sip champagne spit out insanity

Rachel Brown Is Your ELITIST Crazy Congressional Candidate

These signs were originally on a Porsche, but they were put on a Jeep Cherokee so the common people wouldn't be distracted from the important message.Are you sick of the humdrum of the usual crazy candidates you’ve seen this summer on your Wonkette? Are they too poor for you? Are they too populist? Are they too unwilling to give campaign speeches immediately following a classical piano recital? Meet Rachel Brown, running against Barney Frank for Congress in Massachusetts’ 14th District. She’s a LaRouchite, which means she thinks Obama is being controlled by the British and must immediately be impeached. So what does a high-society crazy political campaign look like?

Well, it has a very classy, professional website. It uses Vimeo rather than that plebeian cat-video mill YouTube. And the candidate starts her events by singing beautiful centuries-old music with her choir. Then she pulls up a music stand and gets going about how Obama is, again, a tool of the British.


“Even if we get a new Congressman in November, Obama as a tool of the British will sabotage their actions…That’s what this concert’s about.” Now it’s time for a selection from Robert Schumann’s Kinderszenen, performed by Myles Robinson. And also the rest of the thing is a concert. Hope you guys enjoyed the pinot noir and the random LaRouche drivel in the middle!

From her bio:

The occasion on which most of you saw me, was one instance of this activity, when I challenged Barney Frank on his defense of the Wall St. bailout and Obama’s Hitler healthcare policy, both of which policies only further harm the American population, even to death.

Sponsored Video

Now my political experience has become invaluable, as our nation badly needs leadership that understands how to respond to this crisis.

I know what to do, and I’m committed to fight to save people’s lives, by stopping the Wall St. bailout, and rebuilding our economy with a future-oriented Mars colonization program, CCC-style youth training program, and Glass-Steagall reorganization of the banking system. Join with me now to remove the failed leadership in Congress, and enter a generation to bring in a new era.

Just another effete LaRouchite running for Congress. Here’s the video of that confrontation.

Oh, and why is Barney Frank in love with planet Earth so much when Mars is a more just and capable planet?

Human beings are born to make discoveries. That’s what we do, that no other species does. That’s also how we increase our potential population density. “But isn’t that bad?” an attendee at the oligarchy’s genocidal Copenhagen conference might ask. “We have too many people already! They can’t fit on the planet!” OK, no problem. Let’s get off this planet. This is a debate that would be better had in space, where it would be amply clear that the method of thinking of flat-Earthers like Barney Frank, is mortally flawed.

If you live in Massachusetts and are interested, Brown has an upcoming event:

Wienie Roast in Honor of Barney Frank
Event date:
Friday, August 20, 2010 (All day)
Wienie Roast in Honor of Barney Frank (and celebrating the anniversary of the Town Hall meeting last year), Dartmouth MA.

How positively philistine! Brava, Rachel. Brava. [Rachel for Congress thanks to Wonkette operative "gfatoots"]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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69 comments

  1. RichardLawson

    Oh Dartmouth! Ha ha ha. That entire town is fucknuts crazy. That entire *district* is bonkers. The South Coast: Wave of the Future!

  2. Texan Bulldoggette

    What is Rachel Maddow doing on that sign? Also, this chick is a Dem? I’m very confused; is this a Wonkette Friday the 13th joke?

  3. Terry

    “rebuilding our economy with a future-oriented Mars colonization program”

    I’ll support this ONLY if the people sent to colonize Mars are teabaggers and larouchies. Get them all up there, then turn off the communication to them. Fend for yourselves, folks.

  4. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    She is a very brave women, given what the Queen did to Diana when she stepped out of line (framed her as having an affair with a Muslim and then killed her). Thank God someone is willing to stand up to the Royals.

  5. Come here a minute

    [re=638325]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Didn’t you hear? Rachel Maddow married Scott Brown and joined the LaRouchies.

