The art of protest balladry has long been associated with America’s lesbian-pinko Bob Dylan left-wing, because of the record companies and their bedrugged teenaged audiences. But finally, as it did at CBGB in the 1970s, the art of the song has found a flowering scene on YouTube, where conservatism speaks, nay, SINGS!

“Culture of Corruption (Keynesian Kings & Socialist Queens)” takes most of its references from the 1990s, a clear recontextualization of the sounds strongly associated with the Clinton era, when Republicans were tortured daily by liberal muzak from Nirvana and Bikini Kill. Thankfully, the video artfully helps us viewers put its lyrics in context. For example: juxtaposing an image of Charlie Rangel dancing the hip-hop with color-corrected footage of 1920s-style gangsters cleverly reminds us that Mr. Rangel is a notorious bootlegger, and must be stopped.

“Rise Up” by Jeremy Hoop, from his stunning Rise Up EP, has several obvious musical touchstones. Hoop LITERALLY rings the bell of freedom in this song; a clear reference to Alexander Graham Bell and his invention, the recording machine, which eventually allowed this immense piece of art to be recorded. Instead of simply riding the chillwave to indie stardom via Brian Wilson references and Animal Collective plagiarisms, Hoop chooses to eschew the sweet summer sounds that are now so popular in lieu of Hitler-esque backing vocals, implying a sense of hopeful terror.

“IT’S PROPHESIED (End Times Anthem)” by William Tapley is a low-fi slow jam structured around the classic combination of hip-hop backing-beat and synthesized organ. The song stretches out early on, allowing room for the listener to concentrate on the lyrics, and boy, those lyrics! By comparing America to both Babylon and a burning whore, Tapley casts a strong light on our nation’s chlamydia epidemic. Obama is referred to as the Leopard King, which can only refer to Obama’s Kenyan heritage. Let’s just say that if this is what music sounds like in heaven, your Wonkette CAN’T WAIT to be raptured.

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  1. Seem like every time you stop and turn around
    Something else just hit the ground

    Broken words never meant to be spoken ….

    Everything is broken.

  2. Maybe I’m over analyzing this but aren’t Republicans writing songs denouncing political corruption and machine politics kind of like Charles Bukowski peening poems about the evils of alchohol?

  3. Video number one: Lame.
    Video number two: Dude’s probably still pissed about being too old to audition for American Idol.

    Video number three: NOW we’re getting somewhere! He ignores the rest of the Bible to fixate on Revelations, and makes a point to lord his impending rapture over the rest of us over some mad beats.

  4. That first one came on just as the garbage trucks came by to get the trash, as it turns out. I couldn’t tell until I found out that the nicer sound stopped and I was left with footage of a guy staring at his fretboard and playing that solo he learned from the book. (Yeah, it’s copied.)

    Originality is overrated, but I will say that the last guy, weird and cracked as he is, is at least close to “folk” art. I do, though, wish one of these people would remember that the prime criterion is anonymous composition, not fame whoring and “insert dollar bills here.”

  5. On second thought, You tube is right. It appears that that asshole Dr. Breen somehow escaped the void at the top of the citadel after really fucking that whole combine thing up and is now singing shitty rapture songs to a toy casio.

    I’m a little bummed that Ep. 3 is totally spoiled for me now, but playing through a teabag rally with my gravity gun shoudl be pretty fun.

  6. [re=639578]Bubberella[/re]: That Guy is William Tapley, the Third Eagle of Revelations and co-prophet of the end times.
    You know what that means, right?

  7. “Keynesian Kings, Socialist Queens, Ivy League Ideologies.” I guess this is a reference to Harvard Law School, where noted socialist lefties like Antonin Scalia and John Roberts were radicalized.

  8. For some reason the third one brought back fond memories of Tex and Edna Boil, so I guess there’s that.

    [re=639594]Fox n Fiends[/re]: can I download a ringtone of that yet?

