Neoconservative pot-pundit Andrew Sullivan decorated one of his recent posts, titled “Support For Marriage Equality Accelerating?”, with this graph showing that Americans’ support for same-sex marriage has increased since 1988 to more than 50%, while opposition to it has impotenced. But Paul Hipple, editor of the popular Dominionists for Tancredo/Palin 2012 blog, sees something more in Sullivan’s illustration: “the shape of an engorged, fully erect male phallus, possibly of human origin.”
Hipple says that the “phallus-shaped poll results” are the work of a conspiratorial cadre of “elitist lamestream media,” pollsters, and poll respondents. The supporting evidence he provides is a list of tags that includes “Christmas-bait and switch tactics,” “Climatologists crime spree,” “Hidden turban bombs,” “How to seek protection from race riots,” “Vicious Border Dog Program,” and “Witch-like Senators,” among many(!) other topics that are seemingly unrelated to penises or penis-poll pictographs. Hipple’s theory needs more work! But that doesn’t mean he’s wrong.
As for the phallus’s “full” erectness: Your Wonkette is neither a structural engineer nor a sexpert, but those lines run horizontally, not vertically. (Oh wait — if you turn your laptop counterclockwise, and put it on its side, then the lines run up and down/“erectly.” Never mind.) And regarding its overall appearance, Hipple deems it to be “unattractive,” possibly because it looks like a sharpened pencil or arrow or other type of maiming instrument.
Sullivan says that despite his Gay-Gay-Gay lifestyle and aesthetics, he didn’t notice the pornographic nature of his poll picture until the Dominionists pointed out The Truth to him. But now he has, and is thankful. As for the Dominionists, they will now return to praying for Tom Tancredo/Sarah Palin victory, until another penis chart-conspiracy photo shows up on the Internet (in like two minutes, probably). [Andrew Sullivan at the Daily Dish/Dominionists for Tancredo/Palin 2012]
{ 75 comments }
He’s right, you know. The entire push for the legalization of civil marriages for gays and lesbians over the past few decades has been a ploy to draw a cock using statistics.
If you look carefully, the “head” of the penis begins around 2003 or 2004. This is the result of a slight increase in opposition to SSM, post Lawrence v Texas.
I honestly can’t tell of that web site is making fun of itself or not. Since it’s conservative, I would assume that no humor could be present, but… it ALMOST seems like it’s in on part of the joke? No?
Those people are silly. That graph is clearly a “Sideways Prayer,” a classic double-fisting hand gesture.
“Dominionist” sounds a lot more dirty than “Gay.”
When one spends their entire life trying to root out the “ebils” of peen and boobies, eventually everything looks like peen or boobies.
Also not surprising as many of the RWer anti-ghey types have peen on the mind anyway due to their secret shameful manlust.
Andy’s penis doesn’t look like that of a clean cut Jewish boy. Must be a muslin penis.
Also, the tags on that site are not only completely awesome, but so numerous as to be longer than the blog posts.
Abyss of Sin
Jesus loves Sarah Palin
Nuke Mecca
Small caliber weapons and defense of Christian Prayer
coddling Negro burglars
cultural mongrelization
fat pornographic homosexuals
home style cooking
how to plant an effective mine field
how to spot a negro
how to spot liberal propaganda
large unexplained abdominal mass
mexican rape squads
thug-like Lutherans
I swear, that’s like a poem.
If the libruls were really clever, they would’ve conspired to make an anus also.
Also, I fear for any young lady on the business end of that phallus. It reminds me of this little guy: http://bit.ly/axRA7g
[re=638052]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yeah, he just changed the name of the website. “Dominionists for Tancredo/Palin 2012, 2016 at the latest
(formerly Dominionists for Tancredo 2008, Dominionists for Tancredo 2012)”
Odd little fucker isn’t he.
Penis, yes. Human origin, no. Definitely canine.
This is what happens when terror babies get automatic citizenship at birth. They spend years being trained on how to effectively answer poll questions in such a way that the final graph result look like an undersized socialist peen.
How much more evidence do you need America???!!!
Mr. Hipple must have an oddly shaped penis. On the other hand, my opportunities for comparison have been limited, so maybe it’s just me. Er, mine.
What you fail to mention is that this Reverend Paul T. Hipple guy is clearly a comedian doing schtick. Or the greatest political commentator of all time. From his twitter feed (sadly defunct for a year)
“@PalinUpdates I know in my heart that Jesus deflected that tomatoe so as not to hurt Gov Mother Palin and her sacred Downs child”
“@CeceSurfCityUsa When will they finally understand that God writes Gov Mother Sarah Palin’s material? stoopid libs”
At least I think the guy’s a comedian. It’s hard to tell, since his occupation is Self Employed Dominionist Minister. But you can find him on facebook. And you should. You should really, really, really read this guy’s wall.
Nice to see that the obsession right-wing men have with penises continues unabated. Can we have a story on their obsession with bestiality and incest next?
