THE WHITE ALVIN GREENE  11:40 am August 13, 2010

Grizzled Old Coot Will Be Oklahoma’s Next Democratic Senator

by Josh Fruhlinger

You can get a good deal on a campaign sweatshirt at ChampionYour Wonkette takes its mandate to keep you abreast of any and all wacky political candidates seriously! So today we introduce you to your new boyfriend, assuming you like old dudes who wear baseball caps and have gross-looking beards. Jim Rogers has run for the Democratic Senate nomination in Oklahoma four times, and we all know that the fourth time is the charm, so now he is your nominee. And come November, Tom Coburn’s reign of terror will be over!

What was it that finally put Rogers over the top? Was it his principled, thoughtful stands on issues that are important to Oklahoma voters, as reported by Oklahoma City’s News 9?

Candidate provided no alt text joke

Was it his tireless campaigning across the state and networking with party leaders that allowed him to beat attorney Mark Myles?

In past campaigns, Rogers hasn’t attended forums or debates. Party leaders say their conversations with Rogers have been few and they don’t know how to reach him.

“I kept telling people I was running against a ghost,” Myles said. “I knew Mr. Rogers wasn’t campaigning, but I had to overcome his name recognition.”

“I put about 8,000 miles on my car and just ran out of time before I could get to all the places I wanted to get to. I was very well received by the audiences I talked to,” Myles said.

Hmm, name recognition, you say?

“Names matter,” said Ben Odom, an attorney and longtime political consultant. “If you’re going to run for office in Oklahoma, you can’t have a better name than Rogers.”

Some may have assumed Rogers was related to Oklahoma’s own Will Rogers, the 1930s performer and political pundit, he said.

Jim Rogers is not in fact related to Will Rogers, although he is like Will Rogers in that he doesn’t have a website. But who needs a website when you have an enormous sign that you can hold up in the direction of oncoming traffic — a sign that, as near as we can tell, declares that “US MILITARY PD TINKER AFB USPS VETERANS FDX UPS TAX PAYERS OHP TRUCKERS OPE [...] CHURCH?”

Unlike Will Rogers, Jim Rogers has a Facebook account. Make him your friend, if you dare! Then report back to your Wonkette what happens on his page, as we are too afraid to try it. [News9/The Oklahoman/Jim Rogers Facebook]

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Hola wonkerados.

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tombones August 13, 2010 at 11:46 am

haha jesus what is going ON

JMP August 13, 2010 at 11:51 am

Didn’t Will Rogers die before the vast majority of people alive today was born? I wouldn’t think there would be much lingering affection for him except among the comically old. Now I could see people voting for him because of a misconception he was related to Fred Rogers, and would bring about a beautiful day in their neighborhood.

Serolf Divad August 13, 2010 at 11:51 am

OK, ok, nitpicking but still…

Bunzah_Steele August 13, 2010 at 11:51 am

He looks more like a codger than a coot, but that’s hair splitting.

SayItWithWookies August 13, 2010 at 11:53 am

Jim Rogers’ innovative plan for economic recovery is to give all unemployed people shopping carts that they can use to collect cans and bottles.

Scarab August 13, 2010 at 11:53 am

Named like Will Rogers, looks like a Willie Nelson and Santa. He couldn’t be a better Oklahoma candidate even if he was deep-fried.

AnnieGetYourFun August 13, 2010 at 11:53 am

Man, if only he was as web savvy as my boyfriend Basil Marceaux.

Manos: Hands of Fate August 13, 2010 at 11:53 am

He’s only running because he’s fed up with Boss Hogg and Rosco P. Coltrane from harrassing his nephews.

slappypaddy August 13, 2010 at 11:54 am

mister rogers has put his shoes on and escaped from his beautiful neighborhood, to go blowing across the plains for the betterment of all.

Texan Bulldoggette August 13, 2010 at 11:54 am

Well, he can’t be worse than Inhofe or Coburn, could he?

Chernobyl Soup August 13, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Y’all be nice. That’s Dustbowlblues’ husband.

Cornhusker Kickback August 13, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Team Santa!

Potater August 13, 2010 at 12:03 pm


Oblios Cap August 13, 2010 at 12:06 pm

He hasn’t got a chance against Marshall Rooster Coburn.

user-of-owls August 13, 2010 at 12:09 pm

[re=638214]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: That all depends on Mr. Rogers’ stance regarding rampant lesbianism in Southeast Oklahoma schools. You simply cannot win a seat in Oklahoma without taking a position on rampant lesbianism in Southeast Oklahoma schools. Behold then-candidate Tom Coburn in 2004:

“lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they’ll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that’s happened to us?”

How has it happened indeed.

MissyLissa August 13, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Wasn’t his name Jim Rogers in his previous failed attempts at the nomination? If so then I’m not sure why it suddenly accounts for his popularity.

No, it’s far more likely that this entire election cycle has been some type of viral marketing for the new game Grand Theft Auto: Crazyville.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 13, 2010 at 12:10 pm

[re=638219]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: I saw him first, bitch.

