In 2008, the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform decided it would grandstand on the use of steroids in baseball, because what else were they going to do? Their jobs? (NO.) So this was a little circus for a while, and they subpoenaed famous baseball players to these hearings so that said members of Congress could attract teevee attention and look important. But, funnily enough, some asshole, former pitcher Roger Clemens, actually has gotten indicted for lying in this pointless exercise. Whoops.
According to the United States Attorney’s office, Clemens faces a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison and a $1.5 million fine, but under the current sentencing guidelines, a conviction would likely bring 15-21 months.
Clemens’s allegedly false testimony came in a public hearing in which Clemens and his former trainer Brian McNamee, testifying under oath, directly contradicted each other about whether Clemens had used the banned substances.
Somewhere, George Will is rubbing his George Will nipples. Baseball is politics, politics is baseball! [NYT]
{ 36 comments }
Clemens is an insufferable prick. Clemens/Palin 2012!
I was fine with this until you brought up George Will’s nipples– please don’t do that again
And yet Gonzales got off scot-free.
Big Name In Baseball Has Balls Shriveled.
So will he pitch or catch in prison?
That last bit, about George Will nipples, made me have to reread the posting. That was a brain wiper. Please, next time I hear Sarah Palin screech will someone say “George Will Nipples!”
And this kids is why you don’t talk to anybody under oath without a written deal and your lawyer present.
And to think it all began in Canada City in 1998. Couldn’t happen to a nicer douchebag.
Baseball is so boring. Don’t we have another prominent home improvement or cooking show TV hostess lying around whom we can convict in a show trial?
You know, I thought I heard a lot of drunken screaming and crying coming from the general direction of Boston.
Not incredible, considering the history of the House Committee: perjury not further exploitable counts severally.
Now you’re Committed, fella.
George Will wants to Socialize MLB because the free market sucks so bad and the teams need an “even playing field” so the rich-ass Yankees don’t dominate by buying up all the talent, blah, blah. You know, that same free market that’s just fine and dandy in the real world outside of sports where actual lives are on the line instead of bragging rights and World Series rings.
Where’s your righteous indignation now, Dan Burton?! Fuck Clemens. Fraud.
He should have just pulled a Sosa.
[re=642179]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Or an O. J.
Wall Street derivatives bankers? Oil company executives? Automakers? Operators of deadly and unsafe mines? Usurious check-cashing business owners? Intelligence fabricators? Regulators asleep at the helm, or worse, getting sex and drugs from the people they’re allegedly regulating? Torture enablers and war criminals? No, no, no, no, no, no, and no — which motherfuckers was Congress brave enough to force to testify under oath? Baseball players. Fuck the 109th (I think it was) Congress — once for being their cowardly, uninvestigative selves, and once more for making me side with Roger fucking Clemons.
World’s largest body of lying liars indicts liar for lying.
Bathe in the refreshing irony.
Oooh. Atherlete took drugs. The real story is deeper … before baseball, Roger was a swimmer for the East German women’s relay team.
This is not newsworthy. I’m starting a PAC to “TAKE BACK WONKETTE”
[re=642189]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Wookie friend, have some patience. I am certain our DOJ and US Attorneys are going to nab some of the Wall Street duchebags for perjury in the coming years/months. Certainly SOME of these guys lied under oath. Takes time to sort it all out.
In the meantime, what are the odds that Blago and Rocket end up Cellmates in the same federal detention facility? That would AMAZING!
But Jim Bunning walks free?
[re=642231]chascates[/re]: Win, ya put that one in the cheap seats.
[re=642168]jus_wonderin[/re]: That’s my safe word…
Sammy Sosa played it so cool at the hearings.
SAMMY SOSA: I can tell you, Mr. Chairman, I don‘t have too much to tell you.
That’s how you don’t get indicted.
He should get an apology for being forced to come testify. What a bloody waste of everyone’s time. Bears shit in the woods. Con men palm cards. Sarah Palin lies constantly. Of course they are doping!
[re=642209]GDTRFB[/re], [re=642189]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s better than that. We have Sarbanes-Oxley, remember. Those douchebags *personally* signed their corporate statements. They are so fucked once there is enough staff to nail their asses. You can believe me on this, I am the Prince of Pessimism.
Meh. It’s the Red Sox. Indict the whole damned team. They were cool before they won the pennant. Now they’re just a bunch of insufferable a-holes.
Signed,
A Former Bostonian.
[re=642172]JMP[/re]: Pretty sure no one in Boston is sad to see Roger Clemens go to prison.
[re=642286]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: It’s best said in a whisper, to be sure.
All excellent baseball athletes should be accused!!!
Especially Pedro Martinez. He had to be on steroids.
[re=642189]SayItWithWookies[/re]: If we (Congress) did our jerbs, they (the electorate) would take our jerbs. or so they insist.
Wait, not “insist.” “Grandstand.” That fits w/ the baseball stuff, too.
Fixed.
Roger is a fucktwit. Maybe he should be punished, but not by the world’s greatest collection of mendacious teevee hogs. Who in that collection of assholes has spoken the truth in the last few decades? If the assembled Congress Critters convict a person for lying, we will apply the same standard to them. Their heirs will not like it, especially when their fiscal remains are appropriated on behalf of their victims.
Congressoids think lying is a crime? Since fucking when? It’s been a required job skill for ever.
[re=642334]Darkness[/re]: Well, what’s really interesting is that he was not subpoenaed but wanted to testify on his own accord. His name was mentioned in the report listing all the baseballers who shot up…and he wanted to “clear his name”. Apparently the last piece of advice he got before going was “whatever you do, don’t lie.”
Lying to Congress sure paid off for Ollie North. Perhaps Fox News will put Clemens on its team–there’s always room for another lying asshole.
[re=642172]JMP[/re]: That only happens on days that end with “y.”
[re=642179]Suds McKenzie[/re]: I don’t think Clemens’ skin can get much lighter, but OK.
Comments on this entry are closed.