s sending them to get hurt AND refusing to allow the stem cell research that might one day figure out how to repair their injuries) or who were literally missing huge parts of their skulls. It was obvious it was tough duty for him. He was moved by what he saw, spent time with them and their families and if you needed something you knew you could call him and get results.

    This asshole, W, just fucking grins. Anybody who voted for him, especially the second time, should spend a year getting shot at in Afghanistan or Iraq. Or cleaning bedpans at a VA hospital with their tongues. My choice.

    Unbelieveable.

    /snark on

  30. Baby who ate the Dingo

    Looking at “W” makes me grateful that National got Reagan’s name instead of his. Mind you, I think Reagan was the second worst president ever, so that’s like posting on Facebook that you got some hot sex over the weekend, and your grandmother pops a comment in saying she’s glad you liked her see through Laura blouse.

  31. slappypaddy

    forty-six seconds was all i could hang of that. what were the firetrucks about at the beginning, were they hosing all the bullshit down? it’s a sterling tribute to our servicemen and servicewomen that they didn’t gun down that smirking little piece of shit right on the spot—”welcome my ass home, motherfucker? welcome this!”

    not that i would ever propound violence against a president of the united states, no matter how much of a worthless simian abortion he might have proven to be. that pathetic excuse for a human being needs to crawl its ass back to texas and under some desert rock, along with all the other vile vermin.

  32. JohnnyMeatworth

    Why isn’t there a double rainbow over the landing plane? And where the hell is Steven Slater? There is NO WAY this will become a youtube hit!

  33. teebob2000

    It looks like the firetrucks are giving our heroes a golden shower. Why do they hate America?

  34. Extemporanus

    [re=643053]harry palmer[/re]: The last time I flew through there, I stole an engraved plaque off an information desk which reads “DFW AMBASSADOR”.

    Does that make me a member of the former Bush administration?

  35. Army of None

    When Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich are in office, maybe George can come back as Secretary of State and target new places for us to invade, so that this glory can continue, indefinitely.

  36. pat robertsons personal trainer

    [re=643048]Hiking the Appalachian Trail[/re]: anti-psychotics have a known side effect of weight gain.

  37. TeddyS

    Hey, President Bush, thanks for coming out to welcome us back and get all this camera time. When my buddies came back dead in coffins, you weren’t there and pix weren’t allowed, so we really appreciate you and the missues showing up this time. After you finish with the grip and grin, can we go have a beer and you can explain to me just how you managed to fuck things up so badly? Does coming home mean we have surrendered to our enemies and cut and run? Where’s Cheney, Condi, Rumsfeld and the rest of the boys?

  38. gurukalehuru

    Barry, Barry, Barry. This is what happens when you don’t put these fuckers in jail and don’t say I didn’t tell you so because I did, right here on Wonkette, but did you listen, noooooooo.

  39. pat robertsons personal trainer

    he has now attended an undefinably higher number of “welcome home” parties at dfw than iraq veteran funerals.

  40. Jukesgrrl

    This makes me want to vomit, so I’ll just focus on Laura’s kabuki make-up and see-through blouse.

  41. Cookie Guggelman

    Fuck that guy. I’m not watching. I’m going to read about how smoking can be healthy instead.

  42. joementum

    Wrong war and all,but the movie Restrepo is HIGHLY worth watching. It’s playing in limited release right now.

    Restrepo

    Read the book by the co-director, too. Damn fine mess we’re in…

  43. Oldskool

    So why does he assume everyone on the plane wanted to have their pic taken beside him unless it was arranged ahead of time. Which makes you wonder how many thousands refused to volunteer for photo-op duty.

  44. Dave J.

    I love the opening. Ah, water…the world’s most precious natural resource. Yo, check it, you 3rd world motherfuckers–we are using it to literally spray over our massive 747s returning soldiers home from a horrible war of occupation! Wheeeee!

  45. bflrtsplk

    [re=643130]Tarangela[/re]: Ever hear of the movie “The Stepford Wives.

    W: Son, for a job well done, we don’t think you should go home empty handed. As a reward for your service to your country, here are two one-way tickets to …. BAGHDAD! Haw haw haw.

  46. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=643029]Aurelio[/re]: George is getting a big gut.

    Means there’s some big decisionatin’ to do!

  47. Darklady

    How many of those men and women wanted to say, “Hey, thanks for getting me into this mess, ya bastard?”