Oblios Cap August 13, 2010 at 12:11 pm

[re=638226]Potater[/re]: [re=638224]Cornhusker Kickback[/re]:

Damn! That Hobo Bean Diet really works!

Mild Midwesterner August 13, 2010 at 12:11 pm

The take away message from all of this is that the long dead Will Rogers could still get elected in Oklahoma.

JMP August 13, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=638235]user-of-owls[/re]: And think, Coburn is the saner Senator from Oklahoma.

ArkansasFred August 13, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Well I can’t think of a better way to practice for a long and distinguished Senate career than by doing jack shit.

WABishop August 13, 2010 at 12:14 pm

OPE is the recall code prefix for the CRM114. He’s saving us from ourselves.

BOOBIES! August 13, 2010 at 12:19 pm

[re=638241]Mild Midwesterner[/re]:

If I could vote for dead Will Rogers, I would do so in a heartbeat.

Come here a minute August 13, 2010 at 12:19 pm

To borrow a phrase from the Washington Capitals marketing department, that old coot is really Rocking the Red.

harry palmer August 13, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Alvin Green / Jim Rogers 2012!

Aunt Fancy August 13, 2010 at 12:22 pm

I’ll vote for him, hell why not? At least when he gets kicked out if we elect Askins she can appoint another Dem.

PineyWoodster August 13, 2010 at 12:23 pm

[re=638205]JMP[/re]: “I wouldn’t think there would be much lingering affection for him except among the comically old.”

Who else votes in off-year Primaries?

user-of-owls August 13, 2010 at 12:24 pm

[re=638251]BOOBIES![/re]: Be careful. If you raise him from the dead he’s likely to advocate Voodoo Economics.

nappyduggs August 13, 2010 at 12:27 pm

He doesn’t have to fucking impress you.

JMP August 13, 2010 at 12:27 pm

[re=638241]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Dead Will would do a better job than Inhofe or Coburn.

[re=638259]PineyWoodster[/re]: True that. And who else lives in Oklahoma?

user-of-owls August 13, 2010 at 12:28 pm

[re=638252]Come here a minute[/re]: [re=638251]BOOBIES![/re]:

Jim Rogers/Will Rogers 2010: “Bring out your red!”

weejee August 13, 2010 at 12:32 pm

As an old coot with a beard I gotta hope my Wonkette will get the scoop of the century and land an interview with Jim Rogers.

[re=638244]JMP[/re]: I think you’re spot on with that one.

blinky_twinkie August 13, 2010 at 12:36 pm

He’s got NOTHING on this crazy lady who thinks Britney Spears is responsible for all the world’s evils (the-protesting-lady-belmont ), and that Arnold Schwarzenneger is really a cover-up for crazy drug-fueled hippies.

I Heart Accuracy August 13, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Visualize motorcade: the Shriners in front, followed by Jim in a radio flyer pulled by a donkey, and a trailing poop-eating goat. This is change we can believe in.

An Outhouse August 13, 2010 at 12:56 pm

If you have a state, and one of the major political parties offers up some old codger as a Senate candidate , your statehood should be at risk. Can we demote Oklahoma to a district like D.C.?

user-of-owls August 13, 2010 at 1:18 pm

[re=638318]An Outhouse[/re]: Or send it down to Triple-A for a rehab assignment.

The Greatest American hero August 13, 2010 at 1:31 pm

If he wants to win he needs to change his name to Jim Rogers Dot Com.

ms_mcgee August 13, 2010 at 1:36 pm

I like how the positioning of the letters on his sweater accentuate his belly. Come to mama!

gurukalehuru August 13, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Will Rogers had a sweetly ironic sense of humor and believed in tolerance and love of your fellow man. He couldn’t get elected dogcatcher in Oklahoma today.

El Pinche August 13, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Holy shit . Denver Pyle must be 200 yrs old. Go Denver!

GOPCrusher August 13, 2010 at 3:18 pm

Doesn’t the fact that the candidate provided no information, make him kinda mavericky?

sezme August 13, 2010 at 4:11 pm

He appears to have locked up the coot vote, which may equal an Oklahoma win.

DustBowlBlues August 13, 2010 at 4:22 pm

[re=638219]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Hey, dickwad: Just because the old man kicks me off “my” wonkette so he can surf porn doesn’t mean he’s a comic clown. Just a randy old clown.

Speaking of comic clown, I think I mixed up this guy with an endorsement for a guy running against Dan Boren–the only OK Democrat in congress and a clone, voting-wise, of Ben Nelson–which isn’t even my district and I’m an old and confused like a New York Jew voting in Florida and, wtf, I think I voted for this guy.

Laugh if you will, smarmy wonkeratti in your hoity-toity blue states with your voters who are literate, but come November, I’ll do it again. Any biped would be preferable to Coburn and his fear of eight foot lesbians invading Little Dixie. Hell, when I was a little girl I had a poodle smarter than Spooky Doktor Tom.

WalkinwiththeKing August 14, 2010 at 5:47 pm

“Grizzled old coot.” I dunno, he could be a doddering old codger in disguise.

zhubajie August 15, 2010 at 7:39 pm

I take it he’s a Red?

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