rusty silver-tongue

Sarah Palin Tweets More Hieroglyphs

NEED MOAR ROSETTA STONE
TERM HAS BEEN HIJACKED! But who hijacked term? “Feminist”? Possibly. Furthermore, how can a sound, such as a cackle, want something? How can a sound have expectations? How can a sound perform a crucifixion? These are the questions our nation faces. It’s ironic! (No it’s not.)

Yes, Sarah Palin actually took some time here to look up the correct spelling of “passé” on her BlackBerry. Then she copied and pasted it into her Twitter application, because how else does Sarah Palin come up with an “é”? Such accented letters are terrorist plots to insert Islam into our language.

These tweets must be given to Palin pre-written, and then she is allowed to put in some of the nouns, like a MadLib, resulting in gibberish. And that is exactly the sort of leadership and creativity she will bring to the job of President 4 Life. [Twitter]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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111 comments

  1. chascates

    Don’t miss her:

    Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)

  2. Larry McAwful

    Don’t tempt me, Sarah. I think it would be wicked cool to be a “rad.” So when people ask you what your politics are, I can say, “I’m a rad,” and they’ll say, “You’re rad!” RAD.

    As an accomplished terrorist (I’m fluent in French) I can tell you that those special characters can be summoned in HTML. For é, do ALT+0233. I don’t know how to do it on a Blackberry, though. I’m a terrorist, you see.

  3. slavojzizek

    Back in 1970, all sorts of nice Christian mama grizzly bears were thrilled to call themselves ‘feminists’, because of their support for not shaving their armpits and their hatred of men. Then everything changed…

  4. Sleeves

    I’m introducing “a cackle of rads-2″ the atomic physics community…specifically, radiative transfer in the non-LTE regime.

  5. contentsunderpressure

    Even 140 characters is overwhelming her powers of communication. She needs an intervention and sum home skoolin.

  6. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    She appears to have used “whom” correctly as well. I prefer to see someone who is semi-literate as a ‘glass half-full’ situation.

  7. Escape Goat Nation

    Sarah’s new ones are even worse.

    She just sunk her self
    Kthxbye

    “# Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America! about 12 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

    # Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”) about 12 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerr”

    http://twitter.com/sarahpalinusa

  8. iburl

    Forsooth, the bardette hath coindeth more life into the living language! Methinks she births new words as often and as well as she hath borne heirs.

  9. Cape Clod

    Liberal, progressive women ‘invented’ the word Feminist. It can only be hijacked by someone who doesn’t share their beliefs but claims ownership of the word. You moron.

  10. Mickey7

    [re=641556]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: @SarahPalinUSA.com: Plz explain y ‘N’ wrd ok, but ‘R’ wrd grndz 4 treason.

  11. hoosiermama

    I think you need to leave Sarah alone. a “cackle of women” is a really creative turn of phrase (if not a little: “sexist”? It’s like a murder of crows or a coven of mama grizzlies.

  12. bureaucrap

    She also used “singular” incorrectly, it appears — it generally means “unique” or “rare”, not “single.” She may be one of those people who think, incorrectly, that more syllables = better.

    but she does get credit for the correct use of “whom”.

    but then she gets gigantic demerits for being a fan of the homophobic hater Dr. Laura.

  13. queeraselvis v 2.0

    A cackle of rads? Is that anything like a murder of crows? Or a conniption of twatwaffles?

  14. JMP

    Sarah made a big typo there, writing “A cackle of rads…” where she meant to say “Me!”.

    It really is infuriating that this woman who opposes women’s rights tries to claim to be a feminist by mere possession of ovaries when she is the exact opposite.

  15. WarAndGee

    Malapropisms are part of the rich tapestry of our ever-changing language known as “Amurican.”

  16. gradgrind

    [re=641553]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: You may have to settle for a glass quarter-full, or a glass with the dregs of evaporated nectar sticking to the bottom, until we find out why someone who meant “single issue” wrote (or paid one of her addled little helpers) to write “singular issue” instead.

    ‘Scuse me now, I have to go meet my cackle for a pot luck. They can’t start without me. I’m bringing the eye of newt.

