It is a fact that many federal employees read the Wonkette whilst laughing atop their ginormous piles of filthy lucre. For those of you who are not bursting at the seams with Amerikkkan Government Dollarz, here’s some fun information on why you should have taken that civil service test or whatevers. And it comes from the greatest McPaper in the McUnited McStates!
Federal workers have been awarded bigger average pay and benefit increases than private employees for nine years in a row. The compensation gap between federal and private workers has doubled in the past decade.
Federal civil servants earned average pay and benefits of $123,049 in 2009 while private workers made $61,051 in total compensation, according to the Bureau of Economic Analysis.
Hmm. Are these numbers actually accurate? After all, they come to us from USA Today…ah, fuck it! Time to peacefully overthrow the guvmint! Everybody run to your nearest Federal Bureau of Investimigations and tell Mulder and Scully to share their alien-dollars and cult-cents with you! Also if they ever catch that nasty Fluke Monster, you get a piece of the reward money. And if they ever finally make fucksies, you are invited to join in!
Every Wonkette federal employee reader person is now required to report his or her gross annual income in the comments, now. [USA Today]
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I blame it on Obama. And the Libruls. And High Taxes – they got all that money, they have to spend it somewhere. And 9 – 11.
Any other ideas.
I work for the State of Wisconsin and get paid with cheese curds, coupons for the Dells and PBR.
As a private sector guy, I’m not all that surprised as many employers (I see you Waldemort) have decided to squeeze their employees while giving themselves major pay increases and perks all in the name of cutting costs (plus that whole outsourcing crap) while gubbiment employees don’t have to put up with the usual corprat shenanigans.
And yes, I’m in the market for a sugar mommy. If there is a female Fed employee looking for a play toy/house servant… I don’t mind cooking and cleaning and I’m okay in the sack. I even clean up nice, but I need Sundays off. Thanx.
Maybe it’s because the corporations have been fucking over private sector workers continuously and grinding their wages down? Naw, it must be “cuz duh lazy gubbermint werkers is making too much” even though they have to deal with ill-informed, slack-jawed troglodytes on a daily basis.
Incidentally, I have intimate knowledge of a certain state worker with a graduate degree who makes $48k a year. I’d like to see Newt Gingrich support one of his wives on that salary.
The average private-sector worker makes $61K? And how far is that average pulled up by the CEOs with their seven- and eight-figure salaries?
A comparison of the average wages of federal employees and all private sector employees is totally relevant and not at all bullshit when it does not take into account any other variables, like say educational requirements, full time versus part-time, regional pay differences, seniority, union protections, and anything else that might differ a bit between the federal and private workforces.
This seems like one of those time average is much less useful than than, say, the mode – the most *common* salary, for, say, private-sector and public-sector jobs that work the same number of hours per week, in a standard office job. The average in private-sector earnings is likely pulled down by the entry-level retail jobs that make barely minimum wage.
…oh, crap, I’ve publicly demonstrated that I know things about math! I’m so doomed when the teabagger revolution comes.
That figure may be accurate but there aren’t a lot of minimum-wage burger-flippers working for the federal government. If you compare wages for comparable jobs, dollars to donuts the public sector employee makes less.
My husband is a gubermint socialist mailman. Our annual income with benefits is a bajillion dollars. The beauty part is he only delivers socialist old people checks and socialist welfare checks. This is all true, as this has been explained to me by every person I have ever met at any cook-out/gathering/whatever when I mention what my husband does for a living.
[re=637844]Fred Wertham Jr.[/re]: But, but, but that doesn’t fit with the narrative!
Those statistics clearly demonstrate that it is the essence of greed to be a Federal employee, whose salary must by law keep pace with inflation. And as for those corporate CEOs whose pay has gone from 20 times their lowest-paid workers’ salary to 150 times it, that’s simply a reward for a hard job well done — feel free to drink until you throw up over the side of your yacht.
Not to mention public employees don’t get end of the year bonuses, which in many private sector offices can be as much or more than the salary.
As a Department of Defense employee, I make low seven figures. I live in the Dominion, and my balcony has an unobstructed view of Tony Parker’s swimming pool (Eva likes to skinny dip). Also, I get to fly to all kinds of exotic places like Milan and Paris and Istanbul. In first class, if there’s no privately-owned Gulfstream or Falcon owned by one of the contractors available. I also have a staff of comely wenches who blow me first, give me body massages, and serve me jello tequila body shots off their perky breasts during my 7-hour lunch breaks. Getting a job with the government is like getting made by the mob, except you don’t get shot in the head like Joe Pesci. Your tax dollars at play!!! Bwahahaha, SUCKERS!
