VAMPIRE WEEKEND DREAM COLLABORATIONS  3:03 pm August 16, 2010

Vampire Kings ‘Regulate Us Till We Bleed’

by Benjamin Frisch

The art of protest balladry has long been associated with America’s lesbian-pinko Bob Dylan left-wing, because of the record companies and their bedrugged teenaged audiences. But finally, as it did at CBGB in the 1970s, the art of the song has found a flowering scene on YouTube, where conservatism speaks, nay, SINGS!

“Culture of Corruption (Keynesian Kings & Socialist Queens)” takes most of its references from the 1990s, a clear recontextualization of the sounds strongly associated with the Clinton era, when Republicans were tortured daily by liberal muzak from Nirvana and Bikini Kill. Thankfully, the video artfully helps us viewers put its lyrics in context. For example: juxtaposing an image of Charlie Rangel dancing the hip-hop with color-corrected footage of 1920s-style gangsters cleverly reminds us that Mr. Rangel is a notorious bootlegger, and must be stopped.

“Rise Up” by Jeremy Hoop, from his stunning Rise Up EP, has several obvious musical touchstones. Hoop LITERALLY rings the bell of freedom in this song; a clear reference to Alexander Graham Bell and his invention, the recording machine, which eventually allowed this immense piece of art to be recorded. Instead of simply riding the chillwave to indie stardom via Brian Wilson references and Animal Collective plagiarisms, Hoop chooses to eschew the sweet summer sounds that are now so popular in lieu of Hitler-esque backing vocals, implying a sense of hopeful terror.

“IT’S PROPHESIED (End Times Anthem)” by William Tapley is a low-fi slow jam structured around the classic combination of hip-hop backing-beat and synthesized organ. The song stretches out early on, allowing room for the listener to concentrate on the lyrics, and boy, those lyrics! By comparing America to both Babylon and a burning whore, Tapley casts a strong light on our nation’s chlamydia epidemic. Obama is referred to as the Leopard King, which can only refer to Obama’s Kenyan heritage. Let’s just say that if this is what music sounds like in heaven, your Wonkette CAN’T WAIT to be raptured.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 34 comments }

Mad Brahms August 16, 2010 at 3:06 pm

And who says you need NEA funding to produce *art*, huh?

ttommyunger August 16, 2010 at 3:07 pm

These ignorant fucks have waaay too much time on their hands!

Suds McKenzie August 16, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Seem like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground

Broken words never meant to be spoken ….

Everything is broken.

SayItWithWookies August 16, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Oh dear — the times are a-changin’ back.

DemmeFatale August 16, 2010 at 3:15 pm

I could only take 42 secs. of the weakest vocals I’ve ever heard.
(I sure hope I didn’t miss anything!)

DC Hates Me August 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Frying whores and neurons at Lake Woebegone.

Bubberella August 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

[re=639566]DemmeFatale[/re]: I couldn’t stand it either. With the last guy I couldn’t get past the organ intro

Manos: Hands of Fate August 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Maybe I’m over analyzing this but aren’t Republicans writing songs denouncing political corruption and machine politics kind of like Charles Bukowski peening poems about the evils of alchohol?

dr.giraud August 16, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Video number one: Lame.
Video number two: Dude’s probably still pissed about being too old to audition for American Idol.

Video number three: NOW we’re getting somewhere! He ignores the rest of the Bible to fixate on Revelations, and makes a point to lord his impending rapture over the rest of us over some mad beats.

Radiotherapy August 16, 2010 at 3:27 pm

O tannenbaum, O tannenbaum…
The melody is a not so subtle reference to the Zionist Conspiracy.
And who is His bride?

DickTaterPeeNoShay August 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm

That dude singin’ n da first track almost sounded black

Clancy_Pants August 16, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Loved the multiple camera angles on number three. Brilliant. I wonder if he does wedding?

Geogre August 16, 2010 at 3:32 pm

That first one came on just as the garbage trucks came by to get the trash, as it turns out. I couldn’t tell until I found out that the nicer sound stopped and I was left with footage of a guy staring at his fretboard and playing that solo he learned from the book. (Yeah, it’s copied.)

Originality is overrated, but I will say that the last guy, weird and cracked as he is, is at least close to “folk” art. I do, though, wish one of these people would remember that the prime criterion is anonymous composition, not fame whoring and “insert dollar bills here.”

Fox n Fiends August 16, 2010 at 3:33 pm

I just wrote a quiet introspective song called “REAGAN FUCKED AMERICA IN THE ASS FOR 30 YEARS AND COUNTING”

freakishlystrong August 16, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Smells like wingnut spirit.

(ewww..I just grossed myself out)…

KilgoreTrout_XL August 16, 2010 at 3:37 pm

“Third Eagle of the Apocalypse” is a pretty apt handle for creepy tone-deaf bearded pedophiles.

DickTaterPeeNoShay August 16, 2010 at 3:38 pm

The third video is the Mayan calendar set to music.

stew August 16, 2010 at 3:44 pm

Nothing more vomit-producing than conservatives trying to act hip. Remember The Right Brothers? Neither do they…

KilgoreTrout_XL August 16, 2010 at 3:52 pm

On second thought, You tube is right. It appears that that asshole Dr. Breen somehow escaped the void at the top of the citadel after really fucking that whole combine thing up and is now singing shitty rapture songs to a toy casio.

