the homosexuals!

Ann Coulter to Blame for Gayest Wingnut Slapfight Ever

THE HOMOSEXUALS ARE COMING!Did everybody hear about the big shame-party that the homosexual conservatives are throwing in New York City for Ann Coulter?  If this news missed you, worry not, for there likely will be tickets available until several weeks after the event. But let’s catch up.  This group is not kidding when they call themselves “GOProud” — or at least they don’t understand why we think it’s funny — and they are throwing the first annual “HomoCon,” which will be just like Comic-Con, except the virgins will be humorless and homosexual, and at least 99% white.

Today, GOProud, the only national organization representing gay conservatives and their allies, announced that conservative author Ann Coulter is headlining their first annual Homocon — a party to celebrate gay conservatives. “The gay left has done their best to take all the fun out of politics, with their endless list of boycotts and protests. Homocon is going to be our annual effort to counter the ‘no fun police’ on the left,” said Christopher Barron, Chairman of the Board of GOProud. “I can’t think of any conservative more fun to headline our inaugural party then the self-professed ‘right-wing Judy Garland” — Ann Coulter.”

[...]

Homocon 2010 will take place in New York City on the evening of Saturday September 25th. VIP Sponsorships are available for $2500 and general admission tickets go on sale August 20th. To purchase tickets or for more information: www.goproud.org.

“I can promise you, Homocon 2010 will be a hell of a lot more fun than chaining yourself to the White House fence,” concluded Barron.

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Ha ha, Chris Barron, that’s right, who needs “rights” when you can sit right up front and count the ingrown hairs on the Adam’s Apple of the Judy Garland of the Wingnuts? Lie-bruhl fags ain’t no fun, known as they/we are for sitting at home and half-watching re-runs of The Golden Girls until bedtime comes at 9:30 sharp!

So, certain homosexuals (perhaps this writer, and also some others) have pointed out, in various ways, that Ann Coulter is kind of a homophobic sack of wombat diarrhea, and that no self-respecting gay would invite her to their slumber party, under any circumstances. It really does not matter if Ann Coulter (as is the case with these GOProud buffoons) shares all their other irrational prejudices. It’s simply a matter of principles, self-love, blah blah blah, boring psychoanalytical shit; all of which leads to the obvious conclusion that hey, maybe you shouldn’t give your money and respect to people who see fit to use you as a wedge issue, pawn, or punchline? Then again, the kind of gay that becomes a member of GOProud really isn’t into self esteem anyway, so maybe it fits.

THEN, a whole new section of the gay community weighed in when anti-gay Peter “Porno Pete” LaBarbera, of Americans for Truth about Homosexuality, had a massive conniption fit over the fact that Ann Coulter had chosen to eat lunch with THOSE girls, and moreover, was pretending she didn’t even know this “Peter” girl. Get a load of the social rejection in this quote:

Would Ann Coulter speak at an event for “Republicans For Responsible Porn Use,” or “Republicans for Higher Taxes,” or Republicans for Choice (Abortion) — if such groups took legitimately conservative positions on other issues like gun rights?

Um, probably? She doesn’t seem to be a paragon of principles or anything, but more of a fame-tard; if there was a group called Republicans for Responsible Porn Use, it would represent an improvement over the status quo, which is “Republicans for Secretly Watching College Men Bone Each Other Before Climbing in Bed and Hoping Their Wives Don’t Try Any Funny Business Tonight.” We would support that, I think?

Peter continues, his voice growing more and more dejected:

Homosexual practice may be hip in New York City

So hip.

but objectively it is always wrong and unnatural, and often unhealthy. Thankfully it’s also changeable, as proved by thousands of ex-gay men and ex-lesbians.

“Objectively,” she said, apparently unaware of what the word means. Same goes for the words “changeable” and “thousands,” and also all the other words in there that fall under the category of “parts of speech.”

So, now!  The lead chorus girl from GOProud has parriedeth and thrustedeth back at Peter, to the effect of “Becky? You were out of the group? When you told Alexis? About Heather’s third nipple?”

I strongly encourage Mr LaBarbera to head out to his local bookstore, buy an Ann Coulter book and actually read it. For a guy who claims to be a “fan,” he seems completely clueless about what Ann has actually written and said about gay people and gay conservatives.

If Mr. LaBarbera spent less time obsessing about gay sex and hanging out at gay Pride events, maybe he would have a little more time to read one of Ann’s books.

UH-OH! Yeah, maybe if Peter LaBarbera actually read some Ann Coulter, he would know that she loves the fags so much that if she ever foaled one of her own, she would (HA HA) tell it that it was adopted! Or maybe if he stopped obsessing over leathersex festivals, he might know about the time she accused that big old queen Mike Huckabee of being “pro-sodomy.” Because, THAT, Peter LaBarbera, is the kind of support Ann Coulter shows to the objects of her gay affection!

