KINDRED SPIRITS HOLLA BACK  4:04 pm August 16, 2010

Alvin Greene Vents a Mighty Manful Rage At the Media

by Josh Fruhlinger

If a man is crossing a river and an empty boat collides with his own skiff, even though he be a bad-tempered man he will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat, he will shout at him to steer clear. If the shout is not heard, he will shout again, and yet again, and begin cursing. And all because there is somebody in the boat. Yet if the boat were empty, he would not be shouting, and not angry.It’s tough right now being Alvin Greene, with the world not understanding the Daoist philosophical foundations for his supposed porn-showing offense. Of course, the universal Way cannot be pushed off course, but even someone fully aligned with it can feel the strain, now and again, of the pressures of this world. You may have heard a rumor that Alvin Greene reacted to a visit from a reporter by “wailing” or “howling” or doing any one of a number of undignified things. But we think that you’ll find, once you’ve assessed the evidence with your own senses, that something very different is going on.

Here is raw footage from Charlotte’s NBC affiliate, as their reporters make a pilgrimage to the Greene compound to get a comment from the uncandidate about his indictment under the rules of humankind’s law. (Note that Ken Layne has a “rule” about videos that start with ads, but we are making an exception in this case because this is extremely important video evidence.)

Does that sound like “wailing” to you? It sounds to us like a man who is just repeating himself, forcefully and emphatically, about his lack of desire to discuss mundane events.

Still, we admit that this behavior seems kind of bizarre. But obviously Greene’s motivations are founded on Daoist principles. Consider this tale from the life of Ruan Ji, one of the famous Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove:

One anecdote describes Ruan Ji’s visit to the hermit Sun Deng, with whom he tried in vain to start a conversation on the inner alchemy of Daoism. Deng never responded. Finally, Ji gave out a long howling whistle and withdrew. Climbing halfway up a mountain, Ji thought he heard a sound echoing through the rocky ravine. It was Deng whistling in response.

Clearly Alvin Greene has despaired of ever finding another person in the American political landscape willing to discuss with him the true nature of the Dao, and has resorted to incoherent bellowing. If you believe in Alvin, we urge you, bellow and whistle in response, and let the sound echo all the way back to South Carolina. [WCNC/New World Encyclopedia]

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 38 comments }

chascates August 16, 2010 at 4:09 pm

The Dao that can be known is not the Ultimate Dao.

oh hi mark August 16, 2010 at 4:11 pm

So, his brother was wearing a green poncho? Alvin must be a master of subliminal marketing as well as Daoism.

Also, NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

ph7 August 16, 2010 at 4:12 pm

If showing porn on your computer to a coed can get you indicted for a felony, I’d be wailing, too. Now excuse me while I go delete some files from my laptop.

Suds McKenzie August 16, 2010 at 4:13 pm

You can blow out a candle
But you can’t blow out a fire
Once the flames begin to catch
The wind will blow it higher
Oh Alvin, Alvin, because Alvin
Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja
-The man is dead

MLHencken August 16, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Internet meme in 3…2…1

Sharkey August 16, 2010 at 4:29 pm

He was just watching soccer, and someone made a gooooaaaal.

edgydrifter August 16, 2010 at 4:34 pm

What you perceive to be a howl is not a howl. Alvin is speaking the truth of human consciousness and smashing the contextual barriers of language to bring you into the presence of the universal mind. The howl you hear is your own ego, scrambling the truth entering your ears to protect itself from dissolution. In your ignorance is it safe.

SayItWithWookies August 16, 2010 at 4:36 pm

Nobody ever expects the Taoist disquisition.

ph7 August 16, 2010 at 4:42 pm

[re=639648]Suds McKenzie[/re]: And the eyes of the world are
watching now…

jus_wonderin August 16, 2010 at 4:47 pm

The speed of the alt-text mouseover fade out has made me feel inadequate with regard to my reading skills. Will agents appear at my door to confiscate my Internet Users Permit??

BOOBIES! August 16, 2010 at 4:50 pm

In 2012, Alvin Greene and Sarah Palin will team up to howl, whine, wail, and bitch their way to the White House. We’ll see who is laughing then Mr. Lame Stream Media.

bago August 16, 2010 at 5:00 pm

He’s gone full-vader.

Gorillionaire August 16, 2010 at 5:06 pm

I sincerely hope that this man wins.