  17. Terry

    [re=641564]bureaucrap[/re]:

    Yeah, but turns out Dr. Laura isn’t a fan of Sarah’s. The good doctor wrote a blog post suggesting that Sarah should be home raising that baby and her other children rather than be out campaigning and whatever else Palin does.

  18. doxastic

    I like the use of misogyny to attack feminists for being misogynist. Ladies always be cackling.

  19. Ablington

    I just saw a Knuckle of C.H.U.D.s having trouble opening their pickles of lids.

    Sarah Palin is America’s greatest Beat poet.

  20. doxastic

    [re=641564]bureaucrap[/re]: So long as no one inquires as to “it’s” reference, she may squeeze by with a C-

  21. BarackMyWorld

    What’s with the sudden interest in etymology, Mrs. Palin? Do you know what that word means, either?

  22. Ruhe

    Perhaps Sarah got that “cackle of rads” formation here. What’s really troubling is that her use of the word ‘ironic’ seems basically correct even if the situation she imagines it applying to is spurious.

  23. freakishlystrong

    @Monsieur CrotchWatcher Grumpe: as much as I like the new addition to your wonkett personality, it’s too long and cuts off the “reply” option.

  24. HipHopOpotamus

    [re=641569]PrimlyStable[/re]: It’s ironic because nothing in that statement is ironic. Meta-irony FTW!

  25. Dolmance

    It’s funny, but after November it’s not going to be funny at all. Or is it? Is being up to our ears in pissed off mad people even have a humor quotient? I guess I forgot, after spending almost eight years waking up each and every morning thinking, “Those motherfuckers! Those dirty motherfuckers!” By the end of Bush’s second term I wasn’t even outraged anymore. It was reduced to, “Those motherfuckers… Those motherfuckers..,” only without the exclamation point, having gone from thundering outrage to a sort of little internal whine like I’d spent both terms squirming on the floor with a migraine.

    I guess the thrust of all this is… We’re so fucked… We’re so fucked… Oh, God, we are so fucked… (whine, snivel, squeal)

  26. the wiz

    No Good cocksucker motherfucker hemorrhoid licking bitch. All she cares about is Sarah and she is glad to sell the country down the river as long as she gets money and attention. Sorry I am just so sick of this cunt and her whole white trash family.

  27. ttommyunger

    An Ode to Sarah
    by ttommyunger

    This misuse of Cackles,
    Raises my hackles.
    This twat babbles on,
    With the break of each Dawn,
    How long must we take it?
    The language, she breaks it.
    She facebooks and twitters,
    The Webscape she litters,
    With rantings and ravings,
    of prose not worth saving.
    How nice it would be,
    How great just to see,
    Her talents not wasted:
    Tod’s jism all pasted,
    From North to the South,
    and filling that mouth.
    The silence so sweet,
    No time for the tweet,
    Just humping and blowing,
    Her best talents showing.
    Proper energy spending,
    No further truth bending.

  28. Ruhe

    [re=641573]Terry[/re]: What is interesting, though perhaps not ironic, is that Sarah’s sudden interest in Dr. Laura comes upon the Dr. being involved in a scandal over her profession of ignorance as to why usage of the n word is so complicated. (What sort of Dr. is she that she can’t grasp that?) If Schlesinger had ranted about how Alaskans are basically a bunch of tit sucking welfare slobs would Palin have defended her right to free speech so vigorously?

  29. Prommie

    [re=641587]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Isn’t it ironic? That when you try but fail to identify irony, people will take your effort as meta-irony? Is that meta-meta irony?

    Noone has yet pointed out the superfluous colon. She really needs to make a choice, she can keep droppin’ them “g”s over there, and commit to faux-folksy, or she can “go grammatical,” and use words like “whom,” and sissified, ivory-tower punctuation marks like “:”, but she can’t have it both ways.

  30. Ruhe

    On first read I failed to notice the colon. In the twitter-verse is that one character full stop meant to stand in for the missing article? Since the intent is understandable without the article why is the colon there? Is anybody working on this?

  31. bago

    Rad – The unit of radiation absorbed dose, which represents the amount of energy derived from any type of ionizing radiation deposited into any material.