As of this writing, the concerned parties are in their respective corners, angrily filing their nails at each other and slurping jello shots made entirely of Anita Bryant’s bathwater, artificial flavors and shame. [Truth Wins Out]

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About the author

Evan Hurst spends his days deflecting the sad glances of his black lab, Lula, who would please like him to stop typing letters to the internet and throw the squeaky chicken in the backyard instead. As a Noted Homosexual, Evan is obviously condemned and has nothing to lose at this point, so he spends his days as the Director of Social Media for Truth Wins Out, and lends a hand at the Wonkette in order to protect its gentle readers from the Homosexual Menace. Also, he writes songs and plays the piano, at the same time! Lastly, Evan is a Southern person, and thus is casting polite judgment on you, right now, for reading this. Bless your heart.

View all articles by Evan Hurst

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60 comments

  1. Come here a minute

    If there was a group called “Republicans for Front of Bus Sitting”, Ann Coulter could “do like Rosa Parks did. Become famous.”

  2. One Yield Regular

    I’ve come to expect almost anything from conservatives, but I don’t think I could ever have imagined them coming out of the closet right into the Dynasty swimming pool to have a big jealous gay cat-fight over Ann Coulter.

  3. WendyK

    We get drag queens at our Pride events too, but they usually doesn’t warrant a press release or this much media coverage.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    And like most proms, HomoCon will have a theme, which will be “A Closet In the Back of the Bus — Of One’s Own.”

  5. WendyK

    [re=637785]WendyK[/re]: Don’t, even. I don’t know why I have this block where I can’t type about Coulter without bumbling.

  6. edgydrifter

    When the Log Cabin Repubs hear about that “only national organization representing gay conservatives” boast, things are going to get ugly fast.

    Log Cabin vs GOProud = ( Crips vs Bloods + Jets vs Sharks ) x Coke vs Pepsi

  7. JMP

    It’s been ages since I’ve seen anything from either Malkin or Coulter, since it seems the media realized they are nothing but shrill, hateful bigots who say the most horrible they can for shock value, so tainted that even Fox has now shunned them (yet sadly Limbaugh still gets attention). And now Wonkette has to bring back both of them in one day? I’m having flashbacks; the horror, the horror…

  8. Bordo

    Maybe Ann Coulter will munch Michelle Malkin’s carpet just to, you know, get into the swing of things.

  9. ManchuCandidate

    Somewhere in the GOP
    In denial,
    There’s some gays that I heard of
    Staying in a log cabin.

    Somewhere in the GOP
    MAnn is queen,
    With an Adam’s Apple that’s a scream
    Really that’s so true.

    Someday they’ll wish upon a star
    And wake up where the GOPers really like them.
    Where troubles melt like rich tax cuts
    Foot tapping away in the closet
    That’s where you’ll find them.

  10. Aurelio

    I’m would support gay marriage just to get them to STFU. But noes. They will NEVER STFU. After gay marriage, they will have something else to whine about. Will the suffering never end?

  11. slappypaddy

    goproud—raising self-loathing behavior to such astonishing new heights, it will make your nose bleed.

  12. Diabeetis

    If anything, this is further proof that Ann Coulter is a phony who only panders to social conservatives for the money, much like Andrew Breitbart. As far as I can tell, she’s only really right-wing on foreign policy and economics, but she views the people who buy her books as a seven-hour delay between New York and Los Angeles at best.

    Still, seeing the Bible-thumpers getting butthurt about this (and probably realizing they were being used) is hilarious.

  13. bureaucrap

    “wombat diarrhea” made me snort. At this time of the day, my sense of the absurd is easily tickled.

  14. harry palmer

    “The gay left has done their best to take all the fun out of politics” by pointing out the head-assploding hypocisy of the gay right. Assholes.

  15. Dolmance

    Most people only know of the Log Cabin Club through reading about it. I’ve never seen photographs of the people who make this group up. Rarely, all too rarely, one of their higher ups in that organization appear on a news show. I saw it once about ten years ago, when a profoundly obese character who couldn’t turn his head and had a terribly dry mouth as if he was suffering from the effects of too many phenothiazine based anti-psychotics, was repeating over and over how his fellow gays had never accepted him, and thus he was against gay marriage.

    Like a spiritual Chernobyl, the mental illness radiating from all these people gathered in one location is going to be so thick and heavy that it’s going to congeal the air for blocks. But I think Wonkette readers should kick in a few bucks to cover the cost of a single ticket and send somebody to cover this thing, maybe with a hidden camera. And then I recommend a few days of bed rest and vitamins.

  16. wilbro

    Getting chained to the White House fence is totally hot, when it’s consensual. And the safe word is Dick Armey.

