• May 27, 2012

Idiot Grandma Hears About This ‘WikiLeaks’ Somewhere

by Ken Layne  1:11 pm August 13, 2010

Gotta celebrate it.
Your least-favorite exurban grandma has been messing with the ‘puter again, and this time she’s got some HOT news from the AOL Fwds: There is something called “Wikileaks,” and it is leaking things either on or from The Enemy. Do you even know who the Enemy is? Neither does Sarah Palin! But she’s pretty sure that “press protection” — and here, we can only assume she’s jabbering about the United States’ Bill of Rights, as she’s unaware that Wikileaks exists globally and was specifically designed to evade shutdown by any jurisdiction — doesn’t let you help The Enemy!

And within the vast chaotic trove of Wikileaks documents on the Afghanistan nightmare, “The Enemy” must either be the U.S. military personnel driven by conscience to release the damning material, our “ally” Pakistan for funding and protecting the Taliban, or the Bush/Cheney Administration for deliberately abandoning “nation building” in Afghanistan to pursue the more profitable route of bombing the fuck out of Iraq forever, right? Oh never mind we’re talking about Sarah Palin here, so “The Enemy” means “New York Muslims building a gym near Sacred Ground Zero.”

Did we mention Sarah Palin is an idiot?

Wikileaks: w/freedom comes responsibility.Free press protection gives no license to aid enemy;consider our own troops sacrificing for you…

Is Wikileaks an Alive Person? Probably, in the synaptic gravel pits of Snowbilly Sarah’s mind. But even if she believes this “Wikileaks,” if that is his real name, is an actual person and not a loosely organized global network of web servers, international top-level domains, internet service providers and mirror sites, what makes her think this Wick E. Leeks is an American, other than that his name sounds like a typical white-trash bastard squeezed out of a 14-year-old living in a trailer park with her mom’s ex-boyfriend’s tattoo guy?

Sarah Palin's gonna cancel her subscription to Wikileaks Monthly, y'all!
Has it completely failed to sink into Palin’s square head that this Wikileaks everybody’s been talking about nonstop for nearly a month is run by a foreigner? Or does Palin just figure Julian Assange (despite his French/Girl name) has the same queen as we do because he’s Australian, like Nicole Kidman and the Bee Gees? And how, exactly, are “our own troops sacrificing for you,” presumably (?) meaning Assange? These “free press protections” Palin twits about, should they maybe include the Death Penalty for people who mangle language?

Wikileaks staff-whomever’s calling the shots there is unconscionably aiding/abetting the enemy;don’t contribute to this. Speak out. Do right

Sarah, why don’t you just call the Wikileaks consumer 1-800 hotline, and speak to a representative? Maybe you’ll get one of the nice staffers like that online shoe store has, the one where you can just keep ordering shit and trying it on and sending it back forever, the UPS man just hating you so much, but the online shoe store knows you’ll eventually forget about $600 of shoes in the back of the walk-in closet you didn’t drive over to UPS, because where the fuck is UPS anyway, it’s just a truck that appears and then vanishes again, like Jesus, but full of shoes. [Sarah Palin Twitter]

{ 97 comments }

Manos: Hands of Fate August 13, 2010 at 1:17 pm

I guess timeliness is only something the lamestream media values.

Serolf Divad August 13, 2010 at 1:20 pm

I’ve been meaning to report Wikilieaks to the better Business bureau for a while now.

SpenceRedux August 13, 2010 at 1:21 pm

You know, back in 2003, I thought all those “not in my name” ANSWER people were idiots, because, well, tough shit, democracy’s a bitch, etc. But now, really, stop killing brown people in my name, with my money. No, I do not support the troops. Or their commanders. Or the leeches who use them for cheap political stunts, and that Australian convict Julian Assange is more American then Sarah Palin’s red white and blue vagina. At least he was able to tell us what our own government is doing with our own money.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 13, 2010 at 1:22 pm

[re=638351]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: As is that faggoty concept called “research.”

Prommie August 13, 2010 at 1:24 pm

I think she regards “the truth” as the enemy.

norbizness August 13, 2010 at 1:24 pm

(shoots self in internet head)

edgydrifter August 13, 2010 at 1:25 pm

“Like Jesus, but full of shoes.” Best UPS description ever. As a former teamster and truck loader for “Brown,” I salute your wisdom.

Texan Bulldoggette August 13, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[re=638363]Prommie[/re]: Nah…there’s the real truth (facts & stuff) & there’s her version of the ‘truth’ which is whatever the fuck she wants it to be (& her fap hounds & the lamestream media never pop her bubble by telling her she’s wrong/lying/stoopid).

norbizness August 13, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Now logging out until late October.

