• May 26, 2012

Breaking News From Wolf Blitzer: Obama Is No Longer Muslim

by Jack Stuef  

Haha, what a dumb mistake. They spelled 'Muslin' wrong.
New developments indeed. When did this happen? [Weigel]

{ 94 comments }

Suds McKenzie August 19, 2010 at 6:35 pm

What is Hindu Alex?

Rotundo August 19, 2010 at 6:37 pm

It won’t be official until Limbaugh, Hannity and Becko all announce it. Which means that it will still be a repub meme through the remainder of the Obama administration. Stupid is the new name for American these days evidently.

SmutBoffin August 19, 2010 at 6:39 pm

“We now go LIVE to a W.H. press conference where Barack Obama is renouncing his Muslim religion, his Socialist principles, his Kenyan heritage, his hatred of the troops, and his love of Chicago. HAPPY NOW, CRAZY OLD PEOPLE IN AMERICA?”

just pixels August 19, 2010 at 6:40 pm

What is this “muslim” he speaks of? Obama is still a Muslin, right? Also Kenyan, Marxist, Hitler with no cojones? Please, I can only take a limited about of change.

Gratuitous World August 19, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Good job, CNN. Trust, but verify?

Tyler Perry' August 19, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Okay, but is he muslin?

weejee August 19, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Why don’t the ‘tards accuse Obamar of being a dreadless Rastafarian whose been flyin’ in cali ganja in Air Force One? It would seen less a reach that callin’ him a Muslin.

Sleeves August 19, 2010 at 6:44 pm

White briefs are snuggly for wedge issues. A stitch in time saves…

edgydrifter August 19, 2010 at 6:52 pm

He’s still black, though. Basically the same thing.

Scarab August 19, 2010 at 6:54 pm

FOX News is reporting that his upcoming vacation will be to Mecca and Medina.

Radiotherapy August 19, 2010 at 6:55 pm

Thank god he’s not an atheist.

dijetlo August 19, 2010 at 6:57 pm

In related news…John Boehner….no longer orange.

joementum August 19, 2010 at 6:58 pm

Like Granny says, once a muslin, always a muslin!!!1!

bago August 19, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Obama is not a firefighter.
Obama is not a truck.

Now for the cavuto mark:
Obama: Is he a series of tubes?

Extemporanus August 19, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Nothing like starting your vacation with some self-important fucking asshole trying to carry on checked baggage.

metalhed August 19, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Now if we could get the nitwits out there to face the facts, maybe we could do some work.

bago August 19, 2010 at 6:59 pm

By the way, the facepalm is what makes the picture sublime.

blinky_twinkie August 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm

The picture of Obama they choose to use is telling.

Toomush Infermashun August 19, 2010 at 7:03 pm

How DOES Wolf pull it off…keeping a straight face while working for CNN…you don’t learn that in journalism class, especially in 1916…

TheCoolestGuyInTown August 19, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Obama says he’s not Muslim, but isn’t that just a matter of opinion? That’s why they keep doing polls on Obama’s religion, so they can have people vote on what religion he really is.

Holding Out for a Hero August 19, 2010 at 7:05 pm

[re=642262]edgydrifter[/re]: and has a funny, foreign sounding name.

ArugulaTeleprompterz August 19, 2010 at 7:06 pm

The official White House press release was: “Jesus fucking Christ you imbeciles. I cannot believe we have to say this, but no, the president is not now, nor has he ever been, a Muslim. We had no idea that 1 in 5 Americans is retarded, but obviously this fact will affect many policy decisions moving forward.”

harry palmer August 19, 2010 at 7:13 pm

That picture features a large, penis-like thing, and right behind him is the Washington monument.

grevillea August 19, 2010 at 7:16 pm

They know cos it’s Ramadan at the moment and Barry was seen eating Cheetos during daylight hours.

Escape Goat Nation August 19, 2010 at 7:17 pm

It doesn’t matter.
He’s either a Muslim or he sat in Rev Wright’s Radical Black Liberation theology Church for 25 years.

