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That's MRS. Flotus to you ...Michelle “Marie” Obama-Antoinette is back in the United States after an unpatriotic vacation in Spain, where she relaxed by dancing in the streets on burning piles of money, watching Sasha make sand castles out of pure gold, and swimming in the Mediterranean while laughing about how oil-free the water is there. And since FLOTUS did not obey the demands of The People, who prefer that the First Lady spend her summer eating Double Down sandwiches in the unemployment line like an honest American, she was punished for her sins with a trip to the Gulf to watch reporters hit on her shirtless husband.

The whole Obama family (except Malia, who is away at a secret summer camp for kids who don’t like having their wardrobes discussed by sick adults,) was down at “Alligator Point” in Florida on Saturday, because our African-born president just loves swimming with gators. And to the amusement of White House Flickr fans everywhere, this made for some sexy presidential footage, the likes of which we have not seen since those black-and-whites of William Howard Taft’s bathtub. But Michelle was having none of it, because this family only has room for one star, and that star is Michelle Obama.

The president joked that the last time he went swimming, in Hawaii, the images of him without his shirt on wound up on the covers of magazines. A reporter remarked that perhaps that’s a good thing. First lady Michelle Obama, who was standing nearby, chimed in: “No it’s not,” she said, shaking her head with a smile.

Yes, “that’s a good thing,” because without tabloid status the president would be completely irrelevant. That is how Democracy works, as Levi Johnston’s tell-all book will one day explain. Mrs. Obama, on the other hand, is so important to America that Democrats — who are apparently “endangered” like pandas — are begging her to campaign for them, since that husband of hers sure won’t get the job done. So for now, to the dismay of her frighteningly loyal fans, FLOTUS remains far too significant and respectable for a swimsuit edition. [Politico]

Blair Burke ( obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

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