Gratuitous World August 13, 2010 at 1:35 pm

that’s just pure wikigotcha.

In related news, real americans reserve the right to exercise their Second Amendment Rights against the First Amendment.

CapnFatback August 13, 2010 at 1:35 pm

“Wikileaks staff/personnel whoever/whomever’s calling/deciding the shots their/there/they’re is unconscionably aiding/abetting the enemy/atagonist; don’t contribute to/support this. Speak out/declare your position. Do right/George of the Jungle

nappyduggs August 13, 2010 at 1:37 pm

“Is Wikileaks an Alive Person?”

She is confusing “Wiki Leaks” with the lady from the teevee show she loved back in the early-to-mid nineties, when she was pregnant for 8 years in a row. You know the one, “The Wikki Lake Show.”

Go, Wikki! Go, Wikki

bureaucrap August 13, 2010 at 1:37 pm

I have to go take a wikileak. I’ll be in the men’s room.

Chernobyl Soup August 13, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Then Sarah sent her staff to track down the mailing addresses for the anti-war movement, the gay marriage community, and the green energy initiative so that she could send them sternly worded letters.

weejee August 13, 2010 at 1:41 pm

[re=638366]edgydrifter[/re]: Silly me, I thought Jeebus was a carpenter, not a cobbler. Unless Ken is talking about Jeebus Nordstrom the C’Addle shoe salesman to the elites.

gurukalehuru August 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm

I must convince that I, like Sarah Palin, do not really understand who or what this Wikileaks thingie is. However, I think I like them.
[re=638376]norbizness[/re]: Have fun.

Guppy06 August 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Robert Novak.

SayItWithWookies August 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm

whomever’s [sic] calling the shots there is unconscionably aiding/abetting the enemy…”

Okay, even if Wikileaks were run by Americans, is it really aiding and abetting the enemy if what you disclose is that we were aiding/abetting the enemy while we were fighting them? Maybe it is if you believe, as Sarah evidently does, that ignorance conquers all.

weejee August 13, 2010 at 1:43 pm

[re=638384]bureaucrap[/re]: We’re back to golden showers?

ella August 13, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Sarah Palin lecturing about freedom of the press, even in bursts of 140 characters, is like Paris Hilton lecturing about modesty.

RoscoePColtraine August 13, 2010 at 1:44 pm

How can you be so un-American, not-from-America-wikileaks?

In related trivia, the shuttle bus at the Honolulu airport is called the wiki wiki bus. Hawaii, wiki. I’ll let you guys connect the dots.

BarackMyWorld August 13, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Everything Palin (who is late to this story) knows about the internet she learned from fellow Alaskan (and also late, but in a different way) Ted Stevens.

Native of SL UT August 13, 2010 at 1:45 pm

I would like to suggest that many of the so called leaders of our country are dumber than fuck, but that would aid our enemies to know that, so I won’t.

Hey foreigners, we’re all smarter than you. So there!

dijetlo August 13, 2010 at 1:45 pm

What I find fascinating is how she leverages technology to create an ever expanding feed back loop of teh stoopid. I wonder who designed this strategy for her or like the hookworm that found it’s way into the moose that was later consumed at Casa de Palin, did she just blunder into a rich stream of political nutrients by random chance?

Bandito August 13, 2010 at 1:46 pm

I very much enjoyed that final paragraph, both for its incisive wit, and its rhythmic style.

Come here a minute August 13, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Wikileaks was her second choice name for Trig.

wilbro August 13, 2010 at 1:48 pm

It must boggle her mind that there are good Interweb uses and bad Interweb uses. Why can’t the Interwebs decide which side it is on? Our freedums to protect the constitutions for growing the economy grizzly bears, also.

Joshua Norton August 13, 2010 at 1:50 pm

It’s not like $arah hasn’t heard of Wikileaks before. Or maybe she forgot that they published the contents of her Yahoo email account a while back.

edgydrifter August 13, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=638372]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Where’s Lionel Hutz when you need him?

RoscoePColtraine August 13, 2010 at 1:53 pm

There’s something about the name wikileaks that sort of gives one the impression that they leak things that someone else might not want leaked. What does the word leak mean, one starts to wonder.

weejee August 13, 2010 at 1:53 pm

[re=638398]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Inter-island flights are also called wiki-wikis. Is Palin getting back at User_of_owls with her wiki-leakie-tweetie for his Hookworm Conjecture?