SayItWithWookies August 19, 2010 at 7:24 pm

Well if he’s not a Muslim then why does he keep insisting those subhuman foreigner terrorists are equal to us, hmmm?

freelancer August 19, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Obama is also not a bootleg copy of The Room that has been passed from dormroom to dormroom.

Oh HAI, Most Trusted Nem Een Newz, hah?!

Whiskeybaby August 19, 2010 at 7:27 pm

Do you think Barry ever secretly hopes he’ll be a one-term president? Because seriously, what would eight years of this shit do to a person?

And like Harry Palmer, I also enjoy the juxtaposition of Wolf Blitzer standing next to another thing that looks like a dildo.

Sleeves August 19, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Miss Kublik August 19, 2010 at 7:37 pm

How DOES Wolf pull it off…keeping a straight face while working for CNN…

He’s not struggling to keep a straight face. Wolf actually believes! Plus, he’s stupid.

a_pink_poodle August 19, 2010 at 7:38 pm

Oh no! Obama’s converted to Catholicism! We’re now gonna be ruled by the Pope!

bitchincamaro August 19, 2010 at 7:40 pm

So, is “Mexican” still an option?

[re=642243]Suds McKenzie[/re]: haha!

harry palmer August 19, 2010 at 7:43 pm

[re=642306]Sleeves[/re]: Why should we expect anything different from Wolfie on Jeopardy – what has he to do with facts, I asks ya?

finallyhappy August 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm

CNN: 1 in 5 AMERICANS DUMBER THAN DIRT

Extemporanus August 19, 2010 at 7:57 pm

ENOUGH!

Will someone please please pleeease kern the fucking title of CNN’s goddamn “prayin’ Prez” graphic before I fucking hate-fuck Wolf Blitzer in his flesh-colored face merkin with the business end of Anderson fucking Cooper?!

“…V…ACATION
BAGGAGE”

WHY?!

Every time I fucking see it, I just wanna cold snatch that sticky stack of press corps slashfic outta his tiny little gesticulating mitts and slowly run all four edges of each page across both of my bleeding eyeballs until I am literally blinded by hatred.

Literally!

Sleeves August 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

[re=642312]harry palmer[/re]: Hmm, facts. I can imagine:
[Two contestants have buzzed out inc. Andersen Cooper]
Trebek: Wolf!
Blitzer: What is work that makes you…
Trebek: Sorry-five-seconds there. The answer we were looking for was ‘Anserine.’
Blitzer: Ah.

Escape Goat Nation August 19, 2010 at 8:05 pm

The problem I have with Blitzer is…just a second…we have breaking news.

It appears that Sarah Palin can’t keep her snow hole shut

“Defending the Fight to Cast off a Conservative’s “Shackles”

http://www.facebook.com/notes/sarah-palin/defending-the-fight-to-cast-off-a-conservatives-shackles/420627348434

BlueStateLiberal August 19, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Geez, Obama really looks like he’s going to start smacking his head against that table, not that I would blame him one bit.

american mutt August 19, 2010 at 8:22 pm
bitchincamaro August 19, 2010 at 8:33 pm

[re=642319]Extemporanus[/re]: Ha. Channeling Kevin Spacey on the receiving end of torturous paper cuts to his tongue in “Swimming With Sharks”. Eyeballs would work, too.

Toomush Infermashun August 19, 2010 at 8:34 pm

EScape Goat Nation: “Gov. Palin! I love you and your beauty!…” Shackles, indeed…it’s the conflatable conondrum…why are they all making fun of the fact that Dr. Laura is black…?

Radiotherapy August 19, 2010 at 8:36 pm

[re=642319]Extemporanus[/re]: As even that non-board certified Ophthalmologist Rand Paul would tell you, kerneal abrasions are one of life’s most painful conditions.

