“Today, I am writing to request your help. John’s birthday is on August 29th, and I very much want you and many of his other loyal friends and supporters to be part of the celebration.” YOU MEAN WE GET TO COME OVER AND LISTEN TO HIM COMPLAIN ABOUT STUFF, CINDY? Awesome! Yes, the great campaign e-mail tradition of the candidate’s spouse asking you to “sign” the ol’ birfday card has come up for the McCain camp. Except because it’s John McCain, it’s just depressing.
Yeah, there’s barely even a pretense here that this is anything other than a desperate plea for money. The page you click on is just a giant set of campaign contribution boxes to fill out and some federal election legalese, followed at long last by a tiny box for the birfday message. There’s no way to send your message without giving money.
But Cindy has sweetened the deal: “Thank you again for all you do for John and for being a part of our extended family.” This is either the saddest thing ever written, or a hint that Cindy McCain will put you in her will and give you a piece of her fortune when she dies, leaving nothing for John or Meghan. The latter would be funny, so it’s probably worth donating. [John McCain]
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Happy Birthday to you
Your teeth can’t eat stew
You can’t fuck your own wife
and she’ll soon fuck you…
…I know….the taint of agism makes for bitter, bitter humor….but HENGGHHH!
For God’s sake, will someone please tell me why anyone, anyone, would contribute to the campaign of a man whose wife is worth a kabillion dollars? (h/t to Sara Benincasa for the denomination).
“happy birthday can i have your watch when you are dead? p.s. henngh?”
We are not very far from the day that Walnuts has his tongue hanging out of his mouth on a permanent basis.
Is it possible for a website to smell like mothballs and various ointments?
Best Wishes on your 80th Fall of Saigon Day, John! For FIVE AND A HALF YEARS we have been watching your campaign to HENGH the illegulz out of Fire Base Alpha in the Mekong Delta. Also, CHARLIE would like present you with a surface to air missle and an extended stay in Hanoi’s finest accommodations.
Best!
Barry Obamar a.k.a. HoChiMinh Soetero
P.S. Yr. daughter acts like an idiot.
Eh — birthdays stopped having meaning to John McCain a long time ago — sorta like maverick and integrity.
Special Birthday Message: Get Off My Lawn!
It could have been worse… you could have helped pick out Meg’s next tat.
That man is alive?
How does this whole family of hacks co-exist in the same space??
you guys are so mean. i’ve learned everything i need to know about life from hanging out on wonkette.
“Hurry up and die already, WALNUTS.”
Cindy,
Here’s $25. I’ve had a thing for you since John mentioned your hot bod at the bike rally. Let’s go for a “ride” sometime.
your extended cousin,
OS
If we’re part of the extended McCain family, then where’s our beer?
Isn’t this backwards? Grandpa is suppose to GIVE YOU five bucks in your birthday card.
I’m tempted to donate $.01 …
For a $100 donation, do you at least get to see The Megsters’ boobs?
Oh, all right, I’ll wrap some Depends in colorful paper and send it along. Also, some Prozac.
Happy birthday, Walnuts, and thanks again for foisting that haggish menopausal tundra trash dilettante on us. I sincerely hope your daily Metamucil douche eventually clots your sphincter and makes you as literally full of shit as you are metaphorically. Fuck you too, also.
[re=642042]Sharkey[/re]: That’s not change we can believe in!
A birthday song for McCain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_nFwwjBlEc
what do you get for the man who has everything except for integrity and bladder control?
When my grandfather was your age he didn’t understand how the cable box worked, much less federal immigration policy reform. HENNNNGH?
If we all remember from 2008, the guy ownes something like 100 homes. Sell some off for lumber for your stupid fence and don’t bother us for cash.