    Rads – Motherfuckin rad party!!!!

  32. stew

    [re=641610]Ruhe[/re]: By “colon” do you mean “asshole”, cause I always notice that when I see White Trash Barbie.

  33. Clankie

    You know, it’s pretty easy to tell which twats are the Grifter’s, and which are her minions. The minions’ are the ones like “Proud to Support More Women Leaders on the 90th Anniversary of Women’s Suffrage” (shortly after the twatter at the top of the article) and “Mr. President, should they or shouldn’t they build a Muslim mosque steps away from where radical Islamists killed 3000 people?Your position?” Whereas the Grifter’s would be the top twat up there, and “On North Slope w/FOXs Greta VanS.,talking ENERGY & America’s independence/security/jobs & economic stability;We need to drill;Watch her show”
    Note the subtle differences in grammar, for example the utterly ridiculous use of semicolons in the twat above.
    That said, reading that garbage makes my brain vomit. I was raised by a newspaper editor, and this shit is…painful. For bonus points, how many of the twats that Sarah ‘follows’ are owned by NewsCorp?

  34. Rajul

    Who hijacked the word “cackle”? A witchcraft-practicing opportunistic twatter. It’s ironic.Yet expected. So, ironically, even more ironic.

    Suck my tweet, Sarah.

  35. JMP

    [re=641556]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: I see Palin agrees with Dr. Laura that there’s a hidden part of the First Amendment that forbids criticism of speech, no matter how vile.

  36. Mild Midwesterner

    I am no longer reading the Palin posts on Wonkette as I feel myself get dumber each time I do. Isn’t it ironic?

  37. disgustedcitizen

    If the snowbilly grifter somehow did become preznit in 2012, I would be torn between heading for Canada or sticking around to watch the fun. Oh, never mind, I’m sure I can still get Wonkette in Canada, I’ll watch from there and avoid getting splattered in the coming shit storm.

  38. Prommie

    [re=641619]Clankie[/re]: She literally does not know what she is talking about, which makes it very difficult for her to talk coherently. For example, “energy independence” is a legitimate policy goal, though it will never, ever, ever be achieved through more drilling. But Sarah seems to have it confused with America’s “independence” as in “independence day.” It makes my brain hurt to read it, but I bet her brain hurts worse, having to “think” like that.

  39. Sleeves

    [re=641619]Clankie[/re]: Hehe. Well, I do find semicolons to be useful for a fullest variety of ridicule.

    In deeds, NewsCorp makes Union Broadcasting System (UBS) look like Primly Stables.

  40. Prommie

    [re=641590]Dolmance[/re]: We really are fucked. The GOP is much worse now than it was in 1994, it has degenerated into a howling mob of ignorant villagers, and if they get a majority in the house, they will go after Obama with their torches and pitchforks, the investigations and hearings and the inevitable impeachment, these things will all happen.

    I am very worried about the possibility of nuclear weapons falling into the hands of crazed fanatical religious ideologues, and I am not talking about Pakistan.

  41. Guppy06

    [re=641606]Prommie[/re]: “Noone has yet pointed out the superfluous colon.”

    The First Dude is involved in this?

  42. BarackMyWorld

    [re=641626]JMP[/re]: It is right next to the clause about the appropriateness of using the term “retard” or making negative comments about using your own children as political props.

  43. HipHopOpotamus

    [re=641606]Prommie[/re]: I blame Alanis Morissette, just like I blame her for making me think of Dave Coulier as a sexual being.

  44. wilbro

    Hey libtards, cackle is not the point. She’s getting “hijack” and “crucify” into the same singular sentence-like arrangement of word things. See? Muslins flew planes into the cross and killed Jeebus. You’re not hearing about it because ‘they’ don’t want you to know the truth.

  45. PerhapsSo

    My guess is that she meant either cabal or gaggle. English isn’t her first language, though, so she has a hard time with these things. Remind me, what is the native language to Wasilla?

  46. Canuckledragger

    On behalf of my band, Cackle of Rads, our lawyer has just sent a cease and desist letter for trademark infringement to the half-term half-tard. Refudiate now, Stepford Douche, or pay the piper. Not yer daughter, either.

