FIND A NURSE AND KISS HER  12:21 am August 19, 2010

by Josh Fruhlinger

In happier timesHAPPY V-I DAY EVERYBODY!: Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has formally surrendered to U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, which means that America has won the Iraq War, hooray! The last American combat troops have left the country, according to the New York Times’ Media Decoder warblog. 50,000 American “trainers” will remain in the country indefinitely, teaching the Iraqis helpful techniques for designing ergonomic workstations and filling out their expense reports properly. [NYT]

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SayItWithWookies August 19, 2010 at 12:24 am

That’s awesome. Who won?

Sparky McGruff August 19, 2010 at 12:28 am

I’m usually a grumpy cynic, but I have to admit, this “hopey changey” stuff is feeling a little bit better right now.

Bearbloke August 19, 2010 at 12:48 am

[re=641462]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I donnow… this sounds more like ‘Bugger-out-of-Vietnam’ Day that ‘Victory over Japan’ Day. Perhaps only time will tell if America truly won or lost this war…

Any comment from Dubya, yet?

bago August 19, 2010 at 12:58 am

A whisper of sanity. How I thirst for it.

Bearbloke August 19, 2010 at 1:00 am

[re=641467]mustardman[/re]: I’m not a Yank, you bloody drongo troll – bugger off!

gurukalehuru August 19, 2010 at 1:00 am

Isn’t 50,000 like, still, a whole lot?

oneoclockjump August 19, 2010 at 1:05 am

Can I kiss the “Victory Mosque” Imam instead? Seeing it’s V-I Day?

DC Hates Me August 19, 2010 at 1:06 am

[re=641470]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yes, but it’s just the US soldiers that were born in Iraq.

iwillsavethispatient August 19, 2010 at 1:11 am

filling out their expense reports properly
Did you get the memo? There’s a new cover sheet for the TPS reports.

Expect violence towards fax-machines to increase in Iraq in the next few months.

Radiotherapy August 19, 2010 at 1:16 am

Yeahhh, can I take my “Support the Troops” magnet-ribbon off my Suburban now?

SayItWithWookies August 19, 2010 at 1:17 am

[re=641466]Bearbloke[/re]: [re=641467]mustardman[/re]: Some say it was an imperialist attempt to corner the oil supply couched in a flimsy anti-terrorist excuse, bolstered by baldfaced lies and a constantly revolving series of excuses, none of which made sense, implemented by a bunch of idiots who thought they were the next Bismarcks and didn’t need to listen to anyone else’s advice, and figureheaded by a college cheerleader who thought he was fighting a divine war to bring about the culmination of a 2,000-year-old myth. Others think it was an unfathomable blunder and a stunning example of why you don’t give the reins of power to an insular pack of lunatics. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.

obfuscator August 19, 2010 at 1:18 am

to iraq: sorry about all the Ground Zeros we left surrounding your mosques.

Escape Goat Nation August 19, 2010 at 1:19 am

Fox Breaking News:
Hussein Obama keeps one promise: Sticks to President General George Washington Bush’s time-line for victory over Islam.

Josh Fruhlinger August 19, 2010 at 1:20 am

[re=641476]obfuscator[/re]: Ha ha, you are this thread’s greatest hero.

bago August 19, 2010 at 1:25 am

About fucking time.

obfuscator August 19, 2010 at 1:30 am

[re=641480]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: iraqi charges of “insensitivity” cast doubt upon pentagon plans for iraqi cilivian mass grave MERE BLOCKS from hallowed mosque site.

imissopus August 19, 2010 at 1:31 am

Fox commentators trash Obama for cutting and running in 3…2…1…

hobosexual August 19, 2010 at 1:35 am

Maybe if we blow up large portions of America our Government will see fit to build us bridges that won’t collapse, new schools and teach our citizens how to do things. May I suggest personal hygiene and spelling for the first series in lessons for my compatriots?

Escape Goat Nation August 19, 2010 at 1:51 am

Yeah, ok, Goodbye Sarah

“# Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America! about 5 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

# Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)”

Radiotherapy August 19, 2010 at 2:10 am

[re=641484]imissopus[/re]: [re=641487]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Just what I was thinking; how long before the übergrifter puts her vacuous twat stamp on this story.

Mad Brahms August 19, 2010 at 2:17 am

Isn’t the U.S. military the *last* organization you would want teaching you about expense reports? I mean, granted, they have some comfy chairs, so that part sounds like a plan, but those chairs “fell off a truck” along with billions of dollars in aid money (oops!)