Gnu Deal Democrat August 19, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Relax everybody. All Obama has to do to reassure America that he’s not a Muslim is bomb the crap out of Iran. That will make everybody happy.

trickydick August 19, 2010 at 9:24 pm

In other news, a new poll finds that 73% of U.S. Americans believe the pope is Catholic.

Bearbloke August 19, 2010 at 9:38 pm

[re=642279]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: [re=642310]bitchincamaro[/re]: HE’S A JOO!!!1!!

I know cos Mel Gibson told me – and it takes one to know one, amirite Mate?

Country Club Jihadi August 19, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Well then, more falafel for me at Iftar.

tootsieroll August 19, 2010 at 9:54 pm

[re=642362]mustardman[/re]: needs moar snark.

facehead August 19, 2010 at 9:58 pm

You know who else wasn’t muslim …

Sharkey August 19, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Dear Sarah Palin,

You are cordially invited to shoot this “Wolf” from your helicopter.

All the best,
Sharkey

edgydrifter August 19, 2010 at 10:11 pm

facehead wins the evening

chascates August 19, 2010 at 10:28 pm

From HumanEvents:

Obama: Muslim Call to Prayer One of the Prettiest Sounds on Earth

That cinches it.

imissopus August 19, 2010 at 10:29 pm

[re=642362]mustardman[/re]: Do you really not have better things to do?

NYNYNY August 19, 2010 at 10:53 pm

I agree, he’s such a Jew. One of those tan ones from Spain.

Sleeves August 19, 2010 at 10:54 pm

[re=642364]facehead[/re]: That guy who didn’t shoot a man in Reno, and watch him die? Without once beating his wife?

Jumping Jim August 19, 2010 at 11:04 pm

Thank Allah!

user-of-owls August 19, 2010 at 11:09 pm

[re=642271]bago[/re]:
I’m not a drowning man!
And I’m not a burning building! I’m a tumbler!
Drowning cannot hurt a man!
Fire cannot hurt a man. Not the Government Man.

Sleeves August 19, 2010 at 11:14 pm

[re=642383]mustardman[/re]: Yes, but I’ve been through that with myself.

Extemporanus August 19, 2010 at 11:21 pm

[re=642363]tootsieroll[/re]: [re=642375]imissopus[/re]: Cut the Mustard some slack, you guys — he just learned that Obama’s no longer Muslim. That’s akin to a Paultard learning that Ron Paul’s real last name is Bilderberg.

Devastating!

Extemporanus August 19, 2010 at 11:33 pm

[re=642397]Extemporanus[/re]: WHAT THE NUT?!

OMFG!! 4C0RN H4X0R3D MAI 4V4T4RD!!1

MissTheHill August 19, 2010 at 11:40 pm

Jack, Jack, Jack. So very disappointed. Its Muslin, not Muslim, Sigh….

Sleeves August 19, 2010 at 11:41 pm

[re=642403]Extemporanus[/re]: Heheh, yeah, I shouldn’t wonder about that…it’s frood though.

Otto Reimer August 19, 2010 at 11:58 pm

If you turned that meta collage in as a post-rational art project, you would get an F.

WriteyWriterton August 19, 2010 at 11:59 pm

‘…and this just in. Approximately 50% of the public think(s) my hairy face and brainless ersatz journo-shtick has earned me a dirty swirly.”

Radiotherapy August 19, 2010 at 11:59 pm

[re=642403]Extemporanus[/re]: That kerneal abrasion needs immediate attention!!1! Call 911!
You’ve got to be sharp for the 8/28/10 project… to get our country back!111!!

dijetlo August 20, 2010 at 12:36 am

Personally, I hope he ends the 2013 SOTU with “As-Salamu Alaykum Bitches!” and grows that little ‘stache the wingtards love to paint on his upper lip.

Gnu Deal Democrat August 20, 2010 at 12:45 am

Wouldn’t it be weird if it turned out they were just *pretending* to be morons to mess with our heads?

gurukalehuru August 20, 2010 at 1:17 am

He’s not a Muslim, he’s not a Jew
he’s not a 3 legged kangaroo
He’s black and he’s white and he’s smarter than you

Enslave the Whales August 20, 2010 at 1:31 am

I don’t know if I’m more depressed to think that one out of every five people I meet has the mental capacity of a spirochete, or that the “WH” thought it would be useful to put out a statement that Bammerz is not muslin. Guys, the spirochetes won’t pay any attention.

