Watermelons are kosher and delicious!George Allen, remember all the fun we had with that guy? Remember when he found out his mother was secretly Jewish and then he had a big freakout when someone asked him about it? And then he lost his Senate re-election, because of of his Jewish nature, or maybe something else, we forget now. Well, in the years since (yes, it’s really been four years since those good times), he’s apparently come more to terms with his Jewitude, because he’s giving a speech at the “National Jewish Retreat,” organized by the Lubavitchers (aka “The Wackiest Jews”)!

What will Allen be telling the assembled Jewry?

Allen chose this year’s Retreat venue to reflect on this remarkable story because of the diverse and broadly representative Jewish audience the Retreat attracts.

“I’ve always believed and declared that the freedom of conscience is the First Pillar of a Free and Just Society, and I have long admired the great American visionaries who made Freedom of Religion a cornerstone of our Constitution.” Allen commented.

“That core philosophical principle also became deeply personal for me when my mother shared the fact of our Jewish ancestry. I saw firsthand how the Nazi occupation had left scars and an enduring fear that caused her to believe the best way to protect her children was to conceal their ancestry.”

He will probably not explain his love of filthy pork:

Allen sought to further dismiss the issue [in 2006], telling a reporter that he’d had a ham sandwich for lunch and that his mother makes great pork chops. Jewish dietary rules forbid pork.

Why would Allen be making peace with his estranged people now? Perhaps he’s trying to integrate his history and sense of self, so he can grow as a person. Or maybe, as the Talmudic studies journal The Politico suggests, he’s preparing for a rematch with Jim Webb. Yes, that seems more likely. WOO! GEORGE ALLEN 2012 FEVER! CATCH IT!

To be fair, Allen started feeling much more warmly toward Judaism years ago, when he found out he could skip out of work on all its crazy holidays. []

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  1. Davining is the only thing on earth creepier than that eyes-closed-waving-hands-in-the-air thing christ-tards do at christ-tard rock concerts, and the Lubavitchers do it all the fucking time.

  2. [re=641221]Urbanachiever[/re]: George would politely ask you refer to it as the Pigskin, so the meme will be properly fleshed out by the other white meat.

  3. George why you gotta head down to the schtetl and schmooz the fertummelt, alter cockers? You need these people like a loch en kopf. Oy, what a pisher.

  4. [re=641258]An Outhouse[/re]: I’m surprised there’s been no Wonkette mention of the Dr. Laura incidents, especially considering what a slow news day it is. I loved her angry quitting because she furious that people dared call her a racist, just because she was a total racist.

  5. I wonder if he applies his love of religious protections to the “Ground Zero Mosque.” Has he taken a position on this? Because my guess is it would be ironic.

  6. [re=641259]JMP[/re]: Well Bible Spice quit because the Alaska legislature was threatening to investigate her for ethics violations, so I guess it’s safe to assume that Dr. Laura is planning on running for President in 2012.

  7. [re=641358]Airborne Toxic Event[/re]: Cmon, that and HAva nagilah are the “Jewish” songs everyone knows. George thinks they are prayers

  8. [re=641259]JMP[/re]: She’s going to get her right to free speech back by no longer talking. Well, I WISH that were the case, but I’m sure she’ll never really shut her trap.

  9. When will the heretofore secret video (Beta, not VHS) come out of his bar mitzvah? I do hope he got some nice fountain pens for the great job he did with his haftorah.

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