So you know all the jokes that your The Onion and other liberal satirical publications make about gay marriage becoming mandatory once it’s legal? Well, laugh it up, everybody, because this nightmare scenario is now coming true, in Gayifornia. It seems that Judge Vaughn Walker is now literally ordering gay marriage opponents to go get gay married if they want to keep arguing about this, with their only other option being to shut up and go home and let all the nice gay people get married and move on with their lives, but what are the chances of that happening?
You will recall that Judge Walker refused to stay his decision and now everyone will be able to get all gay married and whatnot in California next week. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jerry Brown have no desire to appeal this plan (the plan to allow marriages immediately, which would be distinct from appealing the decision as a whole), because they want to get married, to each other. The anti-gay-marriage side of the court case does want to appeal, of course, because every time someone gets gay married God gets gayer, but the objection they raised involves the weird legal limbo that these gay marriages might end up in if the decision is ultimately overturned. Judge Walker had this to say on that point:
The ban’s backers “point to harm resulting from a ‘cloud of uncertainty’ surrounding the validity of marriages performed after judgment is entered but before proponents’ appeal is resolved,” he said. “Proponents have not, however, argued that any of them seek to wed a same-sex spouse.”
Ha ha, the legal complications are delicious. Will the gay marriage opponents need to claim they totally want to marry each other now, hoping that the Supreme Court will overturn the decision, saving them from gayness? What if they lose? Will they be forced to consummate their gay love for each other in the Supreme Court’s chambers, with Anthony Kennedy presiding? So romantical! [Fox]
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Maybe the opponents think that being able to get gay married will force them to come out. Note to gay marriage opponents: you’re not fooling everyone, that closet is made of glass.
In other words, “What’s it to you, haters?”
Most of them would be lucky if any species wanted to marry them. It’s funny how the most disgusting, toothless, beer bellies somehow think they’re gay date bait. They’d be lucky if they could attract flies.
The anti-marriage people worry about the welfare of the gay married in the event that their challenge to gay marriage should succeed, so that judge Walker is right in telling them to STFU unless they want to both get gay married and challenge his ruling. Dura lex…
Tsk tsk tsk. What’s next, the Florida GAYtors, the Federal Bureau of InvestiGAYtions, Anne of the Green GAYbles, GAY GAY GAY EVERYWHERE!
Ooooo, even rainbows give me a headache. Or was it last night’s Thunderbird.
So Gay marriage must be banned because there is a “cloud of uncertainty” as to whetehr it will be banned? Wow, that’s a nice rhetorical device I will have to add to my Arsenal of Clever Sophistries.
And the best part? Since the State decided not to appeal, the decision is probably final; while the Mormons and fundies will try, they should lack standing to appeal the decision. So this is probably it.
[re=638112]JMP[/re]: I’ve been wondering about that myself. It’s the State’s obligation to defend its laws, not a bunch of bigots that merely disagree with the legal findings.
This issue looks like it will soon pass and conservatives can start humping the next hot topic.
Gay married anchor bride/groom terrorists.
[re=638110]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Clever Sophistries” is going to be the name of my performing circus horse.
Silly Josh, they non-gay gay marriers aren’t unbaptized babies so they can’t go to limbo. They has to at least limbo lower now and go to the purgatory, legal or illegalwise. Unless of course they have unbaptized babies get ghey married and then kill them. Then the unbaptized ghey married babies could go to limbo and all would be righteous.
[re=638121]Cape Clod[/re]: Arsenal of Clever Sophistries is going to be the name of my new Christian Death Metal band. Do you think I can get your horse to perform on stage?
[re=638116]Joshua Norton[/re]: Yeah, normally feeling icky is insufficient to confer standing; the groups were only involved here through piggybacking on California’s defense. About the only concrete harm any of the bigots will face is having to legally recognize marriages in situations like employee benefits.
The decision doesn’t go into effect until next week, though, and only in California, so all the Wonkette commenters who took off to go get gay married instead of commenting today are SOL.
It is just so great that the Mormons raised and spent a hundred bajillion dollars to squash equal rights in another state, and it is all coming down to this. Next time spend that money on, oh I dunno, feeding hungry children or something. Douchebags!
