Why Is America Forcing Rick Santorum To Be Elected President?

 
 Rick Santorum has been in Iowa a lot lately, so obviously he is running for president, but he doesn't really want to. The people of the United States are FORCING him to, because they just need a President Rick Santorum so badly . "I sort of feel in some respects I'm being pulled along in this," Santorum said, in what was not, it turns out, an off-color abortion joke. Leave him alone, America! Stop pushing him to be your leader. God will put him in the White House when the time is right.

But oh no, Rick Santorum is getting attacked for not hating abortion enough, by people who are more Jesus-y than he:

A small group of protesters trailed Santorum and distributed leaflets at his events. They called into question his opposition to abortion rights because of his past support for abortion rights supporters Christie Todd Whitman of New Jersey and his former Pennsylvania GOP colleague, Sen. Arlen Specter.

"I'm always flattered when people feel like they have to go out of their way to do something like that," Santorum said. "But that's lunacy."

Hilarious.

At the Iowa State Fair, somebody let Santorum flip some pork chops, like a REAL presidential contender, because that is how you win votes in that state, according to campaign professionals who aren't from that state. And Santorum showed the wisdom of a president:

"I've learned something about dropping pork chops," Santorum said in a thinly veiled reference to Romney, who dropped one during the same exercise in 2007.

Santorum also looked the part of a fairgoer, as he walked down the fair's Grand Concourse, accompanied by his 17-year-old son, John.

Former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson caught plenty of media ribbing in 2007 for wearing Gucci loafers at the fair and traveling by golf cart.

Santorum wore a NASCAR polo shirt, khaki shorts and running shoes.

And he walked.

Hard to argue with that, Obama. This man obviously already has the hearts of the people. It's time to step aside and let their de-facto president become the in-facto president. We don't need an expensive bloody coup with this economy. [ Des Moines Register ]