*pinch*
*sigh*
Actually it’s high five figures, I have a single-wide on 2/3rds of an acre out in the sticks (looking to upgade to a double-wide soon, after we get out promised 1.4% raise in January!), and I get to attend a Spurs game a couple times a year. I actually did work our Europe bases for a number of years, but travelled in coach, spent 3 years in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Kuwait, and my exotic travel locations now and for the foreseeable future include St Louis, Dayton, and Indianapolis. Also, my division’s administrative assistant is a surly old Mexican guy who will fuck up your time card in the blink of an eye and charge you for 40 hours of leave when you took 4, if you get crossways with him.
But I’ll give up my Wonkette-clicking government-issued mouse when they pry my cold dead fingers from it. Unless they firewall the site.
I don’t work for the government, but it did treat me to lunch one time. A beautiful four-course lunch at The Plaza Hotel, seriously. They know how to spend that money, our gubmint, that’s for sure.
[re=637875]earnestcivilservant[/re]: I’ll trade you my private-sector fantasy year-end bonus for your public-sector fantasy thirty-eight weeks of PTO.
If this is true, why is my federally-employed father still driving a ’97 Honda? Why isn’t he sending me generous subsidy checks via the socialist postal service? Stupid government.
[re=637894]edgydrifter[/re]: PTO? Pleasing Tight Oregonians?
As a waiter in Minnesota I make about the same as the Federal Employee; i.e., around $100-125K annually.
[re=637898]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Paid Time Off. You start out at 24 weeks per year, then it goes up. Also, you only have to work ten years, then you can retire at double pay and full benefits, which includes free medical treatment at the nearest hospital for life, for you, your spouse and all your descendants forever at Bethesda, Wilford Hall, Brooke Army Medical Center, Balboa Naval Hospital, or whatever is closest. And you get to fly anywhere in the world for free on USAF jets, and can play golf at Hickam AFB or NAS Key West or the Azores or wherever we have an imperial outpost.
I took the civil service exam once but the orientation walk through was horrifying. It was easy to see why people go postal. I decided I’d rather be poor and my plan is working splendidly.
Wonketteers, Since you asked –
Eighteen years ago, shortly after graduating from law school, I helped lead a voter registration campaign in Chicago that generated record turnout on Election Day. That experience taught me one of the most important lessons I ever learned as a community organizer: When people promise that they’ll do something — like voting — they are far more likely to do it.
That’s why, right now — today — I’m making more jack than the rest of you sorry professional leftist bitches put together.
Barry
P.S. If I hear the words “public option” from your quivering lips one more fucking time, you fairies, I will file an amicus brief in support of Prop 8 myself.
I’m a federal employee, and I read Wonkette, and if lucre = underwear, well, Sara, I have to admit you’ve got me pegged.
58k and change for a multiple degree engineer. Hopey personally hands me my pay each week, and we both cackle hysterically at the dumb tax payers who pay me to crack truck nutz jokes.
If any of you want to work for the Chinese government, Jilin Agricultural University, in Changchun, Jilin Province, PR China, needs an English teacher. 4-5000 rmb a month (middle class income), 16-20 classroom hours a week, an apartment, basic health care at the university clinic and health insurance for more serious problems. Qualifications: be a native English speaker and have a can-do attitude. ManchuCandidate, it’s your chance to visit the ancestral homeland! For real, contact liuruya@hotmail.com .
How do you go about hiring on to get one of those $123,000 jobs? Something like driving around in a nice motor home and solving mysteries would be great.
Does $450/week unemployment count as a federal job? If so, I’m really fucking up the average…
[re=637908]Rajul[/re]: You wish she would peg you. And I bet you’re not the only one here…
I’m a CT public school teacher and will get good retirement benefits. Even so, I’m told correctional officers get a way better retirement deal than teachers. Can anyone verify that, not that I would give up wearing my nice teacher dresses and high heels for that uniform and gun.
Some recently hired Assitant US Attys (those in the $55K end of the “recruiting range”) are gonna be pissed.