Mad Brahms August 20, 2010 at 1:34 am

[re=642441]Enslave the Whales[/re]: …or that CNN ran it as attributed to the “W.H.”, as if to say “that’s what they say, anyway” and avoiding actually taking a stand themselves. Oh sure, that’s what the *white house* would want you to believe, isn’t it Sheeple?!

Catholics4Condoms August 20, 2010 at 1:49 am

Why does the liberal media allow the Right to lead the conversation?

I’m disappointed that the White House statement didn’t end with “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”

iburl August 20, 2010 at 2:18 am

Well since 2/3rds of ‘murcans don’t know it, I guess it is breaking news.
Thanks Wolf “Estupido” Blitzer!

iburl August 20, 2010 at 2:29 am

I captured this little screnenshot on “Larry King Live!” a couple of years back.

What a waste:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ironburl/4909192853/

Hooray For Anything August 20, 2010 at 2:39 am

Everytime I get a little frustrated with the guy, I see something like this and start liking him again as I realize it’s not him, it’s us.

AxmxZ August 20, 2010 at 2:58 am

He’s converted to Pastafarianism.

artpepper August 20, 2010 at 3:06 am

Even so, Howard Dean thinks that Obama should avoid visiting Ground Zero in the spirit of compromise. Or any Burlington Coat Factory outlet, really.

Enslave the Whales August 20, 2010 at 3:19 am

[re=642462]mustardman[/re]: What is up with you? Are you an old high school frenemy of Stuef’s who’s jealous of his success with the big bux Wonkette?

Re-read your last comment. Is that funny? Is that satirical? Is it semantically equivalent to “neener neener”? (Ans: yes).

Okay, I’m an interfering old fart. I’ve been told that by lots of people, including all my kids. But come on.

In the future, I will confine myself to remarking: poopyhead.

Extemporanus August 20, 2010 at 5:30 am

[re=642464]Enslave the Whales[/re]: “What is up with you? Are you an old high school frenemy of Stuef’s who’s jealous of his success with the big bux Wonkette?”

The answer to your question, I’m sorry to say, is even more sadly banal than that:

He’s a “Mustard”, which is the Muslim equivalent of a “Paultard”, “Teatard”, “Christard”, or what have you. Much like his more notorious brethren — Osama bin Laden, Mullah Omar, Prince Naseem Hamed, etc. — a raging hatred of Obama-centric satire renders him wholly incapable of appreciating the ironic idiocy inherent in his own panty-pissing rants of toddler-esque righteous indignation.

President Barack Hussein Obama’s calculated and cravenly politically denouncement of his deeply held Muslim beliefs has quite clearly pushed this particular Mustard over the edge, and there’s simply no telling what he’ll do next.

To which all one can — nay, all one should — say is…

[re=642462]GET A BRAIN KORANS![/re]

EdFlinstone August 20, 2010 at 5:54 am

Well this is CNN, where every fact is debatable. Quite frankly I’m surprised they didnt have Gibbs debate Taitz. Gibby could of made the christian case and Orly could of made the kenyan muslim case, then as always, we would of had Wolfie say “we’ll have to leave it at that.”

Extemporanus August 20, 2010 at 6:00 am

[re=642472]Extemporanus[/re]: And for all you optically-challenged Oldz out there, my new avatard is indeed a Lichtenstein featuring a word bubble which reads “OH BARRY…WE’RE OUT OF MUSTARD!”

Suck it, Condimentally Retarded Man!

[re=642340]bitchincamaro[/re]: His tongue, huh? I don’t think I ever saw it.