  48. Post author
    Jack Stuef

    [re=643078]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Yes, but the AFA sent it to us in e-mail today with the headline: “BREAKING VIDEO: Video.” So it’s breaking. BREAKING.

  49. An American in Toronto

    Do the soldiers then have to go buy their overpriced souvenir picture with Dipshit McGee like you have to do at Niagara Falls?

  50. Suds McKenzie

    [re=643181]Jack Stuef[/re]: Maybe I just need a more linear view of time, … Like Sharron Angle.

  51. lawrenceofthedesert

    They’re firemen, so they sprayed water — thank goodness they weren’t sanitation workers!

    Shrubbie does a very credible imitation of Bud the Walmart greeter. But three minutes in, I got diabetes from the music and had to terminate the vid before it ruined my weekend. My conclusion: GOP behavior is strong evidence of parallel universes theory.

  52. Justin Time

    I sort of recognize the clueless fratboy. Is the dame to his left the star of “Memories of a Geisha”?

  53. Mr. Spanky

    [last lines]
    Patton: [voiceover]: ” For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph – a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode thei trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting.”

    I think it is nice that W welcomed back a few of his soldiers who were coerced into fighting his Imperialist Wars of Aggression.

    Laura, on the other hand, looks like she could do a guest spot on “True Blood”.

  54. Extemporanus

    [re=643200]Suds McKenzie[/re]: The time at which Jack posted this story might offer some insight into its perplexing temporal abnormalities.

  55. momus

    No suit and tie, no American flag lapel pin, just the Bilderburg emblem on his polo shirt what kind of respect is that?

  56. GaySailor

    WELCOME HOME!!! Here ya go, fellers! Shake the hand of the boob who said it was all gonna be a big cake walk!

  57. SayItWithWookies

    [re=643232]Mr. Spanky[/re]: Notice that he only welcomed back the living. A real president would’ve welcomed back the soldiers who died, too. Oh wait — one did.

  58. Servo

    Welcome back from destitution to…destitution. Lay down your burdens and weary bones in the comfy accommodations of any one of our numerous tent cities. Unemployed? Injured? Traumatized? Sorry. The Teabaggers “Support Our Troops” only if it doesn’t cost more than a yellow ribbon magnet. Why should they pay any more? After all, you swore an oath to be sacrificed to protect their Constitutional right of greed and selfishness.
    I guess they truly didn’t want you back. They’ll pay for all the tools you need (provided by the lowest bidder, of course) to keep the fight going for eternity, but are unable to afford your adjustment back to civilian life. You were destined to be a Christian martyr. Thank Real America.
    You go from Hero to Bum as soon as you’re handed your DD-214.

    Don’t forget your surgical gloves for shaking hands, George.

    NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED

  59. Custersdeadhorse

    Instead of Archie Bunker and Edith greeting the last combat troops to DFW with a handshake, Queen Cunt from Alaska should have been there with Trig and her Faux News mike asking them how they felt about the Black man wanting them to shower with the gays and what do they think of a mosque being built next door to Ground Zoro? FOX would then have their talking points to ask on the Sunday morning talking heads programs.
    A goody bag would have been nice too. Laura could have handed them a dozen eggs from Iowa and a pound of steamed shrimp from the Gulf courtesy of the Smaller Government movement because free enterprise knows how to regulate itself far better than Washington.
    Where were Babs and Barney?

  60. mayor_quimby

    Inside the minds of greeted troops: “This fuckin guy! Sent me to the fuckin desert to get blown up for no discernible reason! Gotta love this fuckin guy. Hand me my fake leg” /goodfellas accent.

  61. Larry McAwful

    Cripes–those guys must’ve had to mortgage their own houses to pay for those carry-ons.

    I wonder if Bush called ahead to make sure all the soldiers coming off the plane still had all their limbs attached?

  62. Egregious

    [re=643005]Autochthon[/re]:

    Jebus, no joke. Enough with the all the “Nobama” joker posters. W better watch out that he doesn’t get a No. 2 pencil jamed in his eye socket.

  63. Neilist

    Why isn’t that USELESS, STUPID, HYPOCRITICAL MOTHERFUCKER meeting the caskets as they come off the cargo ramp?

    [Sorry. That just slipped out.

    My bad.]

    FUCK.

    Neilist
    Acting Director
    GOP/NRA Wonkette Outreach Program

  64. rmjag

    [re=643005]Autochthon[/re]: i think its whats left of laura , but what is that kabuki mask shit all over her face ? has george been powdering his ass again ? that would explain all the weird blinking she’s doing too …………………

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