A penis? You people are sick. It looks to me like nothing more remarkable than a commonmushroom.
[re=638060]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Totally WAY better than liberal blogs, which tend to be be filled with gayass shit like How To Identify Trees From A Very Long Way Off and HORRID FUCKING PUNS like “I feel as if I am dancing on the head of a lupin”
I had no idea that the alumni of Old Dominion University (www.odu.edu) were that politically-organized.
Can we keep him pleeze pleeze, oh gawd pleeze, I promise to clean his cage and feed him. PLLLEEEEEEEEZE.
It’s not shown in the graph how the Reagan/Bush 41 administrations made a complete balls of the 80′s.
Two thighs and some lady-parts, as viewed from behind.
Of course, maybe I’m only seeing lady-parts instead of boy-parts because I’m not closeted.
[re=638052]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That site has got to be satire. There is no way that’s real.
[re=638048]Saragon[/re]: In what way is this more farfetched than Terror Babies?
[re=638053]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: You know…you’re right.
Apparently for this guy horizontal equals “fully erect.” Sad really.
Looks like penis, smells like penis, tastes like penis, has the texture and sensation of penis in the mouth; good thing we didn’t suck it.
From the desk of Paul Hipple
” Hobama appoints a radical socialist lesbian papist to the supreme court who hates our Soliders and possesses an unbroken record of coddling terrorists, illegal immigrants and welfare addicts. If this isnt evidence that the Demon himself is pulling the strings of the Kenyan Prince to destroy Our Dominion, I don’t know what is.”
I swear. This guy smells like Landover Baptist, but he’s not mentioned on their site.
[re=638052]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It’s hard to tell…the site has such an Onion/Betty Bowers vibe to it.
I actually think it may be a dildo. However, Hipple didn’t want to out his sources.
[re=638060]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Wow, “home style cooking” really seems out of place on that list.
If only there were a comedienne on staff that happens to run a sexpert radio show as her day job, we could have this mystery solved asap!
That graph is conical, not cylindrical; does Mr. Hipple have some bizarre anatomical abnormality to explain this confusion?
It is nice to see the positive results of the (more) bigoted generations slowly falling into the abyss of death in convenient chart form.
damn dirty Hipple
Actually, it could be a buttplug.
[re=638068]Clankie[/re]: has to be a parody (it is getting hard to do this these days, but …)
I saw a a reclining (but nonetheless fully engorged) Gandolf, which is queer since I’m not a supporter of hobbitsexual marriage.
It’s a minaret.
Sometimes a SSM line graph is just a SSM line graph.
[re=638099]qwerty42[/re]: Tis true. In a world that is increasingly filled with the likes of Orly Taitz, trying to distinguish between those who are legitimately proselytizing their views and those who are ridiculing them is becoming a truly surreal endeavor. When you stop to consider the implications of parody like this on those who lack the ability to discern between the two, and happen to agree with the talking points whether serious or lampooned, this is where things begin to get serious. What if somewhere, in their trailers, a few people are stumble onto this guys rantings and think, “You know, I hadn’t quite thought about it like that, but that makes a little sense.” Well, I doubt that they would think exactly like that, but I just cannot bring myself to write how I think that they would think.
[re=638103]Norbert[/re]: Or maybe it’s a Minaret and an erect penis. I imagine that the confluence of gay jihadism would probably make the entire staff of NRO’s pants explode.
Well, polling data is of human origin, so…
Christ, do these people really run our cuntry? We are so fucked.
Statistically speaking, this graph shows a clear case of a regression phallus-y.
[re=638064]gurukalehuru[/re]: actually, that looks a lot like what my neutered dog’s boner looks like when I bring home a pizza…sans testes it is food that gets him all hot and bothered…
This is the tag list for the Dominionists’ post, and if I do say so myself, its as good as–and as insane as–the post itself:
Posted in Abyss of Sin, Child pornography, Christmas-bait and switch tactics, Climatologists crime spree, Demonic possession, Dominionist Party-constitutional crisis, Dominionist Party-endorsements, Domionist Party-irregularities, Fair and Balanced Fox News, Fortifying houses of worship, Gay Marriage, Global cooling as an instrument of God, Gun violence saves lives, Hidden turban bombs, How to seek protection from race riots, How to spot a muslim, Jesus loves Sarah Palin, Nuke Mecca, Oneness with a Christian God, Palin/Tancredo 2012, Reparations for Negroes, Revelation, Small caliber weapons and defense of Christian Prayer, Tancredo/Palin 2012, The Christian Steeple Destruction Campaign, Tribulation and Rapture, Vicious Border Dog Program, Witch-like Senators, abomination and fornication, apocalypse, campaign irregularities, campaign issues, coddling Negro burglars, crisis-economic, crisis-evolution, cults-homosexual, cultural mongrelization, democrat treachery, dirty tricks, euro-like environmentaloid culture, fat pornographic homosexuals, home style cooking, homosexuality, how to plant an effective mine field, how to spot a christian, how to spot a homosexual, how to spot a negro, how to spot liberal propaganda, large unexplained abdominal mass, mexican rape squads, muslim v muslim, thug-like Lutherans | Leave a Comment »
I particularly dig: how to spot a negro. Click on it, and the first post that comes up is this beauty: “Official Dominionist Church position on the African Homo Problem”
Ew. That donger has some red and blue itcheez on the end.