June Cleaver 2.0 August 13, 2010 at 1:55 pm

[re=638372]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:
“…the lamestream media never pop her bubble by telling her she’s wrong/lying/stoopid).”

That’s the reason people have so much contempt for the media. They are too busy drinking coffee with Mika and Joe, and dreaming about Congressional gridlock so they can “win the day” with gossip ratings. They have aided and abetted the Republicans in getting us into our messes, both foreign and domestic.

Katydid August 13, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Whomever set up Sister’s Twitter account needs to change the password. But it doesn’t matter, the truth is now whatever Sister says it is. Next up: Patriotic Congressional hearings on American press agency Wikileaks, whom is ruining our funnest war yet.

slappypaddy August 13, 2010 at 1:58 pm

with freedom comes responsibility.

with the freedom to run for governor of a state comes the responsibility to faithfully serve out the term to which one was elected.

the freedom to quit midterm and go whoring after media dollars creates an ethical conflict of interest which bars one in perpetuity from voicing any valid opinions about the responsibility of anyone other than one’s own shallow, cowardly, grasping self.

Joshua Norton August 13, 2010 at 1:59 pm

I had a Wiki Wiki Bowl cocktail at Trader Vic’s (hold the gardenias). There’s like 3 quarts of fruit juice and 2 bottles of rum in each one. You definitely needed to take a leak after one of those.

Lilybart August 13, 2010 at 2:00 pm

[re=638405]Come here a minute[/re]: OMG I am laughing so much at my desk alone that people in the back are concerned for me!

RoscoePColtraine August 13, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=638416]weejee[/re]: Jesus, just how deep does this conspiracy go?

user-of-owls August 13, 2010 at 2:02 pm

[re=638416]weejee[/re]: No matter. I’m working on a spell that would bring E.B. White back from the dead to strangle this beast with piano wire. Or maybe a garrote made of dried hookworms.

Extemporanus August 13, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Wait until Mama Gristly finds out that http://www.examiner.com/law-enforcement-in-national/wikileaks-leaker-angry-over-treatment-of-gays-by-military was a ghey Army man stationed in Baghdad who’d grown increasingly disgusted with the policy of DADT.

bago August 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Whom let the leaks out!!!

forgracie August 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Refudiate!

BklynIlluminati August 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm

The interwebs belong to America hence that wikileaks place needs to have its tubes shut.

Extemporanus August 13, 2010 at 2:09 pm

[re=638405]Come here a minute[/re]: That’s true!

She was gonna call him “Twiki” for short.

Hey, speaking of short…

“Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Twillis?!”

Baldar T Flagass August 13, 2010 at 2:09 pm

On a related note, Sarah’s voice does remind me of that “wikki wikki” sound that the old timey “dj’s” would make when they “scratched” on them “records.” Back in the 80′s when they still made records.

Extemporanus August 13, 2010 at 2:11 pm

[re=638431]Extemporanus[/re]: I sacrificed “the troop” to leak that URL to Wik E. Coyote.

DON’T TELL SARAH!

Oblios Cap August 13, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Sarah – Wikileaks is not the enemy, American Idiot!

user-of-owls August 13, 2010 at 2:13 pm

[re=638441]Extemporanus[/re]: She was gonna call him “Twiki” for short.

Or Trig the Merciless.

Aguacatero August 13, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Consider our own troops sacrificing innocent, unarmed journalists for you, also.

RoscoePColtraine August 13, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Shorter Palin: The troops are fighting for wikileak’s freedom to wikileak, which is why they shouldn’t do it.

And btw, Sarah, punctuation WIN.

BobTheBuilder August 13, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Sarah Palin: prayer to solve oil leaks, twitter to solve wiki leaks. Fucking brilliant.

President Inaugural Balls August 13, 2010 at 2:21 pm

“You’re a Plugger if you tweet incorrectly about a story several weeks after it breaks.”

JMP August 13, 2010 at 2:25 pm

“w/freedom comes responsibility.Free press protection gives no license to aid enemy”

No, Sarah, it’s with great POWER comes great responsibility; get the phrase right.

Hm, I wonder if freedom of the press would protect this leak; if only the Supreme Court had ruled on a very similar case back in Vietnam, like when the Pentagon Papers were released, that would have been applicable.

Butterscotch Stalin August 13, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Australia was in Afghanistan until just a little while ago. They are also incredible dicks to Afghan refugees, but being Australian, incredibly racist xenophobia is just their way of saying hello.