It would be interesting to separate out the DoD folks and look at the numbers again.
When reading about the foibles of various hill staffers, I often find it entertaining or sometimes disturbing to look up their salaries on the legistorm website (Jessica Cutler made all of $6k during her wonkette reported heyday). To get an idea about what the people in the executive branch agencies make you could go to the OPM website and look up the GS pay scales. This covers from simple entry level to mid management. Often professionals like JDs and PhDs just out of school enter around GS-11 (62K in DC). Usually GS-14 and GS-15 are the managers (up to 155K). Above that are the SES are sorta like executive vice presidents of the agencies (less than 180K).
If you think about, pretty much anybody in America that “works” and makes a big salary is getting some kind of federal dollars. A doctor who makes 200K and sees Medicare patients all day is getting paid fed dollars, and that describes a whole lot of fucking doctors. The CEO of a private prison who pays himself 450K a year is getting paid fed dollars. My college room mate who today does some sort of secret spy shit busting into people’s computers and following their nasty money trails does this for a “private” agency, but all of their clients are the federal government, and that fucker lives in a million dollar house (I have no idea what they pay him).
So yeah the mailman, that socialist!
Many federal workers made more money annually in the private sector, myself included. Thusfar, however, the job security is better with the fed when the planet has an economic meltdown. As someone noted earlier, there are no minimum wage jobs with the federal government & most job openings require a college degree-janitorial positions are outsourced to contractors as are mail room positions; file clerks are interns. The comparison does not compute. Few fed employees outside of high cost of living cities make that kind of money. Further, the only federal jobs in lower income rural areas are Dept of Ag ‘Can I sell you a house after I inseminate your cow.’
I am so enthralled to find someone who was obviously an X-phile geek. Were you at Haven?
God how pathetic is that?
I’m quasi-federal (funded by NSF), so not sure whether this counts, but — 3% raise two years ago, 2% raise last year, 0% raise this year. Meanwhile, mortgage went up $100/month, and 403(b) is nearly back up to my total contributions. Livin’ the dream. Fuck you, hotel-rag.
I represent people on Death Row in their appeals and habeas corpus proceedings and get paid by the state and federal governments. In corpses. It’s OK ’cause you can have any kind of sex you want with them for a couple of weeks before they start getting really gross.
Well the world is moving towards the haves and the have nots. The government will be on the side of the haves as well as the ceo’s of major corps. They say the
Federal civil servants earned average pay and benefits of $123,049 in 2009 while private workers made $61,051 in total compensation, according to the Bureau of Economic Analysis” those numbers are so mis leading .. just wonder what percentage of private workers make less that $40,000 a year. How may works for less than $20,000 a year. That includes packages for lade off workers,people forced into retirement and also includes ceo’s large 6 digit salaries. The government is moving into every crack and crevis of the private working mans life. The government’s way of making more jobs is hiring 16,000 more IRS agents. Most all the jobs made since Obama as entered office has been govenment jobs.As we see more cheep good imported we see more factories shut down and move out of the country.
What has the govenment really done for the working people in the last 20 years? They have sold off this country one piece at a time.The middle class private workers have become the slaves to the system. they pay a higher percentage of there income to provied unimployed and illegals there benifits . At the rate the counrty is going it will be in a state of complete collapes with in the next 20 years if something don’t change. It is hard to find a adverage persons life that has improved over the last 10 years.There are many who once had the american dream good job, nice home , nice car and children going. Have now been reduced to homeless , jobless, and on some kind of aid. or workling from paycheck to paycheck and reallyhaving tom think about where every cent they make as spent. American is going to Hello faster than a speeding run away train and not sure it can be stoped. It going to get worse as more loose there dreams and the govement grows in size.It is already the largest business in the country.
[re=637996]the truth and it hurts[/re]: The paragraph break is our friend. When you copy and paste your barely-literate right-wing taking points, feel free to toss a few in here and there.
[re=637898]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Pootie Tang Outtakes.
[re=637901]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: I can’t wait ’til Kim Jong Il’s course is on the circuit.
I made more in private sector (total compensation was about 5% more), but there was very little flexibility for things like “kids” and “food.” Downside is that for trading up to maxi-flex scheduling, I had to give up being able to say God Dammit and shitfuck all the time.
And I agree with Custersdeadhorse – Ag makes more money in the sticks, but the work smells like butt.