“possibly of human origin.”
When you have never seen a human penis before (including, presumably, your own), it is wise to make only a tentative diagnosis of phallicness.
[re=638060]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Thank God someone is finally taking on the scourge of Lutherism. You’re next, Garrison Keilor!
Dicks are destroying our nation. When the 14th amendment is overturned, a new one can be added enabling the deportation of all dicks, brown, black, yellow, red, liberal. Down with the dicks.
This graph was clearly inspired by the guy blowing up mailboxes to form a smiley face on a map of the US.
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/0509-05.htm
I’m pretty sure it is a satire/parody site.
I hope it is, anyway…
[re=638182]PineyWoodster[/re]: Yeah, I agree. The late lamented Jon Swift shows up in the “revelations” links. But holy shit is it a good job.
Is it a coincidence the graph pretty much resembles Sullivan’s actual penis size? Of course minus the foreskin that he is sooo proud of. (I used to belong to the same gym as him so I speak from experience. The Rhode Island Avenue Y. ’nuff said).
[re=638166]doxastic[/re]: I would actually support outing Keillor as a thug. That guy bugs me. So much so that I might want to lay a minefield before engaging in some homestyle cooking.
[re=638198]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: He wrote an essay for Salon a few years ago supporting “traditional marriage”.
Savage did a wonderful rant about it:
http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/03/fuck_garrison_keillor
[re=638216]Doglessliberal[/re]: Seriously, yeah, I fucking hate that guy. His stupid show takes up the airwaves for pretty much the entire goddamn weekend, when they could be playing something useful on NPR, like the BBC World Service or something. His Salon articles are totally retarded and pointless, and his lame, nostalgic mumblings about a better America make me want to stab him with a dull spork.
[re=638216]Doglessliberal[/re]: Although to be fair, I’m not sure if Keillor was condemning anything in his piece so much as saying “Isn’t it strange how much times have changed? I’m so old, I can hardly believe it!”. I still loathe him.
[re=638234]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Thank god we get Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Cartalk, and the Splendid Table around here. They have also been running the Moth Radio Hour lately which is fabulous.
[re=638216]Doglessliberal[/re]: Keillor is a master of the trivial epiphany. I never could stand his mealy mouthed ramblings. He might be the ur-blogger.
I can’t make up my mind which is a better band name The Coddling Negro Burglars or the The Fat Pornographic Homosexuals.
Please god tell me that site is a parody. I couldn’t bear it if it wasn’t
“fully erect male phallus”? Is there really any other kind?
Society wants to know, Sullivan!
He should get those spots checked out.
[re=638060]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: [re=638151]rag[/re]: What leaped out at me was the large abdominal mass. [but I wrestled it into the compost grinder, so don't worry]
If the tags list is a summary of the obsessive thoughts of a diseased mind, that large abdominal mass may indicate some relief is on the horizon – dude’s gonna die! Maybe slowly and painfully!So sad.
I scrolled through the comments hoping for a few penis puns and stumbled upon a treasure trove of Keillor hate. I thought I was the only one! I used to be forced to listen to Prairie Home Companion every weekend by my boss, who thought the Lives of the Cowboys skits were the height of hilarity.
I’m not sure I quite get the thrust of Sullivan’s piece, but I’m sure, if it is big enough, Sully will pound it home, leaving us satisfied and in need of a cigarette.
[re=638298]Cicada[/re]: You are among friends. And penis puns (see Lionel’s comment below yours).
Dominionists? I thought it said Dominatrixes and wasted a couple of minutes, I’ll never get back, going to that site.
[re=638097]Guppy06[/re]: I love you.
[re=638243]Doglessliberal[/re]: We have those on Saturday, along with This American Life, which I will only listen to if I am in the mood for exceptionally nasally voices. But for some reason, PHC is on for, like, three or four hours on Saturday, and I swear it’s on from 9AM until 3PM on Sunday.
[re=638542]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: This American Life requires the right mix of stories and tolerance, yes. Sometimes it veers into twee.
Now I can’t stop seeing a penis.
Or a dick.
By Dominionists do you mean Canadians? Do they seek to return the USA to the bosom of mother England?
[re=638060]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: If you played bongo drums to a recital of that list it’d sound like hateful rightwing beat poetry.
“lol, dongs”
…
Forgive me, it’s Sunday at noon. This is the height of wit for me right now.
[re=638087]Clankie[/re]: Landover Baptist is a parody. This guy is probably for real.
Comments on this entry are closed.