    OTQ: There is an epidemic of tardners saying of the Prez, “He just doesn’t get it.” Since none of these morans could graduate from a four year course with fewer than five colleges, or fill a thimble with functional synapses, nor lift their IQs beyond the double digits, precisely what – pray tell – is it that THEY “get,” which The (Accomplished) One does not? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  47. Geogre

    Hey!

    SarahPAC shot a CACKLE OF GEESE! Whenever she listens to Rush Limbaugh, he gaggles with mirth at his jokes.

    SarahPAC is right and important. You know she’s important, because she won’t shut up, and she says she’s important, and she tells everyone what to do and what to think about her.

  48. Ducksworthy

    [re=641579]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Bugs amiright? No wait that’s ichthyology. Or is that L. Ron Hubbards thing? And one final comment on Sarah P., once it becomes evident that the eggs have gone bad due to too many rads and will now only produce cretins and worse, you’re not sexy. Sorry.

  49. Clankie

    [re=641639]Lilybart[/re]: You win. But what do you call a bunch of closeted fags gathered together?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    CPAC

  50. BlueStateLiberal

    With that screechy voice of hers , it’s a little ironic of her to say other women “cackle.”

  51. Woodwards Friend

    Hey you rads, give Mel Gibson his feminism back. Otherwise he’ll burn down your house. But you’ll have to blow him first.

    Thanks,
    Kathryn Jean Lopez

  52. One Yield Regular

    For a second there, I thought “Term” was just another Palin kid who’d run into trouble.

  53. Mad Brahms

    [re=641552]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I was going to go with “well, granted, she does know how to do ‘passé’”, but ah, what a bon mot.

    [re=641556]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Ooh! Ooh! Is that the new buzzword? “Constitutional Obstructionist”? God only knows what she means by it, but it’s good to see Newspeak getting, err, newer.

  54. Sleeves

    Furthermore, how can a sound, such as a cackle, paralyze nerves, shatter bones, set fires, suffocate an enemy or burst his organs?

  55. user-of-owls

    [re=641555]Monsieur CrotchWatcher Grumpe[/re]: No, the correct term is parliament. A parliament of rads. I should know.

  56. user-of-owls

    [re=641705]Mad Brahms[/re]: Didn’t you hear? They are the antithesis, anathema of Unconstitutional
    Facilitators.

  57. GeneralLerong

    I’d buy a t-shirt with an arty version of the phrase “Rad Cackler”. In pink, with a faux mink collar. For my niece, of course. Cough.

  58. Baby who ate the Dingo

    [re=641557]iburl[/re]: She doth brith as my parched anus doth birth little sarah’s daily inthe American Standard Toilet and Dictionary

  59. just pixels

    Another hijacking? Armed only with castrating cackles, the rads have crashed the airliner of feminism into the Washington Monument, which is now hallowed ground. Let’s call it “Ground One” to honor the former monument’s former resemblence to the number “1″. No mosques near Ground One! No day spas either.

  60. problemwithcaring

    [re=641541]chascates[/re]: Doc Laura is just following in Snowshrilly’s footsteps. She passionately sarcastic daughter just told a lame stream teacher that the reason she quit as governor was to protect everyone’s Constitutional rights in the United States. Now she’s twatting don’t retreat, reload.

    Damn, she can’t even be consistent in her fake reasoning.

  61. Baby who ate the Dingo

    OK class, define “Ironic.” is it
    A) The song by Alanis Morrisette?
    B) The fact that the song was written about Dave Coullier, who was the untalented/not so cute grown up on Full House (did the Bullwinkle impressions) who went on to Americas Funniest Home Videos, circa 1993?
    C) Snowbilly grifter can’t spell/think way out of wet paper douchebag yet wants to be Prezdunce because she hates politicians, and by extention, herself?
    D) All of the above, and boy are we screwed?

    The answer is: You all hate America!

  62. Dolmance

    [re=641792]problemwithcaring[/re]: I suppose those people have a limited supply of “N” words and a forced to fill up the tank from time to time. I guess that’s what she meant by “reload.”