  9. I can’t wait for all of the conservatives to move to Olympia, WA, kick out all the lesbians and hippies, and relaunch YoYo-a-GoGo as the greatest conservative rock festival ever.

    Have you heard the word?
    The revolution’s over.
    Now the anger’s disappeared
    And the rebels are much older.
    And the schools and universities
    Are turning out a brand new breed of young conservatives.

    Get yourself a brand new scene,
    Keep your collars white and clean,
    It’s time to come and join the young conservatives.

    Revolution used to be cool,
    But now it’s out of fashion.
    Politeness is the rule,
    And not an angry young man’s passion.
    And they’ve used up all the alternatives,
    And they’re rushing down the street to join
    the young conservatives.

    Ban the bomb, oh how contemporary,
    In your parents’ car.
    Another chip off the block, is that all that you are?
    Look at all the young conservatives
    Hanging out in the bars.
    It’s got to stop before it goes to fa-fa-fa-fa-far.

    Get yourself some new attire,
    Set your sights a little higher,
    You’re going to join the young conservatives.

    The establishment is winning,
    Now the battle’s nearly won.
    The rebels are conforming,
    See the father, now the sons.
    All the urgency and energy
    Have turned into complacency,
    Now the schools and universities are turning out a
    brand new breed of young conservatives.

    Rebel, rebel found a cause,
    Now it’s Hampstead not East End
    And now he’s such a well respected man.
    The only action that you see
    Is in the Sunday Times.
    Content to sit in bed and read between the lines.

    Rebel, rebel join the young conservatives.
    Be a devil join the new conservatives.

    It’s a victory for order
    Now they’ve beaten everyone.
    The rebels are too old now,
    And the young just want to be young.
    All the urgency and energy
    Have turned into complacency.
    Now the schools and universities are turning out a
    brand new breed of young conservatives.

    Look at all the young conservatives.
    Look at all the young conservatives.

    (c) 1983, The Kinks.

  10. “The Merchants weep, the merchants cry, when Babylon the whore gets fried.” I’m confused I thought conservative evangelicals were pro-business…

  11. Whatever happened to that plan to round up all the wingnuts and lock them away in FEMA built concentration camps? We should revisit that idea.

  12. The first one was kinda catchy in a smarmy, early 90s AOR kind of way. I think I’m gonna go stick a barbecue fork through my head now.

  13. Ben, since there is nothing rational to say about these sonic excrescences, I will indulge in a bit of old fart commentary and point out that it was Edison who invented the recording device.

  14. I could not bring myself to click the play button on any of them, but I have read the comments/reviews, so thanks for listening to it so I don’t have to.

  15. That first one is so bad. So very, very, very bad. It’s like if Head Like a Hole was a Wham song written by Republicans.
    That second one is gayer than a bucket of buttfucking same sex rainbows, with that hot man on man (vocals) bit at the beginning and talk of ruling the night.
    The third one, that one is the winner. +10 internets to that man, and his whores.

  16. For the first two videos, all I can say is ditch your freaking loops and beats and computers and learn how to play a fucking guitar and call me back when you’ve got a clue about songwriting. Christ, the people that think they are musicians these days. I mean WTF?!

    [re=639594]Fox n Fiends[/re]: I just wrote a quiet introspective song called “REAGAN FUCKED AMERICA IN THE ASS FOR 30 YEARS AND COUNTING”

    Back when Reagan was still president, I wrote a song (well, a sea chanty, actually) that had the lines “He saddled up you suckers/ with his voodoo fake economy / now open up your mouth / because I think he wants to pee.” So in some respects, I was way ahead of you.

    This was when I was in a Seattle punk band called AIDS Toiletseat & the Vaginal Bloodfarts. Some of you Seattle area commenters may remember me from 1986-87; I was the bass player; looked a lot like Buddy Holley, sweater vest, saddle shoes, while the rest of the band wore filthy black rags and too much mascara.

    We played Gorilla Gardens a bunch of times, the 5-0 and the OK Hotel.



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