Oh, wait! Is that the one where Morgan Freeman narrates Kevin Spacey slicing off his own fingerprints and stuffing Brad Pitt’s severed head in Gwyneth Paltrow’s box or something? Dude, that movie was frickin’ hilarious!

[re=642420]Radiotherapy[/re]: I can’t thank you enough for the heartfelt concern and sound medical advice.

I only wish that your comments — and the “kerneal of truth” contained therein — had been more timely. (Haha, see what I did there? I fuck[[‘p09ejda”inggg didn’t..’23jr4/aqdeofjoeaaoe’)

Extemporanus August 20, 2010 at 6:45 am

[re=642409]Sleeves[/re]: Almost forgot…HUNH?!

Was that a <Hitchhikers’s reference, or does your computer keyboard have an ‘FR’ where the ‘G’ should be?

facehead August 20, 2010 at 6:47 am

[re=642474]Extemporanus[/re]: Your avatar just won Ground Zero.

slappypaddy August 20, 2010 at 7:37 am

“A terrible thing is ignorance, the source of endless human woes, spreading a mist over facts, obscuring truth, and casting a gloom upon the individual life…. This is true enough as a generality; but I refer more particularly to the false reports about intimates and friends that have ruined families, razed cities, driven fathers into frenzy against their offspring, embroiled brother with brother, children with parents, and lover with beloved. Many are the friendships that have been cut short, many the households set by the ears, because slander has found ready credence.” — Lucian of Samosata, way back when

freakishlystrong August 20, 2010 at 8:00 am

And on Mornin’ Mika! they were all just flummoxed as to why 60% of real ‘Mruikkans don’t know that health care reform passed. Isn’t the stupid fourth estate’s job to y’know inform the public? I’d say they’ve done a purty shitty job of that.

gurukalehuru August 20, 2010 at 8:11 am

He isn’t a Muslim, he isn’t a Jew
he isn’t a three legged kangaroo
he’s black and he’s white and he’s smarter than you
so just STFU and die

STFU and die, die
STFU and die
the world would be a much pleasanter place
if you’d just STFU and die

The climate is changing, there isn’t a doubt
you can jump and holler and scream and shout
but you still don’t know what you’re talking about
so just STFU and die

STFU and die, die
STFU and die
the world would be a much pleasanter place
if you’d just STFU and die

The earth is turning around the sun
Jesus never carried a gun
you lost and civilization won
so just STFU and die

STFU and die, die
STFU and die
the world would be a much pleasanter place
if you’d just STFU and die

Any musicians out there, feel free. and you’re welcome.

Norbert August 20, 2010 at 9:52 am

[re=642440]gurukalehuru[/re]: “he’s not a 3 legged kangaroo” — With that kind of insider information, you may be called to serve as an expert witness in the pending trial of Taitz vs. The United States.

Sleeves August 20, 2010 at 10:05 am

[re=642476]Extemporanus[/re]: Zaphod reference. Condiments are food and your avatard/events are cool?

Sleeves August 20, 2010 at 10:17 am

[re=642476]Extemporanus[/re]: It’s so hard loving you.

Tundra Grifter August 20, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=642264]Scarab[/re]: Mecca, Texas and Medina, Ohio?

Tundra Grifter August 20, 2010 at 11:17 am

[re=642272]Extemporanus[/re]: That’s why the right wing gasbags always hire a Luggage Lifter.

Tundra Grifter August 20, 2010 at 11:24 am

In other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

chicken thief August 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm

[re=642441]Enslave the Whales[/re]: Excellent point! But since they did, they should have added that the Pres is not gay, has never shared tender moments with any farm animals, and is not a current crack abuser. Also. You know, just to nip other random accusations in the bud…

GreatRightHope August 20, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=642488]gurukalehuru[/re]: Breaking News from CNN: White House says Obama Not a Three-Legged Kangaroo. Candy Crowley is standing by with the latest on this story…

Accordion-o-rama August 20, 2010 at 2:30 pm

[re=642271]bago[/re]: Obama is not a truck.

However, Obama is, emphatically, someone you just dump something on.

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