Happy BDay Walnuts,
Do you recall the evening at the Tee Pee restaurant on Indian School when you grabbed my 4 yo daughter, sat her on your lap and made her pose for a picture next to your plate of sizzling hot “FAH-HEE-TAS”? Do you remember how she burned her arm on the hot plate and I had to wrestle her away from you after the photo op? Do you remember her tears her pain? Then do you recall asking me for a donation to your stupid campaign? Is any of this familiar to you, you opportunistic fuck?
As soon as she is old enough I am going to tell her how she was abused by Grampy McCain and direct her to your grave so she can do donuts in her SmartCar to her heart’s content. YOU FUCK.
Good god, what’s with the online survey? I just wanted to wish him happy b-day and a big ole fuck-you for Sarah Palin.
The song Dozin’ and Droolin’ by Root Boy Slim comes to mind…
COMPLETE THE DANGED CARD!
At a press conference, someone asked Senator McCain if he wore “boxers or briefs.”
Jhn did not say “depends,” but rather examined something in his suit coat, and said “I, uh, dunno, its, uh, some Army thing from some Irish guy…some Col. O’Stomy some, uh, uuhhh, zzzzzzzzzz snrk…shoulda done Sarah when I could…zzzzzombie-tits..zzzz.”
such phony baloney. cindy mccain can’t stand him. she has her own life here in arizona and he has his in d.c. maybe sarah palin will come play happy birthday for him on her harmonica.
Or maybe Mama Malaprop could wrap herself up in a sequined cocktail dress ala Marilyn Monroe and croon to old Grampy. Oh wait! Marilyn Monroe was sexy. Sarah Palin is dumb.
I am not looking at that page.
Old age may be contagious.
[re=642116]Bordo[/re]: I would pay to see this. And then rip out my eyes.
[re=642081]El Pinche[/re]: Messaging your fellow prisoners through the Arizona State Secure Solutions Complex web service is always like that.
Happy Birthday…Mister President …Happy Birthday To You.
I kinda like John McCain. His bumbling, rambling, elderly ways remind me of a young Ronald Reagan. But Cindy, ya shouldn’t go reminding people that the guy is like a hundred years old … and counting.
Happy B-Day, Johnny Mac! Here’s a day-spa gift certificate for a free ear waxing (hint hint).
[re=642023]freakishlystrong[/re]: Good thing I wasn’t drinking the good stuff when I read this. Mothballs and ointments are in my near future, too. Already got the f*&kin’back pillow I cart around everywhere.
Hey you kids out there! Get off my…wait, where am I?
[re=642058]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: “haggish menopausal tundra trash dilettante.” “Take my VP candidate… Please.” I’m Henny Oldman, and I approved that incompetent selection.
(Rimshot.)
[re=642201]just pixels[/re]: When I was a young lad, I liked some Westerns (you almost had to, since for a while there they were almost all there was on the teevee. Well, besides Perry Mason. I liked Wyatt Earp (though I wanted to be Doc); I tolerated Gunsmoke; the Rifleman was frequently good; and of course I never voluntarily missed Richard Paladin Boone.
I detested the Old Boraxo Ranger, or whatever his name was supposed to be, without having any idea who the “actor” was. He was just such an obvious dick.
And then I grew up and got to have the clown as my governor for eight years and my President for eight more. That’s a quarter of my life I’ll never get back.
Thank you for your comment.
Thx fer askin, Cindi! I think we should eff each other! Not right away after he passes, but after a respectable time like three days or seven days after the funeral. By then, I’ll be as horney as you! Call me, but not too soon. Kisses and more!
Dear John:
Maybe Cindy, your trollopy cunt, will let you break her arm again for your birthday. Make sure you get her a different colored cast this time around.
Trucknutz. Also.
Keep the tongue in the
pantsmouth old fellow.Yes it was cute when Einstein did it but. . .
I have heard you speak; I have seen your choice of Vice Prezzies and Senator,
you are no Albert Einstein.
[re=642031]Winski[/re]: By the exclusion principle, it’s OK as long as each one has a different spin.
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