President Inaugural Balls August 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm

And, as I am sure Sarah’s friends in the GOP would assure is, there is actually no legal basis for ‘press protection.’

obfuscator August 13, 2010 at 2:30 pm

i’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that she might be a complete imbecile.

actor212 August 13, 2010 at 2:36 pm

When did Sarah Palin start having a conscience…FOR OTHER PEOPLE?????

Wow, talk about a fucking concern troll!

Maus August 13, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Sarah considers “The Troops” as if they were her own (retard) children.

Useful until they open their mouths to offer any independence or free will, then she has no use for the props.

SmutBoffin August 13, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I thought that Twitter was designed specifically so that dumbshits could deliver poorly-spelled tirades against the abstract-ish forces and entities that are, in their minds, oppressing them and making America SUCK.

The same way that bums use street corners to inform you how they feel about the “millennium hand and shrimp”.

Come here a minute August 13, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Sarah Dear,

Please just say ‘who’ all the time, instead of trying to figure out when it’s time to say ‘whom’. That way you’ll get it right most of the time, and conserve our precious resources of 140 characters.

Sincerely,
For Whom The Twat Tweets

Cape Clod August 13, 2010 at 2:51 pm

When Jesus does return, he will be as a driver for UPS.

A fellow over at Nate Silver’s math site is saying that Palin’s support for looney, unelectable cretins is proof she isn’t going to run in 2012.

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2010/08/in-which-i-find-myself-in-agreement.html

snideinplainsight August 13, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Peace-loving journalists, refudiate!

Zorg August 13, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Is this thingy Sarah is writin’ on enny kin to Weeki Watchee Springs in FLA? “Cause I think Sarah would make a real purdy mermaid! Her and Bristol and Willow and Mercede all swimmin’ around, that would be somethin’ I’d spend some of my Disability cash on, fer sure. How do I let her know I think this is a fine idee?

bloatedwhitetruck August 13, 2010 at 3:04 pm

I believe U saw this wikileaks fellow a couple weeks ago while standing in line for the Matterhorn ride at Disneyland. He and his fidgety, fey friends kept getting uncomfortable close to me and brushing against my back. (Even my 5 yo daughter stood back and stared at this wikileaks guy.)

The wikileaks possee were clearly not from this country. They had leather manbags and it appeared at one of them had been gorilla masked. They were way too invested in a 2 minute and 30 second rolliecoaster ride to be Americans. Stupid foreign people.

AnnieGetYourFun August 13, 2010 at 3:07 pm

OMG, woman. What do you have against the SPACE bar?

Suds McKenzie August 13, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Isn’t this something “The Department of Law” should look into?

TGY August 13, 2010 at 3:15 pm

Note to self: see if ‘wikistupid’ is available as a domain name.

WhatTheHeck August 13, 2010 at 3:21 pm

As president, she would order a drone attack on the Wiki HQ based in Australia, Sweden, U.S., Russia; hell, the whole world. This would take care of her freedoms by denying the freedoms of grand master, Wiki.

Chumpatized August 13, 2010 at 3:28 pm

[re=638514]Cape Clod[/re]: If this holds true, I will pay her way to Pennsylvania to campaign vigorously for Pat Toomey who makes Rick Santorum look sane.

Radiotherapy August 13, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Her teachers must be so proud of her.
Here’s her new emoticon, I _ I _ I , it’s an eye roll, not that you silly libs would get it.

JadedDIssonance August 13, 2010 at 3:52 pm

[re=638535]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I’ll trade you an Ellipsis for 3 Spaces!

WhatTheHeck August 13, 2010 at 3:53 pm

[re=638581]Radiotherapy[/re]: Not so. She was home-schooled in college as she is currently being home-schooled in the art of politiks by her neo-con handlers.

Broken Malice Machine August 13, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Sarah Palin, you are an idiot! Ah, had to get that out since I’m banned from her facebook page for insulting her :-( . If Sarah Palin’s IQ falls in the forest does anyone notice? My guess is no, because it’s happened many times before. Between this dumbshit and Newt the Hypocrit who actually told his wife that he is proudly a hypocrit in 2000 the GOP has some really great candidates to unseat Hopey. No wonder Gibby can insult the left and get away with it, they know damn well we won’t sit at home and stew if one of these rejects biology ignored is on the other side…they have us by the balls and they know it : sigh :.

Whatever Blows Your Skirt August 13, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Please don’t hurt me.

I know this is gonna come out wrong but maybe $arah is referring to this?

Then again she is probably just late to the last revelation.

Doglessliberal August 13, 2010 at 4:04 pm

[re=638514]Cape Clod[/re]: But she IS a loony, unelectable moron.