  63. mumblyjoe

    [re=641556]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: It’s kind of amazing how many unique ways that Sarah Palin manages to be both a hypocrite and a bigot, at the same time:

    1) People who complain about Dr. Laura’s racism hate the first Amendment, but not me, when I complain about people practicing their religion on private property.

    2) The whole N-word/R-word thing, also, yeah. I dunno, maybe Dr. Laura used it 11 times, “satirically”?

    3) Actually, the actual slur notwithstanding, the material substance of her actual rant, and the context in which she brought it up (a woman calling because her husbands’ friends’ casual racism was making her feel uncomfortable and marginal -it’s not a word usage issue, but the fact that her husbands friends were creating a hostile environment for her, but Dr. Laura completely dismissed this as “oversensitivity”), was very, overtly racist. So, no, it’s not actually the word itself, but the racist sentiment that backed it up. Which, incidentally, is the answer to people (invariably right-wing whites) who complain about the different standards for the word’s usage. So, just to be clear, Palin, in defending Laura, is championing racism, pure and simple. Not that anyone will point that out.

  64. Tube City

    If the “singular issue” is abortion, then she’s saying that pro-choice women want to “crucify” pro-life women. Hunh? How? By making them have abortions?

  65. mumblyjoe

    [re=641832]Tube City[/re]: It’s funny that way; women terminating pregnancies that threaten their life and/or health are sort of, by definition, the opposite of “dying for [one's] (sexy) sins”. I’m just saying, is all.

  66. GOPCrusher

    I haz a confused about Bible Spice’s twat to Dr. Laura “Don’t retreat, reload”. What does she mean? Did Dr. Laura not use the term “nigger” enough? 140 characters just isn’t enough to clear this up. I want to know just exactly Bible Spice’s stance is on the Dr. Laura racist diatribe. Maybe Charlie Gibson or Katie Couric need to make a run up to Wasilla and do a live interview that airs during primetime on free TV.

  67. Enslave the Whales

    [re=641564]bureaucrap[/re]: “but she does get credit for the correct use of “whom”.”

    I think not, because it’s likely accidental. A couple of days ago she twatted something like: “Whomever is in charge: blah, blah…”

    Just substituting “whom” everywhere (because it’s intellectual?) isn’t worth credit.

  68. mumblyjoe

    [re=641832]Tube City[/re]: [re=641836]mumblyjoe[/re]: Also, it’s a little-known fact that the “pro-choice” monniker is a misleading ploy- the “mandatory abortions for everybody (especially the menfolk) movement” just doesn’t sound all that good, after all.

  69. Darkness

    Retard bad. N—er good.
    Duly note, Sarah.

    And for the four thousandth, seven hundred and eleventh time. THE FIRST AMENDMENT ONLY APPLIES TO THE GOVERNMENT, BITCHES. Jesus Christ on a Constitution, why are these people so stupid?

    If the government didn’t shut down your radio show, then your first amendment rights haven’t been abridged. If your listeners, in the act of expressing their own freedom of speech, complain to your sponsors and inspire them to pull their advertising (exercising their corporate freedom of speech) and the government isn’t involved in any of it, then your constitutional rights have not been abridged. Your freedom to express your views on a for-profit medium may have been financially pinched, but that’s because money fucking talks. Since you are republicans, one assumes you would know that.

    Don’t make enough profit? then you don’t get to make mass broadcast speech. Fucking deal with it. Whining about your constitutional rights when the issue is strictly capitalism just proves you are a fucking moron.

  70. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=641922]Darkness[/re]: Needs more “fucking.” But also, full of awesomeness. Well done, sir or madam.

  71. Sharkey

    The term rad is now superseded in the International System of Units by the gray; 1 rad is equal to 10 milligray, and 100 rads are equal to 1 Gy. The continued use of the rad is “strongly discouraged” by the author style guide of the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology. You stupid bitch.

  72. problemwithcaring

    [re=641807]Dolmance[/re]: Yay, you understood MY hieroglyphics! (There should have been an “and” after “she,” for those who don’t speaka my language.)

  73. Mr Blifil

    It occurs to me that in complaining that the term “feminism” has been hijacked for perverse uses, she is hijacking the term “feminism” in order to put it to perverse uses.

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