oh no we can't stand to see him lose another one

Poll Data On All Top 2012 Presidential Candidates Collected, Including Presumptive GOP Nominee Basil Marceaux

Polling slavery.Public Policy Polling has released some important figures: polling on all major potential 2012 patriot presidential candidates and how they all stack up against MaoBama. Let’s see, we’ve got Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Chris Christie. Oh, and Basil Marceaux. Yep, that’s probably what the field will look like. (Haha, Tim and Bobby!) We won’t make you hit the jump to see the results of the Marceaux-Obama match-up, because that dream showdown is the most likely to occur. It turns out Basil would currently only receive 21% of the vote against Obama. So just give Obama his second term, because that’s a substantial lead. Hooray, socialism lives! Oh no, traffic-stop slavery continues.

Also notable:

Oh no! The party of Lincoln and Reagan is doomed!

If you MUST know about the other candidates polled, Obama is leading against all of them, too. And all of them have a higher unfavorable rating than favorable. Palin leads with a 54% unfavorable.

Like we said, the Republicans will choose Marceaux, probably because of his miniscule unfavorable rating, but Obama will still eke out a victory. So now the 2016 election speculation can begin! Hooray! [PPP via Wonkette operative "Mike K."]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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38 comments

  1. AnnieGetYourFun

    I am about to piss myself with excitement over a Marceaux-Obama match-up! And by “about to” I mean “looking for an excuse as to why I already.”

  2. OzoneTom

    Marceaux is a tough campaigner and could end up scooping-up all of those undecideds. Don’t count your chickens before they come home to roost Socialists!

  3. weejee

    Huzzah, we are saved. But if Marceaux were elected, would they do the orificial prezidential portrait as a still life. Lead solder on the copper coil joints of course.

  4. dijetlo

    Mr President, I served with Basil Marceaux, I knew Basil Marceaux, Basil was a friend of mine.
    Mr President, you’re no Basil Marceaux

    Marceaux/Greene 2012!!!!

  5. JMP

    Most of my conservative friends are convinced that Palin will be the Republican savior in 2012, and just refuse to believe it when I try to explain that everybody else hates her; they just refuse to admit facts they don’t like. Just like with global warming, come to thing of it.

  6. Limeylizzie

    Q23Have you ever smoked Marijuana? If yes,
    press 1. If no, press 2. If you don’t care to
    say, press 3.
    27%Yes………………………………………………………..
    63%No………………………………………………………….
    11%N/A…………………………………………………………

    So, just a little more than a quarter of respondents were high.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    The real takeaway from this is that people who admitted to smoking weed are more left-leaning than those who don’t. Obama’s approval is higher among pot smokers than the base percentage, and all the Republicans’ approvals are lower (except Basil Marceaux, who remains steady at 3%). So really, if the left wants to stay in control of the legislature, they’ve got to get more people smoking pot. Put that in your bowl and smoke it, Mr. President.

  8. Hooray For Anything

    [re=637611]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Kind of a risky ploy there as they might get higher approvals if they got more people to smoke dope but then you’d risk the chance that all those new Obama supporters would put down Madden 11 long enough to go vote.

  9. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=637614]PatrickS[/re]: That’s what I was thinking because if I didn’t read Wonkette, I would wonder why a mime is running for president.

  10. gurukalehuru

    [re=637620]jus_wonderin[/re]: The day we have to understand that of which we speak in order to comment on the Wonkette will be a sad day indeed.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    [re=637624]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Oh that’s an easy problem to solve — just give away pizza coupons at the polling place.

    [re=637629]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: And doubly dissing his base. Inexplicable.

  12. SeattleJoe

    It will never happen. Marceaux is too left wing, too smart, and not crazy enough for the tea party. Be realistic, people.

  13. bfstevie

    This polling is flawed. Is they had used the name most people know him by — Basil Marceaux-dot-com– he would have done much better. Just ask Nate Silver.

  14. Enslave the Whales

    Polls like this are irritating. 606 registered voters. 606 is, of course a large enough number, but only if it is a representative sample of the 150,000,000 or so registered voters in the US. This sample looks to be heavily skewed to the 46-65 age bracket (49% of responses versus 33% of the total population over 18) and away from the 18-29 bracket (11% of responses versus 22% of over-18 pop). I know there’s a difference in registration rates, but still.

    Also, 48% of respondents say they voted for Obama, while of course 53% of the electorate did so. This may seem like nit-picking, but the possible biases in the sample are of the same order as the differences they purport to show in the results.

    Including Basil in the mix was pretty interesting, though. We can observe that something like 80% of people have no idea who he is, and 95% of those who do have an idea view him unfavorably; but nevertheless, 21% of the respondents would vote for him instead of the black guy. Not really a surprise, but interesting to see it so plainly displayed.

  15. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=637870]Enslave the Whales[/re]: Why not include Adolf Hitler in the mix? – tea party values on immigration and bailouts, strong on defense and excellent name recognition?

  16. just pixels

    I hope he wins. America has lived with the terror of traffic stop slavery long enough. And we need more vegitation. He may suffer under English-only debate rules though.

  17. hiphophitler

    Personally, I’m not going to vote for someone who can’t even get out of an imaginary air-box.

  18. Tar and Feathers

    I think he could probably close that gap if he hits the lights just right.

    Hell, if he doesn’t flip flop on legalizing tha herb, I might even go out and canvas for the guy. Barry already threw me under the bus on that one…

  19. Tar and Feathers

    Come to think of it, he’s right about flags with fringe too. They suck balls! Somebody stop me before I donate money…

  20. MichaelScottFan2010

    Best part of the poll, McCain voters 85% not sure about Basil, Obama voters 78% not sure.

Comments are closed.