Bearbloke August 19, 2010 at 3:02 am

[re=641475]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I always thought the Iraqi misadventure was about the Bush/Cheney gang’s attempt to capture the huge Iraqi oil-fields and the ‘spigots’ into them, then require China et al to acquire US-of-’Merica Dollars in order to purchase petroleum on the World Market, thereby creating an on-going market for Dollars & dollar-denominated assets (like the port Bush wanted to sell to Dubai) and preserving the US Dollar aka Petro-Dollar as the premiere Global Reserved Currency, which in turn would undercut Russia’s Eco-political resurgence whilst solidifying America’s position as the Premiere Superpower in a Uni-polar World and continue to prop-up the otherwise faltering US economy for the near future – or at least until Darth Cheney can convert all of his assets into Euros or Bahraini Dirhams… oh, yes, and to satisfy Dubya’s Œdipal/Political rivalry with Bush Sr. regarding the old man’s failure to win a second term by refusing to carry the mantle of being a ‘War President’ into all the way into Baghdad and Glorious Re-election…

But what do I know? I just a dirty furriner….

richardwb1 August 19, 2010 at 3:18 am

[re=641467]mustardman[/re]: War profiteers are “winners.”
Many billionaires have been made through Iraq, at the expense of u.s.a.Murka!!! taxpayers, and a million+ dead Iraqi citizens.

Geogre August 19, 2010 at 6:21 am

A sailor will kiss a nurse.

It won’t be in Times Square. It will be at a VA hospital, and he will be getting prosthetics after his SEAL team was engaged in search and destroy Mark II and hit an IED.

CNN will show fat Americans dancing at the all-pork barbecue, giggling their fat in hypnotic waves, and the Muslim world will be offended: “How can they celebrate the killing of people there” and use that as an excuse for condemnation for decades to come, just the way that the human tick, Newt, can use “Palestinians danced on 9/11″ as an excuse.

Oh, yes. V-I day… IV day.

ManchuCandidate August 19, 2010 at 6:57 am

They can be reduce with a “Jump to Conclusions” Mat and avoid all PC Load Letter errors.

BarackMyWorld August 19, 2010 at 7:01 am

[re=641487]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: I thought you were kidding until I looked. Wow, that woman is insane.

Limeylizzie August 19, 2010 at 7:25 am

[re=641470]gurukalehuru[/re]: Hopefully they are all electricians, as they still only have about 4 hours a day of electricity there.

Army of None August 19, 2010 at 7:40 am

50,000 left in Iraq. How many in Afghanistan? How man clandestinely doing things in Pakistan? Soldiers in our army doing how many tours of duty in war zones? Endless war. Orwell was right!

Ruhe August 19, 2010 at 7:45 am

[re=641475]SayItWithWookies[/re]: When the histories are written I’ll put my money on the version that posits the most venal, cleptocratic motivations as likely the most accurate.

BTW, nice paragraph.

Barrelhse August 19, 2010 at 8:09 am

Design ergonomic workstations? Sounds like a job for Mary “Stretch” Woods.

Mild Midwesterner August 19, 2010 at 8:18 am

[re=641467]mustardman[/re]: Sounds like a soccer game to me, with its 1-1 scores and all. Real Americans hate soccer.

bago August 19, 2010 at 8:24 am

[re=641487]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: I thought you were kidding. My god.

mayor_quimby August 19, 2010 at 8:36 am

[re=641487]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Jesus fuckin christ on a stick, I thought you were making those up, and then I clicked the link. Good thing the windows in my highrise cube farm don’t open.

Dredd August 19, 2010 at 8:54 am
GOPCrusher August 19, 2010 at 12:41 pm

And the Iraqis get like 4 or 5 hours of electricity a day. So they HAVE to be better off then they were under Saddam Hussein, right?

Suds McKenzie August 19, 2010 at 12:51 pm

[re=641462]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I Knew IT. Your David Crosby!!

Accordion-o-rama August 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm

I’d just like to remind you guys that Bush envisioned a permanent Iraq war (“that will be for future presidents [note plural] to decide”), and McCain campaigned on increasing our Iraq commitment. Barry has changed the direction. Bully for him. Yes, we still have troops in Germany, Japan, Korea, etc. etc. etc. Changing the US stance on that will clearly take more time. One step at a time people.

Also, tits!

WriteyWriterton August 19, 2010 at 3:16 pm

[re=641475]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It – the truth, I mean – actually lies at both poles. or, if you prefer “(c)” both of the above.

Gah. Also.

zhubajie August 21, 2010 at 5:10 am

[re=641475]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It was an attempt to speed up the Rapture and Armeggedon. The up-coming attack in Iran will be more of the same. The same Fundamentalists who wanted to send tracts to the Iraqis, inviting them to join the Southern Baptist Church will probably try the same nonsense with Iraq.

zhubajie August 21, 2010 at 5:34 am

SayItWithWookies: It was an attempt to speed up the Rapture and Armeggedon. The up-coming attack in Iran will be more of the same. The same Fundamentalists who wanted to send tracts to the Iraqis, inviting them to join the Southern Baptist Church will probably try the same nonsense with *Iran.*

Sorry about the misspelling.

102415 August 21, 2010 at 3:23 pm

[re=641476]obfuscator[/re]: Good job.

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