The Moon: it’s America’s moon! We put our flag there, and thus according to the international legal principles of “firsties” and “fuck off, we’re using it,” it is OURS. But according to NASA, the Moon is shrinking. SHUT UP, NASA. Our moon is fine. Every country we’ve ever shown it to says so. You know, some aliens even prefer a smaller moon, so there. Yes, our government has seen those late-night commercials with Jimmy Johnson and ordered those moon pills, but it’s to make our moon PERFORM better, okay? Any added size is just a bonus and is totally not why we bought them.
“This is the first evidence that the moon has been shrinking, and may still be shrinking,” Michael Wargo, NASA’s chief lunar scientist, said during a press briefing Thursday. But it’s not enough shrinkage to notice from Earth.
That’s more like it, NASA. “Oh, America, honey, you don’t even notice the shrinkage. And you know what? I care about you more as a country anyway. It’s not important how big your moon is.”
The cliffs, called lobate scarps, were formed by thrust faults that triggered “moonquakes” in the lunar crust, according to a report today in the journal Science. The thrust faults pushed the lunar surface upward.
See? The moon doctor says it’s a condition. It’s not our fault! Some moons are just made that way. If anything, we’ve done too much thrusting.
But of course, we’re being facetious in saying this has nothing to do with mosques. NASA is being peecee, but our moon is actually being shrunk by radical Islamists, because Sharia law dictates that all moons must look like their evil crescent moon. So they are quietly shrinking OUR moon, right under our noses, even though they pretend to believe in our Moon society. ARGH, QUIT IT, ISLAMISTS! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! [San Francisco Chronicle]