Enslave the Whales August 13, 2010 at 4:04 pm

[re=638502]SmutBoffin[/re]: Aha. Another Pratchett reader.

PlanetWingnuta August 13, 2010 at 4:18 pm

hey sarah tell Todd to not get in front of my camera !!!

Golfing OJ August 13, 2010 at 4:38 pm

I imagine there’s one, maybe two, sane Republicans left in this fiery hell-ball of a country watching and hearing Sarah as she careens from one hilarious, embarrasing faux pas to another, causing Moronometers to GPF everywhere she goes.

DINGFUCK.EXE has caused a General Protection Fault in Module 000×00001001
Error at line 1: “America” expected, received “Australia.”
This program will now close.
You are advised to close all programs and move to France.

They really unleashed the Konehead Kraken with this one. Mel Gibson told me he wishes she’d get raped by a pack of climatologists and Thom Paine’s horny ghost.

GOPCrusher August 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm

She just learned of this, or did it take this long for Bill Kristol to explain to her what Wikileaks is?

Carmela08 August 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Sarah: You had me at “whomever’s.” Also.

slappypaddy August 13, 2010 at 4:44 pm

[re=638604]Broken Malice Machine[/re]: “If Sarah Palin’s IQ falls in the forest does anyone notice?”

it makes a great deal of white noise, but it is a massless particle, more elusive even than the neutrino. some would say it exists only as a rumor.

Troubledog August 13, 2010 at 5:12 pm

The Game
you just lost it

OCKerouac August 13, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Sarah’s twit is kind of like the old ‘how many things can you find wrong’ puzzles on the kid’s meal menu at the Denny’s…

1. Sarah is ‘proving’ her ‘point’ by quoting SPIDERMAN

2. Sarah, a supposed JOURNOLISM MAJOR is speaking out AGAINST freedom of the press.

3. Sarah, a POLITICAL PUNDIT, which is a form of JOURNOLIST and member of THE MEDIA is speaking out against THE MEDIA

4. Sarah, thinks AMERICAN SOLDIERS leaking American military documents are The Enemy and should consider how their actions effect… Themselves?

Also, Sarah thinks Wikileaks is a person, too…

I’ll have the chicken fingers…

Neilist August 13, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Australia is our ally? Since when? I keep telling my mother (the Townsville-Born Spawn Of Convicts) that MacArthur should give given the Filthy Place to the Japs back in WWII. After a week in that Dawin-Blighted Landscape, they would have been back on the boats for Tokyo.

Blogette August 13, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Sorry Trig, but your mum is fucking retarded.

the problem child August 13, 2010 at 8:34 pm

[re=638581]Radiotherapy[/re]: I thought eye roll was @-@

rocktonsammy August 13, 2010 at 8:58 pm

“Got to celebrate it!”

WalkinwiththeKing August 13, 2010 at 9:38 pm

“Did we mention Sarah Palin is an idiot?”

No, it’s just implied. Which is good enough for me.

Johnny Zhivago August 13, 2010 at 10:24 pm

Nobody packs more stupid into 140 characters!

Radiotherapy August 13, 2010 at 10:42 pm

[re=638790]the problem child[/re]: Thanks, and palin is still a hookworm infested, petulant, grifter.

zhubajie August 14, 2010 at 7:23 am

[re=638514]Cape Clod[/re]: That assumes she is rational — a pretty dubious assumption!

OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin August 14, 2010 at 10:55 am

[re=638775]Blogette[/re]: Trig is probably the only person in that whole family with any sense.

WesternCorrespondent August 14, 2010 at 3:53 pm

[re=638425]Joshua Norton[/re]: I’ll have one of those to go, pleaz…

user-of-owls August 14, 2010 at 10:39 pm

[re=638823]Radiotherapy[/re]: Is that just a conjecture, my friend?

peeno nwar August 15, 2010 at 4:16 am

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t all those documents (or most of them) sent to Wikileaks by “our own troops?”

Why does Sarah Palin hate our troops, and their sacrifices for her? Commie terrist.

peeno nwar August 15, 2010 at 4:34 am

[re=638613]Whatever Blows Your Skirt[/re]: Maybe, but honestly, the Pentagon says that about everything. If we had to go around believing the Pentagon all the time, we’d have our troops mired for decades in every ratty little failed Middle Eastern state like Iraq or Afg– oh, shit.

Numbat Dundee August 15, 2010 at 9:13 am

Nicole Kidman was born in Hawaii. Thing about it.

Shieldwolf2012 August 16, 2010 at 12:00 am

I had some Really big onions the other day but grandma said they were Wicked leeks – Is this the same thing?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: