JOAN LIVES! Our favorite Kansas gubernatorial candidate, Joan Heffington, has e-mailed supporters a message saying she’s decided to continue her campaign as a write-in candidate, even though she will probably be in prison on election day. Prison?! Yes, Joan is in trouble with the Kansas government for practicing law without a license. How have her teenage sons responded to this tough development? “They sensed I was talking about my A.H.A! activities, and I was surprised when my youngest son said, ‘You should do like Rosa Parks did. Become famous.’”
Here’s the full e-mail:
After losing the primary so badly in the Kansas governor’s race, I had to wonder… was it fixed? Even my campaign members were convinced this time. So I asked Atty. Gen. Eric Holder for an investigation, since so many people are upset about having to choose between Brownback or Holland. And in case there is too little publicity (again), I wanted to let people know that I am running as a write-in candidate in the general election on Nov. 2. Maybe my biggest mistake in the primary was letting someone talk me into picking a party, when I was already registered as a “GDI” – a God-driven independent. So I have changed back, because I don’t want to let down the 55,000 people who voted for me. Although my name will not appear on the ballot, we hope you will encourage people (twitter, tweet, blog, etc.) to type in my name as a write-in candidate. We want them to know they still have a choice on Nov. 2.
I also wanted to update you on the false lawsuit brought against me by Kansas Atty. General Steven Six for practicing law without a license. The state is demanding that I take a deposition and turn over all books & records. They want me to pay $10,000 for every person I have helped as C.E.O. of the Association for Honest Attorneys. I was threatened with sanctions and a contempt charge if I plead the 5th Amendment to all questions asked (jail to follow). I am still without counsel, since Washington insiders have influenced lawyers not to represent me/the A.H.A! for the past ten years. This case isn’t just about helping poor people file lawsuits against government entities, it is to keep me from sending out our quarterly newsletter and to deny my freedom of speech. My deposition is scheduled for Aug. 26 in Sedgwick County court.
Being concerned about how all of this might affect my teenage sons, I asked them both: if they taught themselves how to do something (like woodwork, fix cars, etc), then showed someone else how to do it, but the state came in and sued them, made them pay fines and put them in jail – what would they do? They sensed I was talking about my A.H.A! activities, and I was surprised when my youngest son said, “You should do like Rosa Parks did. Become famous.” If the harassment continues, maybe we’ll have the first governor elected from jail. With God, nothing is impossible!
VOTE NOTE: A McPherson man called to tell us that when you drop down on the screen, you must check the box next to “write-in” candidate, then type in my name “Joan Heffington.” If you don’t do both, your vote won’t count!
It’s probably time we organize a legal defense fund and figure out which of us are going to take care of Joan’s sons when she’s in prison, Wonketteers. She needs us. But while things may look bleak now, Joan will ride a wave of pure Baby Jesus light from her cell to the Kansas governor’s mansion on election day, and FINALLY the government chips in our heads will be deactivated by the power of the Lord.
Her son is right: Rosa Parks would write-in-candidacy THE FUCK out of this gubernatorial election. Keep Rosa’s legacy alive, Joan!
[thanks to Wonkette operative "Anthony"]
{ 57 comments }
Crazy is as crazy does, White Rosa.
Wouldn’t Kansas be better served by throwing dear Joan under the bus, rather than arresting her for sitting up front?
Yes, because Rosa Parks wanted nothing more than to be famous for her bus-riding antics. That’s why you should perform some sort of civil disobedience or law-breaking like, say, practicing law without a license. Yeah! That’s it! Now you are the new, white, Rosa Parks for the 21st century, Joan.
God-driven right off a cliff.
she can’t possibly be full of shit, so she must be delusional.
I’m just stupefied by that Rosa Parks comment. If the trait one most admires in her is famousness, then certainly someone more famous could have been selected: Britney Spears? David Beckham? Mickey Mouse?
In addition to being more famous than Rosa Parks, all three of those individuals are likely to get more write-in votes on November 2 than Joan Heffington.
So she’s a self-taught Honest Attorney? And now she’s teaching others how to be attorneys? I think we need some more back-story on this issue.
She actually tells people she’s an Honest Attorney even though she’s not really an attorney? This presents what some may call a paradox.
Basil Marceaux appreciates her tenacity.
When I am in deep shit with legal trouble, the first thing I always do is turn to teenage boys for advice.
Literally shorter A.H.A! CEO Joan Heffington: “Taaaaakkke onnnnn me…Take on me!”
Her son probably should have told her to smoke a joint and relax instead.
Oh — God Driven Independent. Well I got two out of three right.
I was already registered as a “GDI” – a God-driven independent
See, that was her first mistake, right there- everyone knows that GDI is just the UN, with more black helecopters.
Am I a nerd? Yes.
The great injustice of requiring a JD and passing the bar to practice law is just like segregation, certainly. If she had gone law school, Heffington might know that while the state can’t compel you to testify against yourself, it can compel you to turn over all records relevant to the case.
[re=637723]ManchuCandidate[/re]: That which we call Rosa, by any other name, would sell her seat.
Slow news day?
I will gladly take on Joanie’s defense if I can count the time towards my pro bono obligations to help crazy people.
[re=637742]JMP[/re]: The new teabagger battle cry: Requiring a minimum level of competence is tyranny!
[re=637744]Aurelio[/re]: Nope…slow commenter day.
Joan saw one of those Holiday Inn Express commercials and took it as an instructional documentary.
Rosa Parks was the Levi Johnston of the civil rights era, famous for being famous.
Joan Heffington’s teenage son has a great future in comedy. “Do like Rosa Parks did and become famous” is the kind of line even Stephen Colbert only *wishes* he could think of.
Seriously, should a ‘vote for me’ email ever start with, “After losing the primary so badly…”? Kind of like asking someone out on a date with, “I may be ugly & sorry in bed, but…”
When she says “(twitter, tweet, blog, etc.)”, by etc. she means “blogging, blogged, blogs, bleeg, bloog, or blorg.”
Any pics of the sons? Need some motivation to help, you know, “care” for them.
I was OK until I got to the part about “Washington Insiders” not allowing her to have a lawyer. I think she meant to say “Lizard People”.
I asked them both: if they taught themselves how to do something (like woodwork, fix cars, etc), then showed someone else how to do it, but the state came in and sued them, made them pay fines and put them in jail – what would they do? They sensed I was talking about my A.H.A! activities, and I was surprised when my youngest son said, “You should do like Rosa Parks did. Become famous.”
The youngest should have said, “But if you had taught yourself something that pays, like Brain Surgery, you could have hired a lawyer.”
Instead the kid advises her to do what Rosa Parks did – go to jail.
[re=637750]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She should have taken after “Dr” Rand Paul and created a “Bar Association of Kentucky” and issued herself a license to practice law.
I’m surprised her kid knows who Rosa Parks is. He must not be home schooled.
[re=637769]Come here a minute[/re]: I noticed too that she seems to think Twitter and tweeting are two different things.
This case … is to keep me from sending out our quarterly newsletter and to deny my freedom of speech. My deposition is scheduled for Aug. 26 in Sedgwick County court.
Joan Honey, the government is gonna let you have all the free speech you want during your deposition. Feel free to have your say, Sugar.
What’s with the all the pentagrams in the back ground? Aren’t those symbols of the dark lord?
J.H. wants to G.R.O.T.A. (get rid of the attorneys) and H.J.O.Y.L.B.A.E. (help Jesus organize your life by acronyming everything) … V.F.J.H!
You Guys,
Are you all aware that christianity is not a religion, it is living life to please god and not yourselves (meaning STOP!!! masturbating to photos of sara benincasa, whore)? I bet not, and that’s why you are all going to hell. also, it is not a religion.
I guess I’d hit that.
The hand of nod dislikes this GDI affiliation.
I’m disappointed. She’s not NEARLY as hot as her website photo makes her out to be. Can I have my vote back?
But it’s good to know that Christianity is not a religion. I was so confused until Joan of AHA showed me the light.
Gaaaaah!
Why do these people assume that everyone that is poor is either an alcoholic or on drugs? They refuse to believe that someone can just go through a series of bad circumstances.
I’d say this merits an update here:
http://yourenotrosaparks.tumblr.com/
I woundn’t mess with her yard signs.
Yeah, like attorneys need any more tarnish on their image. They must really love asswipes like Heffington and Taitz serving as the public face of the legal “profession.” …Actually, maybe it’s fitting.
[re=637789]HandsomePete[/re]: I understand she’s also in trouble for practicing baffoonary without a license.
Great steaming balls of dumbfuckery. Jesus would weep, except he’s not a religion.
And is the old manual typewriter symbolic or something?
55,000 votes really!The people of Oz have spoken et cetera.
I fear the fame Joan Heffington, Not-an-Esq., seeks has more in common with Lindsay Lohan than Rosa Parks.
[re=637771]pondscum[/re]: Pix of the sons? Are you going to offer them jobs “carrying your luggage” on your next vacation?
[re=637744]Aurelio[/re]:
Bitch please. I said, BITCH PUH-LEASE-UH!
Anyone against courts and lawyers can’t be all bad. I’d vote for her, if I lived in Kansas, that is.
Not sure about doing video from the bedroom, but after a glass of wine I’d hit it too…
Love the old-tyme typewriter too.
SHE’S A MAN, BABY!
Heffington posed. What’s wrong with her eyes, also?
I really like her plan to make rich people pay the debts of poor people who have gotten off drugs. JUST A SEC. OK, I’m clean and sober. Pay up Trump.
(That was the best I could come up with. You just can’t compete with the head of Association of Honest Attorneys being charged with dishonesty.)
I can’t believe I’m the first one to post this:
“Joan, darling, SHOW US YOUR TITS!”
Thank you.
[re=637961]Neilist[/re]: And I can’t believe I’m the first one to post this:
Heffington/Noonington 2012!
If she’s elected, can she pardon herself? I’ve always wondered about that.
55,000 Kansas voters can’t be wrong, can they?
Seriously guys, she has some form of extreme paranoia. I read about her lawsuits on her website, it was amazingly entertaining. Look at “Supporting Documents” and let the fun start. I recommend Case 6.
Here’s an excerpt:
“This lawsuit was filed in Sedgwick County District Court in Wichita, Kansas on August 20, 2007 against ten doctors, two hospitals and a medical insurance company. The matter involves fraud, negligence/ malpractice toward our C.E.O. for more than seven years, and the eventual wrongful death of her husband, Mark Heffington in March, 2006…
…183. On or about March 12, 2007, Mrs. Heffington finally received the…surgery she had been needing for so long. *However, the defendants got wind of this, and drugs were mixed in her I.V. bag to cause her bodily harm and/or death.* [WTF?!]
…184. On the evening of March 12, 2007 after experiencing drugged-out symptoms and nurses ignoring her pleas, Mrs. Heffington unplugged her I.V. She immediately felt relief, and let her I.V. drip into a bed pan all night so the nurses wouldn’t see.
I rest my case, your honor.
As an out-of-state’r who’s a good friend of Joan’s older teenage son, I can’t help but read this and weep. He’s a damn good kid and really deserves better than this :-/
I agree with Zandur, I have met her son, and he is a regular teenage boy. They’re a nice family, and they do deserve better consideration than what’s been handed out to them. The media has been unfair and pretty insulting to Joan Heffington when they do choose to write or report anything about her or her campaign. Being a bully, requires no bravery. When It comes to Mr. Popular Sam Brownback that had about $1,500,000 for his campaign, and stayed in DC during the campaign period and visited no more than one or two cities during this time, the media could never do enough for him. Will anyone welcome me to this fine assembly!
Excuse me, what I meant to type at the end is >>> ?
Comments on this entry are closed.