  6. Prommie

    Is this the one of whom Barney said “I’d rather debate healthcare with my kitchen table than with you,” or words to that effect, a year ago?

  7. Mr. Me Too

    Am I a crazy LaRouchite, because I kinda sorta support the message on that smaller sign? Glass-Steagall = Good. Mars Colonization = Bad.

  8. slappypaddy

    “Destroy the British Empire”?

    umm… didn’t the brits already take care of that themselves?

  9. Cape Clod

    I might be tempted to go, even though it is A: in Darmouth, and B: sure to be full of horrible people.

  10. Prommie

    “Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with my dining room table, I have no interest in doing it.”

    “On what planet do you spend the majority of your time?”

    Its her, OMG, its her!

  11. tootsieroll

    OMG, she’s a LaRouchite??? That explains everything.

    They also had a giant poster of Barry with the Hitler stache on the back of the truck, saying “Impeach Obama” and people were pulling over and flipping out on them. One of the high school teachers was just appalled and told them how awful and inappropriate they were, free speech or not. When they saw me taking the picture, they asked, “want to help us out today?” I said, “No, I’m just taking a picture so I can send it to a liberal weblog to ridicule you, you ignorant freaks.”

  12. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=638342]Prommie[/re]: Wow! You do more actual research than the White House Press Corps put together. Mazel Tov!

  13. Prommie

    [re=638349]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, she mentioned it, she said “you first became aware of me when I debated healthcare with Barney Frank, and that got me ‘membering.

  14. Oblios Cap

    The occasion on which most of you saw me, was one instance of this activity, when I challenged Barney Frank on his defense of the Wall St. bailout and Obama’s Hitler healthcare policy, both of which policies only further harm the American population, even to death.

    Now my political experience has become invaluable, as our nation badly needs leadership that understands how to respond to this crisis.

    Yes, because nothing shows leadership like screaming incoherently at your elected representative and then being told that you’re dumber than a kitchen table. Lead on, McDuff!

  15. legalize everything

    Oh, a “future-oriented” Mars colonization program. For a second I thought it was a present-oriented Mars colonization program but HA!, that would just be insane.

  16. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=638346]Prommie[/re]: I recognized her from the picture above, too. She’s pretty mouthy for a dining room table.

  17. Extemporanus

    [re=638346]Prommie[/re]: “On what planet do you spend the majority of your time?”

    Well, I guess now we know the answer to that question. Everyone who had money on Uranus, time to pay up!

    [re=638387]legalize everything[/re]: Barack Obama will be playing the role of O.J. Simpson in Rachel Brown’s remake of Capricorn One.

  18. DC Hates Me

    The LaRouche Youth Movement is funded by you, the cable TV viewer. The Public Access channel is controlled by Lyndon’s army of Jehovah Witness wannabees who also sell drugs to support their leader, Lyndon LaRouge. Believe it, or not.

  19. BarackMyWorld

    I head a headache for exactly the amount of time it took me to read this article. As soon as I was done reading, it was gone. True story.

  20. Terry

    [re=638339]rmontcal[/re]:

    Hopefully, the invisible hand of the free market can get them water and oxygen.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    [re=638342]Prommie[/re]: Good call! And it’s amazing that someone can turn failure and humiliation into a campaign prop — that makes her the William Hung of politics.

  22. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    I can now officially say that while I was expecting that electing a black man to the oval office would bring the crazy, I honestly was not expecting THIS level of crazy.

  23. gurukalehuru

    Actually, I’m 100% in favor of a Mars colonization program, for the future Tangs and Velcros it will bring.

    But now I’m wondering if it wasn’t the LaRouchies who had Diana whacked, as part of their ongoing program to destroy the British Empire.

    And you know who else played classical piano…

  24. usernameguy

    Oh, hot crazy lady who kind of looks like Princess Leia, I could watch your video with the sound off for days.