[re=637929]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: Tru dat. I would make fucksies with her atop a ginormous pile of filthy lucre any gov’t holiday. To protect our precious freedoms, of course. I would even let her call me Barry…
[re=637996]the truth and it hurts[/re]: If you don’t already have a blogspot, you really should call yours “Every Crack and Crevis.” I laughed for a solid minute.
Is this one of those “total compensation” things where every medical expense gets counted as income? So when a soldier gets a leg blown off in Afghanistan, ka-ching! Federal compensation goes up? (Or, if it only counts the civilian side, every time someone’s daughter Susie is diagnosed with cancer, paydirt!)
Now certainly, it’s far better to have health insurance when these things show up than not. So Federal workers are fortunate that way. Maybe there’s some way this could be extended to the private sector – I don’t know, some sort of government-guaranteed health care plan, perhaps? Just thinking out loud here.
I’m rich! Hot pockets and ice-cold Cisco for everyone!
[re=637931]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: No guns. Those guards do not get guns, because, what if the prisoners take them hostage? They’re kinda like canaries in the coal mine — if they get killed or kidnapped or whatever, the guys in the towers WITH the guns know shit just got real. Fun job, eh? Now, tell me more about those heels….
[re=637996]the truth and it hurts[/re]: Well, I for one am glad to have someone like Tom thinking about where my every cent is spent.
[re=637832]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]:
I fit that bill, but I do make slightly more with paid health insurance. However, no raise or COLA in 5 years. It seems the new meme is that we all need to suffer more at the bottom rather than rein in salaries at the top.
When’s the last time an airline was having financial troubles and they asked the execs to take a pay cut? Only the union members have to do that, even though the execs made the decisions that caused the crisis. Capitalism Rocks!
[re=637996]the truth and it hurts[/re]:
Yeah! It couldn’t have anything to do with the corporations unilateral breaking of the social contract. You know – where you work hard for them and give them your loyalty, and return they take care of you by providing a decent living wage and a sufficient defined retirement benefit.
Of course, it’s all the fault of them womens invading the workforce, by golly!
So here I am sitting in front of my Uncle Sam-owned computer in an over air conditioned office working to collect the whisky tax for 100k/year. To tell the truth, I’d rather be outdoors in a National Park chasing poachers or talking history with some tourists for 30k/year, but that work is often seasonal (less than 180 days employment, no benefits), “temporary” (more than 180 days employment, no benefits), or “term” (limited to 2 years, but has benefits).
There’s an old saying in the National Park Service, “you’re paid in sunsets.” Problem is you can’t eat a sunset and doctors don’t take ‘em in trade.
[re=638138]McDuff[/re]: When Sue Lowden is president, sunsets and chickens will be legal tender. Start stockpiling.
[re=638138]McDuff[/re]:
There’s an old saying in the National Park Service, “you’re paid in sunsets.” Problem is you can’t eat a sunset and doctors don’t take ‘em in trade.
Everybody knows that they only take chickens! Get with the program, man.
[re=637916]chascates[/re]: You have to wait until Clarence Thomas dies and then be appointed.
[re=637877]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Wait a minute. Eva likes to skinny dip?
How can you say this..? We are supposed to support the govt. then how a govt. helper can be a Robber Baron.
wrinkle cream
I work for the city helping poor people keep their gas and lights on during the winter, so I’m a two-fer: a gummint worker taking gummint money and giving it to corporations, all so the Poors’ kids don’t have to do their homework in the dark, or freeze in these notorious Upper Midwestern winters. PUBLIC ENEMY #1 BITCHES.
I love my job. It’s the first time I’ve had health care, a pension, vacation days, OR union representation. And I fuckin’ believe in what I do. I’d much rather have my tax money spent on some poor kid in the projects being able to use his nebulizer, than bombing any more brown people.
Best part is when the newly poor Republicans and Libertarians (the situationally impoverished, as opposed to the generationally impoverished ones) come in for the first time and realize, well, no, there IS an application process, and despite what you may have heard, people don’t just waltz in here and waltz out with a check. People like us actually exist so that your less lucky cousins and neighbors don’t come to your Free Market lovin’ ass and ask YOU for help.
Oh yeah: I don’t really make all that much. Just slightly above being able to get help myself. Most Republican senators probably spend my annual salary on having their baggage handled right, iykwim.
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