Mr Blifil August 16, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Again withdrawal is best contemplated after achieving vascular relaxation, and should not be attempted mid-whistle.

facehead August 16, 2010 at 5:31 pm

I’m pretty sure he’s saying,

“OHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.”

user-of-owls August 16, 2010 at 5:32 pm

[re=639666]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ching!

Barrelhse August 16, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Alvin- forget the Dao. Check out NYSE.

Barrelhse August 16, 2010 at 5:38 pm

A woman is a woman, and a man ain’t nothin’ but a male
A woman is a woman, and a man ain’t nothin’ but a male
One good thing about him, he knows how to Jive and Wail.
(Louis Prima)

Barrelhse August 16, 2010 at 5:49 pm

[re=639746]user-of-owls[/re]: I Ching!

zhubajie August 16, 2010 at 6:10 pm

[re=639707]Gorillionaire[/re]: Me too! How many Congresscritters have not used porn to proposition a constituent?

el_chupacabra August 16, 2010 at 6:58 pm

ugh. newscaster dude learned to wrap his report by watching fake news reporters on made for teevee movies. “…but i personally…have never seen…or…in this case…heard…anything quite…like Alvin Greene…” screw that guy.

plowman August 16, 2010 at 7:26 pm

“In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.”

AKAM80TheWolf August 16, 2010 at 7:48 pm

[re=639664]edgydrifter[/re]:

I giggled with mirth.

Nappied Hypotenuse August 16, 2010 at 9:06 pm

You know, for a long time I was all haha, yeah, the Dao explains this, haha, oh wonket. But with the tale of Deng I am starting to come around. And then I realized, NH, you know what you’re doing? That’s right, you are being won over by the Way.

Enslave the Whales August 16, 2010 at 9:25 pm

[re=639664]edgydrifter[/re]: Also, Allan Ginsburg.

libwakman August 16, 2010 at 9:29 pm

Barry O. my main man..take a political lesson from the Mean Greene Machine: when the Reslugs start their tired old chant simply howl:Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Beanball August 16, 2010 at 9:55 pm

Start a job and see it through.
Have things
without holding on to them.
Do the job
without expectation of reward.
Lead people
without giving orders.
That is the way you do it.

dijetlo August 16, 2010 at 11:33 pm

A student asked a master, “Master, what is the path to enlightenment?”
The wise master extended one finger towards the sky.
A season passed and the wise master confronted his student in the gardens of contemplation. “Unworthy wretch,” he began, ” What is the path to enlightenment?”
The student, unsure of how to respond, extended one finger to the heavens. An instant later the wise master sliced it off with the edge of his broadsword. In that moment of agony, however, the unworthy student achieved enlightenment.

CalamityJames August 17, 2010 at 12:10 am

Josh, this was very pretty. No, really. Pretty.

Ruhe August 17, 2010 at 7:48 am

[re=639666]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Zing! Well played, sir, well played.

KublaKant August 17, 2010 at 8:15 am

LEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RPolanski August 17, 2010 at 9:08 am

Primal Scream.

Oblios Cap August 17, 2010 at 10:24 am

[re=639923]dijetlo[/re]:

Ah, so!

Fer' August 17, 2010 at 10:45 am

If Louie Gohmert can be a congressman, then Alvin Greene can certainly be a senator.

Terry August 17, 2010 at 11:13 am

It must be hard to be a thoughtful or even halfway thoughtful South Carolinian these days. They’re really replaced Ohio and Florida as the national jokes.

embarrassed s.c. man August 17, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Alvin Greene has some serious mental problems and yes terry it is very embarrassing to be from S.C. right now. Alvin Greene wants to run for senator…he can’t even spell the word let alone talk about it. Ask him any question (if you can) and watch him give his best Noooooooooo Nooooooo Goooooo Gooooooo. Spoken just like the people supporting him instructed him to do…

vitriolic August 20, 2010 at 9:28 pm

From call in shows on radio, I have heard a number of callers who want Greene, they’re terrified of getting jim demint(demented) I feel Greene is being harassed and is entitled to run. He may have more on the ball than demented demint. We need to find out what Mr. Greene is campaigning on; but all in all DEMENTED DEMINT NOT WANTED IN HIS STATE OF S.C.

serj! August 22, 2010 at 8:34 pm

I’ll tell you what, I can’t even snark on this. Doesn’t Alvin Greene have anybody around him who cares about him? If so, why won’t they persuade him to end this travesty? He’s just a regular guy who got caught up in something–and for real I’m not ruling anything Rovian out here. I truly feel sorry for this dude, I really do.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post:


blog advertising is good for you