I’m a little bummed that Ep. 3 is totally spoiled for me now, but playing through a teabag rally with my gravity gun shoudl be pretty fun.

legalize everything August 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm

The Texas State Fair in Dallas makes the best fried whore.

dijetlo August 16, 2010 at 4:10 pm

[re=639578]Bubberella[/re]: That Guy is William Tapley, the Third Eagle of Revelations and co-prophet of the end times.
You know what that means, right?
HE’S OF THE BEAST!!!!
STONE HIM!

Kool Keith August 16, 2010 at 4:11 pm

“Keynesian Kings, Socialist Queens, Ivy League Ideologies.” I guess this is a reference to Harvard Law School, where noted socialist lefties like Antonin Scalia and John Roberts were radicalized.

Norbert August 16, 2010 at 4:14 pm

For some reason the third one brought back fond memories of Tex and Edna Boil, so I guess there’s that.

[re=639594]Fox n Fiends[/re]: can I download a ringtone of that yet?

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 16, 2010 at 4:40 pm

I can’t wait for all of the conservatives to move to Olympia, WA, kick out all the lesbians and hippies, and relaunch YoYo-a-GoGo as the greatest conservative rock festival ever.

Have you heard the word?
The revolution’s over.
Now the anger’s disappeared
And the rebels are much older.
And the schools and universities
Are turning out a brand new breed of young conservatives.

Get yourself a brand new scene,
Keep your collars white and clean,
It’s time to come and join the young conservatives.

Revolution used to be cool,
But now it’s out of fashion.
Politeness is the rule,
And not an angry young man’s passion.
And they’ve used up all the alternatives,
And they’re rushing down the street to join
the young conservatives.
Conservatives.

Ban the bomb, oh how contemporary,
In your parents’ car.
Another chip off the block, is that all that you are?
Look at all the young conservatives
Hanging out in the bars.
It’s got to stop before it goes to fa-fa-fa-fa-far.

Get yourself some new attire,
Set your sights a little higher,
You’re going to join the young conservatives.

The establishment is winning,
Now the battle’s nearly won.
The rebels are conforming,
See the father, now the sons.
All the urgency and energy
Have turned into complacency,
Now the schools and universities are turning out a
brand new breed of young conservatives.
Conservatives.

Rebel, rebel found a cause,
Now it’s Hampstead not East End
And now he’s such a well respected man.
The only action that you see
Is in the Sunday Times.
Content to sit in bed and read between the lines.

Rebel, rebel join the young conservatives.
Be a devil join the new conservatives.

It’s a victory for order
Now they’ve beaten everyone.
The rebels are too old now,
And the young just want to be young.
All the urgency and energy
Have turned into complacency.
Now the schools and universities are turning out a
brand new breed of young conservatives.
Conservatives.

Look at all the young conservatives.
Look at all the young conservatives.

(c) 1983, The Kinks.

M Lite August 16, 2010 at 4:50 pm

So, they are being investigated and punished if found guilty. The system is working. What’s the issue?

GenghisKern August 16, 2010 at 5:00 pm

“The Merchants weep, the merchants cry, when Babylon the whore gets fried.” I’m confused I thought conservative evangelicals were pro-business…

GOPCrusher August 16, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Whatever happened to that plan to round up all the wingnuts and lock them away in FEMA built concentration camps? We should revisit that idea.

Regionalzone1 August 16, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Do these people even realize that the anarchists make better music than them? Yes, the anarchists, one of most hated political groups in America, make better music than these foolish baggers. A youtube link below for proof.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNA37CFKwFI

Apocalyptic Supermarket August 16, 2010 at 8:07 pm

The first one was kinda catchy in a smarmy, early 90s AOR kind of way. I think I’m gonna go stick a barbecue fork through my head now.

ladymacbeth August 16, 2010 at 9:14 pm

#1 nedz moar johnny depp.

Enslave the Whales August 16, 2010 at 9:17 pm

Ben, since there is nothing rational to say about these sonic excrescences, I will indulge in a bit of old fart commentary and point out that it was Edison who invented the recording device.

Alfonsito August 16, 2010 at 9:50 pm

I could not bring myself to click the play button on any of them, but I have read the comments/reviews, so thanks for listening to it so I don’t have to.

Clankie August 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm

That first one is so bad. So very, very, very bad. It’s like if Head Like a Hole was a Wham song written by Republicans.
That second one is gayer than a bucket of buttfucking same sex rainbows, with that hot man on man (vocals) bit at the beginning and talk of ruling the night.
The third one, that one is the winner. +10 internets to that man, and his whores.

Lascauxcaveman August 17, 2010 at 12:42 am

For the first two videos, all I can say is ditch your freaking loops and beats and computers and learn how to play a fucking guitar and call me back when you’ve got a clue about songwriting. Christ, the people that think they are musicians these days. I mean WTF?!
___

[re=639594]Fox n Fiends[/re]: I just wrote a quiet introspective song called “REAGAN FUCKED AMERICA IN THE ASS FOR 30 YEARS AND COUNTING”

Back when Reagan was still president, I wrote a song (well, a sea chanty, actually) that had the lines “He saddled up you suckers/ with his voodoo fake economy / now open up your mouth / because I think he wants to pee.” So in some respects, I was way ahead of you.

This was when I was in a Seattle punk band called AIDS Toiletseat & the Vaginal Bloodfarts. Some of you Seattle area commenters may remember me from 1986-87; I was the bass player; looked a lot like Buddy Holley, sweater vest, saddle shoes, while the rest of the band wore filthy black rags and too much mascara.

We played Gorilla Gardens a bunch of times, the 5-0 and the OK Hotel.

Anybody?

No?

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