  25. BlueStateLiberal

    “Obama’s Hitler healthcare policy” Yes, making health care even just a little bit more accessible to more people was one of the prime objectives of the Third Reich, right after pulverizing Leningrad.

  26. Pompous Magnus

    Funny thing is that she carries the name of a goalie in the English women’s football league. …and that Rachel Brown is hot, too.

  27. TGY

    [re=638432]gurukalehuru[/re]: And food bars. Don’t forget food bars. Dispensed, you know, from our pants.

  28. imissopus

    “OK, no problem. Let’s get off this planet.”

    I agree. Let’s strap her to the nosecone of a Titan rocket and blast her into space.

    Apparently the LaRouchies like to eat mushrooms and watch Futurama reruns and turn the resulting hilarity into a political platform.

  29. imissopus

    [re=638453]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Who can forget Hitler’s immortal last words: “I was just trying to thin down the insurance pool!”

  30. DoktorZoom

    “On what planet do you spend most of your time?” I think Barney knew more about her than he let on. Clearly, the answer is Mars.

  31. BobTheBuilder

    You just gotta love the incredible optimism of a candidate who makes “Destroy the British Empire!” her major campaign slogan.

  32. actor212

    No doubt she would campaign heavily for the Stamp Act, and perhaps a return to powdered wigs for men in public life.

  33. godforbidowright

    As a British person, I am fully in support of Obama. Somebody cut this crazy bitch down – we’re just too close to retaking America for her to spoil everythin’!

  34. oneoclockjump

    [re=638473]DoktorZoom[/re]: Indeed. I don’t think the average Bagger can comprehend that we copied one of the Nazis ideas, i.e., the Autobahn, in the 1950′s, and that this did not turn the US into a Communist/Socialist/Nazi country. That kind of thing is way too complex for these people to understand, which I learned when I tried to explain it during the HC debate.

  35. snideinplainsight

    She’s not a wing nut! She’s like a whole mounting assembly, including the matching Allen wrench!

  36. psilage

    haha sounds like Wonkette boilerplate!

    “…policies only further harm the American population, even to death.”

  37. hoosiermama

    [re=638325]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Damn, you beat me to it by 3 hours.

    It’s Rachel Maddow’s evil doppelganger!!!!!1

  38. Potater

    What the cocknuggets is wrong with LaRouchies? It’s like their policies are always a century behind or three centuries ahead. Next they’ll be calling for the abolition of slavery and full voting rights for that Japanese robot that can go “MA MM MR MM MM MO MAAAAAAAAA.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD_NdnYrDzY

  39. Numbat Dundee

    The problem with the LaRouchites is that they’ve identified the wrong defunct empire. It’s the Akkadian Empire that’s to blame. Their ruling dynasty has been manipulating the world from a cave in the Syrian desert for millenia.

  40. doloras

    [re=638325]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The LaRouchies have always been interested in infiltrating the Dems rather than the Reps. This stems back to the fact that – pre-1973 – LaRouche was a socialist, before he went COMPLETELY nuts.

  41. Barrelhse

    The last Glass Seagull I had got knocked off the mantle, while I was slidin’ up and down lookin’ for matches. AS for the wienie roast, “how positively philistine” sums it up perfectly.

  42. pattycake

    [re=638329]Terry[/re]: or a Heinlein novel disguised as foreign and domestic political platforms. Which most were.

  43. Pelagius

    LaRouche operative checklist:
    - Young
    - Stupid
    - Slightly mad
    - Slightly cute
    - Fucked up teeth

    HITS ALL THE MARKS!

  44. OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin

    [re=638346]Prommie[/re]: Yes, I’m pretty certain that’s kitchen table girl.

  45. Blue Angel

    Rachel Brown’s campaign is historic. Only a cynic who would never, ever have the nerve to run for office would say otherwise. Stop being sheep, start thinking for yourselves. Why wouldn’t America go to Mars, eventually?

Comments are closed.