Anti-Gay Marriage Crusaders Must Get Gay Married To Oppose Gay Marriage

 
 So you know all the jokes that your The Onion and other liberal satirical publications make about gay marriage becoming mandatory once it's legal? Well, laugh it up, everybody, because this nightmare scenario is now coming true, in Gayifornia. It seems that Judge Vaughn Walker is now literally ordering gay marriage opponents to go get gay married if they want to keep arguing about this, with their only other option being to shut up and go home and let all the nice gay people get married and move on with their lives, but what are the chances of that happening?

You will recall that Judge Walker refused to stay his decision and now everyone will be able to get all gay married and whatnot in California next week. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jerry Brown have no desire to appeal this plan (the plan to allow marriages immediately, which would be distinct from appealing the decision as a whole), because they want to get married, to each other. The anti-gay-marriage side of the court case does want to appeal, of course, because every time someone gets gay married God gets gayer, but the objection they raised involves the weird legal limbo that these gay marriages might end up in if the decision is ultimately overturned. Judge Walker had this to say on that point:

The ban's backers "point to harm resulting from a 'cloud of uncertainty' surrounding the validity of marriages performed after judgment is entered but before proponents' appeal is resolved," he said. "Proponents have not, however, argued that any of them seek to wed a same-sex spouse."

Ha ha, the legal complications are delicious. Will the gay marriage opponents need to claim they totally want to marry each other now, hoping that the Supreme Court will overturn the decision, saving them from gayness? What if they lose? Will they be forced to consummate their gay love for each other in the Supreme Court's chambers, with Anthony Kennedy presiding? So romantical! [ Fox ]