  17. wilbro

    Also, isn’t Sept. 25 too close to Sept. 11? Very insensitive to heterosexual Christian New Yorkers. The ADl will surely condemn this.

  18. harry palmer

    Speaking of gay icons, is that Cher smoking that tobacco-less cigarette on the left side of the page? They probably couldn’t get her because she wouldn’t agree to treat the audience like the pieces of shit they know they are, as these sick fucks no doubt specified in the contract.

  19. Gorillionaire

    Malkin and Coulter don’t even count as easy drunk bangs since Sarah rode into town, and they know it. They’ll do anything for attention now. After a round of vodka shots Malkin will be banging on the door, sobbing her eyes out, threatening to kill herself if they don’t open up.

  20. El Pinche

    I love you Evan…now THIS is good.

    [re=637838]Diabeetis[/re]: Like “TChad”

    I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again…not all gays are liberal. No, I am not gay. I do not support gay marriage. I am proudly hetero.

    I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I don’t like thick vein lathened man cock tickling my uvula while sweaty balls bang against my chin. I’m not gay. I’m completely hetero..
    …right.

  21. mcc

    [re=637819]Dolmance[/re]: Remember, this isn’t the Log Cabin! This is GOProud. GOProud is a group actually founded as an alternative to the Log Cabin Republicans because the Log Cabin Republicans were too strident about demanding Republican politicians support gay rights before they support them. I am not making this up, someone actually thought the LCRs were too militant.

  22. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    If Mr. LaBarbera spent less time obsessing about gay sex

    …then he wouldn’t be a conservative.

  23. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    not all gays are liberal.

    True, some of them are quite proud to be the Republicans’ house niggers.

  24. Numbat Dundee

    Wombats are cute cuddly animals with big hairy arses, the product of which, even when diseased and runny is far superior to Coulter. As a fellow marsupial I thought it important to set the record straight. Please be more careful with your metaphors.

  25. BeWoot

    Oh, I so wanna go! I’d wear high heels and a little red dress, I so wanna go.

    Also, Ann gives me Adam’s apple envy.

  26. the problem child

    “Objectively,” she said, apparently unaware of what the word means. Same goes for the words “changeable” and “thousands,” and also all the other words in there that fall under the category of “parts of speech.”

    Evan, you are the queen of Wonkette’s heart.

  27. just pixels

    This sounds like one of those police sting operations where they send the wanted men a certificate for a free TV or a must-be-present-to-win raffle or dinner with a porn star. When the hapless fools show up, BAM! it’s off to the big house. In this case the gag is to trick non-heterosexual Repubicans into outing themselves then BAM! they’re outta the big tent.

  28. bozofish

    Sharply written.
    (oh,the only way to “bring fun back” to gay politics via the Republican Party would be gift certificates to Rent Boys. And “Homocon”? Bitch, please.)

  29. Bearbloke

    [re=637838]Diabeetis[/re]: [re=637912]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Did you catch the Fey, Limp-wristedly supportive post from US Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia so-called “Conservative” self-admitted Homo-sexual, “Antonico” ?

    Hey “Antonico”! God, Jesus and Reagan Hates You, You Fucking Queer! I say burn them all at the stake, their pretty black dresses and all! You know you deserve it, Pervert!! Now get back to sucking my cock, Faggot!

  30. LauraMars40

    If Ann really wants to be the right-wing Judy Garland, she should overdose and die on a toilet. Because that would really cement the gig, y’know?

    Also, a talent at something would help. Needn’t be singing — we geighs can absorb metaphor.

  31. Tar and Feathers

    “self-professed ‘right-wing Judy Garland” — Ann Coulter.”

    Judy Garland was a fascist self-loathing drag queen? I did not know this!

  32. disgustedcitizen

    GOProud, hmmmmm… well to me the word, Quisling” comes to mind, as does “Kapo”. The latter probably being more fitting.

    On another note, this could be a good day for Democrats in Congress to get something passed. With so many Repug congressmen and senators at HOMOCon, they will have more then a majority.

  33. AnnieGetYourFun

    The thing about telling your gay kid that he was adopted… well, I LOL’d, I’m sorry. Mostly because I think it’s awesome to be mean to your kids, be they gay or straight.

  34. Solanka

    GOProd would be a better moniker for this group. I can just imagine the awkward, guilt ridden diddling that will take place during this event.

  35. S.Luggo

    GOPoof had to settle for L-O-L-A Lola Coulter because both Liz Cheney & Malkin were both (suspiciously) booked that day.

  36. GOPCrusher

    I think we should celebrate the fact that social mores in this country have relaxed enough that transgendered people like Ann Coulter can get work and be seen in public.

  37. Vera Severa

    Is it true that Ann Coulter, Orlie Taitz, and Dr. Laura all had the same sexual reassignment surgeon?

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