Expect a lot of musical theater in the FEMA reeducation camps.
[re=638126]Formerly Preferred[/re]: If it’s Christian Death Metal maybe you can sacrifice the horse to Yahweh at some point. Stab it to death with extremely spiky shoulder pads or something. That would be TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
To have standing, the Prop 8 lovers would need to prove that gay marriage negatively effects them, so they don’t actually have to get gay married. They could just cheat on their spouses with dudes (cuz have you seen many ladiez in the professional anti-gays?) and then scientifically prove it’s caused by the gay marriage.
So, gay Californians, make very, very sure you don’t fuck any married wingnuts for the next couple of years, please.
Teh gheys. If ya can’t beat ‘em….
Hehe Welcome to the puzzle palace, you bigots. De Judge has them so wrapped up they be involuntary sodomites before they know it. Baby Jeebus, save us with your holy light! If not, then please send some lube.
I’m old enough to remember the haters who would argue that mixed marriages (black and white) were unfair to the children who were bound to grow up harassed and confused because they were not accepted by society. Of course, that would not be a problem without the haters/ those opposed to racial mixing. Let’s home we can retire “same sex marriage” along with “miscegenation” one of these years.
[re=638110]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Close tags are for sissies.
SO wait, does this mean that the Mormons will now have a revelation that their salvation rests on the principle of having lots and lots and lots of gay “wives” and that their eternal destiny requires all of them to get multiply gay married, and now dumb old Judge Walker is enjoining such sacrifice to the lord and therefore is not only a gay meanie, but an activist pro straighty as well? Standing hell, it will be super standing.
[re=638186]Rosie Scenario[/re]: Yes, thank goodness no one believes that hooey about mixed race marriage anymore.
[re=638204]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Point taken. Though that happened in the late, lamented Confederate States of America. Takes a bit longer for the hate to die out down there. Esp. since one of those mixed race offspring is now POTUS.
I love this judge.
[re=638109]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: It was the Vicodin potpie and Boone’s Farm. But I admire your logic and clever spelling.
I would totally gay marry this judge, if only he were a woman.
Somehow, this is good news for Peter LaBarbera.
When I was a kid, I didn’t like eating vegetables. My mom would say, “try it, you might like it.”
Judge Walker is simply telling these homophobe Jeebus freaks, “try gay marriage, you might like it.”
these no gay marriage folks can’t leave the concentration camps until they have a gay date .
[re=638126]Formerly Preferred[/re]: OK, but he has a standing rider in his contract that you have to remove all the green M&Ms.
[re=638188]Serolf Divad[/re]: You just left them out to celebrate the un-ending love of Schwarzenegger and Jerry Brown. = unending love
Jesus, give it up already gay marriage opponents. Like a dog chasing it’s tail, you’re pursuing a pointless, lost cause. There was this thing called a trial, and your side had no case. The other side had a conservtard with no religious (read: crazy) convictions arguing how gays getting married is, in fact, a conservative thing, because it creates stability and greatly reduces the frequency of buttsecks.
Why don’t you just go start figuring out how to get the fourteenth amendment, which republicans gave birth to, tossed out. That exercise in futility ought to take you a while and keep you occupied (read: having shut the fuck up).
WAIT. Being butthurt about something does NOT give you automatic legal standing? What has Obama done to our Constitution?!??!11/!
[re=638110]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think its like the argument that Judge Walker is ruling against the will of the California citizens. 7 million voted for Prop8 out of an estimated 37 million residents. 19% of the population represents the “will” of the California citizens?
[re=638110]Serolf Divad[/re]: American Justice abhors uncertainty as Nature abhors a vacuum, just like our Founding Father Isaac Newton of Regent University discovered, in Scripture, and as Mitch McConnell abhors the thought of getting a sponge bath from the five Mitt Romney boys.
Also, wingnuts, about that lack of standing? David Dreier, meet Aaron Schrock. Aaron Schrock, meet David Dreier. Meghan McCain, weep hot bitter tears of despair, and yet also of joy at the beauty of it all.
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